farfromhomedk
Member
- Messages
- 10
i am a 30 y o man and i was diagnosed with type 2 a couple of months ago. i have been feeling like hell since then. i have regular fits of crying and i have contemplated suicide. mainly my anxiety is towards losing a limb or eyesight. and then theres the massive guilt.
i am overweight because of a diagnosed eating disorder, that i am currently waitlisted for treatment for. all the men on my fathers side are diabetics, so its in the genes, but mainly i blame myself for this, and that feels horrible. this disease is my own fault. i feel that ive brought this on myself and the embarrassment of that is unbearable and the idea of letting anyone know is frightening. i have told no one and i dont plan to. i cant reach out.
i dont trust my doctor. she is harsh and direct generally, but i feel she is hiding the truth from me. i forced her to test me for nerve damage, which is my biggest fear and when i called her to get the results she told me there was no nerve damage but to come to her office day after tomorrow. i think she is lying because she knows im not good at handling this and she doesn't want to tell me over the phone. she has previously said that new research shows nerve damage actually starts in the beginning of the disease. this has sent me into a suicidal thought spiral. i have called the suicide hotline a few times over the last few months, because i think that a life like that is not worth it.
my feet hurt in a way where they feel cold, but are actually hot. and i was stupid enough to google symptoms, and nerve damage was the first that came up and now i am freaking out. i work on my feet and with my eyes and hands. i am a visual creative person. it is all i am good at. if i lost either of those, i wouldnt know how to be.
i am on some non-insulin medication, i am eating healthier (though not healthy enough), my blood pressure is very good and i am taking my vitamins.
i do research, but every time i do, it freaks me out more. but not knowing just creates anxiety.
i dont know how to handle this.
i am overweight because of a diagnosed eating disorder, that i am currently waitlisted for treatment for. all the men on my fathers side are diabetics, so its in the genes, but mainly i blame myself for this, and that feels horrible. this disease is my own fault. i feel that ive brought this on myself and the embarrassment of that is unbearable and the idea of letting anyone know is frightening. i have told no one and i dont plan to. i cant reach out.
i dont trust my doctor. she is harsh and direct generally, but i feel she is hiding the truth from me. i forced her to test me for nerve damage, which is my biggest fear and when i called her to get the results she told me there was no nerve damage but to come to her office day after tomorrow. i think she is lying because she knows im not good at handling this and she doesn't want to tell me over the phone. she has previously said that new research shows nerve damage actually starts in the beginning of the disease. this has sent me into a suicidal thought spiral. i have called the suicide hotline a few times over the last few months, because i think that a life like that is not worth it.
my feet hurt in a way where they feel cold, but are actually hot. and i was stupid enough to google symptoms, and nerve damage was the first that came up and now i am freaking out. i work on my feet and with my eyes and hands. i am a visual creative person. it is all i am good at. if i lost either of those, i wouldnt know how to be.
i am on some non-insulin medication, i am eating healthier (though not healthy enough), my blood pressure is very good and i am taking my vitamins.
i do research, but every time i do, it freaks me out more. but not knowing just creates anxiety.
i dont know how to handle this.
Last edited by a moderator: