Shame of Diabetes

[Razzamuffin]

As I was growing up I was always overweight, even now, but I was never unhealthy, i ate balanced meals, all of my veggies, I was always good with my diet, however I was always inactive LOL!

I dont have a high blood pressure or anything related to a bad diet.

My family assumed all i did was eat junk food all day and well Diabetes ran in the family, I would sit through what seemed like hours of lectures and eventually I became very self conscious of my weight.

They would always talk about how I would get Diabetes if I don't change my life style.

This carried on in my early and late teens
Felt like years of being kicked down and was told I will never make something of myself

Anyway I cut ties with my family due to alot of toxic drama.

I was always told diabetes is something that is self inflicted and that I would definitely get it if I didnt change


...many years later I got in to a motorbike accident which has left me unable to work due to a slipped disc and sciatic pain. All of the medication i was on caused further weight gain to the point i was over 130 Kg

I stopped with the medication and brought my weight down to 120 kg

Last year I made my final diet adjustments to the point i was on a low carb diet, i gave up smoking, and then durring one of my checkups I was diagnosed with Pre Diabetes, I was told to get more active, but because of the persistent pain I was in, I couldn't lose the weight fast enough.


Towards the end of the year Went for a dentist check up because i had a tooth infection, after a course of antibiotics I was feeling extreme thirst, I thought I needed to drink more water as I started to feel ill...so I went on the Ultimate Juicing Detox (apple Juice and Orange juice)

Oh sure it definitely did wonders, I lost a further 10kg in a month, at this point i was now weighing 115 Kg, i thought to myself 15 To go till I get to my desired goal!

I was on a roll! And then new years 2020 threw up, went hospital... Diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.....

Now remember.. My family spent years lecturing me on health and diabetes...

All of those memories came flooding in, i was depressed as it was because of my back pain.. But this, this is a new low.

Not only do i feel like the worlds biggest failure

The weight loss was an illusion

Now all I have is endless fury at myself


I understand life is not fair and it never is, I also understand that nothing goes to plan or life never works the way you want it to

But then when I take all of that in to consideration, I realise that more than half the people I have met are not only filthy liars, but most of them definitely need to be laid waste to... This just my anger at the world

And I find it very ironic while im furious with whats going on in life and this planet, A pandemic starts sweeping the globe.

Some of you may think I desperately need help

Some of you think i might go down a dark path but after many years of pain and suffering, years of being isolated, financial struggles, years of inequality.

I despise everyone, i also feel more isolated on here because there's absolutely no one to relate to, most people on here arent even close to my age or share any stories that even resemble anything to what I've experienced.

The only thing I have in common with any of you lot is the name of a condition. Thats it. How it affects us is all different to the individual.

I think my time on here has come to an end, have got all the information I need to look after myself.

You can go ahead and delete my account now, im done.

 

[Resurgam]

I see what you mean - so many people on this forum come to offer what help and encouragement they can, they are welcoming and generous with their their time and advice, non judgemental, hopeful and sympathetic to a fault.

 

[Jaylee]

Hi @Razzamuffin ,

Sorry you feel that way about cutting us loose..

I don't feel you desperately need help,
but I always thought you were the guy to help if someone desperate was to need it?

All the best..

 

[MeiChanski]

Hello friend,

Sorry to hear, I would like to say type 1 isn’t your fault and all the lecture you had was irrelevant. In terms of relating to us, we are both not that far in terms of age. (I’m sure there’s a few in their mid 20’s) But we all went through a similar degree of resentment, depression, diabetes burn out, hypo and hyper horror stories. I feel
I can relate to everyone because we understand the difficulties of diabetes and the work we have to put in to get the results that we want. You are right to say it all affects us differently, because we are all built differently. But diabetes is still diabetes in whatever shape or form. I’m very envious of those who can stuff their meals with carbs and get their insulin and BG perfect after.

I wish you all the best though!

 

[Languagelearner]

Razzamuffin, I like a bit of honesty. And, I don't know where you are, but in England we like a moan. It's hard for foreigners to appreciate , but when English people moan, they're enjoying themselves in a way and letting off steam. So I think you should stay on this forum and add some "balance". It is of course true that many people are forgettable. Some people like to think in terms of karma, but I find those who tread on others always do well out of it in life, with no karma at all!!! Try and think of small pleasures, like reading a book, listening to some music, walking the dog, etc.

 

[Juicyj]

I don’t think you should feel any shame at all - it’s a fact of life which you have to live but you didn’t bring this on yourself and even if you had then you still should not feel ashamed. Take it easy on yourself @Razzamuffin you don’t have to leave and you don’t have to stay the choice is yours but you will get support here and regardless of how connected you feel to folk here, support is vital.

 

[porl69]

@Razzamuffin type 1 was NOT brought on by anything you did/didn't do. As for leaving this forum that is your decision......I have been type 1 for 49 years and still find things on here I had no clue on. I am still learning.....

 

[copilost]

Now all I have is endless fury at myself

I'm not a mental health professional and online diagnosis by an amateur isn't a good idea BUT you sound properly depressed, like the real deal, not self pity, not failure. Real true life depression - which is very serious. Please be kind to yourself and please investigate depression just in case.........