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Yet another spiral into depression

M

Maggie75

Well-Known Member
Messages
183
Hi everyone,

I'm T2, currently not well controlled although the Dapagliflozin they've prescribed seems to be doing something to keep things relatively in check. I've struggled for years with my mental health, diagnosed with complex-PTSD, severe depression and anxiety.
I've been feeling over the last week or so that my depression is spiralling again, my eating is out of control and I basically have no ability to function as a normal human being. I have no ability to look after myself at all, it's like a brick wall goes up and my mind just shuts down and concentrates solely on reminding me constantly that I am worthless, useless and a complete waste of oxygen, oh, and with the intrusive thoughts and horrific images it conjures up as well.
I just feel that I can't take any more, the frightening thing is I know this is just the start, once the suicidal thoughts and urges start up it's like a living hell of fighting your mind to stay alive. When is enough really enough? Dr's can give me nothing that will help, I'm on a waiting list for psychotherapy but I've been told it will likely be over a year for this because of the waiting lists on NHS. I've asked for other treatments which have all been denied (including ECT), not appropriate for me apparently. Where else do I turn?
I don't understand why God just doesn't answer my prayers and let me go peacefully. Sorry for the very depressing post, I just had to get this out of my head.

Maggie
 
Sorry to read you’re suffering again @Maggie75, can you get an emergency appointment with your GP or if you feel so bad it may be worth a trip to A&E the on call mental health team might be able to see you.

I’ve posted this info for you before but adding it here again so you have it to hand

Help when struggling

https://www.diabetes.org.uk/how_we_help/helpline

England, Wales and Northern Ireland

Call: 0345 123 2399*, Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm

Email: [email protected]

Scotland

Call: 0141 212 8710*, Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm.

Email: [email protected]

There is also the samaritans on 116 123 .

The Mind website



https://hubofhope.co.uk/

This one has a help line open until midnight

https://www.thecalmzone.net/


Edited to add a couple more websites
 
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Thank you for your reply, I already have a CPN so if I contact GP etc they'll just refer me back to her and I'll be told to implement my safety plan. Easier said than done when you're feeling like this. But thanks again for the information.

Maggie
 
Maggie75 said:
Thank you for your reply, I already have a CPN so if I contact GP etc they'll just refer me back to her and I'll be told to implement my safety plan. Easier said than done when you're feeling like this. But thanks again for the information.

Maggie
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Ok but please don’t rule out going to A&E, calling 111 or even calling 999 if you feel suicidal, you may have a bit of a wait but they will have an on call emergency mental health team & they may be able to fast track treatment for you or perhaps find another route.

I know it’s not easy, I appreciate how difficult it is but is there anyone at home you can talk to and help you implement your safety plan?
 
Sorry for what you are going through and sorry I have no help to offer. Just wanted you to know there are people like me who sympathize and empathize with your agony. You're not alone. I hope for some relief and some good to come into your life and heart very soon.
 
I'm another one who wants you to know how sorry I am you are feeling like this again.
I've been there, and one of my biggest fears is having to do it again.
Maggie75 said:
if I contact GP etc they'll just refer me back to her and I'll be told to implement my safety plan. Easier said than done when you're feeling like this.
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Do you want to tell us what's in your safety plan? Maybe There is something helpful there which is not impossible to do.
 
Thank you all so much for your messages of encouragement, it really does mean so much. I spoke to a counsellor earlier today over the phone who was very sympathetic and couldn't believe that everything I've asked for through my psychiatrist has been refused as it's not 'appropriate' for me.
I'm at a loss with this now, I have the kind of logical mind that even in the grips of severe depression I will research every possible thing that could help me with this unbearable mental illness, but anything I have mentioned is just brushed aside like it's nothing. I won't go into everything here as I'm not sure how much I can say on this site but there are proven, researched methods that can now be tried for severe, treatment resistant depression and PTSD that will simply not be considered so where honestly does that leave people like me?
They just won't even try. I've said more than once that they simply rely one people like me to die, take our own lives as it's easier in long run, get me off waiting lists, benefits, medications and everything else. That's such a thoroughly depressing and painful way to look at things, but it's the unvarnished truth. All the talking therapies in the world won't make any difference now without something else that will help me try to fix this horribly damaged mind.
I see no other way forward, I'm trying so hard to hang on, I don't want to die, I just don't want to be in this terrible pain any more with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Maggie
 
Maggie75 said:
I see no other way forward, I'm trying so hard to hang on, I don't want to die, I just don't want to be in this terrible pain any more with no light at the end of the tunnel.
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I can't do anything practical for you but I just wanted to say that I am one of many on this site who wish you well and hope that you can get the help you need and deserve. If posting with others helps, you have many willing and sympathetic listeners here.

Sending you virtual hugs from New Zealand
 
unsure if of use, or even is perhaps a possibility in area you live at. I've been on waiting list for help with anxiety. very long waiting list in my area, the psychology dept in my area has now refered me outwith the local area due to the wait, in hope that can perhaps speed up appt. you could also try going via primary care route usually 'triaged' might be worth finding out their number and giving them a call, even if its only leaving a message on answering service if leaving message, start with name and your chi (hospital number contains your dob etc). kind regards.
 
Thank you all for your kind replies, I'm still feeling the same but I'm here at least. I've been back in contact with CPN's who are trying to get me back in to see my psychiatrist but have advised they cannot give a timeframe on this. In the meantime they will remain in regular contact with me under the crisis team. I cannot be transferred to any other area as I'm already under the care of a psychiatrist. And I just have to keep clinging on by my fingernails. One hour at a time, that's all I can do. Thank you all again for your kindness and advice.

Maggie
 
Hang in there @Maggie75 - your doing fine, sometimes it’s minute by minute, but you’re still a minute nearer to finding something that works & some peace
 
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