Why should I be bothered anymore....

[Molly56]

.....the title says it all.....just how I am feeling at the moment.....

 

[novorapidboi26]

a case could be argued why, but I suspect that wont make any difference to how you are feeling.......sorry to hear your feeling this way.....

it comes to us all at some point......

feel free to share your thoughts......

 

[ladybird64]

I think this is the question you should ask your OH Molly. That may give you the answer you're seeking but unfortunately, it probably won't be what you want to hear.
It's his choice to deal (or not) with his health, that's the bottom line. But it's your choice whether you are willing to care for him when it goes wrong, which it sounds like it will.
As long as he is fully aware of this, your conscience should be clear. Love is about respect, which works both ways, and you have shown plenty - there is little shown to you.

Time to step back methinks.

 

[Molly56]

Should I be bothered by the fact that he has not tested bs levels for the last two days....despite still injecting his insulin and driving...am wondering what readings he will be showing the diabetic nurse on Monday or whether he will just complete his book with false readings as he has done in the past....whatever I say (or don't say) won't make a blind bit of difference so why waste my breath......

 

[Robinredbreast]

.....the title says it all.....just how I am feeling at the moment.....

Sorry to hear that Molly, I'm not surprised. though.
Have a go on the scream thread...................... take care x

 

[ladybird64]

Should I be bothered by the fact that he has not tested bs levels for the last two days....despite still injecting his insulin and driving...am wondering what readings he will be showing the diabetic nurse on Monday or whether he will just complete his book with false readings as he has done in the past....whatever I say (or don't say) won't make a blind bit of difference so why waste my breath......

What would be bothering me - does actually - is not what he chooses to do with his own health but the fact that he is willing to risk causing harm to others on the road, potentially killing somebody. That really DOES bother me. He knows he has to test. He's not. He has cataracts and failing eyesight, the latter according to him. He's getting behind the wheel anyway. I would be less bothered about how a grown man chooses to live his life and more concerned about the fact that he is a danger on the road. Why is he being allowed to do this? It's one thing letting him lie through his teeth to the DN if it is only himself that will suffer but this is different. he could seriously hurt somebody.

Why can't you make a call to the DVLA, or send a note to his DN, explaining that you don't want him to know but stating your concerns?

 

[Molly56]

...what a waste of a life .....when he spends the majority of the day just lying in bed....does nothing to help himself....no wonder I give up.....just getting on with my life.....

 

[Enclave]

Only one thing to think about now ... If he has an car accident, killing some poor soul that's in the wrong place at the right time .. Would the finger of blame be pointing at you. His insurance will be void if he's not testing before driving and 2 hours into any driving ..
Molly you must try to get proof that he's refusing to listen to you .. Video ..audio.. Get him to sign a peice of paper if you have to ... Put your concerns in writing and hand it to the Dr or DSn ... Then you can prove you have tried your best to stop him from driving in violation of the DVLA ..
Look out for yourself now .. How's his foot and toe ?

 

[ladybird64]

With respect Enclave, I really don't think worrying about blame should be the issue here? Surely it's about that this selfish man could take somebody's life?
To be frank, I think the idea of recording or videoing him is going to ridiculous lengths, why should there be any need to prove that Molly isn't being listened to - although it's no doubt upsetting, this isn't about Molly, it's about him. A call to DVLA is enough, or a private note sent to his DN stating what he's doing would be enough. It is that simple.

Given the information that has been given on this thread, I genuinely fail to see why action hasn't been taken - he doesn't even need to know about it so what's the problem?

If we're talking about blame and insurance then I think the priorities are skewed, seriously messed up. We should be talking about lives being potentially lost.

 

[Simon84]

this bloke needs his licence ripped up at least!

 

[Enclave]

With respect Enclave, I really don't think worrying about blame should be the issue here? Surely it's about that this selfish man could take somebody's life?
To be frank, I think the idea of recording or videoing him is going to ridiculous lengths, why should there be any need to prove that Molly isn't being listened to - although it's no doubt upsetting, this isn't about Molly, it's about him. A call to DVLA is enough, or a private note sent to his DN stating what he's doing would be enough. It is that simple.

Given the information that has been given on this thread, I genuinely fail to see why action hasn't been taken - he doesn't even need to know about it so what's the problem?

If we're talking about blame and insurance then I think the priorities are skewed, seriously messed up. We should be talking about lives being potentially lost.

I was thinking of it being a shock tactics... With the aim of maybe getting him to take his diabetes seriously, without Molly trying to advise or help him. . Molly has tried the direct care route and it's not worked. I do aggree his driving should be stopped...

 

[Totto]

Should I be bothered by the fact that he has not tested bs levels for the last two days....despite still injecting his insulin and driving...am wondering what readings he will be showing the diabetic nurse on Monday or whether he will just complete his book with false readings as he has done in the past....whatever I say (or don't say) won't make a blind bit of difference so why waste my breath......

You know the opinion of many forumites who has given you advice over and over again.

Personally I have wondered for quite some time why you do bother as he seems to be a stubborn old git doing his own thing without any regard whatsoever for you or his own life, come to that.

So yes, do leave him, it's the sensible thing to do.

 

[ladybird64]

Can I make a suggestion? I hope it isn't taken the wrong way but it's what seems logical to me. I haven't read all the posts prior to this but have read quite a few. There's a few issues going on, and I've noticed how the threads seem to go round in circles with frustration creeping in..yet there are no changes. I think we should stick to the fundamental issues and save going through it again.

1) Molly has a partner who refuses to take his diabetes seriously. She is worried and frustrated. All we can do, or should do, is to suggest ways of helping her to help him, and that has been done, often for pages and pages. It shouldn't get into the realm of telling her to leave him etc, because what business is it of ours? It's easy to get drawn into that way of thinking when repeated advice and suggestion doesn't appear to be taken on board but seriously, not our business.

I think the most important part of this thread is regarding his driving, not his childish behaviour or the relationship dynamic. Do you intend to do anything about reporting him Molly?

 

[Molly56]

Only one thing to think about now ... If he has an car accident, killing some poor soul that's in the wrong place at the right time .. Would the finger of blame be pointing at you. His insurance will be void if he's not testing before driving and 2 hours into any driving ..
Molly you must try to get proof that he's refusing to listen to you .. Video ..audio.. Get him to sign a peice of paper if you have to ... Put your concerns in writing and hand it to the Dr or DSn ... Then you can prove you have tried your best to stop him from driving in violation of the DVLA ..
Look out for yourself now .. How's his foot and toe ?

@Enclave ....having seen the readings that he has written in his book today before going to see the diabetic nurse on Monday I am definitely feeling that I have to have a word with her sometime to tell her what is going on....comparing them to his meter they have clearly not come from actual blood tests taken...would prefer to speak to her face to face but it means getting past the receptionist first.....have got a bit of spare time this coming week so will see what I can do....failing that I will be composing a note...
.....have told him in the past that insurance would be void but clearly the message has not got through....would like to think that this could be reinforced by a health care professional but still not sure that he would take any notice of them (based on previous experiences/ advice given and not followed)....
....re his foot / toe he saw the podiatrist last Monday and has further appointments on this coming Monday and the one after....toe is totally encased in bandages so not really sure what is going on underneath...am leaving this one in the hands of the professionals now....have done my bit...
....did try to include you in a private message the other day but for some reason it told me I could not private message you...would be useful if I could...thanks as always for your words of advice...

 

[ladybird64]

"Should I be bothered by the fact that he has not tested bs levels for the last two days....despite still injecting his insulin and driving..."

"I think the most important part of this thread is regarding his driving, not his childish behaviour or the relationship dynamic. Do you intend to do anything about reporting him Molly?"

Any chance of an answer? You mentioned the above, guaranteed (quite rightly) to catch attention but then when provided with a solution, a simple one at that, you totally ignore the most important points and go back to the path that has been trodden so many times before..his readings, maybe speaking to the nurse sometime, message not getting through..
If you are seriously concerned, you could ring the DVLA yourself, there is no way he would know. If you are seriously concerned, you could drop a note into the surgery for the DN, stating what's been happening, there's no way he would know. These are things that would take minutes, and could be done immediately and could prevent someone who has neuropathy, cataracts, failing vision, takes insulin and doesn't test before driving possibly causing injury or even death to others. Why would you ignore this?

Something isn't adding up here.

 

[Molly56]

"Should I be bothered by the fact that he has not tested bs levels for the last two days....despite still injecting his insulin and driving..."

"I think the most important part of this thread is regarding his driving, not his childish behaviour or the relationship dynamic. Do you intend to do anything about reporting him Molly?"

Any chance of an answer? You mentioned the above, guaranteed (quite rightly) to catch attention but then when provided with a solution, a simple one at that, you totally ignore the most important points and go back to the path that has been trodden so many times before..his readings, maybe speaking to the nurse sometime, message not getting through..
If you are seriously concerned, you could ring the DVLA yourself, there is no way he would know. If you are seriously concerned, you could drop a note into the surgery for the DN, stating what's been happening, there's no way he would know. These are things that would take minutes, and could be done immediately and could prevent someone who has neuropathy, cataracts, failing vision, takes insulin and doesn't test before driving possibly causing injury or even death to others. Why would you ignore this?

Something isn't adding up here.

@ladybird64 .....will answer your questions and respond to your comments by private message in the morning....am going to bed now....

 

[Robbity]

Molly - I'm feeling really sorry for you as you appear have got yourself between a rock and a hard place. But it sounds now as though he's wrecking not only his life but yours too, and perhaps you should let him know this. Marriage may be for sickness and health but he needs reminding that it's also a two way commitment.

You should definitely take some action if he's a potential danger to someone else while driving - you may feel bad about doing this but imagine how much worse you could feel if he did actually kill or maim someone, and you'd done nothing to try to prevent it happening. You don't want that on your concience.

Riobbity

 

[Celeriac]

I think you have to show him that even if he doesn't give a **** about himself, you care about yourself. If it were me for example and he wanted to go shopping or for a day out, I would make it a new rule that he doesn't drive me unless he has tested.

My father used to like to walk along cliff edges when my brother and I were kids and we would scream and cry at him to try to make him stop. He once steered a speedboat so close to rocks that I could have touched them. I realised that he did it to get our attention and worry our mother too. So the next time he did it, we turned our backs and walked off. He never did it again.

I think he likes you making a fuss over him and he may also be depressed about diabetes. You've shown him you care about him, you've got to show him you care about you.

I won't get in a car with anyone who has been drinking, I think you have to do that with BG testing.

 

[poshtotty]

@Molly56 I am so weary of reading these gloomy, repetitive posts which go round in circles. New posters join the debate, giving the same support and advice as others have in the past yet there is no change in this destructive cycle. Your OH is changing, not always for the better, but he is changing. You are not.

I care for an adult relative who because of very complex needs, comes under two consultants, one in London (200 mile round trip) and another 60 miles from home. In the summer my relative answered one of the consultant's questions with a blatant lie and I could sit there no longer and listen to a qualified professional being deliberately misled, who was trying to understand why the complex surgery recently undertaken wasn't working, and why my relative still had problems. It was a waste of the consultant's valuable time so I interjected and said that what my relative had said wasn't actually true. . The consultant asked me to expand on what I had said and was then able to address the situation from an accurate standpoint and lectured her patient on the risks she was facing if she didn't change her ways immediately. The bottom line was that she faced kidney dialysis, would have no quality of life and possibly shortened life. My relative was furious with me, was in tears in the consultant's office, refused to speak to me for the rest of the day, yet when we returned home, she immediately changed her routine to the one suggested by the consultant and has maintained it ever since. It was tough on me but was the wake up call the patient needed.

When we saw the consultant again last Thursday, x-rays showed a huge improvement. My relative was praised by the consultant, given a more encouraging prognosis and the quarterly appointments have now been reduced to annual ones, with monitoring done locally instead of at specialist hospitals outside the county.

All because I had the moral courage to refuse to mislead a medical professional who was being given false information by a patient which prevented the appropriate treatment for a very serious, life threatening condition.

Would it not be more effective for you to put your concerns in writing to your OH's DN and GP instead of here? His GP and DN may not be able to reply to you, but they would have a note on your OH's records and would be alerted to the actual situation, and could then address it from an accurate standpoint, instead a false one.

It will take considerably more courage than posting the same recycled posts here, but could be very much more productive and would absolve you from being complicit in misleading medical professionals.

 

[ladybird64]

@ladybird64 .....will answer your questions and respond to your comments by private message in the morning....am going to bed now....

Molly, I'm not an unfriendly person in the least but would rather any responses or comments were kept to the public forum, rather than PM, as my answers were purely in response to what you have posted publicly yourself.

Thanks.