I'm sorry you have to miss your mom through this.
Anyway, ah... That's a lot of questions.... But here goes!
How did you feel- scared, overwhelmed with all the information and scared about the complications?
I got very little information, and I was also told I was likely to have cancer of the liver, so diabetes took a backburner because I thought I only had a few weeks left to get my affairs in order anyway. Once that turned out to be a false alarm, fear on the D front kicked in some more. I didn't know what to eat, everything seemed like poison, and I thought I was a step away from dead as it was. (Which isn't far from the truth, because I was quite badly off anyway... In bed all day or in a coffin all day, didn't seem like much of a difference at that point.). So yeah. Scared, overwhelmed, depressed... I cried a lot, because I felt horrible for Kornelis. I'd buried a partner when I was 18, I didn't want him to have to go through the same kind of grief. It took me a while to get some proper information on how to deal with diabetes, and quite a lot was contradictory, so my meter guided my way.
Did you get the support you needed?
Not from the hospital, the dieticians nor the nurse. One other nurse was very nice and told me about dawn phenomenon and that I was already at 42 at my second HbA1c, so that I should keep doing what I was doing, but I only saw her once.
Did you grieve your old life before you were diagnosed?
My old life didn't look very rosy. Like I said, was in bed all the time, too weak to do anything but breathe. I did mourn the life I had a decade or so before things went seriously south, like, high teas can reduce me to tears (had one for our wedding and that'll never happen again). But that's about it. I'm more energetic and active now than I think I've ever been. Once I identified the problem, I could fix it. Maybe not all of it, but a lot of it.
Do you miss and grieve the foods you ate before your diabetes diagnoses?
High tea's. And not so much because of the taste, but because they're so pretty and decadent and remind me of the best day of my life. I don't miss other things enough to be willing to sacrifice my blood sugars for them though.
Does your doctor understand your frustration and how difficult diabetes is to live with everyday, does your doctor empathize with you?
I have a really nice GP who is very understanding about just about anything, and admitted she doesn't know jack-**** about T2. But she can listen, and she can order me tests. And she does understand that I have anxiety, so she's keeping it as simple as possible. I don't have to see multiple people anymore, which reduces stress levels, and we're pretty much on top of this together. She just let me take the wheel on this one. I don't have a problem living with T2, honestly. The diet was fine. It's the extreme one I'm on now to tackle my kidney stones as well that's being harder to live with, really. But still doable.
Does your doctor ask how your coping living with this disease?
I can tell her if I want to. But I don't feel like I'm coping with a disease... I'm controlling it. Which is quite empowering.
It’s been a few years now since your diagnosis how do you feel emotionally now?
Far as diabetes go, no problem. Other issues, can't say the same about those. But to limit things to the D, I have my diaversary coming up on the 26th of July. I didn't understand why people'd want to celebrate something like a day of diagnosis, but I get it now and I usually celebrate it with a nice steak or something sumptuous. If I hadn't known what the problem was, things would've turned out very different. My life wasn't worth living at that point. Now, even with all my issues, I'm doing okay. That wouldn't've happened if I hadn't known what was wrong. That was the day the floor opened up beneath me and I fell into one hell of a hole... Only to find out that was the day my life got to change for the better. So yay, diaversary-dinner!
Do you find it difficult to order off a menu when you go out for a meal?
Sometimes. But I check restaurants before I go anywhere online if I don't know them well already, so I know whether I can eat there, and if need be I'll contact the kitchen to see whether there's something we can work out. I often go to cat cafe's and more than half of those are vegan here in the Netherlands, which really complicates things for me as a carnivore, but then... I'm fine with fasting throughout the visit and just have water or mint tea, and I compensate for their loss of income with purchases in their often available gift shops. Plus, I photograph their cats and they sometimes use those pics for promo purposes. But most kitchens that aren't vegan like that, will help me sort something out. (Maybe the vegan kitchens would too if I asked, but I'm not going to ask them to handle animal based foods out of respect for their principles.)
Does your friends who don’t have diabetes, understand your new life and get it?
It took some explaining, but the numbers don't lie. And they saw me lose a quarter of a person in weight, and I was more active, and I felt better, none of which they could ignore. So that worked. Besides, when I go out now with my mum-in-law, she gets all the cookies that come with the drinks. My husband? He takes my fries. Everybody wins.
Have you gone through a loss of a loved one? And if yes how did you cope with the grief and your diabetes at the same time, did you eat comfort foods that were not suppose to?
I haven't lost anyone in a while, thank heavens. At one point there was a funeral once a month, a decade or two ago. So I've lost enough to know that grief entirely kills my appetite. When I lose someone, I stop eating. I doubt that's changed. I did smoke up a storm around funerals though, so hopefully I won't grab cigarettes again if something does happen. Doesn't go well with asthma.
Do you get cravings for sweets and carbs?
Not really. That went away after my body got used to low carb eating. I miss the *idea* of certain things, but whenever I tried a small bit for flavour, I usually went "EEEEW!". My palette changed, I can't stand what other people consider moderately sweet now. It's sickeningly sweet to me.
Do you feel heard when you are down and had enough of living with diabetes?
Hasn't happened since floundering when I was first diagnosed. But yeah, my husband listened very well. Other people gave it a go, but didn't know what to do with it.
You do know that diabetes is not your fault of any kind of diabetes?
Yeah. Genetics at play here. My gran's T2 and the PCOS got to me. (Do you remember the movie Twins? DeVito was considered junk DNA. That's how I feel. Every single condition that runs on both sides of the family, I got stuck with. I'm a genetic misfit!)
Do you get anxious around your diabetes?
Not anymore. I've got this. And have for 4,5 years. I am a little worried about old age and not having much of a say anymore in what and how I eat though, but at 42, I can still hope people'll wake up about low carb before I'm in an old folks home.
Do you get depressed around your life with diabetes?
Nope. I was for a while, but then I figured it out and it became a bit of a non-issue.
Do you wish you didn’t have diabetes?
Well... It's not like I'd ever go "Yeah, I'll take that condition, seems like fun!" Of course I'd rather not have had it. Of course I'd like to eat the same things my husband eats. Not have to be difficult at Christmas family gatherings and whatnot. It took me just about forever to find a tatooist who'd take me on. It didn't make life easier. But consciously thinking "I wish I didn't have this", hasn't really come up since those first months.
Hope that helped!
Jo
