advice about shielding please

[WackyJacky64]

I am carer for my mother , I suffer extreme anxiety and I am exempt from wearing a mask (hidden disability) .
My mother informed this morning that y niece and her husband have tested positive and my brother has gone for a test as he was around them .
They've been discussing me as it was mentioned that I should be wearing a mask while out shopping , I don't like them talking about me in this way and I said nobody wears a mask when they enter my mothers house including my brothers , so what is the problem .

I told her I would ask on here advice on whether i should be staying away while there are family members tested positive .

I wonder if i can buy her shopping and drop it off and leave it at the door so she can take it in, or if I should just go daily and only make sure she is okay and stay six feet from her and only stay half hour .
I know nobody is professional on her but just ideas as to what to do .
Thanks

 

[bulkbiker]

Ask your mum what she feels comfortable with?

 

[WackyJacky64]

Ask your mum what she feels comfortable with?

She wasn't frightened until my brother mentioned the mask wearing and now all I 've heard since then is that I should be wearing a mask , I am exempt and i am not giving into the pressure which cause me severe panic attacks .

 

[Jaylee]

I am carer for my mother , I suffer extreme anxiety and I am exempt from wearing a mask (hidden disability) .
My mother informed this morning that y niece and her husband have tested positive and my brother has gone for a test as he was around them .
They've been discussing me as it was mentioned that I should be wearing a mask while out shopping , I don't like them talking about me in this way and I said nobody wears a mask when they enter my mothers house including my brothers , so what is the problem .

I told her I would ask on here advice on whether i should be staying away while there are family members tested positive .

I wonder if i can buy her shopping and drop it off and leave it at the door so she can take it in, or if I should just go daily and only make sure she is okay and stay six feet from her and only stay half hour .
I know nobody is professional on her but just ideas as to what to do .
Thanks

Hi,

Sorry to hear your family members have tested positive.

Could you clarify who lives with whome regarding the family unit you mentioned. & have you & your mum been tested?

 

[Rokaab]

She wasn't frightened until my brother mentioned the mask wearing and now all I 've heard since then is that I should be wearing a mask , I am exempt and i am not giving into the pressure which cause me severe panic attacks .

But you do have to accept that some people will not be comfortable with you been close to them if you're not wearing a mask whether you have an exemption or not, and this may apply to your mother.

For example, at a gaming club (wargaming) I used to go to before Covid they have put in strict restrictions, including gloves, masks and there being a lot less tables than normal, a one-way system, no wandering allowed. Now the one week I did go along one of the guys there wasn't wearing a mask - he has an exemption, I didn't feel very comfortable about it, so even when said club reopens again I wont be going along if he's there, he's done absolutely nothing wrong but I just did not feel comfortable, and its my choice not to go, so you have to give your mother the choice - yes she may have been influenced by others but if she doesn't feel safe then she may not be happy and may feel worried and uncomfortable

 

[bulkbiker]

She wasn't frightened until my brother mentioned the mask wearing and now all I 've heard since then is that I should be wearing a mask , I am exempt and i am not giving into the pressure which cause me severe panic attacks .

Good for you.. if it were my brother... words would have been exchanged.

 

[DCUKMod]

@WackyJacky64 - I'm sorry you find mask wearing to be too much. I don't like it myself, but fortunately, it doesn't cause me to panic.

I'm with others in feeling in tis instance the matter is between you and your mother. If she were to feel she needed you to wear a face covering, could you consider something like a light scarf, just wrapped around, like a veil of some sort, or how we used to dress up as kids, when plying the "baddie"?

I forgot to take a mask yesterday when collecting a prescription at the pharmacy. As I had walked there, I didn't feel inclined to go home and back again, so I apologised to the lady serving me for my loop/snood style scarf, pulled up to cover my mouth and nose.

I hope you find a way forward as I know you find looking after your Mum to be important to you.

 

[lucylocket61]

She wasn't frightened until my brother mentioned the mask wearing and now all I 've heard since then is that I should be wearing a mask , I am exempt and i am not giving into the pressure which cause me severe panic attacks .

I think the reality is that covid doesn't somehow avoid those who are exempt. I recently had to point out to someone who is exempt that the reason I kept well away from her was for my protection. She genuinely hadn't thought about the consequences of not wearing a mask being the same whether you are exempt or not.

Only you and your mother can decide between you how to deal with this. I respect and support you in your difficulty with masks. I also can see how it can risk your mother, just as anyone not wearing a mask around her would.

 

[Jaylee]

She wasn't frightened until my brother mentioned the mask wearing and now all I 've heard since then is that I should be wearing a mask , I am exempt and i am not giving into the pressure which cause me severe panic attacks .

At the end of the day @WackyJacky64 , this is all you can do.. https://www.gov.uk/guidance/new-national-restrictions-from-5-november

Your brother on testing positive will probably have been advised & is trying to do the "right thing" by his family..

Best wishes.

 

[sleepster]

I agree that it's up to your mother and what she is comfortable with. I understand that you're exempt from mask wearing but that unfortunately doesn't make you exempt from catching and passing on covid. Leaving shopping at her door sounds like a good idea, is your mother able to take in and put her shopping away? Staying 6 feet away is also a good idea, but I guess it depends what your mother needs assistance with.

 

[WackyJacky64]

Hi,

Sorry to hear your family members have tested positive.

Could you clarify who lives with whome regarding the family unit you mentioned. & have you & your mum been tested?

my niece and her husband both tested positive, her dad my brother has been for a test. I haven't been tested and neither has my mum and I am not going to get tested .

 

[WackyJacky64]

I think the reality is that covid doesn't somehow avoid those who are exempt. I recently had to point out to someone who is exempt that the reason I kept well away from her was for my protection. She genuinely hadn't thought about the consequences of not wearing a mask being the same whether you are exempt or not.

Only you and your mother can decide between you how to deal with this. I respect and support you in your difficulty with masks. I also can see how it can risk your mother, just as anyone not wearing a mask around her would.

i can't wear a face covering ptsd

 

[WackyJacky64]

At the end of the day @WackyJacky64 , this is all you can do.. https://www.gov.uk/guidance/new-national-restrictions-from-5-november

Your brother on testing positive will probably have been advised & is trying to do the "right thing" by his family..

Best wishes.

my brother hasn't got the results yet , I'm fine with staying away for a while , and just leaving the shopping at the door or putting it on the trolley she has .

 

[Rokaab]

my niece and her husband both tested positive, her dad my brother has been for a test. I haven't been tested and neither has my mum and I am not going to get tested .

Not trying to sound mean but ...
If you are not going to have a test but people you've met with prove to have (or recently had) covid you need to self-isolate for 2 weeks since you last met with them or your mother if they'd been to her house recently, otherwise you could be spreading covid (especially without a mask - I know you cant wear one but as said that wont stop you spreading it) without knowing it

 

[lucylocket61]

i can't wear a face covering ptsd

I know. My point is that without a face covering you are a risk to others if you get infected. You won't know if you are infected unless you develop symptoms or have a test, so you could spread infection without knowing it.

Therefore you have to be extra careful to keep your distance from others, just like anyone else not wearing a mask.

 

[bulkbiker]

I know. My point is that without a face covering you are a risk to others if you get infected. You won't know if you are infected unless you develop symptoms or have a test, so you could spread infection without knowing it.

Therefore you have to be extra careful to keep your distance from others, just like anyone else not wearing a mask.

With a face covering people are still a risk to others.. a simple point often missed.
Masks do not give some kind of magical protection however much some wish they do.

(edited by mod)

 

[Jaylee]

Hi,

Bringing the gavel down.

The are 3 basic government rules to abide by with this novel virus.

"Hands, face, space.." Regarding the OP's anxiety. (To quote Meat loaf.) "Two outa three ain't bad."

Further bickering will go.

 

[WackyJacky64]

I'm going to talk to my mum today about how she feels. I've been going in daily to care for her since the beginning of all this , she has never been sick , she hardly goes out and I've never worn a mask .
It's her decision now and if that means I go in for 30 minutes instead of five hours a day then I shall do that .
When this first started I spoke to my GP who is also her GP and he said still go in but stay six feet from her , but since this was said everything changed and people were told to wear masks in shops etc , so that is why I was wanting some input .
No offence to anyone here I understand why people wear the face coverings and respect that .

 

[WackyJacky64]

At the end of the day @WackyJacky64 , this is all you can do.. https://www.gov.uk/guidance/new-national-restrictions-from-5-november

Your brother on testing positive will probably have been advised & is trying to do the "right thing" by his family..

Best wishes.

Hi, I agree y brother is doing the right thing . He gets his result today . I've called the family GP and he has advised to still go in to my mum for half hour to make she is okay , and to keep social distancing which I have been doing as much as possible .
Thank you for the link and for the reply .

 

[WackyJacky64]

Great news , my brother tested negative .