I know sometimes, when life gets to you.
you get the blues.
when I was having issues with my feelings, emotions, dark thoughts, the anxiety, the depression, it was not very nice, but it was challenging, but I could never do something to hurt my lot. Especially..............!
but it was itching at the back of my noggin, that when I was really, it would be easy to give up, but I never did.
Mrs L was the biggest reason.
there was other reasons.
I had friends from school yes, more than one, that achieved the deed when they were in their late teens and early twentys. It was the time of the tories back in the 80s.
The effect on their families was tragic.
But, the worst and the most tragic was one of my son's classmates.
his religious family, would not accept his preferences.
The poor lad, was traumatised, and despite the help, couldn't see a way to be comfortable with himself.
Even the priest was shocked, where he did the deed.
And the priest circumvented the church by granting a funeral service.
It was horrendous, I will always remember the mother's face, and the regret stitched across the whole family.
It hit my son hard.
I would never hurt my family like that. I do believe, that it is selfish and inconsiderate, but having had the experience of being so low and feeling, seeming like there is no future, life being so cruel and unrelenting sometimes. I do sympathise, empathise that I know what it's like being in that situation.
I am blessed with the people around me, my family, my doctors, my counsellors and those friends and colleagues who have done their bit to help me.
You lot and this site, for just being there with as Derek says, you are an encouraging lot.
But mostly Mrs L for being there when I need a cuddle and a kind word.
A reason that I do think about every time I'm frustrated, with her issues, of the knock backs that keep coming along. And a willingness to be her husband, carer, friend while I can.
I have to be positive and be the person who will see it through, regardless of life.
I know my limitations, I know it won't ever be like it used to be, I know it hurts, so much.
I will be there for Mrs L, that is why I married her.
That is the contract I signed.
What other choice have I got?
I apologise for this, but after today, I was due a rant!
Hopefully, tomorrow I will take a shower to wash my frustrations away. Fingers crossed you lot!
Or I will be back, for another vent!
It is a beautiful evening out here in my garden, this is what life should be about.
Peace and tranquillity, and the bestest wishes to all.
Good night and may your deity bless you.
