Type 2 - anyone else depressed by diagnosis, and feel extreme guilt and shame over food?

Adm_Mad said:

I’m near the end of my third week since diagnosis and still have quite a lot of weight to lose. I’m going low carb but NOT keto level low as I want to keep vegetables in my diet.

Did any other type 2’s who got this disease through bad lifestyle find it very hard to not associate food with feeling ashamed and disgusted at yourself, and guilty about eating because eating was what got you into this mess in the first place? (I’m not saying this is the case for every type 2 diabetic but it’s what I feel about myself.) I simply cannot foresee ever being able to enjoy or get pleasure from food again, and feel like I don’t deserve to.

I’m deliberately making the food I cook taste bland and boring by over cooking and not seasoning, and sometimes sprinkling baking soda on it to make it taste actually bad. The first few meals I didn’t do this and was okay, but the last week or so if I make something that doesn’t taste bad or bland I feel like I didn’t deserve to eat it and throw it up.

I know this is a bit messed up but I’m hoping I’m not alone in these kind of feelings. I have become very depressed since my diagnosis including not being able to function at work (bursting into tears when someone tried to pressure me into having a piece of cake after I repeatedly said no), not being able to feel engaged or energised by anything, not being able to visualise a future, thinking about suicide.

I’ve made an emergency appointment with my GP for tomorrow to discuss antidepressants even though I’m terrified about the weight gain, and even though it costs $100 more for a weekend appointment.

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Hi,

Your not alone, I have been borderline diabetes for a 2 years which means I have had plenty of time to change, I have tried really hard but when ever I feel down I have always turned to food.

So I really need to do something too and I have read lots over the last few days about how it can reduce life expectancy and really my my lifestyle over the past 10 years has caused this. I am trying to not get depressed and try to the positive that I still have a chance.

This forum looks like it will be a great support tool, everyone seems helpful and some of the success stories are very motivational. I’m trying to find foods and recipes that are tasty because you should be able to enjoy food still, there are plenty of alternatives out there for deserts etc. You still can enjoy food but you also need to take care of yourself.

it is really a great transformation to go low carb, but it is also the best way to go...

there are many who lose a lot of weight by going low carb, but most seem to lose most by going keto ... antidepressants are sometimes a really good choice...
I also get medication against depression, but this eternal tendency towards depression in my case has been there since my late childhood both coming severely from hormonal issues, the ordinary SSRI/antidepressants stopped working for me so I get something else now..
your negative food focus could also be part of your depression as depression in many ways is kind of self-hating, so getting help for your mental state can lead to much more motivation.

about keeping the vegs in ones food , well yes I can follow you there , but that said , many on keto do lose really a lot in 3-4 month time on strict keto, so if you did that it is not nessesarily for ever withour the veggs... after losing most of what you want you could again introduce some of your favorite vegs but keeping an eye on the total level of carbs daily

I have never felt shame or guilt because of T2. I have four conditions and am not ashamed of any of them.

Diagnosis hits us hard and we can go through every level of emotion while getting to grips, one of the most useless of these emotions is guilt or laying the blame on oneself. I've said this before but it is worth repeating, no one wakes up one morning and thinks Hey! I know what would would be a great laugh, T2!

It is not overeating or weight gain that causes T2. T2 causes these symptoms and it is only being diagnosed and learning about how Insulin Resistance and Hyperinsulinaemia affect our bodys and our minds that can help us tackle the condition and put things back to rights.

No one here will tell you that the path back to better health is going to be a doddle but as time passes and you learn about your own body then things do get easier. I think one of the hardest things to change is the mindset of "look at all the stuff I can no longer have" to one of "look at all of this healthy, tasty stuff I can eat to my heart's content".

And for those who still insist on pressing cake on you? Be polite but firm and if it becomes awkward just say "I have a problem with Glucose so I do not eat Glucose". They'll get the message... eventually.

Give yourself time and be a little kinder on yourself. Best wishes.

Hi @Adm_Mad,
Sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed by a seemingly huge mountain to climb.
Some things to consider from my reading, not as professional opinion or advice:
A recent US researcher summed up the current situation on successful weight loss approaches as:
1) calorie restriction, 2) low carb high fat diet and 3) gastric stapling
Some people start with 1) and move to 2) after achieving weight loss. others start with 2 and keep on it
3) is desperation and not without risk
see recent thread on weight loss. such as 'Starting a low carb and low calorie diet ... and the Low Carb forum
and also on 'carb addiction' which can be a thing.

On low carb and keto diets some vegetables are allowed (growing above ground varieties like broccoli, BPs etc)
and, in fact, are important to help obtain essential vitamins and minerals. see dietdoctor.com and
Recipes on the Home page

Depression has many causes - and Thyroid disorders and vitamin B 12 deficiency can mimic depression
so need to be excluded with blood tests (see mayoclinic.org - thyroid disease; Vitamin B12 disorders)
Under-active thyroid disorders can be associated with weight gain also.

Some anti-depressants can cause weight gain so best avoided.
Counselling might be a first step before anti-depressants also.
Best wishes

@Adm_Mad
I am glad you have an appointment booked.
It sounds to me as though the T2 diagnosis is an extra layer on top of other food/body/confidence issues.
You need help to discover your true self-worth. Believe me, you deserve good, tasty, suitable food that will nourish and support your body and mind to allow you to be happy and healthy.
It sounds like you are punishing your body and it cannot support your mind properly if it is being abused.
Be honest with your doctor, just as you have with us.

I am really shocked to read what you are doing - and think that you ought to get help at once - first of all you did not give yourself diabetes - how on earth did you get that idea? If it was someone involved in your healthcare they should be ashamed of themselves.
Secondly - eating what is the accepted healthy normal diet is most likely greatly to blame for your being over weight. Food should be your friend - you can eat your way back to normality - well I did, and many others have reported exactly the same results and consequences.
Thirdly you should have complained to your manager about being pressured to eat cake - either that or accepted the cake, then tossed it into the waste bin - your choice of how to deal with such stupid behaviour on the part of a work colleague.
I eat what is considered very low carb by some - but I still eat plants - you should see the size of my salad bowl - I make huge mounds of prepared salad, then add celery cucumber radishes sweet red peppers, beetroot, coleslaw and oil and vinegar salad dressing - plus walnuts if I have any left from the weeks supply.
Another of my favourites is a stir fry of low carb options - courgette mushrooms sweet pepper, aubergine, tomatoes. I make a mound of scrambled eggs whilst the cooked stir fry is draining off, and it sets me up for the day.
Usually eating a LCHF diet causes weight loss as a first response - after a couple of years and a loss of 50 lb I am now only seeing volume reduction, the scales seem firmly stuck - but I used to wear XXL and now I can buy a M by accident and wear it, which is OK by me.

Adm_Mad said:

find it very hard to not associate food with feeling ashamed and disgusted at yourself, and guilty about eating because eating was what got you into this mess in the first place? (I’m not saying this is the case for every type 2 diabetic but it’s what I feel about myself.) I simply cannot foresee ever being able to enjoy or get pleasure from food again, and feel like I don’t deserve to.

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Eating did not get you into this mess. Genetics did and poor dietary advice in the mainstream didn’t help. So quite frankly you’re wrong. The trick is believing that fact.

You have mentioned in other posts your lack of confidence/depression/self loathing/destructive eating patterns. I agree with others this is what most urgently needs addressing. If I remember correctly neither your weight nor your bgl are scary high and will improve quite quickly once your mindset and eating patterns are on track. It’s good that you have an appointment. You deserve health and happiness. Why wouldn’t you?

Diagnosis is a huge shock and we need time to process and grieve for our health before we can become proactive and regain it. Some go through all these stages very quickly, others only do some and others get stuck at various points.

Perhaps if you understood more fully what causes diabetes and that weight gain is a symptom of insulin resistance you might feel less need to blame and punish yourself. If you truly understood the right eating can at least partly (if not fully) heal your body weight wise and metabolically then you could see food as medicine not penance.

Have you looked around these pages much? Read other stories? The success stories section can be quite convincing and motivating. Would you have been as harsh to any of those people at the start of their journey as you ar being with yourself? I very much doubt it.

The depression is, I believe, quite common. I had it quite severely when I was first diagnosed.
Taking control of my diabetes was a big help though. I followed Banting/ Bernstein low-carb guidelines and found the new diet something of a blessing in disguise. You certainly don't need to sabotage your own food- just stick to the Bernstein guidelines and you can eat well and happily on a low-carb diet.

Adm_Mad said:

I’m near the end of my third week since diagnosis and still have quite a lot of weight to lose. I’m going low carb but NOT keto level low as I want to keep vegetables in my diet.

Did any other type 2’s who got this disease through bad lifestyle find it very hard to not associate food with feeling ashamed and disgusted at yourself, and guilty about eating because eating was what got you into this mess in the first place? (I’m not saying this is the case for every type 2 diabetic but it’s what I feel about myself.) I simply cannot foresee ever being able to enjoy or get pleasure from food again, and feel like I don’t deserve to.

I’m deliberately making the food I cook taste bland and boring by over cooking and not seasoning, and sometimes sprinkling baking soda on it to make it taste actually bad. The first few meals I didn’t do this and was okay, but the last week or so if I make something that doesn’t taste bad or bland I feel like I didn’t deserve to eat it and throw it up.

I know this is a bit messed up but I’m hoping I’m not alone in these kind of feelings. I have become very depressed since my diagnosis including not being able to function at work (bursting into tears when someone tried to pressure me into having a piece of cake after I repeatedly said no), not being able to feel engaged or energised by anything, not being able to visualise a future, thinking about suicide.

I’ve made an emergency appointment with my GP for tomorrow to discuss antidepressants even though I’m terrified about the weight gain, and even though it costs $100 more for a weekend appointment.

Click to expand...

I'm sad how you feel about yourself. I understand the shock of being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, I think most people do. You say you blame yourself because of your food choices. Well don't. It's very sad that most people (including doctors) assume that anybody who get type 2 diabetes has been eating all the pies and have a bad diet. The doctor I saw, when I asked why I got it said "bad diet". I could have smacked him, but I'm better than that. I wasn't even overweight (what a joke). Still, I wasn't very happy and like you say, I felt I could never enjoy a nice meal and a treat now and again. I've actually realised that I was completely wrong. The food I eat now is low carb, but very enjoyable. I have to put more effort into it as I make food from scratch, like the olden days lol. But it's given me a new hobby, a new challenge and more satisfaction that I cook it myself. When you go low carb the majority of people will lose weight with little effort. Don't make your food bland, make it as tasty as you can and then you will realise that you don't need to eat cakes, and starchy foods because you will feel satisfied with what you choose to eat. In a way I think when diagnosed it's like going through a bereavement, what I mean is, like you said " you can't foresee ever being able to enjoy or get pleasure from food again". This is something I thought at first, and I also thought that it was alright for everybody else, they can eat what they want. I suppose I was a little envious. These are just thoughts that go through your head at first but it does get better. As for you thinking it's all your fault well don't even go there. To be honest it doesn't matter if it was your own fault or not, how about people who do dangerous sports and end up in a critical condition in hospital, that was their fault but it doesn't change the situation. So by all means have a chat with your doctor, but unless you have depression in general, I'm sure if you change your thought process and just try to accept that you have diabetes you will begin to feel better and hopefully won't need to take medication for depression. Do let us know how you get on and meanwhile take care.

@Adm_Mad You're never going to be alone in all of this but what you need to do is let yourself have some slack when it comes to what happened. Realising that a lot of what we have been fed by the food industry in both terms of information and actual food has been damaging us since we started and wrecking our bodies and minds. I choose to see diabetes as a wake up call to look after myself and look for my pleasure in other places but you are not to blame for this at all and nor should you be punishing yourself. Take that anger and loathing and inject it into making yourself better, living out of spite is a good motivator sometimes and making sure you eat right is a great thing to do. Don't punish with food but find your ways of enjoying it, find a new and healthy approach to it and flourish. I know how it all feels, I lived with bipolar disorder through most of my 20's and it almost killed me with a binge eating habit going out of control. These days I am OMAD and carnivore and it's all but gone away but do I still feel the pangs of guilt and loathing plus that worry about complications? Sure I do. Every single day, I feel myself slipping into that mindset that it could have been different you know but it's going to be different NOW. I am reminded of a picture that I saw way back of a man saying "I should have done this years ago." But then thinking instead? "**** it I'm doing it now." Words to live by.

I'm really really glad that you're getting yourself an appointment and keep us updated okay? You've got this and I think that we all will be rooting for you to feel your best.

@Adm_Mad hoq did the appointment go? How are you feeling today?

The further I go down this path the more powerful I feel.
I control my food.
I control my exercise
I have lost a load of weight
I have my bg under tight control (between 4 and 6 regardless of meals)

All I need to do to realise how good the place I am in now is to look, today shopping. The lumps with obvious weight issues piling their trollies with what amounted to sugar, the people thinking low fat cream is healthy (its just watered down cream with thickeners and sweeteners, blurgh).

I hold my head high, I look good, feel good, more importantly I feel strong and healthy. It may be seen as sanctimonious by some but I consider the day I was diagnosed as one of the most pivotal (for the better) days in my life. If only it had been sooner.

I have NOTHING to be embarrassed or ashamed of, I am living WITH my body now not forcing it to do strange things and its repaying that faith in spades.

You have joined a intelligent and very enlightened group being part of this forum, be empowered. No guilt. The people who should feel guilt are those that don't embrace the wonderful machine given to them by nature, we only get to use it for a bit before nature has it back and recycles it for somebody else. I aim to enjoy it.

I wish you well, be proud. Enjoy your food and enjoy your body, we only get one.

Spl@ said:

The further I go down this path the more powerful I feel.
I control my food.
I control my exercise
I have lost a load of weight
I have my bg under tight control (between 4 and 6 regardless of meals)

All I need to do to realise how good the place I am in now is to look, today shopping. The lumps with obvious weight issues piling their trollies with what amounted to sugar, the people thinking low fat cream is healthy (its just watered down cream with thickeners and sweeteners, blurgh).

I hold my head high, I look good, feel good, more importantly I feel strong and healthy. It may be seen as sanctimonious by some but I consider the day I was diagnosed as one of the most pivotal (for the better) days in my life. If only it had been sooner.

I have NOTHING to be embarrassed or ashamed of, I am living WITH my body now not forcing it to do strange things and its repaying that faith in spades.

You have joined a intelligent and very enlightened group being part of this forum, be empowered. No guilt. The people who should feel guilt are those that don't embrace the wonderful machine given to them by nature, we only get to use it for a bit before nature has it back and recycles it for somebody else. I aim to enjoy it.

I wish you well, be proud. Enjoy your food and enjoy your body, we only get one.

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THAT should be on a plaque somewhere to remind us.all how lucky we are.

Diagnosed with a supposedly progressive illness, bucking the trend AND making a world of difference to ourselves.

Magnificent. @Spl@

@Adm_Mad

of course you deserve to eat and enjoy the food you have.
its an act of love..to look after your body, it works hard for us,
so why not feed it real healthy foods and take pleasure in enjoying it

and i 2nd the posts about seeking a little help.

since dx i have understood better, the fact some things really ARE beyond our control at times,
THOSE are the things we need professional help with.

i did see a post that had the lines "i have made a commitment ot my health "
i liked it, it pops up when i'm week around 'carby' foods i shouldn't eat.
helps me, might help you .

good luck.

Spl@ said:

The further I go down this path the more powerful I feel.
I control my food.
I control my exercise
I have lost a load of weight
I have my bg under tight control (between 4 and 6 regardless of meals)

All I need to do to realise how good the place I am in now is to look, today shopping. The lumps with obvious weight issues piling their trollies with what amounted to sugar, the people thinking low fat cream is healthy (its just watered down cream with thickeners and sweeteners, blurgh).

I hold my head high, I look good, feel good, more importantly I feel strong and healthy. It may be seen as sanctimonious by some but I consider the day I was diagnosed as one of the most pivotal (for the better) days in my life. If only it had been sooner.

I have NOTHING to be embarrassed or ashamed of, I am living WITH my body now not forcing it to do strange things and its repaying that faith in spades.

You have joined a intelligent and very enlightened group being part of this forum, be empowered. No guilt. The people who should feel guilt are those that don't embrace the wonderful machine given to them by nature, we only get to use it for a bit before nature has it back and recycles it for somebody else. I aim to enjoy it.



I wish you well, be proud. Enjoy your food and enjoy your body, we only get one.

Click to expand...

Not if they are loading up their trolly with metabolic junk. People who are grossly overweight doing themselves nothing but harm. They may well have all kinds of health issues. NONE, are helped by cakes, biscuits, chips, pizza, chocolate.

They more than likely were diabetic, certainly could be now or in the future. My aim was to show the op they have nothing to be ashamed of. The people doing nothing are the ones who should hang their head.

How does that post help the op in any way.

Spl@ said:

Not if they are loading up their trolly with metabolic junk. People who are grossly overweight doing themselves nothing but harm. They may well have all kinds of health issues. NONE, are helped by cakes, biscuits, chips, pizza, chocolate.

They more than likely were diabetic, certainly could be now or in the future. My aim was to show the op they have nothing to be ashamed of. The people doing nothing are the ones who should hang their head.

How does that post help the op in any way.

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Regardless of your views, in my opinion you were rude and there is no excuse for that.

@Spl@

I am a lump with obvious weight problems, and I pile my trolly with red meat, butter, cream and dark chocolate.
- and I get judged for my weight and my food choices by people every day.
It is human nature to judge based on previous experience and limited facts.
And it is a curious thing that if we had ALL the facts, we wouldn’t be doing the judging.

I too hold my head high, knowing that my health is better because of how I currently eat, but I try really hard not to judge others (although I am human enough to fail, regularly)

The reasons my metabolism is messed up, and I carry so much weight is because of several medical issues, mainly hormonal. Low carb does not resolve them. It mitigates their influence. But not enough to cause significant weight loss or a boundless joyous energy level.

Spl@ said:

. NONE, are helped by cakes, biscuits, chips, pizza, chocolate.

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Absolutely true. But that statement assumes that all those who are overweight have caused it because they ate cakes, biscuits, chips, pizza and chocolate.
This is the same attitude I got from doctors.
Not every one is fat because of eating junk.
I never drank fizzy drinks. No chips. Rarely ate cake, and pizza was a rarity. I also was always very active. Swimming, walking, biking, high intensity training and nothing budged my weight.

Insulin resistance is what made me fat.

Adm_Mad said:

I’m near the end of my third week since diagnosis and still have quite a lot of weight to lose. I’m going low carb but NOT keto level low as I want to keep vegetables in my diet.

Did any other type 2’s who got this disease through bad lifestyle find it very hard to not associate food with feeling ashamed and disgusted at yourself, and guilty about eating because eating was what got you into this mess in the first place? (I’m not saying this is the case for every type 2 diabetic but it’s what I feel about myself.) I simply cannot foresee ever being able to enjoy or get pleasure from food again, and feel like I don’t deserve to.

I’m deliberately making the food I cook taste bland and boring by over cooking and not seasoning, and sometimes sprinkling baking soda on it to make it taste actually bad. The first few meals I didn’t do this and was okay, but the last week or so if I make something that doesn’t taste bad or bland I feel like I didn’t deserve to eat it and throw it up.

I know this is a bit messed up but I’m hoping I’m not alone in these kind of feelings. I have become very depressed since my diagnosis including not being able to function at work (bursting into tears when someone tried to pressure me into having a piece of cake after I repeatedly said no), not being able to feel engaged or energised by anything, not being able to visualise a future, thinking about suicide.

I’ve made an emergency appointment with my GP for tomorrow to discuss antidepressants even though I’m terrified about the weight gain, and even though it costs $100 more for a weekend appointment.

Click to expand...

Hi there,

You know what?! Saying no to a food stuff that can be detrimental to your BG is a positive choice.
Organising consultation with your GP is a positive move.
Staying in touch with the guys on here will empower you.
The climb is arduous, the view from the summit is exhilarating!

Keep strong.