So, in the grand scheme of things I'd like to think I've been doing pretty well. I stopped the meds, I'm often in the 5s in the morning. But - it's the relentless of diabetes that is killing me. Constantly checking labels, constantly thinking I can't eat that.
.
@PenfoldAPD
Yes, you've done amazingly well and achieved what many would have considered impossible, so well done
However, I can understand, I think, how you might be feeling. To me, it's a bit like having to keep an elastic band taut, not easing it off, nor wanting to increase the pull (in case it suddenly 'pings') To have achieved what you have, you must have been focusing on your diet, exercise etc 100+% and, to me, that has to be pretty intense pressure so it's going to take its toll eventually.
To me, it sounds like your brain is saying 'I've had enough of this. I need a break' but, with diabetes, you can't afford to take a break, certainly not a decent one. Diabetes doesn't take holidays - you're stuck with it 24/7, in spite of how you would just love to shrug it off, if only for a few weeks, or whatever. That's how I sometimes feel. I feel 'trapped' but I would suggest it's all part of accepting that we have this issue (diabetes) whether we like it or not. Other people have their individual 'issues' which we might see or not. I have a degree of arthritis and would just love to be able to do 'normal' things but I physically can't. Maybe that's easier to accept (if that's the right word?) as I physically can't do otherwise. Diabetes is something you can ignore for a while but you know it's likely to be harming you, hence the trapped feeling.
I'm sure you are just feeling the pressure, along with the onslaught of Christmas, which brings all sorts of problems/temptations/choices etc in addition to the normal pressure of Christmas. In addition to that, the days are short, the afternoons get dark so early, the weather cold and damp with, potentially the worst of the winter yet to come. I expect you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark? Horrible! To see the sunshine and go out for a walk would be so good, but you can't because you are at work. It might be worth having your Vit D levels checked, even as it's not long since summer weather. A low Vit D level could affect your mood etc.
Maybe chill out, recognise you've had a very intense time getting your glucose levels down etc, pat yourself on the back and remind yourself how much better you feel since doing all this, how fit you are and maybe get stuck into a new project as you've essentially 'beaten' your last project
Just my thoughts. Hope it might trigger some better thoughts, eh? Good luck and have a Happy Christmas (although a bit early
)