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Where did I go wrong . . .?

Discussion in 'Ask A Question' started by Dougal, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. Dougal

    Dougal Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Sugarsmith,
    Thank you for the hug and the helpful advice. It is really helping me to know that other people do care.
    I am feeling quite spaced out at the moment, with the anti-depressants and the tranquillisers, so will post a food diary as soon as I can think straight again.
    Not such a good day today, lots of tears, but I am still here, determined to do better.


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  2. rocklobsterz

    rocklobsterz · Newbie

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    Hi Dougal
    Reading your post makes me feel very sad. I have had Type 1 diabetes for 18 years (since the age of 26), so can empathise with your feelings. I think that your wish to lose weight is a good one, and you should persevere. Blood sugar control is definitely easier when one is leaner (sometines easier said than done, I realise !). You said that your blood sugars became elevated when you were restricting your calories to 600 per day ? What insulin regime are you on ? Are you modifying your injections to cope with the food you are eating ? The stress of dieting can sometimes result in elevated blood sugars ... which one of course tries to counteract by injecting additional insulin, only then to fall prey to low blood sugar (as one has not been eating sufficient to provide a trickle of glucose into one's blood-stream). Been there, many a time.
    I swear by the insulin regime I am currently on: Insulin Glargine (synthetic, ultra long-term) at night, and then Insulin Humalog (synthetic, rapid-acting) as and when required, to cope with the food I am about to eat, or to provide correction when I have got things wrong ! It is harder to lose weight as a diabetic, but with attention to insulin dosage, and frequent blood sugar testing, it is still possible. I do think that there is too much emphasis placed on the importance of carbohydrate in the diet of a diabetic. If you are adjusting your insulin to reflect the amount of food you are eating (as everyone ideally should be), then you can eat as little carbohydrate as you choose to. If you choose to eat no carbohydrate for lunch, then you inject much less insulin to cover what little carbohydrate you might have consumed in eg. vegetables.
    Anyway, this is the way that I manage my diabetes, and I generally find that it works well. I am physically active, and generally have good control.
    I look forward to hearing how you get on when you see your diabetic nurse/consultant
    All the best
    John
     
  3. Paulgoldie

    Paulgoldie · Member

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    Dougal

    The pure fact that you have been brave enough to write your post in here shows your courage and by doing so have got all the love and support you could ever need and want. Reading everyone's experiences and issues is so reassuring to all as no one person has the same issues which is why I think the NHS advice is so sparse and varied, cos they don't have the real life scenarios that us members have and can therefore write about. Stay strong and keep reading the posts, one or two of them may just be the ones you need to help you.

    Paul




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  4. kerrycakes

    kerrycakes · Active Member

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    i wish this was fb, so i could 'like' posts!

    awesome result from the dr, its always nice when someone understands you! I'm also on antidepressants for life, been on them for years now. remember they can make you feel worse at first, and if that happens, make use of the drs offer of speaking to them. also, it can sometimes take trying a few different antidepressants to find the right one for you, as everyone is different, and reacts differently to different meds, so try not to worry too much if things take time. you will know if you are on the right ones for you! did she offer you any talking therapy? you said you tried mindfulness, but drs should always offer therapy along side meds, and it would i think do you a lot of good to have a person you can talk to.

    Good luck, and yay for being brave to go to the drs! (i know you dont think it is, but it really is!)
     
  5. rochari

    rochari Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Dear Dougal

    Can I join this little group of new friends? I hope so.

    I’ve been on insulin for more than 50 years and grew up in a household where being diabetic was normal. Mother, grandmother, and goodness knows how many others were type 1. I seemed as a child to run the gauntlet of disciplines from doctors and family that had a huge effect on me for the rest of my life. To be frank, very little of it positive.

    You must not do this, you must not do that, if you do this you will DIE. It was a language drilled in to small diabetic children at a time when, perhaps, more understanding of the fear of the disease that same child had, would have been better. Sadly, for many, it wasn’t. For me, and a few others I have kept in touch with over the years, it led to anxiousness, depression and, many times, hatred of the illness.

    But, this evening I write simply to say that please do not feel embarrassed about how you feel and please, please don’t feel alone. You’ve taken that first brave step of seeking help and all I can say is good for you! It’s hard not to compare yourself with others who have the illness but you are uniquely you and that’s wonderful.

    Close to five years or so ago I read an interesting article about depression and anxiety suffered by diabetics and how the numbers were large. Where were they and why was this news? This illness is not an easy ride that is for sure. Please take comfort in knowing that many feel or have felt as you do. The huge reaction to the article was to disrespect it and folks who replied went on to say they could run marathons, lead a normal life, climb Everest so why complain and…there must be something wrong with you if you can’t cope. It is this type of response that angers me more than anything. I’ve seen it in almost every similar article in diabetic publications in those 50 years where so many folks do not realise or understand how difficult, lonely and stressful diabetes can be.

    This oldie is always reluctant to give advice but I hope you will understand why I say this. Take everything at your own pace and nobody else’s. Getting better isn’t a race. With support of your doctor and others, things WILL get better. You may not notice the difference for a wee while but one day you will….and that is when those first little bits of sunshine will come out for you again.

    Bill
     
  6. SewK8

    SewK8 · Well-Known Member

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    Hello Bill

    Your post has really helped me today, not to feel so useless. Thank you for a wonderful, real insight into how depression can have such a big impact on our lives.

    Kat



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  7. Thundercat

    Thundercat Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi Rochari. That was a really beautiful and very touching post. Thankfully for the most part attitudes have changed with regard to the fear factor, particularly for children. It is hard as an adult to overcome the vestiges of childhood emotions, even when we can clearly see as our adult selves that what we were told was wrong or misguided. One of the most damaging things ever said to me by a doctor was, when first diagnosed at 12, that there was no reason for me to feel any different to anyone else. It was stated arrogantly and as an inarguable fact. For many maybe it would have had no impact but when I did start to feel different to my friends I thought it was just me amd that there was something wrong with me. Thus began a long long phase of depression and isolation and a quiet rebellion against diabetes. Thankfully I managed to move through it but it was a slow and hard process that affected large swathes of my life. We can overcome. No matter how difficult the journey it is one worth making. Antidepressants, counselling, meditation, exercise, talking, this fantastic forum of support- if we are prepared to brave it we can overcome. Sorry for going on so much but your post really touched something in me. Thank you for making me remember that no matter how low diabetes can bring me now I am a long long way from the frightened and confused person I used to be. God bless
     
  8. markfpurdue

    markfpurdue · Member

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    Don't think you are ever on your own. There are plenty of us who have similar issues and struggle daily.
    In my opinion, and it really is a personal opinion, you would do best to speak with your family doctor, not only for depression but also for help with your diabetes and weight. I've struggled with all three for years and only now have got a doctor to listen to me. Ask to see a nutritionist/dietician who specialises in diabetic care. I'm using weight watchers and have lost in excess of 4 stone in three months with the help of a group and someone who took the time to look into tailoring the diets for diabetics. I can't exercise because of a spinal injury but I've learned never, ever give up.
    You 'Can' achieve what you want but you need to take that first step.
    Good luck and shout if you ever need help.


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  9. Isobel94

    Isobel94 · Well-Known Member

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    The annoying thing about having diabetes is the fact that people without diabetes don't have a clue about what is involved. You really do have to have it yourself or to live with someone for years in order to understand it. Like, when I talk to my boyfriend about Novorapid, or long-acting insulin, he's totally lost. One of my housemates also thought that I take all the insulin in the Novorapid pen in one go! :eh: Talk about being floored with low blood sugar! The frustrating thing is that I myself can barely understand the inner workings of it sometimes. I've been really frustrated lately myself with the old diabetes. I'm currently on Novorapid injections during the day and then Lantus at night. I feel like I'm eating all the right things, doing a decent amount of exercise, but still I've highs of around 11 or 12, maybe even higher. I feel like it's a game of guesswork, a lottery. I've had it since I was six years old and I'm nineteen in November, and it's only now that the real truth of it is starting to hit me-- it's permanent, and isn't going to go away any time soon. My main issues are stress, the time before my period, having lows mainly due to exercise, and then knowing what to do after I have the low (sugars keep going up). I'm thinking of going back on Mixtard 30 or equivalent as I think this system has run its course for me :roll:

    I would say that the best thing to do in your situation is to realise you're not alone. Secondly, keep a diary and write down EVERYTHING you do in relation to your diabetes-- I've started to do that recently (even though it can be quite depressing), because once your diabetes team know what your sugars are at certain times they can more than likely help you with that, and adjust your medication/carbs to suit that. The diary also gives you a chance to review everything yourself (and yes, I know, it can feel more like a punishment, but you can't deal with a problem if you don't know about it). I like to try and view my diabetes as a work-in-progress. When I step back and think, I do notice that I pay attention more to my failings than what I'm actually doing right. The worst thing is that I'm a perfectionist and that I can be too hard on myself. I don't notice the 6.2 before dinner or things like that, but the 13.1 is circled roughly with a green pen.

    Nobody will tell you that living with diabetes is a walk in the park. But you can be clever with it. You can learn how to control it, sometimes it just takes patience and encouragement from others. I certainly understand where you're coming from. It can make you feel quite lost and powerless. But perfect control is NOT impossible and is achievable. I tell myself that every day, and I know it. And diabetes is only one aspect of you, not the whole you.
     
  10. kezz01489

    kezz01489 · Active Member

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    I think it would be best to start off looking into and understanding more about weight loss. Maybe getting your confidence back and feeling in control will help. It's having an understanding of things like your body and how it turns excess glucose to fat and then when it gets too much and your blood sugar is too high this will turn to a very dangerous acid chemical. You need to gain control of your blood and then . As you loose weight adjust your insulin and thing s as you go along. Keep on chatting on here hun never feel like your alone or stupid your trying to deal with it. If you need anything just have a good old moan. Through others you can find out new things and be happy that no matter what everyone is always here and open to a matter. :)
     
  11. weeezer

    weeezer · Well-Known Member

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    Hey Dougal...how's it going? What a lovely thread you've started here! Such a lot of caring people on this forum.

    I've been t1 for almost 13 years, spent the first 10 years not bothered about being diabetic (bothered about control, just not bothered about having it) i was quite happy-go-lucky, but the last few I've slowly descended into an anxious mess. I have refused anti-depressants on a few occasions, opting for other methods to try and combat my bouts...counselling, anxiety cbt course...they helped but recently had an awful period of 'wobbliness' where I was convinced I won't make it to 40 (am 38) without my diabetes damaging my heart/body. I have developed paralysing health anxiety.

    Anyway, I feel like I had no other option than to accept the help my doc was offering at long last this time, and started taking 'citalopram' anti-depressants 2 and a half weeks ago.

    So I'm with you on the journey!

    Have to admit I'm having a few better days now...would love to know how you're getting on. Remember they can make you feel a bit worse to start with (sometimes). Keep posting!


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  12. Faith*

    Faith* · Well-Known Member

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    Hi Dougal,
    This thread has made me feel so sad, but happy as well. Please let me join your list of ever growing friends. It's so nice to see such lovely posts on here. Your not alone. Always post, anytime, there some amazing people on here that I've got to know in a short space of time. I've had type 1 for about 17 years, I was 10 at diagnosis. It's been a rollercoaster ride. There are days/weeks and months when i've wanted to give up and have been utterly lost with how to control myself. Thankfully my mum and partner have always been supportive of me but I know exactly how you feel and am sending you a hug down the phone lines lol

    Keep trying you will get there. You will conqour diabetes! and you will be able to lose the weight. The first thing is to get you feeling a little better in yourself and as everyone has said previously it's a huge leap to have just posted on here. It sounds like you have an understanding GP so maybe a few weekly/monthly visits to keep an eye on you would be good?

    Thinking of you, let us know how your getting on
    x
     
  13. clairebear86

    clairebear86 · Member

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    Hi there! Your thread made me cry .. I feel just like you, I have a horrible past history including anorexia, food rules my life and because I let it rule my life, it ruled my diabetes too and now I'm stuck with the complications of uncontrolled diabetes .. I too have a pump and assumed it would 'change my life' and to an extent it has, but also not as much as I would have hoped it to .. But the nurse told me this beforehand, and everyday is a struggle, I work as a nurse, I don't have any friends but I'm luckily married and my husband is my best friend, I fill my free time with the gym to avoid sinking
    Into deep depression and can't help but feel jealous of those who go with their mates and have a laugh, I got married last year and got screwed over by three ppl I considered my best friends, they abused my trust .. So I no longer trust anyone, trust is a hard thing to learn eh ! Anyway enough of my sob story, back to you, If you would like another friend, you can add me to your now growing list ! Your are a very special person who deserves love, life & friendship :) sending all my love xxx Claire xxx


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  14. Dougal

    Dougal Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hello everyone! Especially those on my growing list of friends!

    I feel that I am truly blessed that so many of you have taken the time to read my moaning and thank you to those of you who have shared and supported on here too. It is difficult to say that I am glad I am not alone, because I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but it is comforting to know that there are people who understand . . .

    An update:
    I haven't been on here for a few days because the anti-depressants have made me feel very, very tired! But I woke up today feeling better - and I'm very surprised at how quickly the anti-depressants have started to have an effect.

    Although, I have had 2 or 3 das of lots of hypos since taking them, I'm wondering if this is because of reduced stress, or the increase in dopamine levels? So my daily insulin dose has reduced by 40% and I am now only taking 9 units a day. Hopefully this will help with the weight loss.

    With regard to weight loss, thank you everyone for your good ideas - looking back I have lost 50kg (110lbs) in just over 18 months and I don't think that this is a bad achievement, although I still have a long way to go.

    I am on an insulin pump, and I think that this is what has helped me not to have had issues with my Diabetes during this latest fight with depression, I just let the pump get on with it.

    I have trouble eating sufficient calories everyday to sustain weight loss, and the anti-depressants have decreased my appetite even further, so when I meet with my doctor next week for a review, I shall have to mention that I am concerned about this.

    Let me end by saying that I am so grateful to those of you who have shared your stories and advice on here, by doing this you have helped many more than just me, I'm sure! :clap: I am so lucky that I found this forum, most people are friendly and supportive and I don't feel quite so shy any more. :)
     
  15. Faith*

    Faith* · Well-Known Member

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    Glad your feeling a little more positive today Dougal, your doing really well, keep it up! Would you consider asking your GP to refer you to a nutritional adviser maybe? I saw one once for about 2 session, she kind of showed me where I was going wrong and what I could substitute things for. The reduced insulin requirements will certainly help you out though.

    Keep positive :D :clap: :D
     
  16. mrawfell

    mrawfell · Well-Known Member

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    Dougal it should be obvious from the replies that this site is not just a notice board. People genuinely care about others. We all wish you the best, in solving your problems. Diabetes is a disease that has many facets unfortunately, and the none diabetic will say oh it's just blood sugar levels. I wish I could give you a hug and wave a magic wand, sorry I can't. However getting to your doctor, is a priority. Tell the receptionist it is an emergency, and refuse to tell her why, she is not a triage nurse.
    Good luck
     
  17. micksmixxx

    micksmixxx Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Dear Dougal,

    Please forgive me, my friend, but I've only just come across your post.

    First of all, don't consider your "failures", and you MAY not have actually done anything wrong. It's NOT all your fault.
    Diabetes is a progressive illness, meaning that there are times when you MAY feel that you've lost control. It's easy to
    see, if you accept this fact, how this can have a detrimental effect on your psyche. This, as well as the fact that diabetes
    is a life-long and serious condition, can lead to depression. I like to think that I can easily overcome times when I'm feeling 'down', though I do know that there are times when I find this more difficult, and I also know, from my previous work as a social worker, that not everyone can deal with things easily all the time. Have you spoken to your doctor about the way you feel? It MAY be that either a short-term medication or a 'talking therapy' MIGHT be beneficial for you.

    You do NOT "lack the good reasons that many other people have for being depressed." Each of us is different and we find ways
    of dealing with whatever life has thrown at us. Some people can shrug it off like water off a duck's back, but sadly, many
    people can't deal with things in this way. It's times like this that we need a good support network ... even if that's just talking to friends and/or relatives, and simply getting things off our chest. The trick is to recognise when things aren't quite the way they should be, and then do something about it. i.e. a trip to speak with your doctor. I do hope that you kept your appointment with your doctor today, and that you find his/her advice to be of benefit. If not, do NOT leave it and think that you've got to deal with it by yourself. Go back again, and keep on doing so until such time that you do gain benefit. If your doctor doesn't seem able to help you, or seems disinterested, ask for a referral to see a specialist. Be insistent. You deserve to be treated, both with respect and as a valuable member of society.

    I truly am sorry that you're finding things difficult to deal with, and would like to offer you a virtual hug. {{{{{Dougal}}}}}

    There really is no need for you to feel embarrassed and ashamed of yourself. You've hit a hiccup (hiccough) in life's travels, and this is something that CAN be helped. It, obviously, isn't something that can be solved overnight, but if you're willing to try, and put a bit of effort in, you'll see that it CAN be done.

    Being type 1 you MAY already be aware that having higher than 'normal' blood sugar (glucose) levels WILL make you lose weight. This occurs due to there being a lack of, or insufficient insulin being present in your system. Insulin is required to 'transport' glucose from your bloodstream into your body's cells, where it is used to create energy. If/when this isn't happening, your body begins to believe that you're going through a period of fasting or that you're starving. To counter this it begins to break down fat and muscle to use as an alternative source of fuel. This can very quickly lead to an extremely dangerous condition called diabetic ketoacidosis where you could need to be admitted to hospital for emergency medical treatment. (The blood becomes acidic, which is very damaging to organs, blood vessels, and nerves. Without medical intervention it's a definite possibility that you could lose consciousness, lapse into a coma, and die. It really IS that serious.)

    650 to 700 calories IS a small amount, my friend, and there are such strict diets adhered to by some type 2 diabetics who are
    trying to lose weight, and hopefully reduce the amount of oral medication(s) ... and insulin, if they're taking that ... to gain better blood glucose control, but with type 1 diabetes it's the carbohydrate content of foods and drink that you should be counting. It's easier to determine how much insulin you need to inject/infuse to cover specific amounts.

    If you'd like to contact me directly to 'sound off', argue, or just have someone that's willing to listen to you, do please feel free. (Click on my name to see the hyperlink where you can send a message.)

    I wish you well, Dougal, and I pray that you've got a supportive doctor.

    Lots of Love and Light.

    Mick
    x x x x
    x x x

    P.S. Please don't be offended or alarmed at the "x's". It's simply a logo, of sorts, that I've used for some 30-odd years now.
     
  18. Jane Holmes

    Jane Holmes · Member

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    Dear Dougal.
    I have just read your post and thought it was me posting. It is very hard to keep control of diabetes, I along with my sister are type two age related diebetics and we can at least talk to each other, but you can get in touch with me any time you want. I don't know if I would be able to help you other than be a friend.
    Keep as positive as you can.

    Love Jane
     
  19. lexilox

    lexilox · Active Member

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    Have you had your thyroid tested? It affects weight energy and mood if out of balance, and thyroid problems are more common in diabetics.
     
  20. kerrycakes

    kerrycakes · Active Member

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    Glad things seem to be looking up! I still think you are brave, and im glad that its paid off!
    *hugs* to everyone on the thread, especially those who are finding things hard and not feeling great.

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