Feeling down.

[RaymondJ]

Hey....
This has took a lot of courage for me to write online, just because I feel so isolated right now.

I'm a type 1 diabetic teenager, I'm 15.
I really feel bad right now. I've been feeling suicidal for a few weeks and have told my friend that is closest. They said they'll be by my side so I guess I can look forward to that. I feel like this could be brought on because since I was diagnosed at 13 (2017) I've felt really terrible and never really been able to do my diabetes right, and I get shown that everyone elses is perfect at appointments except mine. I used to have an NHS psychologist but she has since left me. And I just feel depressed, like I'm going to break down.

I feel like if I tell my dad or family I'd just be judged, and don't fancy telling my school because of the fear that they could take me from my family and place me into social services :/

 

[DCUKMod]

Hey....
This has took a lot of courage for me to write online, just because I feel so isolated right now.

I'm a type 1 diabetic teenager, I'm 15.
I really feel bad right now. I've been feeling suicidal for a few weeks and have told my friend that is closest. They said they'll be by my side so I guess I can look forward to that. I feel like this could be brought on because since I was diagnosed at 13 (2017) I've felt really terrible and never really been able to do my diabetes right, and I get shown that everyone elses is perfect at appointments except mine. I used to have an NHS psychologist but she has since left me. And I just feel depressed, like I'm going to break down.

I feel like if I tell my dad or family I'd just be judged, and don't fancy telling my school because of the fear that they could take me from my family and place me into social services :/

Raymond, I'm not T1, but I have done lots of reading about it, over the years on here. Of course, that doesn't replace living with the condition, but one thing I will say is that many, many of those living with T1 state that they can have periods of feeling very overwhelmed by things, and thinking, just like you, that everyone's doing better than they are.

When all is said and done, every single one of us can only do our best, and whatever doing our best results in, it is our best.

I doubt very much your father would think poorly of you for confiding in him about how you feel. Parents often feel honoured when their child chooses to share their deep thoughts with them, and most also really do admire their T1 relatives, because parents see first hand, how much effort a T1 has to put in, to keep things in check.

Please do talk to your family. They'll want to help.

Finally, if you are thinking suicidal thoughts, please phone The Samaritans. They are very experienced in helping people in very dark places. Their details are:

Stick with it. Life is a wonderful thing.

 

[RaymondJ]

@DCUKMod Thank you so much! Just my dad has always been the type of person to think that stuff like that is stupid and isn't real. I also have felt like this for ages, 7-8 weeks.

 

[DCUKMod]

@DCUKMod Thank you so much! Just my dad has always been the type of person to think that stuff like that is stupid and isn't real. I also have felt like this for ages, 7-8 weeks.

Is your Mum around, Raymond? If she is, could she be approachable?

One thing I do know is you shouldn't be carrying this yourself. Please talk to someone.

 

[Antje77]

Hi @RaymondJ ,
I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment.
Diabetes burn out is a well known phenomenon, it's normal to have periods where handling diabetes seems to much.
Apart from having diabetes, you're 15 years old, which can be horrible in itself. I recently found some old writings from that time (I'm 42 now) and I was pretty shocked at reading and remembering how difficult and unhappy life was back then, and for me that was without diabetes thrown in.

never really been able to do my diabetes right, and I get shown that everyone elses is perfect at appointments except mine

I'm in various facebook groups where people show the graphs from their Libre or Dexcom, and lots of people are seesawing between hypo and high twenties. Anyone telling you everyone else is doing perfect is lying.
On this forum you'll see way more people with well managed diabetes than average, and even on social media the people who are active tend to be the ones who are more involved with their diabetes than average. The large group of T1's who don't manage well is invisible. You're not doing worse than a very large group of people!

don't fancy telling my school because of the fear that they could take me from my family and place me into social services

Not likely unless you're grossly mistreated at home. At 15 years old you'll have a lot to say about your future and you won't be taken from your home for only having trouble managing your diabetes and having difficulties with your father.
School may turn out a very good place to start, it may make a big difference if you have someone to listen to you, it sounds like you're in a lonely place.

Other options are your GP or diabetes team. They're not only for physical problems like the flu, diabetes or ingrown toe nails but also for depression and burnout.

Wishing you all the best, and please let us know how you are tomorrow!

 

[Swiggy]

Hey....
This has took a lot of courage for me to write online, just because I feel so isolated right now.

I'm a type 1 diabetic teenager, I'm 15.
I really feel bad right now. I've been feeling suicidal for a few weeks and have told my friend that is closest. They said they'll be by my side so I guess I can look forward to that. I feel like this could be brought on because since I was diagnosed at 13 (2017) I've felt really terrible and never really been able to do my diabetes right, and I get shown that everyone elses is perfect at appointments except mine. I used to have an NHS psychologist but she has since left me. And I just feel depressed, like I'm going to break down.

I feel like if I tell my dad or family I'd just be judged, and don't fancy telling my school because of the fear that they could take me from my family and place me into social services :/

Hi Raymond, it's a long time since I was a teenager and I have Type 2 diabetes rather than Type 1 but I do know what it's like to feel as though everybody else is doing better than me. Like DCUKMod says, all any of us can do is our best. I hope you will talk to your Dad about how you are feeling or maybe talk to someone at school, opening up can really help. Take care Raymond and please tell someone how you are feeling.

 

[Juicyj]

Hello @RaymondJ

Well done for opening up here, I appreciate that couldn't of been easy for you, you've got a team here who are on your side.

It's unfair of healthcare professionals who try to beat down on patients with 'look at all these doing so well' stories, unless they've walked in your shoes they cannot enforce this ideology on you. Instead they should be saying, what can we do to help you. Living with type 1 is not perfect, but ultimately it's finding a way that works for you, so reducing the impact on your life. If you're running high levels then it will make you feel low, it's the side effect of excess glucose in your system. What do you think it is that's holding you back ? And what would help you ?

 

[RaymondJ]

I'm going to speak to my GP after school today.

 

[Diakat]

Great @RaymondJ lwt us know how it goes. I hope you get the support you need.

 

[KK123]

Hi @RaymondJ, I do hope you get the help you need. Your story is a reminder of how hard it must be to be a teenager with this condition trying to cope with your teenage years when everything is magnified anyway. For what it's worth I have GREAT admiration for you, I don't know how I would have coped if I'd been diagnosed as a child but if you read the posts on here you will see that the majority of adults have difficulty coping sometimes. If you can't speak to your parents is there an Aunt or family member or Teacher you could talk to?, sometimes a person not as close to you can help. You sound like an intelligent and articulate person and I can guarantee that all the others are NOT doing 'perfectly', it's this social media concept, they show you what they want you to believe not how it is. xx

 

[karen8967]

sending big hugs @RaymondJ i hope you get the help and support you need .no one has perfect control so you are not alone people may have times when they have good control for long periods of time but hey, this is diabetes and it likes to throw us a curve ball were no matter what we do our levels are all over the place .alls we can do is our best to live with this condition we all have good and bad days xx hope everything goes well with your doctors appointment and you get some help love and best wishes xx

 

[Juicyj]

Good luck today @RaymondJ Hope you have a good apt, don't be afraid to speak out and let us know how you get on

 

[EllieM]

If it's any consolation, I had the worst control ever as a teenager, some 40 years ago. And it's also the most depressed that I've ever been in my life (not necessarily because of my diabetes, since this was pre glucometer, so I could only guess how bad my control was). And I'm alive and healthy now with all my limbs, organs, eyes etc working.

Being a teenager is really hard, even if you aren't diabetic. And it's probably one of the hardest times in your life to control your diabetes, because hormones and growth mean that your needs are constantly changing. So if you're miserable I'm not surprised, you're totally entitled. (And I can tell you that everyone else isn't perfect at appointments, it's just that no one likes to admit that they aren't diabetically perfect.)

So well done for being brave enough to reach out, I admire you for your courage. I honestly believe that things will improve for you if you can just keep going. (Diabetically they will, because once you've got through puberty your insulin requirements should settle but I appreciate that this is a long time to wait.)

Good luck and all the best for talking to your doctor.

 

[Shannon27]

Hey....
This has took a lot of courage for me to write online, just because I feel so isolated right now.

I'm a type 1 diabetic teenager, I'm 15.
I really feel bad right now. I've been feeling suicidal for a few weeks and have told my friend that is closest. They said they'll be by my side so I guess I can look forward to that. I feel like this could be brought on because since I was diagnosed at 13 (2017) I've felt really terrible and never really been able to do my diabetes right, and I get shown that everyone elses is perfect at appointments except mine. I used to have an NHS psychologist but she has since left me. And I just feel depressed, like I'm going to break down.

I feel like if I tell my dad or family I'd just be judged, and don't fancy telling my school because of the fear that they could take me from my family and place me into social services :/

Hi @RaymondJ !

I was a T1D teenager too, not so long ago. I'm 24 now and it's getting a lot better. At school, it felt like no one understood. The constant - "you're not allowed to have sugar" attitude made me rebel against it a lot, and i'm still trying to lower my hba1c reading! At 15, you're probably starting to stress about GCSEs too!

But don't let it take over your life! Plan your diabetes around your life and not the other way around. Don't let it control you. Moderate your sugar intake instead of outright abolishing it - if you want/need some chocolate or something sweet, know how it is going to affect you and act accordingly. A lot of people would say differently but juggling depression and diabetes feels like you're constantly dropping balls. Silly metaphor but it works for me! Starting from 13, it must feel like your life has changed so much because of it. But you will come through talk to your friend more about how you are feeling, tell him what you need to do to control it. He sounds like he'll help you through it

Your school can't legally take you from your family and put you into care because you're depressed about your diabetes. The worst they will do is contact your family (only with your permission) and recommend that they help you more. They have to be open minded and help when it's asked. If there's someone at school you can talk to, like a nurse or a teacher you like and trust, talk to them.

I started high school 2 weeks after my dad died (who i lived with full time after my parents separated). I had been diabetic for 6 years but it was the first time i had to control it alone. Safe to say those first couple of years weren't great, but after i spoke to a teacher i liked, i found out that there's so many people who will support you at your lowest, even when it doesn't feel like it

Sorry for the essay and the smiley overload! I check in most days so feel free to message me if you need to offload

 

[Antje77]

Hi @RaymondJ , did you manage to go to your appointment?
If so, how did it go?
If not, tomorrow is a new day, and I think it's a very brave thing to even have made the appointment!

 

[Angey]

Hi Raymond, as a teenager i was just THE WORST DIABETIC! Most of us have problem times and then better times then more problem times..... . Diabetes is really hard to manage both from a physical and an emotional point of view. So glad you were going to talk to someone.... let us know how you are. You’re never alone! Good luck

 

[mentat]

I get shown that everyone elses is perfect at appointments except mine.

That is unprofessional and untrue. The average HbA1c for people your age is around 75. What's yours?

I feel like if I tell my dad or family I'd just be judged

You're 15. You are legally a child. Your family is responsible for your medical care. They should be looking after you. You should not have to deal with this on your own. You are doing nothing wrong.

I hate to be so harsh but it sounds like the adults in your life are not being adults. Maybe you are just not communicating properly with them so they don't realise your situation. But maybe you need to find someone who will actually help you figure this out.

 

[Juicyj]

Hello @RaymondJ let us know how your getting on when you can ? Best wishes Juicy

 

[Norfolkmell]

Hi Raymond I hope your GP has helped if not get an appointment with another one. It's not easy being a teenager from what I can remember of 50 plus years ago. I have had depression for a very long time, and had some dark thoughts at times. But the best advice I have had is that every new day is an opportunity to be and do different and I try to remember that. There will be an adult, possibly your Dad who will completely understand how you feel and will do everything to help you and you have a friend too who understands. And there will always be someone on here to talk to and support. Please let us know how you are getting on.

 

[Ebs]

Hey....
This has took a lot of courage for me to write online, just because I feel so isolated right now.

I'm a type 1 diabetic teenager, I'm 15.
I really feel bad right now. I've been feeling suicidal for a few weeks and have told my friend that is closest. They said they'll be by my side so I guess I can look forward to that. I feel like this could be brought on because since I was diagnosed at 13 (2017) I've felt really terrible and never really been able to do my diabetes right, and I get shown that everyone elses is perfect at appointments except mine. I used to have an NHS psychologist but she has since left me. And I just feel depressed, like I'm going to break down.

I feel like if I tell my dad or family I'd just be judged, and don't fancy telling my school because of the fear that they could take me from my family and place me into social services :/

I think you are amazing for even posting here at the age of 15. I was diagnosed just after having my daughter at the age of 28 and felt so alone and actually still do. You are braver than you realise. Ask anyone for help, a doctor, mum, dad, friends, a nurse, teacher. It does not mean they will now what it's like to have diabetes but they may ask you what it's like to be us. And maybe you will get a chance to tell them. I send you my love and huge respect.