So this is going to be hard to write. I have generally always suffered with depression and fought it off for many years on and off. Since being diagnosed with type 1 it has been a lot harder to deal with my emotions. I'm having more and more dark and irrational thoughts and not quite sure what to do. I went to the hospital in March to seek advice. I was put through to the psychology department and I have been on the waiting list for 6 months to see someone. That's such a long time to wait for any help. There's only so much you can tell your friends/family. The thing that is really getting to me at the moment is being scared of dying. Stop reading here if you don't want to be brought down! So it has really never bothered me before. I just turned 32, I'm married with a house and going to start trying for a baby soon. So life is generally good. However the last year has been a roller coaster of emotions. ( I have had diabetes for about 14 months now). I have been thinking more and more about death and I don't want people thinking I'm crazy. But I'm terrified of the inevitable. I'm going to die, and be forgotten within a few generations. I will not make a dent on the world and in 100 years, no-one will remember me or care about my life. I don't see the point of it all. I know it sounds proper cliched but we are so tiny and insignificant. Like my life doesn't mean anything. I have no purpose. That's seriously how I have been thinking recently and it's constant. Thinking about it all the time is exhausting. No-one seems to understand. I know I can't do a thing about it. I wish I kind of didn't know what would happen as we get older. I think we are the only species that are aware we are going to die? It's scary as hell. I feel like I need to do something that will go down in history, like have a legacy, so I'm remembered. I don't want to be forgotten like I never existed in the first place. I have been waiting for 6 months for someone to help me and it's getting worse. I generally want to know if anybody else feels like this? Or am I a lunatic. Like I go to work and I just don't try anymore, I don't care. Like what's the point?
Hi
colpaxclarke
There are many great posters who have experienced these things you so eloquently describe.
Each of us have our own way of expressing ourselves and a unique perspective on life… and death!
My Father used to tell me he never talked about religion or politics. Well I took after him in one respect, I have only voted twice in my whole life (I am in my sixth decade) I tend to not really talk about things I know very little about. Politics being one of them.
Death on the other hand I have made a life study of. My take on life (and death) is indeed based on a walk along the path less traveled.
That age-old question “Is there life after Death?”
Personally, for me, from evidence and my own experience’s, the answer is a resounding yes.
For me death has no bitter sting, nor fear or apprehension. You can not die for the life of you.
This being said, does not detract from the real fear of dying. Most of us do not like to even talk about death, let alone contemplate the implications.
I was admitted to hospital early this year with a virus that stood me directly at deaths door.
Long story short, I was taken off Metformin and placed on insulin. After almost a week on a drip and going a week without food my life and thoughts went through a cathartic change.
I have long been an exponent of meditation since the age of 16 when I first began a marital art. I still remember Master Hong’s words as if it was yesterday, He said “If you can not control your mind you can not control anything”. A most profound and inspiring statement.
I came to understand from experience that one does not have to be psychic to meditate, however when one meditates over time one can become psychic.
So what is my point?
From a martial arts exponent View Point the aim is know what your opponent is going to do before they commence to initiate their move. Allowing one to counterattack or block the punch or kick before the opponent’s limbs even move.
I would like here to say, from experience this
can be achieved, even in the dark or when practicing blindfolded.
I would like you to imagine now, you are your own worst enemy and your own best friend.
Meditation will help you know who you are, and your purpose for being.
Now, also I was taught that fear is the enemy that will always win,
IF we cannot conquer it.
For most of us the ultimate fear is death.
In my life, I, like countless others, have had irrefutable evidence that firstly, there is another realm (realms actually) surrounding and interpenetrating this 3D world of ours, and secondly its inhabitants can be contacted and communed with.
Squit and nonsense many may say.
If you are still reading, please bear with me a bit longer.
I have no desire to ‘convert’ anybody to believe in life after death.
However, I would like to add at this juncture that life after death, in my experience, is not dependent on one’s religious upbringing, beliefs or understanding nor cultural and or ethnic background.
So is there a God? That is whole different topic that is impossible to prove in any real tangible sense.
My reason for typing this is that the posters above have, as they so often do here, made me reach inside and feel the love and support and their knowledge of diabetes… And the other personal issues raised. Having experienced it themselves giving them the insight to answer from an experiential viewpoint.
This then is a tiny fragment of my own experience that I hope will give some food for thought.
Some here will know I am a huge proponent of the benefits of meditation.
For me, it has been quite literally a life saver, and my constant companion.
It benefits us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
There are no carbs, no calories, and no additives in any of the words above.
I just pray I have not given any readers metaphysical indigestion.
Po