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Type 2 and Loneliness

ellesangel

Well-Known Member
Messages
67
Location
Sutton, Surrey, UK
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dislikes
Rude people and bitchiness
Thank goodness for this forum. But does anyone else feel loneliness because of this disease? I'm conscious that eating is such a social activity at times and ther are things that I'm more conscious that I'm missing out on because I have diabetes. I'm aware it would be far worse if I had IBS or something like that but on holiday I don't know anyone else in the same situation. I'm getting my habits in check so that I feel stronger about saying no to foods that will rocket up my blood sugar.

Do any of you have any other tactics or thought processes you use?

Already don't drink as I don't really like the stuff so no probs there.
 
One of the easiest ways to retain zen is "eat before you go". It's a lot easier to ignore harmful food if you aren't hungry. Or just join people at the coffee stage.

It's ever so easy to do ourselves down because we think we should be people-pleasers. If you feel dubious about people's responses to you managing your illness, run a few imaginary conversations in your mind - share them with us if you like as we've all been there - you need to stay within your own personality, so it's no good us making up the scenarios and ideal responses, because we aren't you. But we can help you with responses that are your style. And, you know, your friends might be very on-board with acceptance, if you give them a chance.
 
I don't really have a problem eating out. I can normally find something to eat, and for only one meal if I'm not full up it's not a big issue. For example I met a friend for lunch at a garden centre, it was all bread and jacket potatoes, I just had a side salad and a portion of home made cold slaw, it was fine.
The worst impact on me are holidays.
 
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Thank goodness for this forum. But does anyone else feel loneliness because of this disease? I'm conscious that eating is such a social activity at times and ther are things that I'm more conscious that I'm missing out on because I have diabetes. I'm aware it would be far worse if I had IBS or something like that but on holiday I don't know anyone else in the same situation. I'm getting my habits in check so that I feel stronger about saying no to foods that will rocket up my blood sugar.

Do any of you have any other tactics or thought processes you use?

Already don't drink as I don't really like the stuff so no probs there.
I tend to be very open about my diet, as it's not "just" diabetes but also all sorts of inflammatory issues, migraines and whatnot... I've been a guest from hell to have over for eons, because I swear I am fine on a glass of water, -and I am!- but like you said... Partaking is a social thing, and it's difficult not to. I rarely ever go to birthday parties, but when I do there's usually nuts, cheeses or cold cuts that come to the table after the cake is gone here in the Netherlands, and it's normally planted square in front of me, without too much fuss or making a point of it. I'm not the only non-drinker in the family, so most of the time just going for water, tea or coffee is okay, and when it's not I just laugh it off saying my liver's shot already. I don't know why, but if I laugh off a health condition yet stick to my guns, so they know I find it regrettable too, "but what are ya gonna do, right?" it's easier for my hosts to relax as well? Not something I quite understand, but it works.

On holiday, well... Off to London in September, and I've already checked out the menu at the restaurants of and near our hotel, and the places we're going to visit (Like Windsor), and I know I can practically always find a McDonalds where I can order bunless burgers of the breakfast mcmuffins without the muffins. I have a pretty good idea what I can eat and where to get it. So it's research, research, research, and being so used to things needing to be altered, I can wing it sometimes. And if I have to order from a human rather than a pole with a touch screen, I first ask if it's okay for me to be difficult, and then I ask them to leave some stuff off, like chips, and maybe replace it with greens or a salad, or add a side salad to the order. If it's too busy for the kitchen to accommodate me, which is once in a blue moon, (Try once a year or fewer, and I eat out for lunches a lot), I try to shrug it off and just eat what I can, and leave what I can't. Odds are we'll be at the same place in London a few evenings in a row, and good tippers tend to stand out, so I'm kind of hoping that'll help as well. Worked in Belgium in April, anyway. Just, you know.... Be nice to your server, do your research, and find replacements when you can. No dessert when everyone's got one? Get a cappuccino. Makes others feel less uncomfortable/guilty.

There's work-arounds. Find the ones that make things easier for you, because the alternative is, indeed, rather lonely. And it doesn't have to be.

Hugs,
Jo

PS: It also helps to have people in your circle who have issues with food. Allergies, low carbing, ARFID etc.... They get it, if all you have is a cup of tea, and are quite content with it! ;)
 
I don't really have a problem eating out. I can normally find something to eat, and for only one meal if I'm not full up it's not a big issue. For example I met a friend for lunch at a garden centre, it was all bread and jacket potatoes, I just had a side salad and a portion of home made cold slaw, it was fine.
The worst impact on me are holidays.
"The worst impact on me are holidays"
.this is the reason we stopped going on cruises and all inclusive resorts
 
I take the view that there's no point saying nothing and hoping other people will guess what you need or want. I've trained the wider family (not perfectly, but after nearly five years they get it right 95%) and I've got used to answering the standard restaurant "do you have any allergies" question with "no, but I don't eat carbohydrate". And I wear a Type 2 Diabetes wrist band. A big smile always helps - you're not going to be that difficult customer.

I ask for and get swops - chips/potatoes for salad, veg, spinach etc. Restaurants are usually no problem - if there's really nothing else steak (or similar) or an omelette works.

The real problem is the sort of classic British tea room/cafe where just about the entire menu is carb and sugar, and because almost everything is already prepared there's little scope for kitchen creativity. Tend not to go in those, but if pressed I can get through two or three macchiatos while others are indulging.
 
I really appreciate all the responses and will probably keep re reading this thread. I'm staying at my in-laws and although I still need to work on my discipline reading all these responses are really helpful. My FiL can be quite pressurising when it comes to eating food though if I keep saying 'No' he's gotta give up sooner or later!
I'm mega grateful to be in the UK because although I love water here and tap water is fine, where I'm going it's so so.

Quite a lot of the food in Portugal comes with chips, rice and salad though fortunately hubby is on a health kick too and there's always the supermarket which is nice.

I love the swap dessert for coffee trick.
 
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I definitely relate to what you are saying @ellesangel . I have coeliac so I always see myself as the difficult one whether I’m eating out or going to friends for a quick bite to eat. So much so that I bring my own food if I go to a friend’s house. I dare not take the chance for fear that one of the ingredients will contain gluten. I just know how difficult it can be to not catch a hidden gluten ingredient in the plethora of a multitude of ingredients. My home is 100% gluten free. My daughter also has coeliac and my partner simply doesn’t eat anything with gluten when we are at home. None of our appliances, like toasters or blenders ever have gluten containing products in them, so what if I go to a friends place , I dare not risk it. Restaurants that claim to have gluten free options must prepare these meals in a separate kitchen. I’m lucky where I live, it’s trendy and hip so we get those places, but travel out into the interior (I live in Canada) and it’s fast food joints. So I bring food items with me.

I can see the issues, whether it’s keeping to a very low carb diet, an allergy or a food intolerance, one can feel like the difficult one, even if everyone is being super caring and understanding. Ed spelling.
 
I've wondered recently whether it may be easier in some circumstances just to say that you're Ceoliac- and that just to be sure, you shouldn't have anything starchy or sugary. A little lie, but I can totally relate... I'm still a little new to the game, and was in a hotel recently, and we were late, so there was only a select menu, including the burger option - ok, can I have that but with no bun and no fries? - and she looked at me as if I was mad... so I said "I'm trying to reverse type 2 diabetes".

My daughter kind of looked at me with the standard teenage "you're drawing attention to us.. stop now!!" and the waitress' expression turned from a kind of confused pity to straight suspicion.

There followed an enormous fuss about how they couldn't offer me another burger patty in exchange but would make up with a salad - which turned out to be a little extra coleslaw.. it was fine.

Our local Everyman cinema offers a "naked" option for burgers - which swaps the bun for guacamole.. and that works quite nicely.

I find the most difficult thing with relatives and the kind of 'lack of tolerance dressed as politeness', being to just keep my mouth shut - don't you realise that sugars and starch are driving your epilepsy!! .. or the like.
I was just at my father-in-law's funeral... he had three bananas a day, every day, and I used to marvel at how much honey he could ladle on to a slice of toast. The bananas came up in the service, as a lighthearted insight into his character (he was an avid table tennis player, a real athlete well into his seventies) and I couldn't get it out of my head - you're all laughing, but it killed him in the end...

Anyway - to the point - the wake was a large spread of things I had no interest in putting in my mouth. So, I just had a large breakfast of Sausage, Bacon, Eggs and Mushrooms; and that was plenty to fuel me through the day.

So - may not work for you, but I find tactical fasting to be a great method for navigating some otherwise difficult itineraries...
 
I've wondered recently whether it may be easier in some circumstances just to say that you're Ceoliac- and that just to be sure, you shouldn't have anything starchy or sugary. A little lie
Not a good idea.
Cooking for someone with coeliac is a whole different ballgame, you have to make sure no cross contamination can happen in any way.
So even if a restaurant or a friend would still be willing to cook for you, you'd give them a whole lot unnecessary extra work.

Personally, if I had a friend with coeliac, I would not cook for them, or at least not in my place.
I'm happy to adjust my cooking for anyones dietary wishes, no matter the reason, but I cannot guarantee my kitchen is safe for someone with coeliac.

Besides, there is a lot of high carb and sugary gluten free food, which you may be offered. What would you say if they solved the issue by serving you gluten free bread, or potatoes, or a sweet dessert?
 
I really appreciate all the responses and will probably keep re reading this thread. I'm staying at my in-laws and although I still need to work on my discipline reading all these responses are really helpful. My FiL can be quite pressurising when it comes to eating food though if I keep saying 'No' he's gotta give up sooner or later!
I'm mega grateful to be in the UK because although I love water here and tap water is fine, where I'm going it's so so.

Quite a lot of the food in Portugal comes with chips, rice and salad though fortunately hubby is on a health kick too and there's always the supermarket which is nice.

I love the swap dessert for coffee trick.
Yup, and in Italy it often comes with a grappa. Or two. Life is tough.
 
Sorry @Chris24Main I agree with @Antje77 it’s not a good idea. Food intolerances and allergies can have devastating consequences if consumed and anything that undermines that sense that the customer is not being honest may make it more likely the staff will not take it seriously in future. Having separate kitchens for diseases such and coeliac is such a privilege for us, same with peanut allergies etc. Equally, if you are on a strict low carb diet, it should be respected in its own right. It’s not like you don’t fancy carbs, there is a very legitimate reason for it. Still I understand @ellesangel ’s point that it can put you in a lonely place. Family members who are not on board or think that you can just have this carbs meal this time, simply don’t get it. I love cakes and patisseries I just can’t have them. It’s tough when you have to cut something out of your diet that you love.
Travelling becomes stressful when you drive away from the cities, or trendy towns which often cater for food intolerances and special diets.
 
I’m like the late queen, never apologise, never explain. I just ask for what I want, nobody’s business why I’m eating the way I want to. So a burger with fries, I’ve learned never to ask for the burger without the bun, I find they miss other things off too so can I have the burger please but no fries but can I have extra salad on the side and a side plate please - on which goes the removed bun and anything else I don’t want to eat.

The thing I find the hardest is a Sunday lunch out as even if I ask for extra veg it’s usually carby stuff like carrots etc. I have found recently a great independent pub near me who does a cracking Sunday carvery with 3 meats & about 12 different veggies all cooked from scratch
 
It's been a learning curve for me, and I have had the best and worst experiences on holidays. I usually say what I rather than mention my diabetes. Maybe, I say "to manage my blood sugar". Otherwise, I get the standard low fat, high carb grub, or a huge amount of something high carb and gluten free.

It's sad, I find myself avoid an old friend, because she was quite dismissive of my requirements. My MIL offers me "just a little bit" every time she has biscuits etc, but I try to see it as politeness. I say no every time.

Great experiences have been lots of antipasti type foods in Italy, meat and more meat and salads with mayo in Russia (before the Ukraine war) and just now keto cake in a café (yes!!!) and a keto crust at a pizza take away (also yes, genuinely low carb!!!!) in Finnland.
 
Thank goodness for this forum. But does anyone else feel loneliness because of this disease? I'm conscious that eating is such a social activity at times and ther are things that I'm more conscious that I'm missing out on because I have diabetes. I'm aware it would be far worse if I had IBS or something like that but on holiday I don't know anyone else in the same situation. I'm getting my habits in check so that I feel stronger about saying no to foods that will rocket up my blood sugar.

Do any of you have any other tactics or thought processes you use?

Already don't drink as I don't really like the stuff so no probs there.

Yes and I feel a stigma too, sometimes if you tell people they start with the unwanted diet advice! Drives me mad!

Here if you ever want to vent :)
 
I’m like the late queen, never apologise, never explain. I just ask for what I want, nobody’s business why I’m eating the way I want to. So a burger with fries, I’ve learned never to ask for the burger without the bun, I find they miss other things off too so can I have the burger please but no fries but can I have extra salad on the side and a side plate please - on which goes the removed bun and anything else I don’t want to eat.

The thing I find the hardest is a Sunday lunch out as even if I ask for extra veg it’s usually carby stuff like carrots etc. I have found recently a great independent pub near me who does a cracking Sunday carvery with 3 meats & about 12 different veggies all cooked from scratch
et tu Carota?

No!!!!

Carrots have always been my go to snack ... at least when I was on a "health binge" - it was kind of a running joke with myself that I could tell how well I was depending on whether I was munching on Carrots or not...

Quick check - hmm.. I can think of them as a bit of a treat... but don't have to avoid.. I think I can live with that...
 
et tu Carota?

No!!!!

Carrots have always been my go to snack ... at least when I was on a "health binge" - it was kind of a running joke with myself that I could tell how well I was depending on whether I was munching on Carrots or not...

Quick check - hmm.. I can think of them as a bit of a treat... but don't have to avoid.. I think I can live with that...
I love carrots too and bought some hummus to havethem with. I could turn into bugs bunnuy at this rate. Also love my cucumber. Very grateful that I love veggie but don't get on with courgetti. Don't like it. Thanks great reminder.

Chris fair play about the Coelic comment. I've had simialr before when a nutritionist said in a way it's a shame that I don't get more side effects from having bread adn grains. I have Hashimotos too but as long as I take my meds I'm ok.
 
Some of the posts in this thread have been moved to a new thread here
 
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