• Guest - w'd love to know what you think about the forum! Take the 2025 Survey »

can't talk to partner about diabetes.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Deleted member 489048
  • Start Date Start Date
D

Deleted member 489048

Guest
Basically anytime start to talk about diabetes it leads to arguments which leads to an increase in blood levels.....stressed. Any feedback would be appreciated.
 
Sorry to hear about this, how do the arguments usually start if you don't mind me asking? do you ask your partner to sit down and talk about your diabetes? Your partner may have a fear of talking about it because its something that affects your health and they may not want to think about it, but ultimately they should.
 
WHT said:
Basically anytime start to talk about diabetes it leads to arguments which leads to an increase in blood levels.....stressed. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Click to expand...

Hi @WHT ,

Who gets fiery first in the discussion? Sometimes passion & anger get confused.
 
Fear might be the key. My husband finds it hard when I mention T1D. He fears the worst and so would rather not know................... I think
 
My husband refuses to engage with it too. I think it is fear, as he does not like to discuss the possibility of me not being healthy or facing death. I recently had an MRI scan, he asked what they were looking for and I breezily replied "brain tumour" he went silent and has not dared ask anything since. Same with my T1.
 
SueJB said:
Fear might be the key. My husband finds it hard when I mention T1D. He fears the worst and so would rather not know................... I think
Click to expand...

Diakat said:
My husband refuses to engage with it too. I think it is fear, as he does not like to discuss the possibility of me not being healthy or facing death. I recently had an MRI scan, he asked what they were looking for and I breezily replied "brain tumour" he went silent and has not dared ask anything since. Same with my T1.
Click to expand...

Us 'blokes' like to feel as though we are capable of protecting our partners. (Yes I know you 'sisters are doin' it for yourselves' these days).

The problem (not only) with diabetes is that it's very much down to the patient to manage the situation and so the partner is left out - feeling almost helpless watching the infinite rounds of blood testing and injections.

If you think about some other conditions (let's not mention the C word) then a partner is often involved in some aspect of the care but that doesn't really happen with diabetes, we just get on with it like the troopers we are.

So whilst fear may play a part, I tend to think also that the feeling of being a helpless bystander feeds into the lack of engagement.

Anyway, enough of this namby pamby emotional stuff, sort it out will ya.
 
Diakat said:
My husband refuses to engage with it too. I think it is fear, as he does not like to discuss the possibility of me not being healthy or facing death. I recently had an MRI scan, he asked what they were looking for and I breezily replied "brain tumour" he went silent and has not dared ask anything since. Same with my T1.
Click to expand...

My OH likes a bullet point, executive summary, but definitely light on any gore.

To be fair, as our main cook, he took a very good level of interest as our way of eating had to be altered. We've always eaten together. He'll just have carbs, or more carbs than I'll have.
 
*stereotyping madly*

Blokes often like to fix things, and my very practically minded husband can’t always get to grips with the fact that I can’t be mended, sorted, job done. The relentless management tasks are basically incomprehensible to him, although he does meticulously count carbs for me when he’s cooking, and buy some of the strange foods I eat now when he’s shopping. But if he could sort out a new pancreas and nail it on with gaffer tape and cable ties, he probably would!
 
WHT said:
Basically anytime start to talk about diabetes it leads to arguments which leads to an increase in blood levels.....stressed. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Click to expand...
What kind of thing are you talking about? What medication if any are you on?
My hubs keeps me in line by carb shaming if I so much look at anything carby..
And is if anything more of an evangelist than me... although of course he eats whatever he wants! Chocolate, chips,rice you name it!
 
WHT said:
Basically anytime start to talk about diabetes it leads to arguments which leads to an increase in blood levels.....stressed. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Click to expand...
Use and participate more on here. I've found a lovely new family. We are mostly diabetes wise and available when even most partners aren't. It's not a competition. It just starts as a problem halved is a problem shared.... on-line.
 
WHT said:
Basically anytime start to talk about diabetes it leads to arguments which leads to an increase in blood levels.....stressed. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Click to expand...
I had the exact same problem with my OH when we got together. It was my fault in the beginning, i was trying to protect him and not let him in.. after having diabetes for 19 years you just seem to bw used to dealing with everything single handedly!

We used to have arguments too, i think it was due to his lack of understanding the condition and as alot of people have mentioned the fact they cant 'fix' it. Or they ccarry the burden for a least a day so we can have a break. As a partner i can imagine thats quite hard. Also i think theu dont want to openly talk about it as its a very personal and can be sensitive subject

To counter this i let him alot more and actually sent him links to the BERTIE website so he could understand more what we deal with day to day. He felt like we both could deal with it together as he understood more about it.

In turn he does low carb meals for me, always helps out when im low, when im high he knows that if im being horrible i dont mean it and asks if ove taken an injection, always has glucose tablets on him... its actually helped our relationship as hr now kinda gets what we have to deal with!

I think the message from this is that we have to let them in more and let them in :) so as a cpuple we're both fighting this together

Hope this helps!
 
Thanks guys for the input much appreciated. Has given me food for thought and didn't think about 'fear'. I'm quite fiery in response and so probably don't put my brain in gear before I open my gob! My partner is 'prediabetes' and didn't stop to think of the 'fear factor'. Good to see another angle.
 
urbanracer said:
So whilst fear may play a part, I tend to think also that the feeling of being a helpless bystander feeds into the lack of engagement.
Click to expand...
That's interesting and suggests that asking for (clearly defined practical) help might be a better idea than soldiering on independently. Not my problem, as I haven't got a partner.
 
Hi everyone! I'm actually the partner of a Type 1 diabetic and was just wondering if anyone thinks theres enough information for partners of those with diabetes? I've made it a bit of a mission to help people get involved with their partners diabetes in a positive way. A lot of you have said that you've struggled to get your partners interacting positively with you which is absolutely how it shouldn't be! I'd like to try and change this but would like a general consensus on whether the support is needed or not?
 
partnerswithdiabetes said:
Hi everyone! I'm actually the partner of a Type 1 diabetic and was just wondering if anyone thinks theres enough information for partners of those with diabetes? I've made it a bit of a mission to help people get involved with their partners diabetes in a positive way. A lot of you have said that you've struggled to get your partners interacting positively with you which is absolutely how it shouldn't be! I'd like to try and change this but would like a general consensus on whether the support is needed or not?
Click to expand...


There was a similar thread a while ago talking about similar things https://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/th...ers-of-a-type-1-diabetic.154899/#post-1851475
Might be worth have a quick read on this one, may help add ideas :)

Oh and forgot, Welcome to the forum :)
 
Knikki said:
There was a similar thread a while ago talking about similar things
Click to expand...
Thank you so much! It's such an informative post. So true that partners need help sometimes. I know when I first met my partner I didn't have a clue what was going on, what hypo's and hyper's were and how the hell his pump worked. Luckily I've learnt over time but I know many don't try and understand diabetes which is really sad. I've recently started a blog about diabetes and am discussing how partners can help and certain awkward situations the both of us have faced in regards to diabetes. Thanks so much for the thread it's really informative!
 
So many issues to unpick here. People deal with stuff, stupid stuff, serious stuff, any stuff, in different ways often as a result of personality or past experiences. If communications tend to be concrete rather than affective, then introducing potentially life threatening agendas can cause havoc in a relationship. If you are a ‘fixer’ then this threatens ability to fix for the one without the diagnosis. If you are a ‘supporter’ then this should result in better for both. Clearly there is a problem with control if control is a feature of the relationship. Perhaps you have a friend who is a natural referee / arbitrator? Acceptable to both? Maybe a discussion between you both with an arbitrator might help. Best of luck.
 
Back
Top