Newbie on the block

[Type Alan]

Before I continue with my introduction, I would like to add a trigger warning for those of you who have mental health problems.

I apologize if this post offends you, it is not to offend anyone but for me to reach out for help and to share my experience.

My name is Alan and I am a type 2 diabetic (as you can see from my username).

I was diagnosed with diabetes 8 years ago and at first, I was doing well with the metformin in the beginning and then around 2018 and 2019, my diabetes became out of control and I got prescribed alogliptin.

During the whole 2020 pandemic, my diabetes improved (mostly because my mental health went downhill and I began starving myself).

Many people stereotype and think bulimics or anorexics have to be skinny but I actually suffer from vicious cycles where I sometimes go weeks starving myself or making myself sick after eating a very large and self-indulging meal.

Then other times, I would eat and eat until I am nauseous or can't eat no more because I want some form of comfort or because I am bored.

My eating habits mostly stemmed from my early childhood.

When I was a kid, my birth father was not only abusive by controlling me, my mother and siblings but he was also very irresponsible by letting me eat junk and spoiling me.

I know most people would think that's kind of a good thing but if you knew my birth father personally and the way he was at other times, you'll understand he is not exactly the nicest person you'd meet.

Throughout school I was tormented by classmates because I became chubby and then when I was 18, I became extremely obese.

I ain't going to lie, I am still obese now and I absolutely hate it and hate myself.

I've tried almost everything I could think of to lose weight:
* Fasting
* Calorie limiting
* Cardio workout
* Cutting out sugar

Nothing seems to work.

The worse part is that my weight has made me so insecure and paranoid that I worry my partner is gonna leave me for somebody else or that they don't really love me because I was cheated on by every ex-partner I have had so now I think there's something wrong with me.

Even when I go out places, I always wear baggy clothes because I feel so uncomfortable with wearing tight clothing because I am scared people will see my stomach shape.

Right now I am in dire need to lose weight for a lifesaving operation.

Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with a non-cancerous tumour but because my BMI is high (currently 43), no doctor will operate on me because they are scared I might die.

So, this evening I joined this website, hoping that I will find some answers and if not, maybe some emotional support?

Nice to meet you all.

 

[IanBish]

Hi Alan, welcome to the forums.

Whereas I identify with some of your issues, hopefully someone else will be along to offer support and advice on the eating disorder aspects. But on the subject of weight loss, I would say the following:

* Eat low-carb (~50g a day)
* Intermittent fasting (i.e. finish dinner by 8pm, don't eat until lunch the next day)
* No eating between meals (snacking)
* Prioritize protein

I'm sure others will have more ideas for you, but they are the basics I'd recommend.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

 

[Type Alan]

Hi Alan, welcome to the forums.

Whereas I identify with some of your issues, hopefully someone else will be along to offer support and advice on the eating disorder aspects. But on the subject of weight loss, I would say the following:

* Eat low-carb (~50g a day)
* Intermittent fasting (i.e. finish dinner by 8pm, don't eat until lunch the next day)
* No eating between meals (snacking)
* Prioritize protein

I'm sure others will have more ideas for you, but they are the basics I'd recommend.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

Good morning Ian,

Thank you so much your warm welcome and for your advice.

I will give your advice a try and see if there is any improvement.

Hopefully we all can bring a positive impact on each other, I am very excited to meet the other people on here.

 

[Rachox]

Hi @Type Alan and welcome to the forums. So sorry to hear what you have been through over the years. I can identify with having had mental health issues which have affected my weight by comfort eating when I suffered two family bereavements close together. I eventually asked if I could be prescribed a GLP1 med. My health care team agreed and I was at first prescribed Victoza injections which helped a lot. Then started the skinny jab furore in the media and I couldn’t get it anymore. I was swapped to Rybelsus tablets which contain the same med as Ozempic but in tablet form. This has continued to help me with weight loss and blood sugar control along with eating low carb.
If this sounds like it might help you have a read up about GLP 1 meds and see if your GP would agree to you having them, especially with a view to you getting the surgery you need.
Let us know how you get on.

 

[Pipp]

Hello @Type Alan

Thank you for being so considerate in your opening statement in your post. Also for your open and honest appraisal of your situation. That couldn’t have been an easy post to make.

You are wanting to lose a lot of weight, have better management of your diabetes, and get as well as you can for some surgery you need, right?

There are already a few replies with excellent advice. However, what really jumps out of your post and has made me respond is this:

“I ain't going to lie, I am still obese now and I absolutely hate it and hate myself.”

That really resonates. Hating oneself is an awful mindset to be in. It can get in the way of any sort of good intentions you decide on , and set you up for failure. I speak from experience. I would punish myself when something made me angry. The anger had roots in a childhood incident, but the punishment and self harm behaviour came later after an experience in hospital left me with PTSD.

Would you be able to show your post to your doctor and ask for some help to get over the self hate? That emotion can sabotage everything else you try to do to make your life better. It can make it so difficult to stick to any strategy, (diet, exercise etc) that you put in place. You have to believe that you are worthy.

It can be difficult to get the right sort of mental health support. I was fortunate to be referred to a practitioner in Compassion based therapy. That really helped.
You have already made great strides sharing your post here with a lot of strangers. Please do consider sharing with your doctor, diabetes tesm, nearest and dearest. It takes coursge, but you already have displayed that.

You are in the right place for advice and emotional support. Members here are good at providing that, based on their own experiences. Have a read through the info for new members, which you will find at the end of my post, in the signature. Come back with any questions.
Very best wishes to you, and thanks again for posting.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

Before I continue with my introduction, I would like to add a trigger warning for those of you who have mental health problems.

I apologize if this post offends you, it is not to offend anyone but for me to reach out for help and to share my experience.

My name is Alan and I am a type 2 diabetic (as you can see from my username).

I was diagnosed with diabetes 8 years ago and at first, I was doing well with the metformin in the beginning and then around 2018 and 2019, my diabetes became out of control and I got prescribed alogliptin.

During the whole 2020 pandemic, my diabetes improved (mostly because my mental health went downhill and I began starving myself).

Many people stereotype and think bulimics or anorexics have to be skinny but I actually suffer from vicious cycles where I sometimes go weeks starving myself or making myself sick after eating a very large and self-indulging meal.

Then other times, I would eat and eat until I am nauseous or can't eat no more because I want some form of comfort or because I am bored.

My eating habits mostly stemmed from my early childhood.

When I was a kid, my birth father was not only abusive by controlling me, my mother and siblings but he was also very irresponsible by letting me eat junk and spoiling me.

I know most people would think that's kind of a good thing but if you knew my birth father personally and the way he was at other times, you'll understand he is not exactly the nicest person you'd meet.

Throughout school I was tormented by classmates because I became chubby and then when I was 18, I became extremely obese.

I ain't going to lie, I am still obese now and I absolutely hate it and hate myself.

I've tried almost everything I could think of to lose weight:
* Fasting
* Calorie limiting
* Cardio workout
* Cutting out sugar

Nothing seems to work.

The worse part is that my weight has made me so insecure and paranoid that I worry my partner is gonna leave me for somebody else or that they don't really love me because I was cheated on by every ex-partner I have had so now I think there's something wrong with me.

Even when I go out places, I always wear baggy clothes because I feel so uncomfortable with wearing tight clothing because I am scared people will see my stomach shape.

Right now I am in dire need to lose weight for a lifesaving operation.

Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with a non-cancerous tumour but because my BMI is high (currently 43), no doctor will operate on me because they are scared I might die.

So, this evening I joined this website, hoping that I will find some answers and if not, maybe some emotional support?

Nice to meet you all.

I got goosebumps reading all this.

Okay, so... There's a lot to unpack here, and I barely know where to start. All I know is that this doesn't sound like a food issue... I can throw low carbing advice at you until the cows come home, but learning (one of a couple of) way(s) to eat for diabetic control and weight loss, isn't the same as being mentally able to implement it. Knowing something isn't good for you when cravings are just about bashing your head in, is no use whatsoever. Just makes you feel more guilty or worthless or whatever it is you yell at yourself inside your head. I think the main thing'd be to try and fix the relationship you have with yourself... Then your relationship with food can change eventually, too.

That takes oodles of time though, not even counting the waiting lists for mental health professionals should you go that route, so in the meantime, could you get in touch with your GP and discuss something like getting onto a GLP1 med, as Rachox suggested? Something to prop you up a little. (Antidepressant might be useful, too?) It's not going to fix the underlying cause of the way you currently eat, but it could get you ready for the surgery you need. Then in the meantime you can move on to therapy?

Personally, Schema therapy was an eyeopener for me, and I think, considering you have a very clear view of where things went awry in your youth, it might be helpful for you. The whole "inner child" spiel made me feel itchy when my therapist started in on it, -I think I actually did an eyeroll or two- but it did resonate once I learned how it all worked... It's not so much the inner child, it's the kind, protective adult we need to be for that child that requires some cultivation, sometimes... I can talk myself into a deep pit easily, but it took quite a while to approach myself with some empathy and forgiveness, some warmth and kindness. I don't think I'll ever actually love myself, if I'm being completely honest. But it's been almost 10 months since I've had a proper death-wish, which had been with me for over 40 years. Things can change, no matter how long we've lived with certain beliefs about ourselves. I can accept who I am and how I function (or don't function, as the case may be), so it's not entirely hopeless... Once you stop kicking yourself around.

It can get better, it's just hard to ask for help sometimes. You've taken a very difficult first step already, so I'm hoping the next steps will be less hard. Hang in there, and be good to yourself eh. You do deserve it.

Jo

 

[Outlier]

It's not so much the inner child, it's the kind, protective adult we need to be for that child that requires some cultivation

What a lightbulb moment that is for me. I hope it helps you, @Type Alan, too. Welcome to the warmest, most inclusive and most positive group you could ever find on these issues.