Terminal and Scared

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Mud Island Dweller

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only ends in an a if female and Bratmobile flows better
 

Janiept

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Well, she's been known as 'the beast' so far so I think she will be very confused if you change it too much. How about Beattie
 

DiamondAsh

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Well, she's been known as 'the beast' so far so I think she will be very confused if you change it too much. How about Beattie
that's exactly what i was thinking earlier today.. there ya go...
It's a sign!
:p
 

kman

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Knowing others Won't learn from my mistakes, Being TERMINALLY ILL !
Folks I am unwell again, it's so annoying, I'm ill so much at the moment, Point is I'm struggling, so again please I beg your patience, the good news is I have another BIG post almost ready to cut and paste in ( I now use a notepad app after losing so many posts half typed !!??!! ), so It won't be too long I promise !

Your continued support, empathy, and love, would be much appreciated by both Wendie and I,

Love and. Hugs.

xxx.
 

kman

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Well people the post below i wanted to be longer, with much more info in, but dont feel up to any more right now, so forgive me, and i hope to get back with more of this Eventually, but for now. :-



Folks,

Its time to update you all, in the realities and progression of my illnesses and difficulties or disabilities, and the things that i struggle with in day to day life,

At this moment, its 05:11am on Sunday morning, i woke in pain at 03:48am and unable to sleep again, or get comfortable, i decided to write this, its still dark out, and very very cold ( Brass and Monkeys come to mind ),

I am trying just to give a picture of why i am here Now doing this instead of .at some earthly hour like for instance PM on a Sunday LOL, well last night one of the pains i currently suffer ( remember there are many different ones ! ), became so excrutiatingly intolerable that i did something I've never done before and hope never ever to do again,

What did I do ?

Well something that put my health at risk in other ways, It may not sound much, but remember, driven solely by pain levels, I took a double dose of my Morphine, remember also the GP recently increased my dose because of increasing pain levels, he increased it to 14 times my previous level, and last night I took the decision to DOUBLE that level. !

Why does that matter, well as such i guess it doesn't, but Remember that Morphine is a CONTROLLED DRUG, every dose has to be accounted for, taking an extra dose last night means being One dose short, so somewhere sometime I will have to make up for that dose by missing out a dose,

OK, Why does this really matter, well, I'm on the Morphine for Pain ( Obvious I know !!! ), I'm on the Morphine for excruciating constant pain ( again Obvious ), But now start thinking about that !

Constant Excruciating Pain, !

No escape, no getting comfortable, no relief , getting Grumpy, Irritable, Argumentative and darn right Unreasonable, having rows with the wife you love so very very much, feeling like a burden on them, hating yourself, Really hating yourself, and what your becoming, knowing it's progressive,, and that it can ONLY get worse, it is getting worse day by day, but then you have these periods where it just gets much more notably worse, and that Now is one of those periods, and you lose abilities, or stamina, or both,


Back to the pain, It's always back to the pain,

I took a double dose of Morphine just last night, then woke this morning in excruciating agony at 03:48am. Even a double dose didn't last the night, that's 28 times the dose I was on just over a month ago !

I'm coping day to day

Wendie and I Rarely argue

Wendie, Copes God Bless her !!!

Every dose of Morphine has to be accounted for !

I have to make up for 1 dose extra, by missing another dose,

A double dose ( first ever ! ), lasted until just 03:48am before the Pain Woke me,

So where do i miss a dose ?

Where do i know i will be able to miss a dose ?

Can you predict the future. ?

I Can't Either !

NO Folks, that's not it. ???

No, making up for the extra dose is not the problem with taking it,

Predicting the future is also not the problem !

Even going without the partial relief that Morphine brings is not the problem ???

So what is ?

Well we all know that Opiate drugs are addictive, Surely That's the Problem Right ?

Well it could be, especially if it was done often, or that i had unlimited supplies, and that every dose WASN'T accountable !

Plus. I'm Dying, and rather too soon !

So I'm Dying too soon to become addicted to the Morphine,

That's not the Problem either !

You all remember Diabetes isn't my only Medical Problem right ?

And that even the Complications of the Diabetes are not my only Medical Problem,

I'm Epileptic, CVA ( Stroke Sufferer ), High Blood Pressure, C.O.P.D, Angina, Asthma, etc.

These are just a few !

Are one of these the problem ?

Well the answer is yes,

But many of my Medical Conditions are affected by the use of Morphine,

The main culprit in this case though is the C.O.P.D,

One of the BAD things about Morphine is it has a nasty habit of suppressing the Breathing !!!

Like I need more breathing problems already. ?

I can walk, but the length of the kitchen puts me mildly out of breath, and. Dizzy ( Due to the Autonomic Neuropathy which is what is killing me ! ),


So even if I occasionally am tempted to take extra Morphine, the breathlessness, the wheezing , the pain in the chest, etc. Mean it's not worth it, especially when I still woke at 03:48am in terrible pain anyway,

I now do these long posts offline then cut and paste to post, I lost way to much typing direct, anyway, it's now 14:53pm and the pain in my left leg which is swollen to four times normal too, is almost worse than any I have so far suffered, on top of this i have my usual pains as previously listed several times before,

This Ladies. and Gents, is the reason I BEG you NOT to follow the path I d id, I fear my Time is very very near indeed,

PLEASE PLEASE Don't Die. ... Not for a very very long time at least ... PROMISE ME !!!

Hugs.
 
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JANROU

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Pump
Hugs for you and your family. Your post has reduced me to tears once again, however you have made me stop and think and try to control the diabetes beast better so I have to say I am grateful to you for sharing. xx


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
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Mud Island Dweller

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An awful lot.
Been out for 4.5hrs kayaking now totally knackered. Sat and read your post to Andy while tears rolled down the face. So suggestions tell them you took a double dose continue on the meds and go back l day early for next lot. Or take 2 lots of half dose.

XxxxXX
 
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shane-1

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rain and sheep
ask docs for another dose ,tell them you doubled up on one ,
 

Mud Island Dweller

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Type 2
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An awful lot.
And yes they will get all pissy but they know you are in jobos of pain
 
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shane-1

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rain and sheep
to hell with what they think and to hell with them saying you will get addicted to it ,so what if you do .you obviously need it ,plse ask them for more
 
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kman

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Knowing others Won't learn from my mistakes, Being TERMINALLY ILL !
Been out for 4.5hrs kayaking now totally knackered. Sat and read your post to Andy while tears rolled down the face. So suggestions tell them you took a double dose continue on the meds and go back l day early for next lot. Or take 2 lots of half dose.

XxxxXX

Dry your eyes Soppy Mummy, im a little easier now,

the question about the Morphine was Retorical ! It's more about ALL the problems of taking incorrect doses, and of having to cope with Pain with or without any of my 7 seperate prescribed pain medications,

And coping with the feeling deep inside that the End is near, I will bounce back !

Mud if only you knew what you've come to both Wendie and I,

All Our Love

Hugs

xxx
 

DiamondAsh

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Kev, The doctors know full well that you are going to need more morphine at some point. They will not expect you to suffer pain, not even a little bit of it. Chances are you will need larger doses more often.
:nurse:
 
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Bob67

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So you're on your way out of this world and you spent all your free time on this forum? OK.:facepalm:
 
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DiamondAsh

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So you're on your way out of this world and you spent all your free time on this forum? OK.:facepalm:
oh Bob, give the guy a break. How dare you speak of 'his FREE TIME as though it was some sort of commodity. He doesn't get any free time, you ghastly little man.
ANd what do you know anyway.... 'ALL HIS FREE TIME'. It might not be all of it. He has a family to spend MOST of his time with.... Time not Free Time!!

gggrrrrr, there's always ONE!! :bored:
 
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Bob67

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oh Bob, give the guy a break. How dare you speak of 'his FREE TIME as though it was some sort of commodity. He doesn't get any free time, you ghastly little man.
ANd what do you know anyway.... 'ALL HIS FREE TIME'. It might not be all of it. He has a family to spend MOST of his time with.... Time not Free Time!!

gggrrrrr, there's always ONE!! :bored:

:clown: outstanding, at death's door and worried about naming a scooter:wacky:

how about a pic of this chariot?
 

DiamondAsh

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WHAT A pessimistic attitude you have Bob? He's trying to make his last days as normal as possible!! Don't be so bitter.

He's not WORRIED about naming his Power Chair, he simply wants to name it ! Normal life, going on!!

What's the matter with some people?!
 
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kman

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Knowing others Won't learn from my mistakes, Being TERMINALLY ILL !
Kev, The doctors know full well that you are going to need more morphine at some point. They will not expect you to suffer pain, not even a little bit of it. Chances are you will need larger doses more often.
:nurse:


Yes sweetie I know, the point is that no matter how big the dose it doesnt last ... And can't, unfortunately !
 

kman

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711
Type of diabetes
Type 1
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Knowing others Won't learn from my mistakes, Being TERMINALLY ILL !
oh Bob, give the guy a break. How dare you speak of 'his FREE TIME as though it was some sort of commodity. He doesn't get any free time, you ghastly little man.
ANd what do you know anyway.... 'ALL HIS FREE TIME'. It might not be all of it. He has a family to spend MOST of his time with.... Time not Free Time!!

gggrrrrr, there's always ONE!! :bored:


Dont worry sweetie, Bob has an opinion, maybe he's right, But for ME being Here Is RIGHT, Regulers here know I spend all my available time with my family anyway !
 
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kman

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Knowing others Won't learn from my mistakes, Being TERMINALLY ILL !
So you're on your way out of this world and you spent all your free time on this forum? OK.:facepalm:


That's right Bob, and my wife would kill me if I kept getting under Her feet !

But to set Your mind at rest too, if you had read the WHOLE thread, you'd most likely have noticed I spend most of my time, and all of my effort on my family !

Dying is something they don't give you a MANUAL for, I therefore don't know the CORRECT way to die, and in fact, i'm doing my very very best to completetly FAIL at dying !!!

Oh dear Bob. ... a Black Mark against my name on the list !

Whatever shall I do ???
 
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