• Guest - w'd love to know what you think about the forum! Take the 2025 Survey »

Resentment

amytype1

amytype1

Newbie
Messages
4
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Hi, I'm 21 recently diagnosed type 1 for about 4 months . Although I'm dealing well with my blood sugars and overall health, I'm having a real problem with resenting my situation, friends and family, especially my dad. I feel like its his fault i have this disease because it runs in his family, to go alongside this he offers no emotional support and I'm just left to deal with things on my own. If i was to have a hypo that i couldn't deal with on my own i don't think anyone around me has any clue what to do. i don't want sympathy from them, i just feel so alone at the moment really that i really don't understand how no ones noticed how upset i am with this entire situation. Any advice on how you cope with this bloody thing would be greatly appreciated
 
amytype1 said:
i just feel so alone at the moment really that i really don't understand how no ones noticed how upset i am with this entire situation. Any advice on how you cope with this bloody thing would be greatly appreciated
Click to expand...

I am a type 2 (disclaimer) but that does not mean that I do not understand what you are saying. You will have to cope since there is no alternative. Of course you are upset since the unfairness of having been diagnosed with diabetes at a young age must be galling. It doesn't help to know that many T1's get diagnosed at an even younger age since, like most of us, your own personal situation seems like the worst of all of them. It's not your fault but that does not mean that it must be someone else's. It is human nature to look for someone to blame at times of misfortune especially when we have not done anything wrong and feel we didn't deserve it. It's not your Dad's fault since he didn't choose to have a family history of diabetes any more than you did. I have heard that failing anyone else to blame some people feel resentment towards their doctors. I think that doctors understand this and keep right on trying to heal, educate and providing the meds to help.

You say you feel alone and if the people around you don't understand then, in a sense, you are alone but you are not the only person with a problem as reading the offerings on this site will show.

I have probably not cheered you up one jot but at least I answered your post. I am sure there will be others who will help make you feel less alone.
 
It's only to be expected to feel this way, the first months after diagnosis can trigger alot of emotions. I felt pretty alone when I was diagnosed, I questioned how/why etc and felt pretty low. It took a good chat with my Diabetes Nurse to help me realise how it was making me feel. Resentment to me is part of the grieving process, it's finding a way to let go of this resentment rather than letting it grow, negative emotions will make you feel worse. It's getting to a place of acceptance is where you need to be, as this will help you manage better.

I can fully sympathise with your feelings towards your dad, however he may also be feeling fairly helpless perhaps ? I'm sure he wasn't prepared for your diagnosis. Have you tried talking to him at all ?

I can recommend that if you do want to progress forward then start educating yourself better on your type 1, which will help you become more of an expert, read 'Think like a pancreas' there is useful information on managing your condition. Please also keep using this forum as if you have questions then there are lots of people here to talk to. And also please don't feel alone I am now a friend, you more than welcome to message me ;)
 
Resentment is completely normal. I felt quite angry when I was diagnosed and I admit to resenting non-diabetic people around me who could eat as much as they wanted without a thought. But that anger and resentment does go. I think the first year is hardest.

Now I focus on keeping healthy and that keeps my mind on more positive things. I also believe we've made great leaps towards a cure recently.

Maybe your family are upset too and don't kniw how to deal with it so are pretending everything is ok? Have you spoken to them about hypos, and how you're feeling in general?

When I was diagnosed, I wanted to know what had caused it. My consultant told me it was 20% genetic 80% environmental. She said a surprising number of people have the genes for diabetes, but it's only 'activated' in a few of those. I don't know if that'll help your feelings about your dad. Neither of my parents have diabetes and I still got it.

Read around the forum and feel free to vent. We all know what a pain diabetes is.
 
I've live with Type1 for over 53 years,and I will not kid you it's a pain in the behind,but by educating yourself about diabetes and experience it does get a lot easier.I've lived a good life and have 4 wonderful children and a wonderful wife.In my early day I abused the diabetes but thankfully I came to my senses and started to look after myself,I played semi-professional football and many other sports and I have only a couple of very minor complications.My out look has never changed in that I rule the diabetes it doesn't rule me.i am 67 years old and just started on a pump,another challenge but I will take it on and I am winning.I wish you very Good Luck and I am sure you will win.
 
thank you for all of your advice, its really helped me just to hear from people that have gone through the same as what i am
 
Hello Amy and welcome to the forum.

As has already been said, resentment is normal and that will go so long as you keep positive and get to know your illness and situation.

You say that you are dealing with your blood sugars and that your over all health is good. This is fantastic and well done.

Resentment is one thing but non acceptance is the thing that will get any diabetic into trouble.

Your family may be unaware of how you are feeling or may just be scared to know how to approach you. Why don't you pick a time to speak to those close to you on how they can support you. Tell them how they can help if you go hypo, explain to them the signs you may display when your sugars are low or too high. State what you should and shouldn't eat. But above all tell them you have an illness that you can live with and that it will not affect your own aspirations or dreams.

If they have no understanding of the illness they may be finding it difficult to know how to approach you. They may wish to support you but don't know how !

I have been Type 1 for over three decades and @yingtong has been 53 years. Stay positive and allow the illness to be part of your life and not the other way round.

Keep it simple. Watch what you eat, keep active (exercise) and take your medication. It really is a very small price to pay for a full, active and fulfilling life.

Four months is fairly new and if you do not know any diabetics close to you I can understand how lonely you must be feeling, but don't. Our illness is fairly common and there are so many of us here on this fantastic forum that will be happy to help you as you grow and learn.

You have another friend here also Amy :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Resentment and anger are natural..I think we have all been there and people around us often don't grasp the situation we are placed in. Suddenly, we have this disease that is going to change our entire lifetime and maybe their lack of interest and understanding is because they don't quite know how to deal with it either. It isn't easy to ''do it alone'' but at the end of the day it is us that has to deal with it. Your family need to be educated to a degree so they know how to deal with any hypo situation that could arise. You must be feeling a little lost right now but you're not alone. Always someone here to listen or advise when things get you down or you have a question or something you don't understand. Chin up...things will get easier in time :)
 
Hi,

Resentment nurtured over a long time is not healthy..
I've recently parted company (professionally) with such a person. An uncontrolled T1 who's issues spilled over into other nonD facets of his life. Being T1 myself I acted as a "buffer" for this guy with other members of the team, explaining certain aspects of his health issues & complications in his defence.. They understood. However that didn't smooth out other inrelated non D issues..

I was a regular "Luke Skywalker". But just like the film, we ended in a showdown as I argued that I defended him all along. Realistically for the good of the whole group, there is only so much I could do. Change starts with the indevidual.

Don't let the "Dark side" take over..

Wishing you the best of health happiness & luck!
 
Your poor dad, he would have had no idea that any of his children would become diabetic! I know I would be devastated if either of my children became diabetic because I would blame myself. I know I wouldn't be to blame - but that wouldn't help.

In time you will accept what has happened. It took me a couple of years before I stopped resenting the fact that others could eat and drink more freely than I could. But that acceptance actually helps you to cope.

Others have made very good points already. What I think is important is for you to talk to your family about how you feel, how they feel and what to do in the event of you having a bad hypo. This could help all of you to feel better about the situation.
 
amytype1 said:
Hi, I'm 21 recently diagnosed type 1 for about 4 months . Although I'm dealing well with my blood sugars and overall health, I'm having a real problem with resenting my situation, friends and family, especially my dad. I feel like its his fault i have this disease because it runs in his family, to go alongside this he offers no emotional support and I'm just left to deal with things on my own. If i was to have a hypo that i couldn't deal with on my own i don't think anyone around me has any clue what to do. i don't want sympathy from them, i just feel so alone at the moment really that i really don't understand how no ones noticed how upset i am with this entire situation. Any advice on how you cope with this bloody thing would be greatly appreciated
Click to expand...

My post is absolutely and purely from the standpoint of Devil's Advocate.

It could well be that your Father does have an insight into how you are feeling. You don't say if he himself is diabetic, or if it's in his wider family. However, even if it is the latter, he may be struggling to accept your diagnosis, having watched other struggle with the same situation as you are now at some point in the past. He may be consciously "ignoring" your situation, or unconciously. It could be he is in deep denial of your situation, as a protective mechanism of his own psyche. We see many who have been diagnosed themselves, and also those who report it in partners, spouses, parents/children. Some people react in the most unexpected ways from this sort of diagnosis/news.

A further option could be that he's having to steel himself really, really hard to try to let you get on with things, and find your feet. I'm guessing you have formulate plans for how you might deal with a hypo situation, should one arise. If your father (or another person, the relationship is immaterial) were to be wrapping you in an emotional security blanket, it could well be your thought processes or efforts could be lesser, because you could believe someone would always be watching your back.

I always say that diabetes (along with many other conditions and situations) are not solo sports. Anyone who thinks they are suffering quite, quite alone is usually mis-guided. Your friends and relatives will all have been shocked/surprised/horrified** (** Delete as appropriate) at the news of your diagnosis, but we all react differently. Unfortunately, the very nature of such a trauma means they may not even react the same way to two diagnosis. Our psyche is a cussed thing sometimes.

Cut yourself, and those closest to you some slack for a while. They could be struggling how to express themselves, in the light of what has transpired. I'm sure your father loves you very deeply.

Good luck with it all.
 
Hey amytype1, I also have type 1 too, I know exactly how you are feeling. I was diagnosed at 7 year old and didn't understand much at that age, I hit 14 and totally rebelled against EVERYTHINGGG, stopped testing, munched sweets and junk food, blamed my poor mother for it all... I am 27 now and regret it all, I suffer more now than I did back then due to my poor control, blood sugars were always between 19 and 33. There is no history of diabetes in my family at all apart from me... It took some time for me to accept what I had and the fact that there is nothing I can do other than control it. It was people like the people on this forum that made me realise I was not alone, yeah you will definitely feel alone for a while... Everybody who suffer any kind of health condition will tell you that, BUT keep talking to people on here, and questions you have don't be afraid to ask, even if you simply want to talk about things not relevant to diabetes then chat away :)

Now your family and friends... They are probably too afraid to ask questions, they WILL see how upset and down you are about your condition and will steer away from conversation about diabetes because they will think that you don't want to talk about it... My advice would be for you to ask them questions about diabetes and show that you want to talk about it.

I am probably way off here but that's what I done when I felt like that... I hope you feel better about it soon.
 
Bless your heart. You're so not alone, we all felt like this when first diagnosed. It's really hard for people who don't suffer with the disease or who don't know anything about it to understand what it's like.

I remember feeling exactly like you do 7 years ago and it took a long time for me to get strong. It was a case of lie down and let it win or get up and fight. I still don't like it one bit but I have learned to get on with it and not to expect any emotional support. My husband went to an old school friends funeral last month. He died of diabetes complications and it made him realise how serious the disease is. He will now ask me if I've checked my blood sugars and shows a bit more concern but I do understand if you don't have it you can't even begin to imagine the day of a life with diabetes.

Talk to others who understand, it's great therapy and you will feel the loneliness lifting.


Take care and keep strong.
 
Hi Amy,
I think most people can relate to how you feel. I can remember the empty feelings and hurt from my diagnosis (I was 9). I'm 1 of 4 children and we all have T1,all 4 of us got it in childhood (37 years ago in my case) My dad has really struggled with accepting the diabetes and I presume he blames himself and puts himself in a cocoon away from it. Growing up with it and having children now myself I know that I would be utterly devastated if either of them were to get diabetes and I know who I'd blame in an instant (myself). You'll go through all sorts of emotions, resentments, burnout, not caring, trying to hard, bemusement throughout the coming years. It's hard work at times and can be totally baffling. Although I've had it for 37 years I've done everything that I would have done if didn't have it. I always go back to what my mam said to me when I was first diagnosed (she's been the rock of our family) 'This doesn't change you, you control this, not the other way round'.
 
Back
Top