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Partner has left me - My story of rebuilding my life

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dubzn1

Active Member
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26
Well I felt I needed to talk to people of the forum or friends of the forum
It all happened 4 weeks ago
But my negativeness/nastiness/unhappiness started a little just after February
I just wasn't myself and we couldn't work it out but neither the less , she said she would never leave me and stand by me
That was a big thing for me as she is 19 and I'm 27
She was very mature for her Age and as so I asked her if she would take on a carers position and she said she was honoured
Things had moved pretty fast from meeting last June/July to having our own place in September to being engaged on Christmas Day but we spoke about it all and felt everything was right
Back to the story of events
She initially left me in April and then another 2 times later on
Her mother picked her up each time and was always over something I started ie N arguement and I hold my hands up and she knows this
It's always been through my anger so 2weeks before she left I started anger management then I had that one arguement while her mother was there and that was it ..................
She took her clothes and went back home
At this point....
Well I tried ending it all - depressed and well we all know what it's like
I didn't know how to cook or anything which is pathetic to say I'm 27
Soo I learnt and went from before with 1 meal a day to 4/5 a day !! Feel loads better for it
It wasn't anything that she was doing before I just had no appetite
I've never sorted my diabetes but it was high tide I did and soo I get my self sorted and although it's not good it's 100x better
It took 3 weeks of crying myself to sleep to actually get to sleep but I can't cry no more - had the odd break down but I'm getting there so this is good
All my money went into her account
As I still need a lot of help all my benefits went into her account as it was easier for both of us to use
She's been claiming and still is , carers
But once I have my back account today , this will ALL change
I won't lie , I'm frightened
For a few reasons as it will mean she doesn't have to talk , I'm on my own 2 feet ect
I've tried to get her back but I'm starting to realise with her short sharp messages that she doesn't want to sort it
Maybe when she realises that I'm independant , she will see me differently which I wish she would as I miss her soo much
She comes over every Thursday to see me as she says she still cares but that doesn't make sense - ah well

And that's my last 4 weeks of my life

There's probably a few bits I've missed out but that's the generality of it all
Thought I'd share it all here
Sorry for rambling on
Ash
 
Hi, Ash. :)

A lot of what you say does make sense. It is not for me to say or guess yet when you get proper treatment (if that is the correct word to use) through Anger Management your life will get better.

You have taken full responsibility for your actions and even shared it with others which is quite brave.
She comes over every Thursday to see me as she says she still cares but that doesn't make sense - ah wel
Click to expand...
I think that means there is still some hope and you are the only person to decide how to to handle it.

Take care and I wish you all the best in your future.

Roy. :)
 
Ash, I wish you strength, learn to live with yourself and don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for help.
Contact your GP and I'm sure they will be able to help be it with medication, counselling or both. Once you feel stronger and better able to look after yourself then is the time to see if the relationship will work.
If it doesn't then at least you will be better equiped to manage until the right lady comes along.
Keep us posted.
X

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
At 19 she probably doesn't know her own mind and people change every 12 years or so anyway. You too will be very different at 37 to what you are at 27. Changes are rarely welcome and especially where affairs of the heart are concerned but things will be different much sooner than you think. Stop hankering for the old and the familiar and just see what happens. The story is as old as the hills and is a favourite topic of books, poetry, opera etc etc. It's just one of those lousy times in life we all go through but which does pass. It's like a wound, but it does heal.
 
Thanks ladies and gents - it means a lot , it does

I miss her soo much it's unreal but if she can't see that I've changed for the better , then I guess it's time to stop holding out for something that will never happen
My heart is bleeding for her but things move on and I'm getting better , putting weight on and all positive things like that
People have noticed I've put weight on as I'm quite thin
 
Thank you all for your help
Unfortunately it's going wrong

she text me last minute on Thursday and cancelled our weekly meet up
On Friday we had to sort our money out and she turned very nasty and said she didn't see the point in seeing me any more not even as friends
Saturday it was my dad's birthday and she felt she had to be there which was a little awkward but I kept calm and was pleasent with her
I spoke to her before she left saying she's welcome to collect a few bits she had left anytime and she blew up at me , called me a lot of nasty names
I felt absolutely rubbish
After she left , I text her saying sorry I had upset her and she said sorry to and that she wanted it all to be as easy as possible

I feel this is the end as much as I don't want it to be

Friends have said they have a feeling she will want to sort it out around Christmas Day because that's the day we got engaged

I don't thinking will happen

I want to get her something for Christmas but I don't think that's a good thing

Gosh feel a right mess again

Sorry to whine
 
Blowing hot and cold, wanting to stay friends, being nasty and contradictory is all quite normal in these situations. Pull up a chair, put your feet up, pour yourself a drink, relax and enjoy the show. Wanting to be mature about it is one thing. Actually being mature about it is another. Even though she may be mature in many aspects of her life, it takes a long time and requires a lot of experience to be consistently mature. You are expecting rather a lot from her. She is only 19 afterall. You are older, you should be wiser.

From what you write, there are actions and reactions, hopes, fears and disappointments. Some couples who break up manage to maintain this awful state of affairs for years. Don't go down that path. Overcome your own upset and disappointment. Just be calm and be pleasant. A simple card and maybe a box of chocolates for Christmas.
 
At 27 why do you need a Carer? Tbh, unless you afe severely disabled then diabetes is not a disease that should restrict your life.

You've had a loving expereience and you will agsin... Take every day as a positive chance to live life... Challlenges are part of our human lives..... They will always leap out unexpectedly at us... Its how we all deal with them that matters... Keep positive...++++++
 
looks to me that she has resented her honourable decision to commit to looking after you and started to resent the fact that her mates are all going out drinking , chasing boys and generally having a good time while she is stuck with you , there is nothing more fickle sometimes , however , you are looking to be a bit more positive about yourself , which is good , you are the important thing here I wont use the old cliché that life goes on , at her age she probably would be too young even to know her own mind , I would forget her mate , very difficult I know , I still suffer from the first real love syndrome on occasion , it has been more than ten years on that one for me , still it haunts , I have however got a decent one now , sure we have ups and downs , but we blunder along , if you will forgive the bluntness again I would do the following .
1 change the locks on the doors .
2 separate accounts asap and don't tell her
3 bag all her remaining stuff and dump it on her doorstep
4 cut her dead as she is just messing you around emotionally
5 if you are daft enough to meet for a "chat " do it on neutral ground so she cant use the sex bribe strategy .
6 find something to occupy your time , hobby , volunteer work , the gym , just get out and not let yourself brood
7 don't start drinking , and get your health together
again sorry to have not missed and hit the wall but that was the advice a good and long standing friend gave to me , take care of yourself , and again it is you that matters most , all the best , HBD
 
Thanks everyone
I guess when you hit rock bottom , you can only go up ....
Trying to cancel her careers benefit has and is difficult
As it's a benefit for her , I can't actually cancel it
Soo I had to call her and explain it all to her
She was amicable about and said she would sort it

Feel a bit frightened but also proud that I'm rolling independant
 
You can notify the DWP that she is no longer your carer and they can cancel the benefit, she needs to be caring for you for at least 35 hours a week to be entitled to it. If she is no longer doing so and still claiming it is fraud.
Yes it's frightening to be on your own but think of it as a chance to take back your life and do things your way.
Take care and try to stay positive.

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
Soo it's been a good few weeks now and thing a are a lot better

I miss her like crazy but I can't cry any more tears ....
Back on dating scene and it feels odd but then I think I'm free and single and can have all the fun I want

Had a serious accident with my toe and was hit and miss weather or not it was amputated but after a lot of care , they managed to save it and it's nearly healed

My blood sugars have fluctuated quite a bit but are settling down nice now
 
Glad to hear that you are handling the situation. Christmas is an emotional time and there will be ups and downs for both of you but, its the time of year, none of it is real. It's more thoughts that he or she is having a better time than me or I ought to be having a great time. It's all false. Ignore it, put your feet up, relax and day dream about what you are going to do in the new year. Where do you want to go on holiday next summer? What of those pastimes you've wondered about but never chased up? Times to make enquiries and get yourself informed.
 
Love and the emotions that go with life can fill us with such warmth and hope, but then it can also send us into purgatory :(

Time is a great healer and I hope you can find the strength to be strong enough to say that it is over and it is really time to move on. But try not to rush into anything to soon, you need a little breathing space for yourself, things and feelings will get better in time.

Sometimes its best to make a clean break with an ex partner because with that person still being around it can still add to your heartache.

You never know, in 6/12 months time you might bump into each other and be happy for each other as acquaintances, without the heartache.

Please continue to look after yourself and your diabetes.

" What lies behind us and what lies before us, is nothing compared to what lies within us"

Wishing you lots and lots of good luck

Best wishes RRB x
 
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