Not a good couple of days.

So been getting symptoms of dizziness when just doing a bit of gardening, tried painting, housework, been referred to specialist for my neck, having x-ray and the arthritis in my hands is no better, but that is not the had news.
As a lot of you know and understand, depression is known to trigger the anxiety issues, if the status quo or something that is taken away, just sed.s harder to cope with.
I found out today, my naked GP is leaving the practice. I have posted many times how exceptional my GP has been throughout the last five years and how much my GP did in getting referrals for my depression and anxiety, also my neurologist, been in constant phone contact every month throughout.
And then today, during my counselling session, my counsellor dropped the bomb that next week would be my last session.with him. I have trusted my counsellor with my deepest feelings, my anxiety issues, which are many. My life is hard enough without this. I'm not angry but I feel as though I'm in a rowing boat without a paddle. I don't know how to move on without their guidance. I've come far, I am moving forward but what is next?
I have already got details of a health centre close by, but with my RH, a new GP will be something that will be another battle for me. after so many that have gone before. Every day is a chore, and that support will be gone.
With everything else going on, I feel a bit adrift.
But I'm still determined to get through it all. But it's just one thing after another! Knocking me about from pillar to post!
Is anyone else going through it and being dealt with lives little upsets that doesn't seem or feel ever to end?

UsmanMo96 said:

Stay Strong. - as far as counselling can you not get anymore sessions?

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I am asking, having.my x-ray on Tuesday same place as my counselling. That's brill!
Good day so far today!

Zhnyaka said:

when my endocrinologist went on maternity leave, it was also a huge tragedy for me! It's a pity that your doctor won't be able to consult you anymore, but (s)he's taught you a lot over the years, hasn't (s)he? And you can handle it yourself. In addition, a new therapist can also be an excellent specialist.

although sometimes circumstances put so much pressure on you that you just want to lie down on the floor and screaming at the ceiling, right? Haha, a familiar feeling. But all this is temporary. You will definitely cope and everything will be fine

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thanks for that. When you second guess your second guesses you know you need your safe place, when you get frustrated, upset, not sure or just down and you need to get away for a bit of peace and quiet, to block out the world, self reflection in my safe place, is my saviour.
it's a mad world!
and a neighbouring house is getting major transformation, the noise!
so I went for a long walk in the warm sunshine. That did help!

keep safe

MrsA2 said:

In my experience, counsellors don't stop sessions unless they are sure the person can cope. Maybe yours has more confidence in you then you have in yourself?

And you have all of us on here too

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Thank you.

lucylocket61 said:

My GP surgery only offers 6 weeks of councelling.

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Just not enough!
How does that help?
If ever you need proper counselling get in touch with Mind UK. Or Age UK.

As always my best wishes.

lucylocket61 said:

Thanks, my current councelling is with MIND. They are great. I hope you can find the support you need

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I have had great support from lots of people especially Mind uk.
I think that looking back the realisation of, and owning up to the point that I had a massive breakdown, if it wasn't for my family! I still am stuck in that dreadful place, what to replace my future with, now that my life's interest except family is not there, there is nothing that will replace what I've lost!
I've looked at so much and there is nothing!
I am my wife's carer!
That's all I have!
My garden, my housework, my walks!
I read, I watch cricket, some sport, but I'm not that interested, the tele is just on!
I'm totally hacked off with the political insanity in this country. But, coming from where I am, my ward tory council candidate didn't get a single vote! My constituency has never been anything but Labour with a ginormous majority!
I am never surprised, it's a tory!
And then if I am able to have a Christmas because of the fuel crisis, I might raise a smile!
I have worked all my life, private pension, full government pension and still can't afford a holiday even in Britain!
that sums it up!
Life is hard, but it shouldn't be mentally hard!
at least I have my health! (Lol)

my best wishes, take care,

Update!
Today was my final session with my counsellor!
I am sad!
it will leave a big hole in my Tuesday's and my healing!
I can of course use the phone if I find myself low or in need of a chat!
it's been emotional,
it's been rough,
it's been hard at times,
it's been necessary,
it's been revealing,
it's been positive,
It's been my rock,
My sounding board,
My realisation of my future.
And hope for the coming years.
My sanity.
I hope I can move on now without regret and fear of the past.
It is not so much a success, but I'm winning the little battles, it's been one long struggle, but I can have every confidence now that I'm aware I'm not wallowing in them horrible dark days. I can have brighter days.
I think I'm there now!I couldn't have done without the counselling and support from my family, friends with those who on here have posted their best wishes.
I will be eternally grateful.
Thanks from my heart.

And if I can do it after what happened to me, then the depression and anxiety can be controlled with the right help and support. Like my RH, I can now have some control of my emotions, the tools to make a difference and the belief and confidence that I can use these tools to help me with the lows.

I still can't feel elation. I can't feel joy, I can't feel excitement.
And I'm working on it.
Nothing is frightening, acceptance is the new norm for me.
I have many more hurdles to get over, but I feel more capable of getting over them.

Got carried away, an emotional day, I needed to get this posted!
It's is another outlet for me!

Keep safe.

Oldvatr said:

And You keep safe too. We need you to do what you do in providing support for RH Newbies, since it is a branch of this disease that I have no experience of at all.

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Your not that bad yourself, that is what we do!
thanks mate!

A bit of an update.
I am in the middle of physiotherapy for my spondylitis, it is helping, but I'm awaiting a referral to the vascular department. If I move my head to either the side or upwards for more than a few seconds, I get dizzy. It could be the joints and small discs through arthritis and wear and tear are causing a disruptive effect on my blood vessels or the nerves causing these symptoms. But through the certain exercise s with a resistance band, Is helping with the pain, discomfort. I am also discovering to do things without too much head and neck movement.
My (grr) wonderful old Patterdale is on a mission to get rid of me. His enthusiasm pulled me into the wall and my back is scratched, bruised and sore. It has got me out of seasonal gardening duties. I must say that my recent efforts in this area are really good, it is looking quite nice. Bulbs are in, feed is done on my patch of greenery, lawn. (Patch of grass!) Bushes trimmed and shaped, just like me!
I am still concerned (not worried)about my long term health, it is something that took me the doctors to find the spondylitis, already concerned (not worried) about my general health, in control, good energy levels, good bloods but aches, pains, muscle weakness, my docs aren't sure.
My mental health is not bad, a lot more positive, facing my demons, done some good things for me, my interest in my club is back but I can't get excited about it. I want to, but along with the absence of elation even when we win is a concern. No feelings of joy, in fact the distinct lack of feelings, of most feelings is a concern (some worry) I care, I feel empathy, sympathy and understanding, but it's like I'm still on the anti depressants, numbing my feelings suppressing the more enjoyable feelings such as elation, happiness, joy. I hear people say, the joy of my children and grandchildren. I want to be with them, play, talk, teach and enjoy their lives, but no joy!
I have talked to my counsel team, my doctors, the boss and it's something that they haven't got an answer.
I still cry and feel awful on less and less bad days. I am not me yet, but the work continues,
I'm reading a lot more and nearly enjoying them but the book series have to be read again before a new one is published. My memory for this has been hit hard, similar to before diagnosis.
I have left my biggest concern is for the boss. She has gone downhill once again and is in need of my presence more and more. She is getting so mixed up lately, I have to repeat myself more and more. I have now took over all the household duties, I am a full time carer for myself, as well as the wife. The review on her meds is ridiculous as some are for side effects, I have pleaded with our new docs that something else has to be done.
Getting more concerned about her.
This has taken.e a few hours to post. I want to do more outside the house but I'm terrified of leaving her. She now needs constant care.
I'm not a carer, never been a househusband, I am your typical alpha male in the scheme of things. Learning new skills in the kitchen, bathroom and in the care industry, i should left it in the bedroom, but I've forgotten all about that sort of thing.
I have tried to get more help but I'm treading water with it. I will look into it, says everyone I talk to. We need a new wet room a bath is useless for both of us. The man from the council is making excuses about funding
As is everyone dlse, concerned about finances, paying bills, everything is going up except income. Having to be more selective with some joints of meat. Pork isn't too bad, nor gammon, beef and bacon have gone up and chicken has taken flight. And with Christmas coming..........! "We've been in a worse situation" the boss says.
but have we?

It is one thing after another, relentless!

Stay safe


I had to write this after the post the other day that gave me that urge to put it out there!

Best wishes.