My "brother" (not anymore after this), said I'm the reason I have type one diabetes and kidney problems (being tested for kidney disease). I know I drink energy drinks, but not as many as I use to before my diabetes diagnosis (I use to drink 5 a day). This is the second time he has told me it's my fault, I'm literally in tears right now. I need some reassurance that it's not my fault that I have diabetes or kidney problems as right now I am really low and it's took me 2 years to finally accept the fact that I have diabetes and now feels like I've been pushed back to square one.
Need Reassurance?
- Thread starter Alex_B
- Start Date
Guzzler
Master
- Messages
- 10,577
- Type of diabetes
- Type 2
- Treatment type
- Diet only
- Dislikes
- Poor grammar, bullying and drunks.
You are not to blame. You did not do anything wrong, you developed an autoimmune condition that you couldn't possibly have forseen. As for the sugary drinks you had before you were diagnosed, again you could not have seen the risks back then and as you say you have cut down so well done on that score.
Forgive me for saying this but your brother sounds like a little twerp.
Head up, you're dealing with a helluva condition and it is not easy. Good luck with your tests, fingers crossed for you.
Forgive me for saying this but your brother sounds like a little twerp.
Head up, you're dealing with a helluva condition and it is not easy. Good luck with your tests, fingers crossed for you.
- Messages
- 15,904
- Type of diabetes
- I reversed my Type 2
- Treatment type
- Tablets (oral)
I’m so sorry your brother is treating you like this, as @Guzzler says this is not your fault, you are doing your best. Fingers crossed your tests turn out better than you fear.
(I’m just wondering what your brother will say if he gets diagnosed in the future? )
(I’m just wondering what your brother will say if he gets diagnosed in the future? )
Hi @Alex_B .Sorry your going through this as diabetes is a stressful thing to cope with. I agree with all the above, as to it not being your fault, how many of us have made choices to food and drink not knowing the risks, or even thinking it may be a risk. Many people drink those drinks not even thinking it could be harmful. Also i am sorry you are not getting support from the very ones that should be giving it. Ignorance on their part, or in this case your brothers, plays a big part and who knows, maybe one day he may become one of your biggest supporters. I certainly hope so. I'm finding family members are the least ones to understand unfortunately, but you have this condition now and you can prove to all that you can manage it. So many in here will support you and encourage you and advise you. Pretty soon it's you that will advise others. Good luck.
- Messages
- 18,232
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Insulin
Hi @Alex_B ,
That's bad news with your brother lashing out like this, at a point where you need support.
Is this a standard kidney function test, normally done with the A1c & other bits & bobs associated with the "usual" diabetes check up? Or is this a further investigation based on results of the aforementioned??
That's bad news with your brother lashing out like this, at a point where you need support.
Is this a standard kidney function test, normally done with the A1c & other bits & bobs associated with the "usual" diabetes check up? Or is this a further investigation based on results of the aforementioned??
JoKalsbeek
Expert
- Messages
- 5,980
- Type of diabetes
- I reversed my Type 2
- Treatment type
- Diet only
It's not something you could have prevented. Just a genetic glitch you have no say in whatsoever.
Could that be why he's being an absolute *********? Fear it is an unavoidable fate for him too? If he makes himself believe it is your own fault, he "must" be in the clear and all. Fear does nasty things to people. And toxic people, when you're already struggling, are quite redundant indeed.
Chin up. You are absolutely blameless!
Yes genetic glitch and/or or may be due to certain medications given for any ailment or blood pressure for example, and or drank drinks not sure of contents, or eaten lots of fruit not aware that some cause problems, my situation I was put on a blood pressure pill, when actually, it turned out I did not have blood pressure, i.e. 130/80 but my Doc felt it required a pill, i.e this would allow I continue to eat salt if I wished, without a Pill I would have to stop salt! Thankfully I only took for short period, as I realized my Blood pressure was not high it was white coat syndrome yes this does exist, other readings 109/65
111/70, year around! During this short period, my body changed, I put on weight unexpectedly, could not get it off, on reading the small print, as it was in spanish, I missed same...it clearly stated can "cause or worsen any existing sugars" wow....I cant blame my doc 100% the side effects were there to read by myself, yet he did not ask if I had diabetes, or in family or taken a simple blood finger prick, and did not, my fault area 100% overdosed on tropical fruits, blended as smoothies no added sugars just raw fruits, banana, kiwi, pineapple, mango, need I go on just a few a cocktail of sugars, I thought were healthy, silly me......so sometimes other than genetic situations, other situations contribute without one actually being aware one should not feel they are to blame when such situations are in place, for sure, I am totally convinced that a medication pill highly contributed if not contributed 100% completely first and foremost to my sugar issues, along with my own daily cocktail of tropical fruit smoothies....so you never know, sadly.
- Messages
- 14,298
- Type of diabetes
- I reversed my Type 2
- Treatment type
- Diet only
Ladies - @Moggely and @pollensa - please note that @Alex_B is a 21 year old Type 1, diagnosed in his teenage years, so Alex's route to diabetes diagnosis is very different to we more mature T2s.
@Alex_B - as you've probably been told in the past, your diabetes is due to an auto-immune attack on your body, and nobody knows why these happen, so there is no way you can take any preventative steps.
Sometime those who don't understand and find it all a bit scary say the most unfortunate, illinformed things. It sounds like your brother falls into that category.
@Alex_B - as you've probably been told in the past, your diabetes is due to an auto-immune attack on your body, and nobody knows why these happen, so there is no way you can take any preventative steps.
Sometime those who don't understand and find it all a bit scary say the most unfortunate, illinformed things. It sounds like your brother falls into that category.
Daphne917
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 3,320
- Type of diabetes
- Treatment type
- Diet only
@Alex_B sorry to hear your brother is being an idiot and trying to blame you - he has obviously been reading/listening to the latest media hype around diabetes and got it totally wrong or perhaps he is worried that he may develop it as well. T1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease which strikes indiscriminately, at any age, and no one is to blame. Through no fault of our own in my family we have a number of autoimmune conditions - I have hypothyroidism, one brother has severe arthritis, as did my father and grand father, and another brother has cealiacs disease, as did one of my aunts and cousin, 4 members of the family inc me and another brother (I have 3 with 3 different conditions) also have, or had, T2 diabetes which can be genetic. Please do not blame yourself as it is definitely NOT your fault - we liken it to a lottery in our family as to whether or not the next generation will get one and when.
In avoidance of doubt, Unfortunately post has been misunderstood, please note, first and foremost comments referred to genetic glitch possibility? i.e. main situation then comments refers to situations intended for Diabetes generally as many people blame themselves, and or receive comments of their situations, it was "general" that may/may not take place, finally ends referring tyou never really know, in order, to give peace of mind reassurance, whatever the circumstances overall, no one should blame themselves regards any individual situation genetic glitch one situation or other, other circumstances, the aim finally,was to put it all into perspective to indicate, one has not to feel guilty or blame oneself at the end of the day, chin up dont be down.
I hope within explains.
Dark Horse
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 1,840
Other people have touched on this already, but perhaps your brother is suffering from the 'just world fallacy'. This is the belief that life is always just (i.e. fair), so if somebody is suffering they must have done something to bring it upon themselves.
If he still blames you even after reading about type 1, just use the 'broken record' technique by saying, "It's got nothing to do with diet or lifestyle, it's just bad luck'. Eventually he may get the message.
Just-World Hypothesis
The idea that people need to believe one will get what one deserves so strongly that they will rationalize an inexplicable injustice by naming things the victim might have done to deserve it. Also known as blaming the victim, the just-world fallacy, and the just-world effect.
Example: Because it’s far too frightening for many to accept that bad things can happen to good people, and therefore that they themselves have no control over whether bad things might happen to them someday, they will instead search for ways to differentiate themselves from victims of ill fortune. For example, outsiders might deride people whose houses were destroyed by a tornado, blaming them for choosing to live in a disaster-prone area or for not building a stronger house.
https://psychcentral.com/encyclopedia/just-world-hypothesis/
It can be quite hurtful to be on the receiving end of this victim-blaming but in reality it it is quite a normal human reaction so I wouldn't write your brother off for it. Although you may feel like lashing out, it would probably be better in the long run to do the opposite. Be gentle with him - give him some references to read, explaining that you may need your family to support you so it would be good if they are well informed. He will soon discover that, as DUK say, 'It’s got nothing to do with diet or lifestyle, it just happens. We're still not sure what causes it.' https://www.diabetes.org.uk/diabetes-the-basics/what-is-type-1-diabetesThe idea that people need to believe one will get what one deserves so strongly that they will rationalize an inexplicable injustice by naming things the victim might have done to deserve it. Also known as blaming the victim, the just-world fallacy, and the just-world effect.
Example: Because it’s far too frightening for many to accept that bad things can happen to good people, and therefore that they themselves have no control over whether bad things might happen to them someday, they will instead search for ways to differentiate themselves from victims of ill fortune. For example, outsiders might deride people whose houses were destroyed by a tornado, blaming them for choosing to live in a disaster-prone area or for not building a stronger house.
https://psychcentral.com/encyclopedia/just-world-hypothesis/
If he still blames you even after reading about type 1, just use the 'broken record' technique by saying, "It's got nothing to do with diet or lifestyle, it's just bad luck'. Eventually he may get the message.
Hi Alex, I really feel for you but unfortunately, there are people who are totally ignorant about diabetes and your brother is one of them. I am betting that your relationship with him has always been fraught and he has probably said many other mean things knowing it will hurt you and get you going. Now he feels he has a perfect bat with which to beat you, he knows you are vulnerable and obviously sensitive about your diabetes, he knows that you yourself are probably feeling guilty about getting it. Hey presto, he can use this to cause you hurt. UNLESS you ignore him altogether and accept that YOU did NOTHING wrong, what you drank or what you ate has no bearing on you becoming a type 1 diabetic (if you look hard enough there are probably others in your family). I know it is hard (families eh!!!) but the more he sees you reacting, the more he will enjoy taunting you. Think of some responses for when he starts, throw out some statistics, do anything but do NOT react or cry, that is what he wants. Get your parents on board as well, I cannot imagine they would be happy with your idiotic brother. x
Fairygodmother
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 4,052
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Insulin
- Dislikes
- Bigotry, reliance on unsupported 'facts', unkindness, unfairness.
Hi Alex, I suspect that like many people your ‘brother’ just doesn’t have the knowledge that we with T1 take for granted. Like the others have said T1 is an autoimmune condition: your immune system has attacked the beta cells in your pancreas, the ones that make insulin, and this happens sooner or later to people with T1 no matter what their lifestyle is.
Now that you have T1 there are ways that you can try to ensure that you live healthily with the condition.
You don’t say where you live, or what Your medical support is.
If you’re in the U.K. then you probably have a Diabetes Specialist Nurse who can help you. And maybe you can access useful information through a Dafne (Dose Adjustment for Normal Eating) course: you can take family members with you and this might help to open their eyes and educate them too.
You don’t say why you have energy drinks. Is it to raise your blood sugars when you’re hypo or is it because you like them. I’m not surprised that you used to drink a lot of them; when we’re developing T1 our body lacks energy and tries to make us get it wherever we can despite the fact that insulin depletion means that high sugar foods are bad for us. This can also happen if our blood sugars aren’t well controlled.
I’m sorry about your kidneys! However, keeping well hydrated and trying to ensure that our blood sugars are at a good level can often help to stop any damage going further.
Have you tried using a Freestyle Libre? It’s helped many of us immensely.
I think we all feel very emotionally shaky during the first years after diagnosis and being blamed for the condition makes it worse - we need support, not abuse. I also find that I’m emotionally most fragile when my blood sugars are either to low or two high.
However, many of us have lived with the T1 thing for a very long time and we’ve found that while it does affect the way we need to get into a habit of keeping a constant eye on it it hasn’t really held us back.
Be assured, it’s not your fault that you have it. Maybe you can show him some factual information about T1 - try a google search for it and choose the sites that have a good medical or specialist poster/s. Show him. Though if there’ve always been ‘sibling tensions’ he may not want to admit he’s wrong.
Now that you have T1 there are ways that you can try to ensure that you live healthily with the condition.
You don’t say where you live, or what Your medical support is.
If you’re in the U.K. then you probably have a Diabetes Specialist Nurse who can help you. And maybe you can access useful information through a Dafne (Dose Adjustment for Normal Eating) course: you can take family members with you and this might help to open their eyes and educate them too.
You don’t say why you have energy drinks. Is it to raise your blood sugars when you’re hypo or is it because you like them. I’m not surprised that you used to drink a lot of them; when we’re developing T1 our body lacks energy and tries to make us get it wherever we can despite the fact that insulin depletion means that high sugar foods are bad for us. This can also happen if our blood sugars aren’t well controlled.
I’m sorry about your kidneys! However, keeping well hydrated and trying to ensure that our blood sugars are at a good level can often help to stop any damage going further.
Have you tried using a Freestyle Libre? It’s helped many of us immensely.
I think we all feel very emotionally shaky during the first years after diagnosis and being blamed for the condition makes it worse - we need support, not abuse. I also find that I’m emotionally most fragile when my blood sugars are either to low or two high.
However, many of us have lived with the T1 thing for a very long time and we’ve found that while it does affect the way we need to get into a habit of keeping a constant eye on it it hasn’t really held us back.
Be assured, it’s not your fault that you have it. Maybe you can show him some factual information about T1 - try a google search for it and choose the sites that have a good medical or specialist poster/s. Show him. Though if there’ve always been ‘sibling tensions’ he may not want to admit he’s wrong.
enzina
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 289
- Type of diabetes
- LADA
- Treatment type
- Insulin
- Dislikes
- pain, being dependent, egoistic people & jealousy
How dare he! To me it looks like some people just want us to be responsible for our illness. As many other posters have said T1 is autoimmune. Maybe your brother could be bothered to look that up? No diet in the world would make T1 go away. What an uneducated, nasty individual.
becca59
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 2,871
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Insulin
@Fairygodmother makes a very useful point (as usual!) those energy drinks were probably craved by you to compensate for your energy deficits as type 1 was coming on.
Ignore your brother he lacks the knowledge that you are now going to absorb, about food, health and exercise. Ultimately you will be very healthy albeit a type 1 if you take it all onboard and run with it.
Ignore your brother he lacks the knowledge that you are now going to absorb, about food, health and exercise. Ultimately you will be very healthy albeit a type 1 if you take it all onboard and run with it.
- Messages
- 18,232
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Insulin
Hi again @Alex_B ,
I've been T1 for for twice your current lifespan..
Harsh ignorant words get fired, a little like a gun.
However. You have the capacity to drop a "bomb" that will take everybody out in a positive way. This "bomb" is called forgiveness...
Not everybody can help how things turn out. But you can control how life moves forward..
I had an empathic family who always supported me in thier own way (which was annoying at times.)
My mum (when I was around your age.) mentioned to me she felt guilty for for my T1 (diagnosed on my 8th birthday.)
Though, she always encouraged a positive progression of my interests & pursuits. (Lol, though not always understanding them all.)
We sat down one day (I was 20?) simply I said "sheds happen." In response to her frank revelation on how she felt regarding her guilt & failure as a mother bringing a person with a chronic condition into the world & laying it at my door.. I was just happy to be alive! (I felt she'd done a sterling job so far....)
But by this time I had also reasoned thus that you would wish all the happiness & content with your children's onward journey..
Some folk are scared to talk so honest. Initiatating peace & giving a hug is all part of taking the first steps forward for everyone!
I sincerely hope this helps...
I've been T1 for for twice your current lifespan..
Harsh ignorant words get fired, a little like a gun.
However. You have the capacity to drop a "bomb" that will take everybody out in a positive way. This "bomb" is called forgiveness...
Not everybody can help how things turn out. But you can control how life moves forward..
I had an empathic family who always supported me in thier own way (which was annoying at times.)
My mum (when I was around your age.) mentioned to me she felt guilty for for my T1 (diagnosed on my 8th birthday.)
Though, she always encouraged a positive progression of my interests & pursuits. (Lol, though not always understanding them all.)
We sat down one day (I was 20?) simply I said "sheds happen." In response to her frank revelation on how she felt regarding her guilt & failure as a mother bringing a person with a chronic condition into the world & laying it at my door.. I was just happy to be alive! (I felt she'd done a sterling job so far....)
But by this time I had also reasoned thus that you would wish all the happiness & content with your children's onward journey..
Some folk are scared to talk so honest. Initiatating peace & giving a hug is all part of taking the first steps forward for everyone!
I sincerely hope this helps...
I'm pretty sure that will help @Jaylee . To add unforgiveness to the illness is counter productive. You said what i tried to say, only i was pulled up for it so to speak. Never mind you gave the best advise for this young man thus far. May he go forward and may his tests be good and may he gain control over his condition. The comments about his brother, pardon me for saying this, is not in anyway helping this young man. I wish him all the best and also for his family.
There's an old saying: "You can choose your friends, but not your family".
I have found this to be spot on with my friends (real life humans) were more supportive to me when I had some health problems years ago, than what my siblings were, which in their case zilch.
I have found this to be spot on with my friends (real life humans) were more supportive to me when I had some health problems years ago, than what my siblings were, which in their case zilch.
Having Type 1 diabetes... clearly nothing to do with anything you might have done.
The kidney problems... he might be adopting a "tough love" approach and is genuinely concerned for you and wants you to look after yourself.
The kidney problems... he might be adopting a "tough love" approach and is genuinely concerned for you and wants you to look after yourself.
