Meeting a new partner and sharing your type 1!

[KJ74]

Hi there,
First time I've ever posted on this forum but I am quite newly diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes, back in December 2015. Over 40 now, so was quite a shock!! Anyway, after my initial gloom and doom, I found my coping powers and I'm managing better. Also I'm not now in denial as I believe I was a few months ago. I've also started back on the dating scene as my partner and I split up around the time of my diagnosis. Never been a big fan of online dating but decided to give it a try! I went on my first date this week and all I could think about was, what if my sugar levels falls or if I need to explain going to the toilet just before the food arrives etc. Never quite a first date clincher Probably my greatest fear was that if we actually hit it off, when would I gently add this piece of information in about me if we progressed another date. Well, except for not being able to eat much mostly down to nerves, we got on very well. We had several long phone chats before the date and a lot in common. I'm going to be meeting him on Sunday for our second date and he does seem very keen! I was thinking maybe wait until the 3rd date after we've had a chance to get to know each other better. I'm a very honest person and it's uncomfortable not being able to share this right away but I do need to if things are going to go well for us. I just wandered if anyone had similar experiences and could give some advice on how to handle this. It is important that people you spend time with know about it and if something were to happen they could be of help. It may also put some men off, so I feel I'm better knowing sooner rather than later too. I know people say to me if it's the right man it shouldn't matter but he is still looking to have a family and then there's also complications there! I've not had to think of this before so you can hopefully understand my insecurities. I've only just begun to build up my self confidence again so don't wish to destroy all the good work thanks for your time, best wishes, KJ

 

[tim2000s]

Hi @KJ74 and welcome to the forum. Dating with a long term condition can be tricky, but in reality, most people aren't that bothered. You could always broach the subject by going out for something to eat on the second date, & simply use it as an excuse to do your insulin in front of him, probably with a little humour. Something like, "I hope you're not needlephobic, but if you are, look away now".

If that puts someone off, then the reality is it doesn't matter whether it is first or twentieth date when you tell them.

You don't know whether this person has friends, family, etc that may be Type 1 or Type 2 so it may not be a massive factor for them.

I think the most important thing is to be confident about it, and not apologetic. It's a fact of life and a part of you, so whenever you choose to tell them (and I tended to opt for earlier, although I never had anyone walk away due to being type 1) just show them that it's literally just something that you do.

 

[KJ74]

Hi @KJ74 and welcome to the forum. Dating with a long term condition can be tricky, but in reality, most people aren't that bothered. You could always broach the subject by going out for something to eat on the second date, & simply use it as an excuse to do your insulin in front of him, probably with a little humour. Something like, "I hope you're not needlephobic, but if you are, look away now".

If that puts someone off, then the reality is it doesn't matter whether it is first or twentieth date when you tell them.

You don't know whether this person has friends, family, etc that may be Type 1 or Type 2 so it may not be a massive factor for them.

I think the most important thing is to be confident about it, and not apologetic. It's a fact of life and a part of you, so whenever you choose to tell them (and I tended to opt for earlier, although I never had anyone walk away due to being type 1) just show them that it's literally just something that you do.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. That is so helpful and it made me laugh he is very funny so something like that probably would work but I've not sure I've got the nerve to do it. I've always gone off to inject. I will go with confidence as you say is better. I've got through this coping on my own for 9 months so I'm not looking for someone to take on a duty! If it's not him it will arise again so best to tackle now. Thanks again, I'll keep this advice close by. KJ

 

[slip]

For all you know he could be thinking the same thing - how do I tell her I'm T1D? Think about how you would like to be informed of his condition if it were the other way around. I think perhaps when you're arranging the next dinner date over the phone, you mention it then.

BTW you shouldn't feel the need to disappear, especially to the toilet yuck, to do a jab.

 

[Juicyj]

Perfectly said by Tim - don't apologise for it, it's part of you and if he's a 'keeper' then he will willingly accept it. At our age lol we come with history, no one is perfect and it's part and parcel of you and what makes you. I feel you should tell him sooner rather than later, just for the simple reason of explaining your toilet visits and blood glucose testing as well as hypos and this could be more embarrassing to explain if you did dip as well as handling a low whilst treating yourself. When you first date someone it's very much like 'will he like me' and trust me he will be thinking exactly the same too. Good luck, if it's meant to be then you will know

 

[noblehead]

I know people say to me if it's the right man it shouldn't matter but he is still looking to have a family and then there's also complications there!

Those people are so right, if your date is put-off by you having diabetes then he isn't the right one.

Just be open and honest and if he truly likes you he'll ask to see you again. Have a great time

 

[KJ74]

Perfectly said by Tim - don't apologise for it, it's part of you and if he's a 'keeper' then he will willingly accept it. At our age lol we come with history, no one is perfect and it's part and parcel of you and what makes you. I feel you should tell him sooner rather than later, just for the simple reason of explaining your toilet visits and blood glucose testing as well as hypos and this could be more embarrassing to explain if you did dip as well as handling a low whilst treating yourself. When you first date someone it's very much like 'will he like me' and trust me he will be thinking exactly the same too. Good luck, if it's meant to be then you will know

Thank you! I will take on both of your kind and supportive words of wisdom I'm seeing him on Sunday hopefully so I will share. You never know how you'll be on a first date with someone you haven't met. Our first date wasn't just a coffee, it was a meal and that obviously brought this up for me more. It's not that I've ever experienced this before so I'm learning I'll let you know how I get on!

 

[KJ74]

For all you know he could be thinking the same thing - how do I tell her I'm T1D? Think about how you would like to be informed of his condition if it were the other way around. I think perhaps when you're arranging the next dinner date over the phone, you mention it then.

BTW you shouldn't feel the need to disappear, especially to the toilet yuck, to do a jab.

Thank you. I know what you mean I think I shall next time. Best wishes, KJ

 

[Chas C]

I've been IDD since 1970 and always been open with everyone and took the view that if they had an issue then it was their problem and not mine, not that I've ever really had any problems. Hope it all goes well for you.

I have never felt the need to hide for a jab, in the early days when you needed a chemical set to do a urine glucose test then yes I did go to the loo for these but never since we had blood glucose machines.

 

[TorqPenderloin]

I think most people aren't so concerned about WHAT has happened in your life so much as they're concerned with HOW you've dealt with those experiences.

Think about what your initial impressions were after you were diagnosed. If you had come to this forum and all people did was complain and share sadness you might have felt the need to feel the same way. In reality, there are a lot of people here that are doing some extremely inspiring things and that has a positive impact on others (I know does for me).

Of course, we each have our moments when we want to rant and be a little angry, but those emotions probably aren't best for a first date. You're obviously very excited about this first date and your emotions should reflect that when you meet him.

 

[micky p]

If he's a nice guy who is interested in you relax and enjoy the date and if it is a problem for him you can do without any more pricks in your life

Sent from my HTC Desire 510 using DCUK Forum mobile app

 

[KJ74]

I've been IDD since 1970 and always been open with everyone and took the view that if they had an issue then it was their problem and not mine, not that I've ever really had any problems. Hope it all goes well for you.

I have never felt the need to hide for a jab, in the early days when you needed a chemical set to do a urine glucose test then yes I did go to the loo for these but never since we had blood glucose machines.

Thank you Chas. I don't mind being open about it truly and why should we not be? I'm a strong person and it's made me more determined to work less and lead a more balanced life. To embrace all new experiences

 

[Robinredbreast]

I think most people aren't so concerned about WHAT has happened in your life so much as they're concerned with HOW you've dealt with those experiences.

Think about what your initial impressions were after you were diagnosed. If you had come to this forum and all people did was complain and share sadness you might have felt the need to feel the same way. In reality, there are a lot of people here that are doing some extremely inspiring things and that has a positive impact on others (I know does for me).

Of course, we each have our moments when we want to rant and be a little angry, but those emotions probably aren't best for a first date. You're obviously very excited about this first date and your emotions should reflect that when you meet him.

Unfortunately your first sentence doesn't bode well, I have actually been there and bought the T shirt, some men on line have been quite horrible and some stonewalled me ( blanked me) But a new chapter opened up for me in April/May this year

 

[KJ74]

I think most people aren't so concerned about WHAT has happened in your life so much as they're concerned with HOW you've dealt with those experiences.

Think about what your initial impressions were after you were diagnosed. If you had come to this forum and all people did was complain and share sadness you might have felt the need to feel the same way. In reality, there are a lot of people here that are doing some extremely inspiring things and that has a positive impact on others (I know does for me).

Of course, we each have our moments when we want to rant and be a little angry, but those emotions probably aren't best for a first date. You're obviously very excited about this first date and your emotions should reflect that when you meet him.

Thanks Torq, I will keep your words in mind. I haven't reached out before as I'm a very positive and independent person and I've just gone on with it, so to speak. I now know where to come if I have any more concerns, this forum!
I sang for a local Charity Dinner Dance to raise money for our local diabetic group the other month as it was something I could give freely of myself. Very rewarding experience and the first time I had met more than a couple of type 1's in the same room! I didn't feel quite so different. I've very blessed that it's only now I have to be insulin dependant. I raise my hat for type 1's who have had to deal with this all their life. Onwards and upwards! All the very best with your work. KJ

 

[KJ74]

Unfortunately your first sentence doesn't bode well, I have actually been there and bought the T shirt, some men on line have been quite horrible and some stonewalled me ( blanked me) But a new chapter opened up for me in April/May this year

Love your quotes! Sorry to hear that. I will at least give him a chance and speak to him and we shall see! all the best

 

[azure]

@KJ74 I agree with everyone saying just be open about it. There's no reason to hide Type 1 or feel embarrassed. I know it can be hard to think of the right moment to say something, but going out to eat is a perfect opportunity. What I used to do is put my insulin pen case neatly beside my place after I'd sat down. Then the person is sure to look and notice, so I then used that as an opportunity to casually say that I had Type 1 so needed to inject before I ate.

I've never had anything but curiosity in response, and often lots of questions : D

The longer you leave saying it, the more of a 'thing' it will be. My advice is to mention it casually and naturally at the first opportunity.

Good luck with your date

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi @KJ74 and welcome. After being on my own for over a decade a friend suggested online dating. A lot of it was an eye opener, after trying different sites and lots of breaks in between, I met a guy who accepts me and my type 1 unconditionally, he wanted to know about type 1, looked online, asks questions, has injected me and even carries around glucose tablets. He is 8 years older than me and we 'met' online by accident and we are still together. I told him on the second date, because the first date we ordered tea in a lovely tea room and I received a phone call to tell me my elderly dad had been taken to hospital with breathing difficulties, he could see the look of shock and worry on my face and insisted on driving me to the hospital. I told him I had type 1 on our second date and we are still together, this is our 6th month. He told me he liked me the first time we met and was and still is very keen. Good luck, I am sure it will work out well, as diabetes is just a small part of who we are.
Type 1 for 27 years, take care x

 

[yingtong]

Hi,you have had some very good advice.Ive been with my wife for 50 years and married for 47 years.I believe being honest and open is a good starting place in a relationship,or it certainly is for me.Ive been type1 for nearly 55 years and my wife is absolute rock with my diabetes and she has a needle phobia.I wish you good luck in your new relationship.

 

[rockape37]

Hi there,
First time I've ever posted on this forum but I am quite newly diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes, back in December 2015. Over 40 now, so was quite a shock!! Anyway, after my initial gloom and doom, I found my coping powers and I'm managing better. Also I'm not now in denial as I believe I was a few months ago. I've also started back on the dating scene as my partner and I split up around the time of my diagnosis. Never been a big fan of online dating but decided to give it a try! I went on my first date this week and all I could think about was, what if my sugar levels falls or if I need to explain going to the toilet just before the food arrives etc. Never quite a first date clincher Probably my greatest fear was that if we actually hit it off, when would I gently add this piece of information in about me if we progressed another date. Well, except for not being able to eat much mostly down to nerves, we got on very well. We had several long phone chats before the date and a lot in common. I'm going to be meeting him on Sunday for our second date and he does seem very keen! I was thinking maybe wait until the 3rd date after we've had a chance to get to know each other better. I'm a very honest person and it's uncomfortable not being able to share this right away but I do need to if things are going to go well for us. I just wandered if anyone had similar experiences and could give some advice on how to handle this. It is important that people you spend time with know about it and if something were to happen they could be of help. It may also put some men off, so I feel I'm better knowing sooner rather than later too. I know people say to me if it's the right man it shouldn't matter but he is still looking to have a family and then there's also complications there! I've not had to think of this before so you can hopefully understand my insecurities. I've only just begun to build up my self confidence again so don't wish to destroy all the good work thanks for your time, best wishes, KJ

I think you have to show confidence in what you are doing. I personally wouldn't slip off to the toilet to take my injection as firstly i think its degrading ging to the tiolet to do so and to me fels un clean no mater how nice the toilets are. And also it will raise questions. Just ask him to excuse you for a moment while you check your BG, this will create some interest and conversation on the matter then tell him you need to inject and do it there in front of him.

Nothing wrong in that at all.

Regards

Martin