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Please help me, help my partner

Discussion in 'Emotional and Mental Health' started by Lillypad62, Nov 3, 2016.

  1. Lillypad62

    Lillypad62 · Member

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    Hi all. I hope I'm typing in the right place. I'd just like some advice on how to deal with my partners diabetes 2. He has had it for a few years now. He doesn't seem to take it seriously (i think hes in denile ) and says he forgets to take his metformin unless I remind him (I am not always around) .
    His diet is terrible and he won't entertain eating any fruit, vegetables, eggs or fish. He's is carb hell! I try different foods to help him with hidden veg but he knows it's in there.

    I've suffer with anxiety. And as a result of worry for him, have turned into a control freak with what my toddler eats because I can't seem to help my partner. I don't want my son eating too many sweet goods. My partner's parents are both diabetic too. I can't talk to them because i know they would just say I'm over reacting.
    He's tryed talking to a dietitian but that doesn't seem to have worked out. Any suggestions? Im finding it upsetting and I feel like I'm at my wits end! we're both in our early thirties and I don't want to lose my partner early on in life!

    Sorry to ramble on. Thank you for reading my post

    Lilly
     
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  2. Squire Fulwood

    Squire Fulwood Type 2 · Expert

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    It isn't possible to force someone to change their bad habits. You need the co-operation of the patient before you stand any chance at all and since your partner is not interested I guess you have a problem.

    The interesting thing about your post is that he and his parents have diabetes. There was a study some time ago which said that non blood related people living in the same family could get diabetes due to communal bad habits. The NHS only ever ask if a blood relative has diabetes.
     
  3. PenfoldAPD

    PenfoldAPD Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi @Lillypad62 and welcome to the forum. Does your partner understand the complications associated with diabetes, has he been on any of the courses? For me once I understood that it made me focus on keeping it in check.

    I've seen others on here who have had similar issues so I'm sure someone else can offer better advice than me, just wanted to say hello and let you know you are in the right place for advice. Best of luck.

    PS you are doing a great thing monitoring what your toddler eats, sadly way too many fat kids now - keep going :)
     
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  4. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Moderator
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    Hello @Lillypad62 Welcome to the forum :). Here is the thing about denial, when you can't see the damage being done or feel what is happening then you are unlikely to change your current behaviour, it generally takes a wake up call to establish that change needs to take place. You can either try the shock wake up call conversation with him or continue to keep cupboards at home stocked with healthy options and ultimately they are the only real options available. He needs to admit he needs to change as it really is down to him. I must admit my partner although not diabetic, eats rubbish food and smokes, I cannot change him, once a year I give him a lecture on his smoking but he will not give up, even if the price of cigarettes was £25 I am certain he wouldn't quit. What I can do though is cook a healthy meal every night to ensure he eats a decent meal at home and try to exercise as much as we can at weekends with long walks. I admire you for wanting to help but unless he chooses to then it will become a mentally challenging environment for you to live in.
     
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  5. Lillypad62

    Lillypad62 · Member

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    Hi all. Thank you for the friendly welcome and your replies.
    I think he does know the complications it can cause. I feel like he's waiting for something to happen but by they it will be too late. He knows how it upsets me. And he's seen me really upset. Maybe I should get him on a course for in depth info to shock him. I'm just fed up of cooking 2 different meal. He won't even try new food sometimes which is frustrating.

    Thank you all for the support.

    Lilly
     
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  6. poshtotty

    poshtotty Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Wanting to help someone who is unwilling or unable to change can be very draining and frustrating. He is lucky to have you, but I think it unlikely that you yourself will be able to get him on a course as these are usually by GP or diabetic nurse referral, but I'm sure I'll be corrected if wrong.

    I didn't see it myself, and I wouldn't recommend you watch it as you say you have anxiety, but there was a programme on TV recently which dwelt on the complications surrounding unmanaged T2 diabetes. Perhaps someone would post a link so that you can suggest your partner watches it as a wake-up call. But, please don't sit and watch it with him!
     
  7. ShaddowStorm83

    ShaddowStorm83 Type 1 · Member

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    Hi i am a type 1 and will reply again later to lilly but i feel i have to comment about the "too many fat kids" my youngest is a fat kid and not because i dont worry about diet and diabetes as i know all too well about diabetes. I try everything with my boy but he wont eat fruit or veg and cant just starve the boy. Sorry rant over just dont want people thinking every fat kid is the result of bad parenting xx
     
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  8. Lillypad62

    Lillypad62 · Member

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    Ok I'll mention to him about getting refferal Poshtotty and attend it with him for support.

    As for the TV programme I actually did watch it with him but it hasn't made a difference unfortunately.

    Thank you
     
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  9. slip

    slip Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    If hes watched that panorama program and hasn't said or done anything different he's either thinking it's someone else's problem and it'll only happen to them or he's scared.

    Does he have a blood meter? and more importantly does he use it?
     
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  10. novorapidboi26

    novorapidboi26 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    This isn't really the topic of this post but is the lack of vegetables responsible for your child weight......?

    I wouldn't say it is.....its all about more calories being consumed than are being burned.....on a basic level anyway....

    I only mention as my kids also are not too keen on vegetables but are skin and bone.....
     
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  11. Lillypad62

    Lillypad62 · Member

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    Hi slip. He has a blood meter and "forgets" to use that. I help him by prompting him to use it.
     
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  12. slip

    slip Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    If he so easily forgets to take his tablets and do blood tests why can't he sometimes forget to eat some of the 'bad' things!? LOL!

    So long as you keep prompting him in a good way than carry on doing so, may be when he's eaten well or been particularly good hopefully showing him his good blood test results will make him think actually it's not that bad. Having high blood sugars can and does affect the mentality.
     
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  13. Lillypad62

    Lillypad62 · Member

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    I know right! :)

    I will keep helping him.

    Thanks for your reply :)

    Lilly
     
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  14. ShaddowStorm83

    ShaddowStorm83 Type 1 · Member

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    No to be honest my boy runs around like a headless chicken 90% of the day and still just puts on weight he has more than enough exercise to cope with what he eats but doesnt make a difference. Being a type 1 myself he is at high risk of diabetes anyway but with his weight i worry he will end up with type 2.
     
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  15. ShaddowStorm83

    ShaddowStorm83 Type 1 · Member

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    Hi lilly, i am a type 1 and a very bad diabetic probably worse than your husband. What your doing it great and my loved ones have also tried with me to get me to take care of myself better, but for me i feel its my diabetes, i live with it not them, if i dont do insulin or test my sugars thats my choice! Dont get me wrong i know that is a really bad way of thinking just trying to explain why your husband might be the way he is. Nothing against you or anyone else its a psychological thing that there isnt really any help available for. With me my diabetic team know i like gadgets so if they want me to test my sugars they give me a new metre to try that way i play about with it so they get some readings from me. That may not work for your husband but my point is try and find little tricks like that, that will make your husband do a little more and one day he might come to terms and accept his diabetes and start looking after himself better. I have been diabetic for 15years now and i still cant accept it but i am a whole lot better than i used to be so some progress has been made just very slowly lol. I hope this helps a bit and gives a little more insight. Sometimes living with a diabetic is harder than having the diabetes yourself so keep up the great work xx
     
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  16. Pinkorchid

    Pinkorchid Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    We hear this so often on this group about people who refuse to manage their diabetes will not change their ways and the worry it is for their partners. It must be difficult to see someone being so irresponsible about their health. At the end of the day it his diabetes and his responsibility to manage it not yours he is a grown up who needs to man up. Maybe one day he will get a wake up call that makes him see he must change what he is doing
     
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    #16 Pinkorchid, Nov 3, 2016 at 12:59 PM
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2016
  17. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

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    The forum has seen this so many times, tough love really needs to be put into place, but it's so hard for that person's partner, it can make them miserable, stressed and anxious, which could even lead to medical problems for the caring partner.
     
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  18. Erin

    Erin Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi Lillipad62,

    I am not sure of the cause of your proper diabetes cause of your partner, but I might guess that there may be a problem with cognitive lack or forgetfullness. Those things do happen with diabetes. Maybe he should be more vigilant with the blood sugar numbers.
     
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  19. asparagusp

    asparagusp · Guest

    You can't change people. Only you can change. Leave him to his own devices. Tough message I know but mollycoddling people doesn't solve the problem, Use you energy on your child instead.
     
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  20. Roybhamuk

    Roybhamuk Type 2 · Newbie

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    Hi Lillipad62, I’m very new to this site, so new I haven't even had time to introduce myself. I have been a T2D for approx 10 to 15 years and in that time not really understood the seriousness of the disease. Doctors never telling me of the consequences, just saying stick to a sugar free diet and you will be alright and me not being much of a book worm not bothering to even read the pamphlets that are about. Then one day a pharmacist chatted with me showing concern and told me about this site and since joining I intend to search all the nooks and crannies to keep me on track. I can understand your frustration of your efforts to help and it falling on deaf ears. Perhaps if you were to share your concerns with your friends or his work mates to nudge him in the right direction. I found it weird that it took a complete stranger (“Pharmacist”) to give me a wake up call. It is a very difficult situation to be in and wish you luck with your efforts.
     
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