1. Get the Diabetes Forum App for your phone - available on iOS and Android.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Guest, we'd love to know what you think about the forum! Take the Diabetes Forum Survey 2021 »
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Diabetes Forum should not be used in an emergency and does not replace your healthcare professional relationship. Posts can be seen by the public.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. Guest, stay home, stay safe, save the NHS. Stay up to date with information about keeping yourself and people around you safe here and GOV.UK: Coronavirus (COVID-19). Think you have symptoms? NHS 111 service is available here.
    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Find support, ask questions and share your experiences. Join the community »

Problem with friend over my diabetes

Discussion in 'Alternative Treatments' started by titchy_lou, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. titchy_lou

    titchy_lou · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    26
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    Thanks for your replies. If I could edit the title of this thread, I would, as 'ignorance of non-diabetics' isn't exactly what I meant.

    I know you can 'add a bit more insulin' but I've only just started on insulin and I'm still trying to get my diabetes under control. I don't want to take risks yet. Especially with my grandad. And just to be clear, I'm not still grieving his death, I disowned him a couple of years before he died...

    *sigh*


    Diabetes type 1.5
    Diagnosed September 2011
    Currently on basal insulin
     
  2. Lucyturner

    Lucyturner · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    I completely understand where your coming from, even before I was diagnosed which was fairly recently if one of my bridesmaids had told me they couldn't do something on the hen night due to health reasons then I would have accepted that as I would never ask someone to put there health at risk for me. It's not like you have told her you are not going to be at the wedding it's one party of the hen weekend and you have been very sensible about it. In regards to a previous comment cutting the cake at the wedding is slightly different to spending a whole day making and tasting chocolate.

    Lucy
     
  3. eveshamgal

    eveshamgal · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    It's not really. It's still something the OP can't participate in isn't it? That was the problem with the chocolate tasting day.

    I went on a hen weekend once and we went to a whiskey distillery. I don't like whiskey so didn't take part in the tasting, I just went to have a laugh with the rest of the group.

    As I said I think there are issues on both sides. Sometimes we have to accept that people are going to do thing that we can't because of our illness but that's the thing, it's our illness not theirs. Yes the bride should have accepted the compromise offered by the OP I did concede that point in my other post.

    In subsequent posts we hear that the OP won't know anyone else at the day and that's a reason why she doesn't want to go to the day.

    Maybe I am just too easy going but I really dont see that this is something to fall out over especially when they were obviously quite good friends as the OP was going to be a bridesmaid.

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  4. titchy_lou

    titchy_lou · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    26
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    I understand that I can just take extra insulin, but as I've said in previous posts, I am anxious to do this, after seeing my grandad and other people who do it, ruin their lives. My diabetes also isn't under control yet, so I don't see why I should put a strain on it, just for her.

    Please don't get me wrong, in everyday life, I have very good self discipline. I dot there most fats while my mum and sister stuff their faced with chocolate, but a whole day will make me feel down because I won't be able to join in in the activities or conversation.

    I have had a look on the website and its not just tasting, it's designing your own chocolate to take home, taste testing and a few other bits. It also says spectators aren't allowed, which is something I'd have to look into. And it's all Belgian chocolate, no diabetic or dark.

    I don't want to fall out over this, hence why I asked to meet up and talk. The bride doesn't want to though, so I don't see what else I can do...


    Diabetes type 1.5
    Diagnosed September 2011
    Currently on basal insulin
     
  5. GraceK

    GraceK · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,835
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    Personally ... I'd give this friend a wide berth from now on. It's not for her to understand your diabetes, but she is supposedly your friend so she should at least try to understand YOU and accept that you'd find the chocolate factory trip a bit challenging. You haven't been stroppy about it, you've offered to do some sightseeing elsewhere and meet up later so it's not like you're moaning about the chocolate trip being organised in the first place. And she had no right to suggest that you eat chocolate and increase your meds just to please her. Nope. And if she doesn't want you to be a bridesmaid now, then I'd definitely be reassessing that friendship and what it's based on. I know it's customary now for the bride to have things all her own way on her big day, but nevertheless, I'd draw the line at having to alter my meds just to suit a friend. Be your own best friend and choose your friends wisely. Real friends won't ask you to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with.
     
  6. Squire Fulwood

    Squire Fulwood Type 2 · Expert

    Messages:
    6,060
    Likes Received:
    4,822
    Trophy Points:
    178
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    Are you certain the word "friend" applies here?
     
  7. izzzi

    izzzi Type 2 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,207
    Likes Received:
    2,400
    Trophy Points:
    178
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    Hi, Titchy_lou , :)

    I would think your friend will soon come to you with a full apology of being a little selfish and thoughtless.

    Hopefully this could be just a little tiff or something like it.

    Your friend may also ask you for alternative ideas for that weekend.

    I agree with you in total and Bath has many great shops and beautiful places to visit.

    It is a bit like asking a ex-alcoholic to come to a pi** up in a brewery.

    Anyway a friend should be one of the "nicest things" things you have.

    Roy. :)
     
  8. titchy_lou

    titchy_lou · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    26
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    I'm not sure, I'm just hoping it does...


    Diabetes type 1.5
    Diagnosed September 2011
    Currently on basal insulin
     
  9. titchy_lou

    titchy_lou · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    26
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    I have been hoping its just 'bridezilla' talking, rather than my actual friend. :p


    Diabetes type 1.5
    Diagnosed September 2011
    Currently on basal insulin
     
  10. eveshamgal

    eveshamgal · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    Why should the bride to be change HER plans for HER hen night? Jesus, if you can't be selfish when you are getting married when can you be??

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  11. Yorksman

    Yorksman Type 2 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,446
    Likes Received:
    1,907
    Trophy Points:
    178
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    Moreover, why would anyone want to attempt to pressurise somebody else into doing something that they are uncomfortable with? It's just a matter of respecting another person's boundaries.
     
  12. Yorksman

    Yorksman Type 2 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,446
    Likes Received:
    1,907
    Trophy Points:
    178
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    She's not being asked to change them.
     
  13. eveshamgal

    eveshamgal · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    In the post I quoted the suggestion was that the bride Ask For alternative suggestions. I didn't say the OP was asking fir them to be changed.

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  14. Yorksman

    Yorksman Type 2 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,446
    Likes Received:
    1,907
    Trophy Points:
    178
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    Point taken.
     
  15. izzzi

    izzzi Type 2 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,207
    Likes Received:
    2,400
    Trophy Points:
    178
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    HI,Eveshamgal :)

    Your a probably right, it is such a good start for a bride to be selfish, but this is now not December,you'd think wedding plans would have been shared with your friend.

    I think I am being selfish now.

    Lets wish the Bride a happy wedding and that is the most important topic.(choc bar)

    Roy. :)
     
  16. titchy_lou

    titchy_lou · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    26
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    Anyone know how I can edit the title of this thread?


    Diabetes type 1.5
    Diagnosed September 2011
    Currently on basal insulin
     
  17. Giverny

    Giverny Friend · Admin
    Administrator

    Messages:
    1,680
    Likes Received:
    1,386
    Trophy Points:
    198
    What would you like the title changed to?

    Edit: Never mind, looks like you figured it out :thumbup:
     
  18. profjohn

    profjohn Type 1 · Newbie

    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    21
    HI, you have my full sympathy over this matter, i have had type 1 diabetes for 52years and have had this attitude from people all the time, my advice to you is do WHAT YOU WANT and not what your friend wants. only you know what your body can
    cope with, dont ever alter your medication to suit other people. You cant really blame your friend for her ignorance about
    diabetes and its control, you cant expect everyone to know what we go through living with this condition. in your situation
    i would just say that you cant attend the hen party but will still come and be her bridesmaid on her big day.
    Hope everything goes well for you, put this down as a small hiccup in your life plan.
    yours John....................

    ps. my wife says she will take your place at the chocolate party LOL.
     
  19. vicky_l

    vicky_l · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    107
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    hi titchy

    ok firstly I have only read your first post not the whole thread

    please please do not give into pressure

    I have been diabetic for 14 months now and only in these past few weeks since I joined two forums online did I get the damage I was doing to my body having just some of the foods that we are meant to avoid

    I think issue is

    1. ignorance of the real damage it does and taking a little more insulin isnt the way to treat your body

    2. culturally I dont think we are taught to look after our bodies at all and then wonder why they break down like diabetes

    so wonder if A she is ignorant of the big issues you can face being a diabetic and you can be her teacher if she is willing to learn

    and B wonder if she needs (like I suspect a lot of people) about how important it is to value ourselves and our bodies not dump junk in it (wonder if people not with diabetes ever wonder what eating chocolate really does to their bodies inside and other things we consume almost absentmindedly)

    Make the right decision for you

    Hope she is willing to learn and she embraces this new knowledge and you still get to be her bridesmaid :)

    Vicky_l
     
  20. GraceK

    GraceK · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,835
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Re: Ignorance of non-diabetics

    The bride isn't being asked to change HER plans as far as I can see. And why does getting married have to mean being selfish? Is that a new tradition or something?
     
  • Meet the Community

    Find support, connect with others, ask questions and share your experiences with people with diabetes, their carers and family.

    Did you know: 7 out of 10 people improve their understanding of diabetes within 6 months of being a Diabetes Forum member. Get the Diabetes Forum App and stay connected on iOS and Android

    Grab the app!
  • Tweet with us

  • Like us on Facebook