Will my son ever start to take type 1 serious?

[RyansMum]

Having a bad day today. My son was diagnosed beginning of December as type 1 and just when I think we are getting somewhere I realise he is still cheating ( why? I don't know. As he carb counts and can pretty much have what he wants ) he seems like he can't be bothered to test and that it's such a hassle, which it is, but why can't he see that it's keeping him healthy. He leaves his needles laying about his room - his answer to that is to not go into his room then. Fed up is an understatement right now.
He "forgot" his meter yesterday when going to a routine check up, he admitted he did it on purpose as we were leaving the room. He was like the model patient in front of the nurses and I honestly believed he was until I checked his meter at home and realised the lack of results.
When he's running high he is loud and aggressive and not likeable. I just want him to understand the seriousness of the condition!

 

[JANROU]

You didn't say how old your son is. He's having to deal with a lot at the moment, I remember being diagnosed as an adult as type 1 with 2 young children and honestly just wanted to ignore diabetes in the hope it would go away, stupid I know. All you can do is support and encourage him, maybe see if there are any other people his age with diabetes he can talk too. Give him lots of hugs and the occasional clip round the ear just so he knows you're there for him when he needs to talk.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Hi Ryansmum

You're caught in a hard place!!

What do you counts as your son eating or drinking incorrectly with his friends?

Has he had his hba1c done recently?

Is there a reward tactic that could be offered to get him back on side?

Reward is sometimes better than telling off...

 

[anna29]

Try goal orientating him ?
Set him tasks to adhere to / with a goal he wants ?

Sounds like he is testing you and pushing things as far as is possible .
Kids are not easy and he is almost a young man .

 

[RyansMum]

Hi all
He is 14 and his hba 1c that was taken a month ago was 8, which the doctor said was pretty good in just a month of diagnosis, cut it by half. On paper it sounds great but it's the day to day coping that we are struggling with. A reward system won't work unfortunately, he's always up for it but then he'll have a melt down and lose if anyway. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper with him and be supportive but it's very hard when he doesn't try to help himself. Plus he's always on about me treating him like a child but from now on I'll have to frisk him next time to make sure he has his meter on him.
So frustrating! Thank u for yr comments

 

[donnellysdogs]

Have you thought about two meters? One for out and about/school etc and one for home?

It sounds as if he needs to see DSN but as he is still under 18 would you consider phoning her before and explaining the problems? It is best they know his tactics as they will have met more children like this and may be better to soundly tick him off.. But for you to only be in the background and not adding to the ticking off as such??

What particularly do you see as wrong with his food or drink when out and about? As he may just be wanting to be the same as his friends...are the choices he's making that bad?

 

[tim2000s]

Also, what are you expecting his hba1c to be, and his glucose levels? Do you think he should be achieving 6s in the long term test and 5s day to day? What kind of pressure Are you putting him under? And is it passive pressure?

"It's dinner time, have you tested?"

" What were your bloods today?"

"Have you done your insulin?"

Are all pressure tactics without being aggressive, and there are also indirect ones that parents use.

Be careful you're not using too much of this with him, without realizing, because as someone who went there as a teenager, that becomes more annoying, when you know what you should be doing and are choosing to ignore it. Whilst I know its hard for you, you won't force him into doing the right things. If he is injecting around eating, that's at least the right direction. As a teen I used to make up result at clinics mostly because I couldn't be bothered to test, but the hba1cs don't let you hide and as long as they are okay, don't put to much pressure on him to conform with what you think is okay.

 

[Jaylee]

@tim2000s makes a valid point.. & one I can asotiate with.. There reaches a certain point in a lads life where the "special little soldier" thing can cause friction as one finds identity growing up..?

On the plus side these days I'm a T1 middle aged guy in good health & (thankfully.) no complications avidly testing & logging results on the finest technology known to man! I can also in this respect allow my mum in her old age all the dignity & support she deserves discussing & respecting her choices in health & lifestyle..

 

[CarbsRok]

Hi all
He is 14 and his hba 1c that was taken a month ago was 8, which the doctor said was pretty good in just a month of diagnosis, cut it by half. On paper it sounds great but it's the day to day coping that we are struggling with. A reward system won't work unfortunately, he's always up for it but then he'll have a melt down and lose if anyway. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper with him and be supportive but it's very hard when he doesn't try to help himself. Plus he's always on about me treating him like a child but from now on I'll have to frisk him next time to make sure he has his meter on him.
So frustrating! Thank u for yr comments

Teenagers are hard work even without diabetes.
Nagging him (in his eyes) wont help.
Try the approach of involving him in all decisions ..... carbs in meals, insulin doses, get the smartest gadget meter you can find if he's into gadgets.
He is probably in complete denial and thinks if he ignores it it will go away. Melt downs could due to very high blood sugars. All he want's is to be non diabetic and just like his mates.
When he tests and is out of range make no comment about it except to say lets work out the correction dose to help bring it down. If a post mortem is held son will automatically assume you are having a go at him.
Show info on pumps and ask if he fancies a bionic pancreas. Then perhaps gradually build on the idea that if he tests and records results there's a good chance of having one.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Also, what are you expecting his hba1c to be, and his glucose levels? Do you think he should be achieving 6s in the long term test and 5s day to day? What kind of pressure Are you putting him under? And is it passive pressure?

"It's dinner time, have you tested?"

" What were your bloods today?"

"Have you done your insulin?"

Are all pressure tactics without being aggressive, and there are also indirect ones that parents use.

Be careful you're not using too much of this with him, without realizing, because as someone who went there as a teenager, that becomes more annoying, when you know what you should be doing and are choosing to ignore it. Whilst I know its hard for you, you won't force him into doing the right things. If he is injecting around eating, that's at least the right direction. As a teen I used to make up result at clinics mostly because I couldn't be bothered to test, but the hba1cs don't let you hide and as long as they are okay, don't put to much pressure on him to conform with what you think is okay.

Totally agree with types of questions.. And when etc..

My mom persisted on this type of question for 28 years before I told her I hated them! Boy I forgot anout the way parents can irritate the heck out of you!!

Would a sit down at a table be possible for you to both air your irritations... With parent lustening more than input and with a totally mindful manner...
By this I mean... Across a table actually formalises a chat.. Kids won't realise it, neither do many adults...

Say something like "i would really appreciate knowing how you feel about your life with managing your diabetes.." And listen without input...
Or "how do you feel about the way I talk to you about your diabetes" and listen...and don't comment...take his words as his own feelings.....and don't add your views in...

You could ask "is there anything I am doing that is annoying the **** out of you".... But you would have to be big enough to take the comments on board without adding your ten penneth back in.

There is a link somewhere to the do's and don'ts of how to talk to a diabetic child from a childs point of view... Its been posted a number of times.... Have you read it?

I'm not saying that you haven't tried this all already but handling a child that really doesn't want to feel different to his friends and family is hard. I bet he is still asking himself "why the heck did I get this, why me?"

 

[Jaylee]

Mums concern & worry may also be having an effect on the emotional reaction..?
Let's face it. It's nobodys fault. He may well be feeling he might have well stolen a car..!! Lol I remember going through all manor of "goth" musings at that age....

Try letting the boy go to the D clinic by himself..? You can always covertly check up on things with the consultant for your own peace on mind later..

 

[noblehead]

Hi all
He is 14 and his hba 1c that was taken a month ago was 8, which the doctor said was pretty good in just a month of diagnosis, cut it by half. On paper it sounds great but it's the day to day coping that we are struggling with. A reward system won't work unfortunately, he's always up for it but then he'll have a melt down and lose if anyway. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper with him and be supportive but it's very hard when he doesn't try to help himself. Plus he's always on about me treating him like a child but from now on I'll have to frisk him next time to make sure he has his meter on him.
So frustrating! Thank u for yr comments

14 year olds are hard work at the best of times but throw type 1 diabetes into the mix...........

I would give him time to adjust and let him come to terms with things otherwise he'll resent his diabetes even more.

I wasn't much older than your son when I was diagnosed and fully understand his frustration and unwillingness to accept things for what they are, just asking him to take his meter and pen along with him when going out would be a start, perhaps if you have a word with his DSN on the quiet they might have a word with him on how important testing is when your insulin dependant.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi all
He is 14 and his hba 1c that was taken a month ago was 8, which the doctor said was pretty good in just a month of diagnosis, cut it by half. On paper it sounds great but it's the day to day coping that we are struggling with. A reward system won't work unfortunately, he's always up for it but then he'll have a melt down and lose if anyway. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper with him and be supportive but it's very hard when he doesn't try to help himself. Plus he's always on about me treating him like a child but from now on I'll have to frisk him next time to make sure he has his meter on him.
So frustrating! Thank u for yr comments

Hi, as a parent you are in a difficult situation, dammed if you do, and dammed if you don't. The more you go on about something ( medical or not) the more they seem to dig their heels in and ignore/block their ears. Do you remember a recent song in the charts " your words mean nothing I go la, la, la ". He has done pretty well so far, in such a short time. So maybe cutting him a little slack, ignoring the negatives and praising the positives may go a long way? But he is a young person and they are 'all that, and know it all' which they most certainly don't .Also he probably just still wants to be just the same as his mates, not different as not thinking about it sometimes means It's not there.
You are doing so well as a parent, but don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back and take nice controlled deep breaths too.
Take care and good luck

RRB

 

[RyansMum]

Once again thank you all for your thoughts and comments they really do help.
It's half term so its going to be less regimented than the norm, I try so hard not to nag him, I try to step back and basically let him do his thing but when catching him out on things it just frustrates the hell out of me! But I do get that he is a teenage boy with this condition that dictates what he can and can't eat, I'm not sure I could manage it at all ( I hate needles ) the needles don't phase him whatsoever though.
He stole chocolate from his sisters room yesterday, she's 18 and actually hid it so not to tempt him but he went looking and got lucky. The annoying thing is he can have chocolate after his meal and just allow insulin for it! I know that the early days they still have an insatiable hunger but still, it's not on. I get that he wants to be like his friends too but he also needs to understand that this condition isn't going away!

 

[donnellysdogs]

Why can he only have chocolate after a meal? Was this term of eating put in before diabetes or after diabetes?

 

[RyansMum]

That's what the dietitian said, it digests better and if given with a meal and insulin allowed for it then it's better then it being a random snack.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Once again thank you all for your thoughts and comments they really do help.
It's half term so its going to be less regimented than the norm, I try so hard not to nag him, I try to step back and basically let him do his thing but when catching him out on things it just frustrates the hell out of me! But I do get that he is a teenage boy with this condition that dictates what he can and can't eat, I'm not sure I could manage it at all ( I hate needles ) the needles don't phase him whatsoever though.
He stole chocolate from his sisters room yesterday, she's 18 and actually hid it so not to tempt him but he went looking and got lucky. The annoying thing is he can have chocolate after his meal and just allow insulin for it! I know that the early days they still have an insatiable hunger but still, it's not on. I get that he wants to be like his friends too but he also needs to understand that this condition isn't going away!

It's a fine line RyansMum, but all the best to you and Ryan. I have a 14 year old girl, and she's a good kid, but how would she cope with having diabetes, I don't know tbh.? But knowing I have had for years should make her pull her socks up.
Maybe your boy is having a silent rebellion,? he copes with injections etc, but really underneath is a babbling brook ,as still waters can run very deep.
All the best RRB

 

[RyansMum]

Thank you, and he is a good kid mostly, all our issues are over food. After reading what people have to say on the matter I may take a step back today and see what happens.

Many thanks

 

[tim2000s]

He should be admonished for stealing his sister's things though. Regardless of what it was, going into her space and nicking her stuff needs to be reprimanded. If he was stealing her make up the point would be made.

The discussion should obviously not touch on chocolate and should be totally about trespass into her room and theft of her stuff.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Personally I would relax anout the times of eating chocolate etc.

It is not fair on children... Either the 18yr old daughter feeling that dhe has to now hide chocolate ortheson that feels he has to go into herroom and sneak it out.

The whole reasons for both of these reactionsis diabetes and the rules that have been set.

I have never restricted chocolate eating time to after a meal!' 30 years diabetic and no complications.

Give the lad a break and the daughter to.... So ling as he injects I would seriously allow him to eat at anytime.

I've never been a gorger of chocolate unlike a lot of kids of today but seriously.. The fact that daughter is hiding chocolate in her room? Does daughter think that her brother will never go in a sweet shop again??

Sorry, seriously I believe that son has been wrongly restricted and is reacting because of restrictions....