Please help, I'm so desperate...

[Every day is a struggle]

Hi

I won't go into too much detail yet as I am new to post.

My partner has type 1.

Please someone tell me how I am supposed to believe that it causes my partner to continuously say the most despicable, what seems so calculated, mean, evil things to me over long periods of time, high, low or anywhere in the middle?

He has very very unstable T1, but does it really so this? Or could there be other underlying problems? I have had many varied opinions on this from people that relate or understand, but all so varied.

I just don't know if I can take it any longer but I love him so much.

In the last 2 months, he has demolished my work laptop and 3 smart phones, plus, loads of other stuff, he froths at the mouth and has to bite his knuckles to not hit something.

He scares me a great deal sometimes.

He says that other T1's would never understand either as they are all different to him.

He's also SUPER paranoid.

And smokes about half an oz of weed a week, he says, 'only' for the nausea he gets every day, which he does.
His level spikes straight up to between 10 and 33 every single morning, within twenty minutes.

I have contemplated just finishing my own life many times as I am so heartbroken by the daily struggle and the naivety and the frustration and illness and stress and ignorance and loneliness and the complete lack of understanding the whole world has for the pure hell T1's can gone through.

Please help....

 

[TooMuchGlucose]

Well, it's true rising and falling sugar levels definitely make you angry. The weed will not help at all, it can make non-diabetics paranoid and mess with their mental health so it's even worse for a diabetic and can cause the constantly changing blood sugar he is having. You should get him some medical help urgently he is endangering himself by doing this, and perhaps you as well. If you're thinking about suicide then you should get some help yourself, perhaps break up with him as he's clearly the reason you are feeling this way. You cannot risk your own health and well being for his.

I hope things get better for both of you soon.

 

[Neemo]

I smoked A LOT of skunk/weed when I was in my teens. It's definitely not a medicine; several friends have become schizophrenic from it.

Think there's 2 issues which are interconnected, but separate issues;

Diabetic Control; The huge swings you are describing will have a huge effect on his mood; the term is emotional lability.

Cannabis; Half an ounce is 2.5 grams a day, I smoked a simular amount myself 10 years ago..It completely messes with your head to use that much, that is definitely drug abuse as opposed to casual use...

From what you've described he sounds like he is becoming mentally unbalanced, I strongly suggest that you leave now, and do not return untill he can agree to stop, or significantly reduce his drug use.

 

[Spiker]

I agree. Leave now. These are not consequences of diabetes and he is using that as an excuse for frankly abusive behaviour.

Yes badly controlled diabetes will cause mood swings but nothing like this. Cannabis is a much more significant factor in this behaviour you are describing but probably there is an underlying personality disorder.

Get away from this violent and abusive individual. Approach a domestic violence support line or just call the police. The police are actually very good with this these days.

The fact that you are thinking about harming yourself makes this a crisis. Take steps immediately. Contact a support agency or just leave. Go to friends or family. You may be able to sort out his behaviour and salvage the relationship but do so from a position of safety and confidence.

The police will able to advise if you can get him to leave instead of you having to leave.

 

[rachel162]

I'm with @TooMuchGlucose, I know when my levels have been up and down I get tired and frustrated and angry, and start to get headaches after a while too if I don't just take a break to recover and fix it.

Levels up to 33?!!! I get irritated when my levels are above 10-12, I couldn't even contemplate how awful he must be feeling if he's that high! Wouldn't surprise me if that was the main contributor to his behaviour, however it in no way justifies it or makes it ok. You shouldn't have to feel scared of him or what he might do. It's also very dangerous for his physical health and could lead to diabetic ketoacidosis etc, not fun.

To again repeat what TooMuchGlucose said, you cant risk your own health for his. Diabetes is hard to deal with for both 'sufferers' (for want of a less negative word) and family members/friends, but it should be something that can be helped with support if needed, and shouldn't have such a negative effect on both of your lives. I'd say maybe give him some time/space to decide how best to help himself; if he won't do that then he's never going to be able to be supportive towards you.

I'm sorry this is so hard for you right now and hope things improve.

Rachel x

 

[Every day is a struggle]

Can't tell you how much these replies are helping, thank you all

 

[ButtterflyLady]

I agree. Leave now. These are not consequences of diabetes and he is using that as an excuse for frankly abusive behaviour.

Yes badly controlled diabetes will cause mood swings but nothing like this. Cannabis is a much more significant factor in this behaviour you are describing but probably there is an underlying personality disorder.

Get away from this violent and abusive individual. Approach a domestic violence support line or just call the police. The police are actually very good with this these days.

The fact that you are thinking about harming yourself makes this a crisis. Take steps immediately. Contact a support agency or just leave. Go to friends or family. You may be able to sort out his behaviour and salvage the relationship but do so from a position of safety and confidence.

The police will able to advise if you can get him to leave instead of you having to leave.

I agree so much with this post. I have worked in the area of domestic violence intervention services. Being around someone with unpredictable and violent behaviour is dangerous enough, but when you leave, even if temporarily, it can often get more dangerous. So please call a domestic violence support line and get advice about a safety plan and a safe exit plan. You may need to initially go into hiding for your safety. Good luck and all the best.

 

[CarbsRok]

His level spikes straight up to between 10 and 33 every single morning, within twenty minutes.

It sounds to me as if he has a reaction to the type of insulin he is on. I used to go from low to high and high to low within an hour when on the wrong insulin for me.

The violence sounds as if it's caused by high bloods have heard many a story about this on the forum going back years and years. Does partner use Lantus by any chance as this was the case with all the reports I read.

You need to inform his diabetes team in writing and do keep a copy. Send by recorded delivery so no dispute as to whether they received it or not.
Then walk as there is more than one issue going on here.
No1 though is your safety and wellbeing.

 

[Aginoth]

I agree. Leave now. These are not consequences of diabetes and he is using that as an excuse for frankly abusive behaviour.

Yes badly controlled diabetes will cause mood swings but nothing like this. Cannabis is a much more significant factor in this behaviour you are describing but probably there is an underlying personality disorder.

Get away from this violent and abusive individual. Approach a domestic violence support line or just call the police. The police are actually very good with this these days.

The fact that you are thinking about harming yourself makes this a crisis. Take steps immediately. Contact a support agency or just leave. Go to friends or family. You may be able to sort out his behaviour and salvage the relationship but do so from a position of safety and confidence.

The police will able to advise if you can get him to leave instead of you having to leave.

Absolutely agree; I have experience of drug induced mental illness in others. The problems you describe are most likely down to his Cannabis abuse not his Diabetes, and are probably irreversible. Leave now for your own safety, go to a shelter if you have nowhere else to go, CAB can help.

 

[Natalie1974]

You've already received some great advice here...not really sure there is much I can add...just wanted to send you my best wishes...I hope it all works out ok x

 

[Auckland Canary]

I think this is a combination of several issues here.
1. He obviously has bad blood glucose control and that may well be making him feel nauseous. Levels of over 33 will make him feel sick but smoking large amounts of skunk is only treating the symptoms of this not the cause. He needs to go to his healthcare team and start looking at his control and how he can fix this. He is damaging his health by having these erratic levels and it will start to his health permanently soon. This is almost certainly fixable if he wants to work at it.
2. I personally don’t believe his out of control diabetes is the cause of his aggression and violence. In my experience and the other T1’s I have spoken to hypo’s can make you angry and belligerent and a pain in the **** but not really violent. High blood sugars will cause grumpiness, lethargy and mood swings but not to the degree of violence and frothing at the mouth. This, in my opinion from the information you have given, is a mixture of heavy skunk smoking and probably also an underlying mental health problem which is being made worse by this. I used to smoke cannabis regularly when I was younger but it was always normal weed or hash not skunk. That started to become more prevalent as I stopped smoking but I realised how much stronger this stuff is. It can be very dangerous to those who are susceptible to this and proven to cause mental health issues. It is psychologically although not physically addictive and at the very least he needs to get help to start cutting down and stopping.
3. Unfortunately the only person that can make the steps to get this right is him. I, like many other diabetics, have felt in the past that we are walking the road alone. There was no one to help and we were different from all the other diabetics and no one understood how we were feeling. And it is unfortunately a road that lasts a lifetime. This forum has helped me enormously over the last few years just picking up information and help and getting support and realising that although we are all different we do share experiences. See if he wants to just come and have a look at what goes on here. No one will judge him for his mistakes and plenty of people of people will go out of their way to try and help. I hope he would like to give us a chance for his and your sake.
I hope things start to improve for you and please let us know how you get on.

 

[ButtterflyLady]

I think this is a combination of several issues here.
1. He obviously has bad blood glucose control and that may well be making him feel nauseous. Levels of over 33 will make him feel sick but smoking large amounts of skunk is only treating the symptoms of this not the cause. He needs to go to his healthcare team and start looking at his control and how he can fix this. He is damaging his health by having these erratic levels and it will start to his health permanently soon. This is almost certainly fixable if he wants to work at it.
2. I personally don’t believe his out of control diabetes is the cause of his aggression and violence. In my experience and the other T1’s I have spoken to hypo’s can make you angry and belligerent and a pain in the **** but not really violent. High blood sugars will cause grumpiness, lethargy and mood swings but not to the degree of violence and frothing at the mouth. This, in my opinion from the information you have given, is a mixture of heavy skunk smoking and probably also an underlying mental health problem which is being made worse by this. I used to smoke cannabis regularly when I was younger but it was always normal weed or hash not skunk. That started to become more prevalent as I stopped smoking but I realised how much stronger this stuff is. It can be very dangerous to those who are susceptible to this and proven to cause mental health issues. It is psychologically although not physically addictive and at the very least he needs to get help to start cutting down and stopping.
3. Unfortunately the only person that can make the steps to get this right is him. I, like many other diabetics, have felt in the past that we are walking the road alone. There was no one to help and we were different from all the other diabetics and no one understood how we were feeling. And it is unfortunately a road that lasts a lifetime. This forum has helped me enormously over the last few years just picking up information and help and getting support and realising that although we are all different we do share experiences. See if he wants to just come and have a look at what goes on here. No one will judge him for his mistakes and plenty of people of people will go out of their way to try and help. I hope he would like to give us a chance for his and your sake.
I hope things start to improve for you and please let us know how you get on.

I know you mean well but I don't think it would be safe for the OP if he came here and read what has been said about him.

 

[Auckland Canary]

I know you mean well but I don't think it would be safe for the OP if he came here and read what has been said about him.

Fair point

 

[Spiker]

I know you mean well but I don't think it would be safe for the OP if he came here and read what has been said about him.

Good point. Maybe not now, but after she is safe and his behaviour has been challenged and it's all already out in the open?

Though to be honest I think he needs more serious interventions first and the diabetes management won't even get addressed until he's working on his drug use and violent behaviour.

 

[Spiker]

Regarding the police - if you do call them I suggest you are quiet on the drug use. A drug arrest could make the whole situation worse and is also a risk of triggering violent behaviour toward you. I would keep that in your back pocket. It gives you some power as well frankly.

Of course if you are in actual danger or feel threatened do not hesitate to call the police.

Probably the best people to call are Women's Aid (assuming you are in the UK).

 

[RuthW]

Wild swings of blood sugar and cannabis use actually can have very similar effects, so his chosen behaviour (dope smoking) is compounding his medical problems.

I have Type 1 diabetes and when I was younger I could get very aggressive when hypo ( though I smashed things and shouted rather than hitting anyone) and acute paranoia ( and so potentially aggression) is a symptom of low blood sugar. Acute anxiety (and so potentially aggression) is a symptom of high blood sugar. It is not true that low blood sugars "do not cause violence" - they can cause a huge surge in adrenalin combined with a complete inability to think rationally, and depending on the environment, that can result in extreme violence. Hypo type 1s have a reputation for being worse than drunks in A&E.

But the dope is the limit. It is very unusual for Type 1 diabetics to get schizophrenia, whether dope-induced or not, but it is not impossible. Also, there is some biological connection between paranoia/psychosis and the insulin receptors in the brain so there are some similarities between hypos and psychosis. My son (not a dope user, nor a diabetic, yet) has had episodes of psychosis with paranoia and I have seen him; he behaves very much like I do with a severe hypo.

When my son got like this, I did the best I could do for him - I made him leave home before he could end up in prison.

Which forced him to get help, and now he is well.

So I would say your guy needs kicking to the kerb, for your own safety, and ultimately for his.

 

[RuthW]

Cannabis; Half an ounce is 2.5 grams a day, I smoked a simular amount myself 10 years ago..It completely messes with your head

It is 13 or 14 grams a day. A very significant difference.

 

[Spiker]

OP says half an ounce a week so I make that 2 grams a day. Way too much.

 

[noblehead]

I know you mean well but I don't think it would be safe for the OP if he came here and read what has been said about him.

If the OP does persuade their partner to join the forum then this thread can be removed on request.

 

[MsPrim]

You have been given some great advice and I wish you the best of luck

The best thing to do is the hardest and if I were in your shoes I would get help with the suicidal thoughts and you can discuss that with your doctor and tell him about your partner - it's all confidential

But when you have a plan in place, then leave. This guy is no good for you and you deserve better