This Is So Hard......

[BibaBee]

Thanks everyone. I'm afraid I'm struggling to cope this morning and can't stop crying. I need to be strong for him, but I'm going to pieces. He is suicidal and saying he doesn't want to wake up. I'm so worried how he will take any bad news, as he tend to fixate on the bad stuff. He has a psychotherapist, who we see privately, but she is away this week. I'm feeling so helpless.....

 

[Arab Horse]

So sorry, big hug and a virtual shoulder to cry on. Then time to dry the tears, dust yourself down and go back to being strong. It must be very difficult for you and he is sooo lucky to have you. My husband treats me a bit like a leper; won't shop or cook for me even if he is doing something like a home made chicken curry that I could have without the rice etc. Eats all the things I can't and leaves 3/4 eaten bars of chocolate on the coffee table in front of me but I have stopped feeling hurt and angry. He is not going to change and I was only upsetting myself, he wasn't bothered.
Do you have a good neighbour or relative you could talk to? It does help to release it sometimes. It must be incredibly difficult for you but although it is a long way off there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you husband accepts all the help offered

 

[BibaBee]

So sorry, big hug and a virtual shoulder to cry on. Then time to dry the tears, dust yourself down and go back to being strong. It must be very difficult for you and he is sooo lucky to have you. My husband treats me a bit like a leper; won't shop or cook for me even if he is doing something like a home made chicken curry that I could have without the rice etc. Eats all the things I can't and leaves 3/4 eaten bars of chocolate on the coffee table in front of me but I have stopped feeling hurt and angry. He is not going to change and I was only upsetting myself, he wasn't bothered.
Do you have a good neighbour or relative you could talk to? It does help to release it sometimes. It must be incredibly difficult for you but although it is a long way off there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you husband accepts all the help offered

I'm really sorry your husband isn't supportive. I hope you have other friends or family who are there for you. Thankfully, I do have support from my family. I've seen my brother today and my folks are coming over tomorrow. It feels like a long time until Tuesday.

 

[jayney27]

So sorry, big hug and a virtual shoulder to cry on. Then time to dry the tears, dust yourself down and go back to being strong. It must be very difficult for you and he is sooo lucky to have you. My husband treats me a bit like a leper; won't shop or cook for me even if he is doing something like a home made chicken curry that I could have without the rice etc. Eats all the things I can't and leaves 3/4 eaten bars of chocolate on the coffee table in front of me but I have stopped feeling hurt and angry. He is not going to change and I was only upsetting myself, he wasn't bothered.
Do you have a good neighbour or relative you could talk to? It does help to release it sometimes. It must be incredibly difficult for you but although it is a long way off there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you husband accepts all the help offered

I think you need a virtual hug too. I am hoping that your husband has other good qualities. I appreciate that it can be a little difficult for others not in our situation to understand the choices we are making to try and control this condition. I think for many the assumption is, take a pill and everything will be fine, why are you making things more difficult for yourself? We are not, that option isn’t always the best one. I didn’t require meds and the decision to try LC was my own. Yes sometimes it can be an issue but I choose to go without rather than eat something i am no longer willing to put into my body even if that means that my partner sits and eats something in front of me. Occasionally I resent this but on the whole it’s my choice, my body and me who makes the decisions about what I eat, I’m lucky in that he allows me to put into our shopping trolly whatever I need and on days when I really struggle to think outside the box about what to eat he always offers that we both have eggs and bacon, on those occasions I realise this is his way of showing consideration.

 

[rosco 2]

.....I think I need some virtual hugs and general cheerleading to keep going. I'm supporting my husband who was dealing with extreme anxiety and depression prior to diagnosis. He has a long history of health anxiety and has avoided seeing the GP or Opticians for over 10 years.

We are now three weeks after diagnosis (HBAC1 122 on admission to hospital) and his mental health has never been poorer. His vision has become very poor (he is self-employed and unable to work) and we have some concerns about other visual symptoms. We have an opticians appointment for a diabetic eye care check for Tuesday, rather than wait for screening. He is terrified and I am very worried about how he will react if we get bad news. I've taken leave from work to look after him, as he is still on insulin (although we hope this is temporary).

On the positive side, I'm starting to get a handle on the LCHF approach, and his levels are stabilising (Dawn Phenomenon is being a pest though!). He's on Metformin (500mg twice a day) and reducing doses of Abasaglar and Humalog. According to My Sugr his estimated HBA1C is 52.3, which is a massive step in the right direction.

He is convinced his life is over at the moment and no amount of love, reassurance and support from me will change his mindset. He thinks he has damaged his eyes permanently. I'm now starting to struggle myself and finding it hard to cope. I'm not necessarily looking for answers, just need some support right now.

 

[rosco 2]

Consider yourself and your partner mentally hugged
I am very new to diabetes but have a pretty decent working experience of loss and bereavement. Although common themes for humans, it is hard to really empathise with someone else because we all tend to interpret things that little bit differently despite the commonality. I guess that’s personality.
I am a Tigger. My father was a Tigger. My brother is an Eyore. Etc etc. I will always tend towards glass filling rapidly, my bro broke his glass. Might I suggest you seek support? Partners are often neglected imho and partners are often the crucial part of the jigsaw. His depression may be longstanding but disguised in the past. It is not a result of your relationship I would imagine, more a feature of loss of control. Perhaps reminder of ageing? Depression, they say, is often anger turned inwards.
So...it is essential you care for yourself. It is really important you do so.
May i wish you well.

 

[Arab Horse]

Thank you all. We shop, cook and eat separately as even veg he no longer shares, he buys his tomatoes, greens etc., no idea why but not worth having an argument over! I have my horses and cats and they love me!!!! I also have some ex battery hens for my completely organic eggs; he helps himself to those so we do share eggs!!!! I have no time to sit and feel sorry for myself which is good as it keeps me on track. I have a hip replacement on 10th August and I am looking forward to the end of the pain; once the other one is done as well I will be like the bionic woman and able to do everything so much faster. I have always been very active and I am now so slow I irritate myself never mind everyone else.

I see my son and his family every few months and my daughter and her husband are now back after 5 years away on a yacht having a wonderful time so I see her too and we talk on the phone.

BibaBee it won't be long until Tuesday; only one full day left to go. You said that "He has a psychotherapist, who we see privately" and I wondered whether you could arrange through the NHS if you are in UK. Mental health has a huge effect on our physical health and it would help him enormously so would be cost effective for the NHS.

Good luck, try and keep positive, I know it can be hard but it does make things seem better..

 

[Dark Horse]

You've done the right thing by arranging a visit to the optician - screening is aimed at people who have no symptoms. The screening programme advises visiting the optician if symptoms develop between screenings, rather than waiting until the next screening.

Although people are being encouraging by saying that retinopathy can improve, at this stage we don't know if there is any retinopathy at all. There are other conditions that can affect vision. You haven't said your husband's age but over the age of 40, eyesight tends to deteriorate - if your husband hasn't been to the optician for 10 years it might just be that he needs glasses. The appearance of a few floaters is quite common with aging and people with anxiety do tend to notice them more.

However, as other people have already mentioned, there can be temporary changes in vision as glucose levels come down - glucose in the lens affects its ability to bend light - so it might be worth waiting several weeks then getting a re-test before buying new glasses. Make sure you tell the optician of the recent diabetes diagnosis.

 

[BibaBee]

You've done the right thing by arranging a visit to the optician - screening is aimed at people who have no symptoms. The screening programme advises visiting the optician if symptoms develop between screenings, rather than waiting until the next screening.

Although people are being encouraging by saying that retinopathy can improve, at this stage we don't know if there is any retinopathy at all. There are other conditions that can affect vision. You haven't said your husband's age but over the age of 40, eyesight tends to deteriorate - if your husband hasn't been to the optician for 10 years it might just be that he needs glasses. The appearance of a few floaters is quite common with aging and people with anxiety do tend to notice them more.

However, as other people have already mentioned, there can be temporary changes in vision as glucose levels come down - glucose in the lens affects its ability to bend light - so it might be worth waiting several weeks then getting a re-test before buying new glasses. Make sure you tell the optician of the recent diabetes diagnosis.

Thanks for this. I've just been to see my GP who was very reassuring (said pretty much the same thing you have) and has signed me off sick for two weeks. I took leave initially to look after him, then tried to work from home, but it has become too much. My GP thinks we are doing the right thing by seeing the optician tomorrow. After this, I have to persuade him to see the GP, so we can access Mental Health Services locally.

 

[BibaBee]

And it gets harder still......urgent referral to the Ophthalmologist. He's so scared. https://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/th...-to-ophthalmologist-help.153631/#post-1829132

 

[briped]

And it gets harder still......urgent referral to the Ophthalmologist. He's so scared. https://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/th...-to-ophthalmologist-help.153631/#post-1829132

Thanks for keeping us updated. I was looking for this thread earlier today, wondering how your husband's Tuesday appointment went. Please stay strong. I've no personal experience with retinopathy, but I see that others in your new thread have. Lots of hugs.

 

[briped]

I have my horses and cats and they love me!!!!

I gave you a hug, but if you have Arab horses and cats maybe it's completely unnecessary? The love of animals is unconditional. In my next life I want to breed Friesians, and have the same husband

 

[BibaBee]

Thanks for keeping us updated. I was looking for this thread earlier today, wondering how your husband's Tuesday appointment went. Please stay strong. I've no personal experience with retinopathy, but I see that others in your new thread have. Lots of hugs.

Thanks. We didn't see the optician until today, due to me getting times mixed up. I'm really struggling to keep it together, but kinow I need to be strong for him.

 

[BibaBee]

I gave you a hug, but if you have Arab horses and cats maybe it's completely unnecessary? The love of animals is unconditional. In my next life I want to breed Friesians, and have the same husband

We have two tuxedo cats, no kids, they are the centre of our universe. x

 

[briped]

We have two tuxedo cats, no kids, they are the centre of our universe. x

I don't have kids or pets, but cats are amazing. The way they react to human sorrow is unbelievable. Have you noticed whether they react to you and your husband's present situation?

 

[BibaBee]

I don't have kids or pets, but cats are amazing. The way they react to human sorrow is unbelievable. Have you noticed whether they react to you and your husband's present situation?

They are definitely more clingy with us at the moment.

 

[Arab Horse]

Briped, thank you for the hug, much appreciated.

BibaBee, I some retinopathy a couple of visits ago but at the last two I was clear. Apparently it can come and go so even if there is some it doesn't mean it is there to stay. Hope all is well.

 

[AloeSvea]

Yes - I would say absolutely lots of irl hugging - each other! lots of hugging companion animals, lots of watching comedies and favourite stand up comics on your screens and devices (that goes a long way for me), and going for walks in nature and surrounding yourselves as much as you can in simple beauty.

 

[BibaBee]

Yes - I would say absolutely lots of irl hugging - each other! lots of hugging companion animals, lots of watching comedies and favourite stand up comics on your screens and devices (that goes a long way for me), and going for walks in nature and surrounding yourselves as much as you can in simple beauty.

We're doing the hugging, but as his vision is so bad, he cannot watch anything. For the same reason, he doesn't want to go out for a walk, as everything looks weird. Listening to audio books is about all we can do right now, unfortunately.

 

[sha333y1]

.....I think I need some virtual hugs and general cheerleading to keep going. I'm supporting my husband who was dealing with extreme anxiety and depression prior to diagnosis. He has a long history of health anxiety and has avoided seeing the GP or Opticians for over 10 years.

We are now three weeks after diagnosis (HBAC1 122 on admission to hospital) and his mental health has never been poorer. His vision has become very poor (he is self-employed and unable to work) and we have some concerns about other visual symptoms. We have an opticians appointment for a diabetic eye care check for Tuesday, rather than wait for screening. He is terrified and I am very worried about how he will react if we get bad news. I've taken leave from work to look after him, as he is still on insulin (although we hope this is temporary).

On the positive side, I'm starting to get a handle on the LCHF approach, and his levels are stabilising (Dawn Phenomenon is being a pest though!). He's on Metformin (500mg twice a day) and reducing doses of Abasaglar and Humalog. According to My Sugr his estimated HBA1C is 52.3, which is a massive step in the right direction.

He is convinced his life is over at the moment and no amount of love, reassurance and support from me will change his mindset. He thinks he has damaged his eyes permanently. I'm now starting to struggle myself and finding it hard to cope. I'm not necessarily looking for answers, just need some support right now.