Stressing out - content warning self harm (not seriously though)

Adm_Mad said:

I am so sorry this is long and a word vomit. I know it’s just a typical newbie having a typical freak out. If negativity is against the forum rules please delete this post!

I was diagnosed on Monday, won’t be having my full assessment with my GP til after Easter so I won’t know until then if I have to go on medication and/or insulin which I’m really hoping I won’t. My GP said in the meantime to cut all sugar and greatly reduce carbs and exercise more, which I am doing.

Over the two weeks before our appointment I’m doing a low carb (15g) and low calorie (net 600-700 calories with some fasting days) diet to lose as much weight as I can to base whatever plan we decide on. I’ve lost over 2 kilos/4 pounds this first week and hope to lose at least another kilo next week but I know that may be ambitious. I started at 73.6 kg, BMI 27, my GP wants me to get down to a BMI of at least 24 as a first goal. I know from a previous history with an eating disorder I CANNOT sustain a BMI at the low end of the healthy range without very unhealthy behaviour (if only people believed it was possible for some people to be naturally heavier the way we accept skinny people who say they’re just naturally skinny, LOL).

I’m feeling a lot of shame and guilt, and haven’t told anyone except one person (see below) about my diagnosis because I know how much stigma, shaming, questions and food policing I’ll get. I may tell my immediate family down the track but it’s not an option now, it just isn’t.

I’m doing what I said I wouldn’t, and testing my glucose multiple times a day both at the recommended times and multiple random ones, and stressing over every fluctuation. I’ve had ONE good day where it was in the 5’s and 6’s, the rest of the time it’s been between 5’s and low 9’s - on both days I’ve eaten and days I haven’t. So it feels totally arbitrary, and like I have no control over what my readings are, I’ve messed my body up and that’s that. (Like I say I hope this is just the jerk brain talking, I know heaps of people here successfully manage their diabetes but every body is different.)

So..... when I’ve been feeling stressed and ashamed, I’ve been jabbing myself repeatedly in my arms and legs with my lancet. Usually after a reading I’m not happy with but sometimes getting my lancet out of the case just to do it. On the one hand I know this isn’t a big deal as the lancet is such a tiny little needle, but can anyone give me some assurance I’m not the only person who sometimes does this?

I’ll try and stop doing it before I see my GP after Easter. I know I’m doing it as a punishment/stress release. I have engaged in self harming behaviours in the past so it’s not something brought on by the diabetes. (That’s something else I’m worried about, that every single ailment or problem I have will be blamed on being diabetic. Before he dumped me on Monday after I told him my diagnosis my ex said it explained all of my being overly sensitive and getting upset if he did/said things like lie to me about things or not come to family events when I begged him to. I haven’t really processed that yet.)

Sorry, that was a lot longer than I thought it would be! Fingers crossed my post meal test in 20 minutes isn’t off the charts.

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Babe....you really are stressing out too much.......please.....just relax a bit? (easier said than done I know). The stress levels won't help your readings(which IMO you are doing too often).


POSITIVES:
1)Losing Weight(namely your idiot boyfriend......best loss of cargo ever)
1a)Losing actual weight(2 kilo's is a good start but look for slow and steady not flashy highlight reels......look at my avatar.....he beats the hare in the fable?)
2)Sounds like your GP may be one of the good ones......good initial advice anyway
3)BMI of 27 is not that bad........mine is 31 and I'm 6'10 but I rationalise it a bit as I'm naturally a big shouldered lump who due to high level sports back in the day has a robust frame(am aiming for sub 30 though I must admit it would be nice to not be labelled obese)
4)You have found a forum here that will support you
5) A hug LOL


I'm sure others will post more positives which perhaps you can focus on rather than all of the jabby negative stuff

When you were diagnosed, what was your HbA1c result? From the numbers you are seeing at the moment I think I can safely say that insulin is a long way down the road. Your numbers would have to be very high before insulin is prescribed.

Please don't blame yourself for your diagnosis. There is no shame in it. None at all. The media is to blame for all this nonsense that we became diabetic because we are fat lazy slobs that never move off the sofa, stuffing ourselves every 10 minutes with junk food. It is not the case. If it were the case, how come many slim people get type 2, and many fat people don't? We have a metabolic disease and are unable to process carbs properly. It is not our fault.

Hi @Adm_Mad ,

Getting diagnosed diabetic is no shame. You sound like your in the early stages of diagnosis which hasn't been fully assessed yet? So, steadily bringing your BGs down is the correct way to go. (Think of it like a "decompression?")

Be kind to yourself. The lancet "thing" you do? Will only serve to blunt them quicker. Please don't get mad with yourself. Get even with your long term health...

Yer ex fella sounds like a 14 carrot heel.. (There are stronger words my team mates would moderate me for.)
See this as a new start. Get the support you need from your GP, then move positively from there..

Best wishes.

Adm_Mad said:

@Bluetit1802 The bloods didn’t include a hBA1c unfortunately, my GP ordered them as a general screen for an unrelated (maybe) matter. When they came back with high blood sugars she called me saying to come in urgently so I went that day, and she confirmed the diagnosis with a finger prick test in her office. So I don’t know any of the other stuff apart from my blood sugars, I guess we’ll be going through all that at our next appointment. She was running late and didn’t have time to tell me anything except I had diabetes and what to do until our next appointment. The MySugr app has predicted a 6.0 based off my glucose readings for this week but I know you can’t go off an app.

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So what was the test that showed high blood sugars? Are you sure it wasn't an HbA1c? Was it just a venous plasma glucose test? Was it a fasting test? The finger prick test the nurse did - what was the level? Had you eaten or drunk anything before the test and how long before, or had you fasted for 10 hours before it? The guidelines say that a diagnosis should normally be made following one or two HbA1c tests (taken about 2 weeks apart).

@Adm_Mad you are very new to all this and need to slow right down. You havent even seen your doctor yet so have limited information about yourself. If you are diabetic then there is every support here on this forum with these good folks but it takes time. The great thing is you want to tackle it and get control, the not so good is you are expecting results too soon. I am sure you doctor will give you 3 months med free to make improvements, you are entitled to ask for that. Btw it took me months to get the hang of managing my Diabetes with LCHF (I’m still learning lol) and its not a straight line but you can get there. Stop worrying. With all best wishes.

Adm_Mad said:

I’m doing a low carb (15g) and low calorie (net 600-700 calories with some fasting days)

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This sounds too extreme to me, especially before you have had more medical information and with a history of eating disorders. It’s unsustainable and imo likely to drop your metabolism which won’t help. I’d stick to the low carb part but drastically raise calories by adding good fats (not seed oils) and more overall nutrition. Being hungry and feeling deprived won’t help your mental state either

Adm_Mad said:

I know that may be ambitious. I started at 73.6 kg, BMI 27, my GP wants me to get down to a BMI of at least 24 as a first goal. I know from a previous history with an eating disorder I CANNOT sustain a BMI at the low end of the healthy range without very unhealthy behaviour

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a bmi of 27 isn’t the end of the world. Many start higher than that and do very well and do it in a healthy way. Previous efforts have occurred without the knowledge of your diabetes. Again many in here fail to lose weight or do it healthily on the typical low fat low calorie advice but do spectacularly well on low carb. Because the carbs have always been the problem unbeknown to them.

Adm_Mad said:

So it feels totally arbitrary, and like I have no control over what my readings are, I’ve messed my body up and that’s that.

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sadly it can be a bit hit and miss and experimental working out what works for you. That’s the nature of the disease I’m afraid. You will learn a fair amount of control if you stick with it and with us. You can do lots to improve your health and body no matter where you are starting from.

Please when you see your doctor also discuss your stress and anxiety and see if you can get some emotional support via her too. I feel like you need some self esteem building and some self love (which the ex lump did plenty to damage).

I can't really understand why you are on a starvation diet - it will not end well - from my own experience I do urge you to stop it at once and eat a sustaining diet which will control your blood glucose in the normal range and not mess with your head - no one eating so few calories can go on like that for very long - and our primitive brain parts get into such a panic about what they understand is going to lead to death and destruction...
My own weight is far too high - but my blood glucose is normal.
You might ask your doctor why you need to lower your weight as a matter of urgency, yet your problem is - possibly, diabetes.
It could be that the GP equates the two - they are wrong.
You do need to find out about your Hba1c - it is how diabetes is diagnosed and defined - if you have only had current blood glucose tests then you are not officially a diabetic.
You do have the ability to get good readings - because you are getting good readings - with the stress and behaviour patterns you are working with your readings would most likely have been higher if you had type two really badly.
Many people find that about 50 gm of carbs a day is a good place to start and continue for a few years (seriously) as their weight and size reduces without effort, their blood glucose is normal, their activity level increases naturally as they have more energy.
Low calorie diets really don't work as well as low carb - I tried 20 gm of carbs after yet another diet from the doctor and was losing a kg a day - I had to slow it down to 2kg a week by eating more.
I'm afraid that you'll just have to drop the shame and guilt attitude of mind - you have done nothing to deserve it, and we can't go around living out other peoples fantasies for them - it isn't healthy for a start.

I also agree with the others. From what you have said so far, you have no definite diagnosis of diabetes. That may or may not happen when you have your HbA1c. Also your BMI is not drastically above normal. There is no need to restrict your calories as much as you are doing. You could be doing your metabolism harm, which will make life much more difficult for you. Keep your carbs as low as you wish, but increase protein and fats to compensate for lost energy and to provide you with all the nutrients you need. On the Newcastle Diet and similar very low calorie diets, the diet drinks supplied were fortified with the necessary nutrients. I am worried for you. It is NOT all about losing weight. Plenty of people with higher BMIs than yours don't lose any significant weight but still get normal blood glucose levels - just on carb restriction balanced with good fats and protein.

@Adm_Mad It's a marathon not a race, if you try to reduce it too fast then you will end up making your mood lower and lower as time goes on. I suffered from bipolar disorder for much of my adult life which suddenly resolved when I started eating properly. Take it slow and steady, find a lifestyle to suit you and get answers from your doctor when you can too. You have just had a MAJOR upheaval of your life but don't be afraid to ask for help, none of it is weakness and we all have to start somewhere. Also if negativity and needing support is a bannable offence then I would be been out of the door a long time ago but we don't do that here. Look after yourself, find a way of eating that works for you and just enjoy doing what you do in life, food is only part of the whole story and don't stress yourself too much. Whatever people think of you I know it isn't true and you are doing your best, you can do this.

hi @Adm_Mad

some great advice above.

so i won't deal with that but i will perhaps help for further down the line.

We have a disease that i believe affects us due to a predisposition metabolically AND the prevalence of so much sugar in our foods these days. (circa 1980)

So i'm not ashamed, anymore then if i fell and broke a bone or got the flu.
but i get how others may think differently.

Now.. we got sick over many years before it gets discovered.

the issue is, we are FULL off sugar.
so the first line of attack is to reduce the supply of what is bad for us..sugar AKA carbs.

By cutting down, we then measure our bloods to test the sugar level..all very good.

BUT as we are full of sugar once we cut down, our bodies still need sugar/glucose to power us along each day.
and we WANT the sugars stored to be used up
something that the body does by leaking out the sugars stored into our bloodstream,

so sometimes the higher levels
if NOT caused by too many carbs in our foods, can be a surprise,
but its our bodies coping as best it can to use up the stored sugar now we are not filling it up each day
with bucket loads of the stuff..which is good for us.

so it's good the levels are higher, but it can worry many.
which then raises the levels, so we worry...aagghh.

so i say, follow the trend not the highs.
it took me ages to get under 7 mmol..now i regularly hit the 5's..but others hit 4 on a daily basis.

we are all different, so my scores makes me happy as its come down and is trending well.

the only time i think to really test is at waking...to see how well your fasting sugars are
(and with dawn phenomenon giving us what it believes is a helpful boost to get out of bed, it can be the slowest to get lower.)

pre food then 1/2/3 hours after to see the impact THAT meal has on you.
very useful in finding your good foods and which ones are your Kryptonite.

and then maybe once again before bed, so you have a start of day and end of day BG

any random one is for further down the line..in the early days the figures just won't mean anything imho
due to the body being so confused by our new way of eating (woe).

Adm_Mad said:

@Resurgam @Pipp @Bluetit1802 @jjraak @Caeseji @PenguinMum The low calorie restriction is just until my appointment on 23 April. I want to lose as much weight as I can, to hopefully have a slightly better starting weight for when we discuss the mid to long term strategy. Like I said, I will then raise my calorie intake a bit. I've looked at the 800 Calorie diet and decided that's definitely not for me long term. With my eating disorder history I'll either not be able to maintain it and be setting myself up for failure, or it could start an unhealthy mentality of "if 800 is okay then I'm sure 700 is, or 650, or 600" etc. So I repeat, the restricted calorie is just until the end of Easter.

@Bluetit1802 I don't know any of the details about my blood results, unfortunately, which trust me has been doing my head in too! This was literally the chronology of events.

Tuesday 4 April
Appointment with GP for birth control related issue. GP prescribes new BC, also orders an ultrasound and blood tests "to see if there could be something else causing this

Saturday 6 April
Go to local pathology clinic for blood tests (too hard to go during week because I work full time and it takes so long because there's always a massive queue, they don't take appointments for just general blood tests)

Monday 8 April
9.30 a.m. get call from GP telling me she's seen my results and asking me to come in to see her as soon as possible. I tell my boss my doctor has called asking me to come in ASAP and she says okay, so I make an appointment for 11.10.

11.35 - GP is running very late because she's already had other appointments run on that morning. She says the blood results show my blood glucose levels are extremely high and that I "probably" have diabetes. She says the name of some other test I didn't catch and didn't think to ask her to repeat in my shock, and says they didn't run that on the blood but she's called them to ask them to, but they haven't done it yet. She asks me what I've had to eat that day and does a finger prick test on a monitor that looks like the one I have, the result is 12 point something, she whisked it away quickly and I can't remember now. She says "Yes, you have type 2 diabetes". She weighed me and measured my BMI. She said "I won't put you on medication immediately" and gave me a goal weight and BMI. She apologised profusely for not being able to talk me through this now as she's running so late, and tells me to make another appointment for two weeks time, and to book a double appointment (30 minutes instead of 30). Tuesday the 23rd is the earliest she's available. She tells me in the meantime to exercise every day, cut all sugar and as many carbs as I can, including no fruit. (She also said to cut all salt but I'm ignoring this, I can't cut both, sorry.) As I'm walking out the door she repeats she's sorry she doesn't have more time now. This was all over in about five minutes.

I started googling that afternoon back at work, and this forum was one of the first sites I found, and it's been very useful!

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I'm glad you do have a plan in place though for it all and I wish you the best of luck for it too, it'll be the visceral fat that needs shifting more than anything else but hopefully that'll be a quick affair. I noticed when I got onto low carb that my A1C just plummeted so hopefully with the low cal diet it'll do the same for you. Shame that she didn't have more time to get you up to speed on things and possibly give you more to work with than that but you're taking it into your own hands and that really is inspiring.

Excellent to see you have a plan, and it is not long to wait now to see the GP again. Hopefully she will answer all your questions. Do take some paper and a pen - write down all the questions you have. It is all too easy to leave an appointment and discover you still have questions you forgot to ask.

If you live in England you should find your surgery puts test results on-line. Do ask about this and how to register for this service.

Failing that, ask for print outs of the results. You are entitled to these and your doctor or nurse should give them to you, or the receptionist. These are important, now and in the future. It isn't just blood glucose results, it is all the other bits and bobs that we need to know when we are diabetic. This includes cholesterol, lipids, liver and kidney functions. It will tell you the names of the tests you had, the results, and the normal standard ranges. Seeing these in black and white is necessary if you are to take control of your health. It is no use accepting words from the medics such as "fine" "OK" "normal" or whatever. You may be teetering on the edge of not being fine, in which case you can do something about it.

Good luck with your appointment.

Pipp said:

That’s good, @Adm_Mad . you seem to be formulating a plan. Also, seems you have a good understanding of what might work for you. Not long to wait for the appointment.
Did you see this link in my signature? https://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/threads/questions-to-ask-at-a-diabetes-clinic.17091/
Could be a bit of ‘homework reading’ before your appointment to make sure you make the best use of the alloted appointment time.

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As they say in the Scouts.....'Be Prepared'

Hello ADM_MAD and welcome.

I like you, am a newbie here. I have found enough information here to last a lifetime.

It is a great source of information, help and support.

I was a few years ago seen by GP who told me my blood glucose level was 27 Which meant nothing to me all. “Is that high?” I asked him. Well I guess we all know the answer to that .
He went to tell me that I would have to take meds for the rest of my life.

“Is it reversible?” I asked him. NO he exclaimed.

I went home and within 5mins found out that it certainly IS reversible and moreover people with Type 2 were doing so daily.

I went on the Atkins diet… It worked for me (if followed correctly) ie. Drink plenty of water, just water! At least 2 litres a day, more if you can. I never, and I mean do never drank any water hardy ever.

The first thing I noticed was how much energy I had. This decline in my health was so slow I did not realise how tired I was all of the time.

I went back to my doctors a few weeks later and my levels were down to below 10!

He was gobsmacked! How had I achieved that?

I told him I was on ‘The Atkins Diet’… a huge mistake! He went to tell me it was very very unhealthy.

He sent me to the dietitian who said I had to loads of pasta, potatoes, rice, grains etc .etc.

Plus should start taking ‘statins’ with immediate effect. In fact she was very insistent.

So home again look up statins and within two minutes though **** that!

I just said NO.

How many weeks/months do you think a GP spends in their years of training understanding diet?

Answer next to none! Most GPs, and nurses and dietitians will tell patients what they have been taught (much of which is incorrect) and what they have all been told to tell patients.

(IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY… Diabetes is a huge money spinner for the big drug companies)

It is normally these companies and the food industry who fund all the research on most of the trails and test done… They do NOT want you to know the truth… just there truth which keeps the money flowing towards them! Conspiracy? No, just a simple fact!

Slowly the attitudes and approach to Type 2 is changing. As more people keep proving that we have to power to change our life without having to be stuck on meds forever.

NOW The blame game…

It is not really important whose fault us getting Type 2 diabetes is, certainly thinking we somehow failed is not helpful at all. Why? Because it is all in the past and can not change that.

Our power is in the NOW and in the KNOW! Which is where this site comes in and my friend where YOU have just arrived.

Your journey to wellness has already started!

I have posted a link to a couple videos today and another about mindfulness and mediation.

You may find these most helpful at several different levels.

Some of us T2’s will NEED meds and insulin for while, perhaps even forever. However some of us will be strong enough to keep eating the right stuff in the right amounts and stop eating the wrong stuff.

Always remember you are more than number on the screen, you are more than that body you look at in the mirror. The most important you cannot be seen (by most people) The ‘real you’ is amazing

Is so powerful once you understand who and what you are. “An incredible Spirt with a body, not a body with spirt” There is a world difference.

Be the you the want to be!

Begin a few minutes a day sitting in silence. Switch off the phone, unplug

Learn how to relax just your body (which needs to comfortable) no need to sit in full Lotus position,

Just remember to keep you back straight and head upright. You can sit on chair, on a cushion, on your bed. Just sit and enjoy being! I find it most helpful to spent time just before going to sleep.

If you are tired you will go to sleep no problem. However you will find that over the days/weeks you will have a much deeper sleep.

Turn the TV, computer, mobile phone off at least half an hour before going to bed. This is very important! Your brain needs to slow down and trust me all of the above will not let that happen.

Be nice to yourself, be kind to yourself and remember you will always get more of what you focus on. Listen to calming music, avoid things and people that unsettle the balance the begin to achieve.

Take it one day at a time! Walk somewhere close to nature, the beach, a park, the country, notice what is going on around, the smells, the sounds, the birds, the feel of the warm sun on your face.

I am NOT a tree hugger however I do love to sit with my back against a nice big tree and just ask it (I know this sounds like I am some sort of nutter or new age freak just trust me) Please may I enjoy your strength?

Feel the energy begin to flow from the tree and the earth into you being.


Have a great week

Blessing

Po

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