Everyone should be allowed to say how they feel as no two diabetics are the same and we all feel different at certain times. This does not mean anyone is right or wrong, it means we are humans with feelings and at times they are negative this is all part of diabetes. It will be 3 years in April since i had my transplant and i am still in part living like i have always done as it had become my life, i sometimes wake up during the night and go to pick my pump up but its not there. This will be the same as people getting diabetes in their 20s they have lived a life where they get up on a morning and have nothing to worry about but diabetes changes all that and what can you do. You can try and get as much information as possible and try and get good BS or hate the disease and wish you were dead as you don't want to live, both ways are wrong in there own way you can try to hard and have hypos or not give a dam and have high BS. The honeymoon period makes it difficult to control your BS, most people stop producing their own insulin after a year so then you are only getting insulin that you put into your body and sometimes BS go all over the place for no reason at all. If you go on holiday to Spain and it is hot the insulin works faster but in the winter most people need a little bit more insulin because of lack exercise or eating a bit more. Diabetes is a day by day illness which after time you can have a rough idea of what your BS are going to be but you need help from the diabetes team, mental health team, family and yourself because you know your body better than anyone. You can get all the advice but it is up to you how you use it, there is no one who can tell you it has to be a personal choice and yes many choose denial and that is their choice. People worry about problems in later life and i did but the problems still came and all the worry did was unstable my BS, diabetes is life changing but so are a lot of illnesses like my father got polio aged three and has had a load of ops in his life but is still here, my mother had her stomach removed because of a tumor and spent 6 months in hospital with MRSA but she has just gone to Tenerife so she is not letting her illness stop her. Then both of my parents had to bring up a diabetic when it was not well known as it is now and have seen the effect it has had on my all parts on my life and i have to live with that burden that i am still putting them through as well as i know there is a family in this country who lost a 23 year old male and i would think that they would think why him because i do and i also feel guilty. These are things i cannot control like diabetes, the thing that i always wanted was control but diabetes took that away so i had to adapt, i worked in a factory working both night and day shift, worked on building sites before going to work as a salesman selling fruit and veg. So with every job the insulin needed, sometimes i would work a 12 hour shift then go to play football at quite a high local level and then have something to eat at 10 pm before going to bed for another 12 hour shift. In the end i gave up playing football all together at 28 as i became a dad but also i was told a knock on the head could start a bleed behind the eye and also i was finding it hard as my renal function got worse. The team i was playing for offered me more money to play and that i would not have to play in any mid-week games but as i told them i could not take the chance and would not play if i could not give my all, even my local sunday morning team said i could play for them and not head the ball.. I was depressed for 6 months after this and hated diabetes more than ever before as it took something i loved doing. Then i was asked if i would do some coaching i said ok and they sent me on a couple of courses and started to coach a girls team which i did enjoy but after training the coaches had a game of 5 a side with no over head height rule, i felt alive again. My son now plays and all the parents want me to coach the team but i told them i do not know how i am going to feel from day to day but the enjoyment i get watching my son play makes up for everything even though my son keeps getting told you won't be as good as your dad. They are right because he will be better but if i let diabetes win i may never have got to tell you all this and people will still hate diabetes until a cure is found and i hope it is soon as i hate people not having hope of a future.
