Hello Everyone. I am hoping for some advice/hear others experiences with unsupportive spouses and how they handle it. My husband grew up in a home where emotions were suppressed and not acceptable. He is treating me the same way. Ever since I was diagnosed (5 years ago at age 20), I’ve had a lot of ups and downs that coincide with my blood sugars. When I am low, I get irritable and when I am high I get very sleepy and that can also make me cranky. I also went through a period of depression after first being diagnosed.
Despite the fact that I was going through all that and wanted to be close to family, my friends and my doctors, he asked me to move 10 hours away from my home for his job and did not accept no for an answer. He kept pushing until I said yes. We have since moved back because I couldn’t stand being so far away from my support system so he has at least done that. I think he knew our marriage would fail if we stayed and wanted to fix it.
But his response to my negative emotions is always anger. When I’m frustrated because I can’t get my blood sugar to go down and I don’t know why and I just want to complain or I’m frustrated at trying to understand how to manage this disease and feeling like I am failing, he just gets angry with me. He snaps at me and basically tells me I need to calm down and deal with it. I get it that I need to do those things, but he doesn’t approach the conversations with compassion. I just want someone to talk to and someone to help me emotionally cope or be a sounding board, and I would love that to be him, but I just don’t think he can fit that role. I try to be positive as often as I can. I truly do, but sometimes things just make me sad or angry. Is that okay or am I expecting too much?
When I was first diagnosed he even apologized to our friends for me having to inject myself. I once gave myself a shot at dinner (before I had my pump) and tried to do it discreetly below the table. He apologized to our friends and said “I hope needles don’t bother you”. I never did that again and went to the bathroom instead but it was difficult to feel like I couldn’t openly manage my disease in public.
He also has an annoying habit of refusing to slow down when I go low. We are active and when we are hiking or out walking about and I go low, he gets so frustrated with me. He blames my management techniques and tells me I should have done things differently so it wouldn’t happen. I try to keep going even though I’m low so we don’t have to stop, but that typically means we would have to walk VERY slowly, and I am fine with that but he is not. He just speeds ahead or tries to push the pace and then I end up walking by myself until my sugars are high enough for me to catch up to him.
Additionally, my CGM alarms constantly get on his nerves. I tend to sleep through them especially when I am high (because as I said earlier it makes me more sleepy). My pump will only vibrate for so long before it starts trilling (admittedly very annoyingly), and I wish I could just wake up when it goes off, but I don’t. The other night, he was in the living room watching t.v and I was sleeping. All of a sudden he came barging into the bedroom and said, “you need to make that thing shut up!!”. No, honey are you okay? Your pump keeps going off. No, oh my god, is my wife okay? What if she is passed out due to low blood sugar? It was just immediate anger.
I feel like my disease is a burden to him. I don’t ask much from him. I rarely ask him to bring me snacks when I am low or try to make accommodations for me unless it is absolutely necessary because I know how upsetting it is to him. When I’m around my family they get concerned when my pump makes any noise at all and my husband always laughs it off and says why are you so concerned? She just deals with it. The truth is that I just deal with it on my own because he doesn’t react well when I ask for any type of help and so I make sure I am not a burden as best as I can. But I can’t sustain this forever....
I currently do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, etc. He works weird hours from about 12-9 every day and most weekends as a swim coach. What am I going to do when we have kids? Moms out there- how do you manage this disease and your kiddos with minimal to no support from your husband? I’m already almost completely alone.... how do I do this while trying to raise our family? I’m not pregnant yet but he wants to start having kids soon.
We’ve been together for 10 years... we got together in high school and he was the sweetest guy. I never imagined our life together would ever look like this and that all his compassion towards me would evaporate. He was always very controlling, but at least he took care of me. I don’t want to leave him, but I just want a man who supports me and this disease. Did anyone meet their SO after diagnosis and have better luck?
Now I’m having issues with a new pump I switched to and the CGM malfunctioning. These next four years are daunting to me based on the last few weeks experiences I’ve had with the pump. When I tried to rely on him for emotional support and ended up expressing anger and frustration he got so mad at me because I didn’t agree with one of the things he said. He immediately started arguing with me about why he was right and it was just not what I needed in that moment. I just don’t think I can come to him with any concerns. His beliefs/thoughts/opinions are more important than my feelings and what I am going through.
Starting to fall out of love with my husband over all this.... any help is appreciated. I don’t want to change him... I just want him to accept me with Type 1 Diabetes. How do I do that?