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Terminal and Scared

Discussion in 'Diabetes Complications' started by kman, Nov 1, 2013.

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  1. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Tizzy you are WONDERFUL, I've come to rely on your occasional Posts to help keep me going with the thread, always a pleasure to see your still here with us, I'm sure the New Year will be great, it's certainly promising too !

    New POWERCHAIR very very soon, that and New House mean new life for the whole family,

    Have a really really great NEW YEAR, I hope the year as a whole will be wonderful for you, Take Care Tizzy,

    LOVE and HUGS

    Kevin and Wendie

    xxx.
     
  2. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Chatterbox,

    It is difficult, and especially right now, plus I developed cellulitus on my lower left leg the day before yesterday, last time it was other leg, and that then developed an 18" Abscess, that was NOT a pleasant experience,

    Now at gentle Hug sounds wonderful, I'd take that anytime,

    Well I have to go shove my son out the door to work, and get a little more sleep If I can,

    Love and Hugs.
     
  3. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Yo infected me too LOL LOL I developed the same on the same leg LOL again, last time nearly 4 years ago I then developed a Abscess almost 18 inches long on my lower right leg,

    Pain from the cellulitus and other things is really really bad,

    Will l talk soon sweetie

    Hugs.
     
  4. Kat100

    Kat100 · Guest

    Hi kevin hope you feel better soon, wishing you and your wife and son a happy new year tc Kat :cat:
     
  5. Mad Dad

    Mad Dad Type 2 · Member

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    I would like to wish everyone on here a HAPPY NEW YEAR and hoping Xmas was good for all.
    A special HAPPY NEW YEAR to you kman for your bravery and selflessness in trying to inspire other people.....
    Dave
     
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  6. Kat100

    Kat100 · Guest

     
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  7. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    To KAT, Mad Dad, Christine, Chatterbox and the many many others on here, Thank You. ... For sticking with me for 3 Months. for Listening and for being so Loving and Caring to both my Wonderful Family and Myself,

    HAPPY NEW YEAR.

    and ALL OUR LOVE ALWAYS.

    KEVIN AND WENDIE

    xxx.
     
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  8. carraway

    carraway Prefer not to say · Well-Known Member

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    Happy 2014 Kevin and family

    I'm sure your post has inspired at least a few people to take their health more seriously.

    Keep up the good work

    CAra
     
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  9. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Cara. So pleased you have stuck with the thread, I hope as you say it has . Inspired people to make an effort, I have another big post to make but am struggling right now,

    HAPPY NEW YEAR

    To You and Yours. Dear Freind.

    Much Love.

    KEVIN AND WENDIE.

    xxx.
     
  10. NicolaB70

    NicolaB70 · Guest

    Happy New year to you both xxx
    Nicola
     
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  11. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    A HAPPY NEW YEAR

    to you Nicola

    Btw I Love the Avatar,

    Love and. Hugs.

    KEVIN AND WENDIE.

    xxx.
     
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  12. Chatterbox

    Chatterbox Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Love, hugs and best wishes to Kman and Wendie for a happy 2014

    In fact to all who read this
    X.
     
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  13. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    The day finally arrived, all the stress and worry behind us, now we just had to move home, No pressure right ?

    5 hours later the Removal Men had left, we were in the house, I was in awful pain, but hey it was worth it, our new home was fabulous, and we were REALLY happy,

    We didn't unpack a lot that day,

    But the main problem was missing items :-

    My Kindle Fire HD 8.9,

    Our Mobile Internet.

    Oh and

    A Whole Months supply of drugs, including all my Pain Relief,


    Yes OK I should have kept them with me,, but you should see my meds e t c. They fill over 5 Large Carrier Bags, then there my potions and lotions, believe me I take a lot of looking after !

    No pain meds, we'd picked them up the day before we moved, and we changed Drs the day after we moved. ... sometimes I'm too organised.

    We tried to find them, rang the removals firm, but no luck, the Kindle took 22 hours to find, a further 12 or so hours to find the internet, the drugs came in lots, of course the Pain Meds were in the last lot, they took over 5 days to find.

    Just take a minute to consider the impact of that last sentence, read back over this thread, remember the description of my pain, now think almost 5 days without my meds, and not just pain meds, My heart, BP, Epilepsy etc.

    So I was getting very ratty, and flying off the handle a t nothing, but don't be critical, by evening my Pain was unbearable, after 3 days I had lost all common sense, unable to think or cope, crying, shouting, screaming, and deteriorating both Mentally and Physically, thoughts I still popped on here, after 5 days, and Christmas just 2 days away I had contemplated suicide twice, and was again struggling against the idea, I was begging Wendie to help me die too !

    These were serious considerations, and I know ways to do it properly and clearly, but I thought, No never a hero, or Brave, NO. It was cowardly to even consider it, Pain is no reason to hurt or even destroy your family, how close I came you can't imagine, I had a drugs cocktail ready, it would only take 20 minutes, and there would have been no reviving me, but I in the end couldn't, even at that point,

    Before I got that low again, a quantity of most of the pain killers turned up, 2 hours later I was much much more lucid, and coherent, and definitely not READY to Die.
    ,
    We are still missing many of my drugs, but things are sorted,on the whole that is, it's now 2 weeks and 8 hours after we moved,

    I'm still not back to where I was, My pain levels e last are way more than awful, and yesterday I discovered that my Electric Wheelchair will be more than two weeks arriving, meaning Wendie has to suffer pushing me around for even longer, and she's really suffering lately, and I sure didn't help after the move,

    So now you see just how stupid I can be, not a good guy, not a hero, just a selfish fool,

    At least with my Pain Medications I was more like Normal, and with Christmas next day I was getting into the spirit, I even did most of the cooking for Christmas lunch, we had invited 2 friends and their 16 month old over at the last minute when their plans were canceled and they had no Christmas Dinner, again nothing about being good, they were just friends,

    Of course nothing is perfect, and later that day my Pain was at its worst, even with the medication, again I ended up begging Wendie to help me die, I know it's selfish, I know it's not fair on Wendie, but when the pains that bad, well you'd do literally anything, and I DO mean Anything,

    Over the last week I developed cullulitus, on my lower right leg, just to add to the pain, and my legs are also very very swollen,

    If you think I like doing this, that I like treating my family so awfully then your missing the point of all my posts, I feel guilty for letting myself get like this, I hate the way I am, I hate my body, the pressure I put them through, and the fact I'll only be here for them for another couple of years at the very most,

    Believe me, I'm Fighting, each and every day, I'm trying to be a better person each day too, not very successful at that one , and I'm trying to Die with at least a little Dignity, Pray for me, that at least I can do that !

    HAPPY NEW YEAR.

    Kevin and Wendie.

    xxx.
     
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    #253 kman, Jan 3, 2014 at 11:32 PM
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2014
  14. zand

    zand Type 2 · Master

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    Wow, not sure how to follow that post! Anything I write after that will be inadequate and shallow. So sorry to hear of all of the problems and all of the pain you have had. I pray the pain levels will improve for you now. And a miraculous earlier appearance of the electric wheelchair would be good too! But mostly thank you for your posts and PM and WELL DONE for still being here! - not selfish but incredibly brave. Thank you for being you and helping so many others towards making the right choices for themselves.

    Thank you so much for all of your powerful (but heart breaking) posts.

    love to you and Wendie

    zand

    x
     
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    #254 zand, Jan 4, 2014 at 7:57 AM
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2014
  15. NicolaB70

    NicolaB70 · Guest

    Hi Kevin

    Just hope your pain eases for you soon. Sending love n hugs to you and Wendie.
    Love
    Nicola x


    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
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  16. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Thanks Ladies, it's nice to have the support and love and encouragement you both give, to Zand I still don't feel brave, but remember please that you CAN pm at anytime, I'd love to hear your latest news, and to NicolaB70 your support has meant so much, again pleas pm at anytime,

    To all out there reading this, There is more, so I will try to post soon, but right now I am drained and struggling to type and concentrate, please be patient,

    Start this New Year right, LOOK after your Diabetes, now all the seasons temptations have passed, be good, eat well, exercise sensibly,

    LIVE Long, PLEASE PLEASE, Don't be ME, Don't Die because you didn't listen to your body and the experts, Don't end up writing a thread like this, it's not the way to go,
     
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    #256 kman, Jan 4, 2014 at 11:02 AM
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2014
  17. suewho

    suewho Type 2 · Member

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    Hi Kevin,
    Just quick message to wish you all a Happy New Yera and hope you get fully settled & sorted soon, meanwhile 1st batch of hugs for 2014 are on their way...
    Sue XXX
     
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  18. karenmc2

    karenmc2 Type 2 · Active Member

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  19. karenmc2

    karenmc2 Type 2 · Active Member

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    Hi Kevin thankyou for your post it has hit home with me I used to be an auxiliary on a diabetic ward till I fell then about 3 years later diag type2 on tabs now on victoza battling anger and punishing myself its like u say till its too late what does it take to wake up and smell the coffee u have just helped me I am very sorry u are in that position would u please keep I. Touch in touch I would like to support u the best I can Karen x
     
  20. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Simple answer Karen is YES, I'll keep in touch if you'd like., and. Thanks,
     
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