Finding it tough ?

[HSSS]

I can only echo everyone else sentiments. Work wise I can understand your struggles. As the others have said finding your place would make that so much better, possibly financially too. I know that’s far easier said than done, but it can be done. Meantime do work know about the autism? Did they ask about such conditions when they employed you? They are legally bound to make reasonable accommodations for disabilities and if you are formally diagnosed this would probably count. Are there roles there that would suit you better? Would a frank conversation outlining what would make you a more efficient worker be possible? (sell them the benefits to them not just those that help you, appealing to their self interests). Being disappointed in you feeling undervalued does sounds very “manager speak” and possibly lip service. But also it may be they have no idea what to do about it and suggestions or requests would save them the hassle of coming up with solutions or dealing with the consequences of not doing so.

Grief is hard but if the loss of your parents is an overwhelming part of your struggles then maybe cruise could help with some counselling. Around here there’s an agency called italk you can self refer to for counselling. Fees are sliding depending on circumstances. Maybe there’s something similar near you. Do you have special interests you can take refuge in when it gets too much to allow yourself downtime?

Finally whenever I’ve heard of someone not being able to carry on and taking that irreversible step out of life the outpouring of love, loss and grief would undoubtedly have been surprising to them as they were at that time unable to see their own value. You have so many issues right now it must seem overwhelming but there is always a way forward if you can but find it. I hope sincerely you find ways to improve your lot.

 

[Patrick66]

You really should look for a different job... They're right, it's easier to find one when you already have one, no recent gap in your CV. If this place is making you miserable with no room to breathe, financially and mentally... It's time to move on. Which I know is a challenge, but in the end, hopefully worth it. It could mean better bloodsugar levels, a better life, and actually being able to get out of the country for a bit.

I currently know two people with autism; one works at home as an artist, and sometimes works with people who have been braindamaged somewhere along the way (accidents, TIA's) and re-learn to express themselves through art. For her, it's the only way to let the feelings out so they do't crush her; she paints her heart out. (I think she's still surprised we love her so much, but she and I have so much in common, she understands the most insane things about me, and I about her... And it's so good to have someone who KNOWS. We see each other maybe once every two to three years, because we don't like people! And she doesn't take it personally, and neither do I! ). Another is a bloke who works for a pension company. I met his collegues at his wedding; they were all exactly like him. Uncommunicative, no filter, but absolutely brilliant at sitting at their desk in perfect solitude, and shoving millions around. (You can imagine the conversations at the reception... Me, an introverted borderliner wishing she could run for the hills, them wishing they were somewhere else too, anywhere else but there... It got quiet. )

Find an enviroment that works for you, like they did. Because this obviously isn't improving your life.

I keep trying but its very hard to find something Id love and something that would pay, not necessarily a fortune, but enough to live on without wearing me out.

People tell me to go self-employed and then don't have a clue what I could do. Nor do I.

 

[Patrick66]

I haven't been away on holiday for over 2 decades, we do need a break from the drudge and the negative feelings, that can sometimes overwhelm us.

I live to travel. Miss it so much.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

Hey @Patrick66, just want to send you a big hug and encourage you to keep up with posting here on the Forum....maybe consider writing in the Blog section - you do seem to have a knack for writing clearly and maybe this would be a good venue for you.....we would read it too!

I don't know if you live alone or not and that doesn't need to be known. I just want to encourage you to find someone that you can talk freely and without judgment to so that you can debrief after work, when you get thinking of all you have to deal with, about your folks, etc.....If you don't feel you have that support system, then maybe q Blog would be helpful....just saying.....your emotions have to be expressed somehow that is not harmful, judgmental or demeaning....I hope we can provide that for you here in some measure....

I so appreciate the transparency that @JoKalsbeek shows here on the Forum and I hope you can take that to heart. In my opinion, Jo is one strong, brave loving individual who has been through so very much, but still puts one foot in front of the other and greets each new day with promise....Trust you are feeling better today, Jo.

Life is hard. Harder than any of us probably ever imagined it would be...but, Life can be beautiful as well. Maybe not how we would want it, but look around you, at nature, at people who give you a smile, a thumbs up, a word of encouragement, and realize that we are community, warts and all, and Life is precious and surprises us in so many ways....look for those surprises...

You are still here, living and breathing and putting one step in front of the other, @Patrick66, so please realize that you have value - intrinsic value that no one can take away from you - and if it helps at all, we on this Forum care for you, are cheering you on to success and one more day....Blessings/L

...That was unxpected... Thank you. *blush*. Today is better than yesterday was, thankfully. My reality remains what it is, but sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks that my life is far from normal, and my limitations are many. It gets frustrating, but some days I do a better job at accepting the status quo than others. I'm a little more even-keeled today. And you noticed something too eh, about Patrick's writing... @Patrick66 , you know exactly how to explain a situation so it's understandable even for people who haven't been in your shoes. You don't shy away from subjects others wouldn't evn mention or just hint at in hopes they're understood. I hope you'll be able to do something with that, because it truly is a talent. A blog'd be a good idea indeed, I think... Or some other form you're comfortable with. But thing is; you've got something to say. And people who'll want to hear it.

 

[Patrick66]

Hey @Patrick66, just want to send you a big hug and encourage you to keep up with posting here on the Forum....maybe consider writing in the Blog section - you do seem to have a knack for writing clearly and maybe this would be a good venue for you.....we would read it too!

I don't know if you live alone or not and that doesn't need to be known. I just want to encourage you to find someone that you can talk freely and without judgment to so that you can debrief after work, when you get thinking of all you have to deal with, about your folks, etc.....If you don't feel you have that support system, then maybe q Blog would be helpful....just saying.....your emotions have to be expressed somehow that is not harmful, judgmental or demeaning....I hope we can provide that for you here in some measure....

I so appreciate the transparency that @JoKalsbeek shows here on the Forum and I hope you can take that to heart. In my opinion, Jo is one strong, brave loving individual who has been through so very much, but still puts one foot in front of the other and greets each new day with promise....Trust you are feeling better today, Jo.

Life is hard. Harder than any of us probably ever imagined it would be...but, Life can be beautiful as well. Maybe not how we would want it, but look around you, at nature, at people who give you a smile, a thumbs up, a word of encouragement, and realize that we are community, warts and all, and Life is precious and surprises us in so many ways....look for those surprises...

You are still here, living and breathing and putting one step in front of the other, @Patrick66, so please realize that you have value - intrinsic value that no one can take away from you - and if it helps at all, we on this Forum care for you, are cheering you on to success and one more day....Blessings/L

I live with my partner of 10 years. She is self-employed and her own boss. I do blog on Wordpress but recently cant find the motivation or topic to write about.

 

[Patrick66]

I can only echo everyone else sentiments. Work wise I can understand your struggles. As the others have said finding your place would make that so much better, possibly financially too. I know that’s far easier said than done, but it can be done. Meantime do work know about the autism? Did they ask about such conditions when they employed you? They are legally bound to make reasonable accommodations for disabilities and if you are formally diagnosed this would probably count. Are there roles there that would suit you better? Would a frank conversation outlining what would make you a more efficient worker be possible? (sell them the benefits to them not just those that help you, appealing to their self interests). Being disappointed in you feeling undervalued does sounds very “manager speak” and possibly lip service. But also it may be they have no idea what to do about it and suggestions or requests would save them the hassle of coming up with solutions or dealing with the consequences of not doing so.

Grief is hard but if the loss of your parents is an overwhelming part of your struggles then maybe cruise could help with some counselling. Around here there’s an agency called italk you can self refer to for counselling. Fees are sliding depending on circumstances. Maybe there’s something similar near you. Do you have special interests you can take refuge in when it gets too much to allow yourself downtime?

Finally whenever I’ve heard of someone not being able to carry on and taking that irreversible step out of life the outpouring of love, loss and grief would undoubtedly have been surprising to them as they were at that time unable to see their own value. You have so many issues right now it must seem overwhelming but there is always a way forward if you can but find it. I hope sincerely you find ways to improve your lot.

Yes they know and adaptations have been made. Its such a pity that its a small cramped office where communication is so poor.

I come up with ideas, make suggestions, think ahead, plan logically...but I am at the bottom of the food chain (Very much low carb!) so generally get ignored or not taken seriously.

And, unfortunately, Anhedonia has destroyed my interests.

 

[Patrick66]

...That was unxpected... Thank you. *blush*. Today is better than yesterday was, thankfully. My reality remains what it is, but sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks that my life is far from normal, and my limitations are many. It gets frustrating, but some days I do a better job at accepting the status quo than others. I'm a little more even-keeled today. And you noticed something too eh, about Patrick's writing... @Patrick66 , you know exactly how to explain a situation so it's understandable even for people who haven't been in your shoes. You don't shy away from subjects others wouldn't evn mention or just hint at in hopes they're understood. I hope you'll be able to do something with that, because it truly is a talent. A blog'd be a good idea indeed, I think... Or some other form you're comfortable with. But thing is; you've got something to say. And people who'll want to hear it.

I do/did blog. People stopped reading it. Think that's small fish in a big pond and knowing what to write about, what people would enjoy, is really quite difficult.

It would all be travel related with me

 

[JoKalsbeek]

I keep trying but its very hard to find something Id love and something that would pay, not necessarily a fortune, but enough to live on without wearing me out.

People tell me to go self-employed and then don't have a clue what I could do. Nor do I.

No idea what your qualifications are. In your profile it says something, and I do know there's a market out there for people who can do taxes for other people... It's a bit seasonal, I suppose, but I do know my best friend is a music journalist with absolutely NOT A CLUE how to do his own finances, let alone his taxes, and he always has to rely on others doing it for him. (When he's not interested in something, he doesn't learn. He's been self-employed for going on 40 years, and I have no idea how he's pulled it off!). If that's something you can do for people, there's enough small businesses or freelancers in journalism or construction or whatever, who'd love some help with that sort of thing. The fees add up. But I don't know if that's something you'd want to do. I know I do my mum's taxes and those are easy... I never managed to do my friend's, too complicated with rule upon incomprehensible rule here in the Netherlands. Dunno what it's like there.

You could try going to an employment agency... They might see potential jobs you haven't thought of. Even if it doesn't work out, it might give you some ideas.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

I do/did blog. People stopped reading it. Think that's small fish in a big pond and knowing what to write about, what people would enjoy, is really quite difficult.

It would all be travel related with me

I wrote, and thought I didn't have any readers. I did, they just didn't comment. And then writing became more difficult because my world kept shrinking (much like yours), so... I didn't have much to talk about anymore either. Mostly stick with photography now, and if I do post something, it's on facebook... So I do get it, but oh, what a shame, because I like your voice.

I really hope you'll get out there again. I'd be interested to read what you have to say, in any case.

 

[DCUKMod]

Yes theres the OP. And whether we are moving because we rent and cant afford to buy here..but could afford to buy elsewhere..if Brexit makes its mind up how the market will react!.
Yes I do the emails here and am the general person who gets on and sorts problems, finds stuff out etc.

Patrick in a previous post, you said that your employer doesn't value you. I'm pretty sure there are a few folks would say that too.

One comment I will make, based on your last post is whilst you may not feel valued, I bet you are valued, and those harder tasks of problem solving and Sherlockery will definitely be valued.

When you are tweaking your CV or job profile, please focus at least as much on the things you achieve as a result of your work, as much as on the tasks involved in your work. That you undertakle problem solving, doing your investigative stuff and so on, all goes to show that you can appaly yourself to a task and to don't get deflected as others might.

Sounds like you have a fair bit going for you, even if you don't see or realise it.

I'm sort of wondering if you're also a bit frustrated by being twixt a rock and a hard place, what with your Op, job, Brexit and so all a bit undecided, and a couple of those things not fully in your hands, if at all.

I know for me, wanting to move forward, but being hindered by something I can't control is very frustrating.

 

[Patrick66]

No idea what your qualifications are. In your profile it says something, and I do know there's a market out there for people who can do taxes for other people... It's a bit seasonal, I suppose, but I do know my best friend is a music journalist with absolutely NOT A CLUE how to do his own finances, let alone his taxes, and he always has to rely on others doing it for him. (When he's not interested in something, he doesn't learn. He's been self-employed for going on 40 years, and I have no idea how he's pulled it off!). If that's something you can do for people, there's enough small businesses or freelancers in journalism or construction or whatever, who'd love some help with that sort of thing. The fees add up. But I don't know if that's something you'd want to do. I know I do my mum's taxes and those are easy... I never managed to do my friend's, too complicated with rule upon incomprehensible rule here in the Netherlands. Dunno what it's like there.

You could try going to an employment agency... They might see potential jobs you haven't thought of. Even if it doesn't work out, it might give you some ideas.

Oh, our taxes are a barrel of laughs!

Second most complicated tax regime after Japan..apparently. Might as well be in Japanese. Yes that’s been “suggested” but it’s not something I enjoy.

 

[Patrick66]

I wrote, and thought I didn't have any readers. I did, they just didn't comment. And then writing became more difficult because my world kept shrinking (much like yours), so... I didn't have much to talk about anymore either. Mostly stick with photography now, and if I do post something, it's on facebook... So I do get it, but oh, what a shame, because I like your voice.

I really hope you'll get out there again. I'd be interested to read what you have to say, in any case.

That’s very kind. I think I wrote some good stuff but some people found it too depressing and dark or controversial (The Autism community is full of self-appointed rulers, unfortunately) but my travel writing got some appreciation.

 

[Patrick66]

Patrick in a previous post, you said that your employer doesn't value you. I'm pretty sure there are a few folks would say that too.

One comment I will make, based on your last post is whilst you may not feel valued, I bet you are valued, and those harder tasks of problem solving and Sherlockery will definitely be valued.

When you are tweaking your CV or job profile, please focus at least as much on the things you achieve as a result of your work, as much as on the tasks involved in your work. That you undertakle problem solving, doing your investigative stuff and so on, all goes to show that you can appaly yourself to a task and to don't get deflected as others might.

Sounds like you have a fair bit going for you, even if you don't see or realise it.

I'm sort of wondering if you're also a bit frustrated by being twixt a rock and a hard place, what with your Op, job, Brexit and so all a bit undecided, and a couple of those things not fully in your hands, if at all.

I know for me, wanting to move forward, but being hindered by something I can't control is very frustrating.

Thank you.

Yes, my CV is very “tweaked” to highlight my strengths as I don’t have qualifications to fall back on.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Oh, our taxes are a barrel of laughs!

Second most complicated tax regime after Japan..apparently. Might as well be in Japanese. Yes that’s been “suggested” but it’s not something I enjoy.

Maybe this link might help you regarding changing your job :-

https://www.autism.org.uk/about/adult-life/work.aspx

 

[Chook]

I don't know if this would be some help or if there's anything like it in your area?


https://www.autismplus.org/our-services/first-routes-employment-support

 

[DCUKMod]

Thank you.

Yes, my CV is very “tweaked” to highlight my strengths as I don’t have qualifications to fall back on.

To be honest, in my experience in both employing and managing many, many people in my time, unless a person needs qualifications (to comply with rules and regulation), the person's practical application, attitidue and aptitude are all more important. You can have someone with as many qualifications as you can shake a stick at, but if they don't give a hoot, they'll never preform at their best for you.

Keep fighting that good fight.

I know that one of your conditions means it is sometimes difficult to celebrate or feel elated by you successes, but could you try starting a list of those extraordinary, or extended tasks that you complete on a daya to day, month by month basis. Then when you need to think of something you've done (maybe for a job application or the like), it'll be there, ready and waiting for you.

There's nothing worse than trying to think of something relevant on the spot. Nothing ever comes, does it?!! Very annoying.

 

[Patrick66]

To be honest, in my experience in both employing and managing many, many people in my time, unless a person needs qualifications (to comply with rules and regulation), the person's practical application, attitidue and aptitude are all more important. You can have someone with as many qualifications as you can shake a stick at, but if they don't give a hoot, they'll never preform at their best for you.

Keep fighting that good fight.

I know that one of your conditions means it is sometimes difficult to celebrate or feel elated by you successes, but could you try starting a list of those extraordinary, or extended tasks that you complete on a daya to day, month by month basis. Then when you need to think of something you've done (maybe for a job application or the like), it'll be there, ready and waiting for you.

There's nothing worse than trying to think of something relevant on the spot. Nothing ever comes, does it?!! Very annoying.

Couldn’t agree more. I have zero self esteem so never come up with anything I’ve achieved.
Failed academically and was half qualified as a Counsellor when they stopped running the courses due to funding.
But spent 23 years in the civil service ...which many employers see as being bad rather than good.
I’m hopeless at selling myself.

 

[Listlad]

Patrick in a previous post, you said that your employer doesn't value you. I'm pretty sure there are a few folks would say that too.

One comment I will make, based on your last post is whilst you may not feel valued, I bet you are valued, and those harder tasks of problem solving and Sherlockery will definitely be valued.

When you are tweaking your CV or job profile, please focus at least as much on the things you achieve as a result of your work, as much as on the tasks involved in your work. That you undertakle problem solving, doing your investigative stuff and so on, all goes to show that you can appaly yourself to a task and to don't get deflected as others might.

Sounds like you have a fair bit going for you, even if you don't see or realise it.

I'm sort of wondering if you're also a bit frustrated by being twixt a rock and a hard place, what with your Op, job, Brexit and so all a bit undecided, and a couple of those things not fully in your hands, if at all.

I know for me, wanting to move forward, but being hindered by something I can't control is very frustrating.

Agreed. My employer doesn’t value me. And nor does my wife’s employer. I say that simply to get things in perspective. It would be nice to work for a Richard Branson for example who feels that their employees are their biggest asset. Not all employers think that way.

 

[DCUKMod]

Agreed. My employer doesn’t value me. And nor does my wife’s employer. I say that simply to get things in perspective. It would be nice to work for a Richard Branson for example who feels that their employees are their biggest asset. Not all employers think that way.

I'd certainly agree not all employers fail to value their employees, but, like all things,.....one man's meat is another man's poison.

 

[kitedoc]

Hi @Patrick66, Each person is unique and that is something that no-one can take away from you.
It sounds like you are the person who people look to to fix troubles, like you said dealing with the emails and such - and it gives you a break from the phone.
And you mention you like to travel.
Given that travel is not as affordable these days, do you use your computer, the net, whatever to 'travel'? At least to maintain an interest in the world without necessarily having to interact with it too much?
And could you try writing some pieces which newspapers might be interested in? It might be about past travel, it might be more personal but told in the third person?
And, are there other interests, pastimes etc that you have or do indulge in?
To give you an example of where this last question is heading, please have a gander (Aussie for have a look) at
'my-best-kite.com'.
I know the person who started and runs this site. He and his wife both work (she in a Government department) but his work is working with and maintaining this site. He has built it up and sells e-books about the various kites he makes. All his kites are inexpensive to make and appeal to children and families. And over the years he has now built is up to having a free site plus a premium site where people pay a small fee per month.
He has interaction with people via this site but rarely would that be via phone.
If you have an interest in blogging, maybe this is the next step?
As always the details need consideration and I do not have a grasp of what is involved in him setting a computer site, maintaining its appearance, protecting it etc.
Finding a subject of interest is of course key. Whether it relates to autism or another field is part of the research needed to match up what people might respond to and what you feel able to write about and maintain long term.
The other thought I have ( and for my brain it is an achievement to have a second thing to mention) is how do you find you relate to pets? Is there something about pet animals that you can relate to which others with autism also find? Is it easier to relate to pets than to humans? Is that of help to you personally or job-wise? Is there a role in pet therapy for you? In other words being able to use your skills and pets to help others with autism, and does that provide you with possible future employment and a boost for your self-esteem?
The third thought (I must be having a brain storm - hair might catch fire soon)!! in terms of coping with everyday life is developing the very thing I have been doing - self-humour. If I can joke about myself life does not always have to be so serious.
I am not trying to live in a world without reality, just trying to not take myself too seriously. I can do this internally, that is without involving anyone else, or I can do this a bit on the net (like now) or perhaps from time to time with a friend, my partner or a co-worker.
All the above are ideas, all are free and if they help plant a seed the fruits are yours to harvest.
Of course , any donations can be sent to Downunder Offshore Enterprises P.O Box .......................
Best Wishes in your journey ! Keep posting, that is like exercises in writing. Bounce ideas off people, look in at an animal shelter, fly a kite (and keep feet firmly on the ground )!! I am off to the shower to cool off my head. See ya !!