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Hi there. I’m struggling really badly with my new diagnosis. TW for death mention and general existential dread.
This is now my third chronic condition. I’ve spent the last 20 years battling a severe and painful auto-immune condition which has left me disabled and for which I’ll be on medication the rest of my life. I have alopecia - probably caused by stress of the first condition. And most recently I’ve been diagnosed with T2 diabetes.
I think this diagnosis has pushed me over the edge. I’ve got no hope left. I’ve been fighting illness so hard for so long, and my reward is a Diabetes diagnosis. My life expectancy seems to get shorter every day and I find myself in tears because I won’t be there for my kids as they grow up. I just can’t shake the thought that I’m gonna die soon, or never live to see “old age” (I’m approaching 40). And it’s not just the diabetes complications that worry me, but I’m starting to feel like it’s a sure thing that I’ll probably get cancer or something in the next few years - my body just seems to be collecting serious diseases.
It’s paralysing. I can’t stop freaking out. I feel trapped in a body that’s poisonous. If I’m not crying, I’m making “jokes” about how I won’t be around to see things, or that I want this song at my funeral. Yesterday I was talking to my husband about how I’d want him to marry again. It all feels so inevitable. So utterly hopeless. And I’m furious and devastated all in one.
As many have experienced, I’ve had so little info or guidance from my Doctor that I feel completely cast adrift. Which is probably a major contributing factor to how I’m feeling. I just can’t get the thought that I’m gonna die soon off my mind.
Can anyone relate? Does it get better? I was diagnosed roughly 2 months ago and if anything my feelings of doom are getting worse.
This is now my third chronic condition. I’ve spent the last 20 years battling a severe and painful auto-immune condition which has left me disabled and for which I’ll be on medication the rest of my life. I have alopecia - probably caused by stress of the first condition. And most recently I’ve been diagnosed with T2 diabetes.
I think this diagnosis has pushed me over the edge. I’ve got no hope left. I’ve been fighting illness so hard for so long, and my reward is a Diabetes diagnosis. My life expectancy seems to get shorter every day and I find myself in tears because I won’t be there for my kids as they grow up. I just can’t shake the thought that I’m gonna die soon, or never live to see “old age” (I’m approaching 40). And it’s not just the diabetes complications that worry me, but I’m starting to feel like it’s a sure thing that I’ll probably get cancer or something in the next few years - my body just seems to be collecting serious diseases.
It’s paralysing. I can’t stop freaking out. I feel trapped in a body that’s poisonous. If I’m not crying, I’m making “jokes” about how I won’t be around to see things, or that I want this song at my funeral. Yesterday I was talking to my husband about how I’d want him to marry again. It all feels so inevitable. So utterly hopeless. And I’m furious and devastated all in one.
As many have experienced, I’ve had so little info or guidance from my Doctor that I feel completely cast adrift. Which is probably a major contributing factor to how I’m feeling. I just can’t get the thought that I’m gonna die soon off my mind.
Can anyone relate? Does it get better? I was diagnosed roughly 2 months ago and if anything my feelings of doom are getting worse.