Hey
@Resurgam, I'm sorry about your friend who died. I'm really sorry for you, because of the guilt you feel you believe that it was you that gave him covid.
It wasn't! If you want to blame anyone, it's got to be the fella that lives next door, why aren't you angry with him?
Long story short, a huge part of my depression and anxiety were due to the fact that every time I went shopping during the lockdown, I was gonna bring the virus into my house and the wife wouldn't stand a chance if she got a heavy dose of covid, and everything else that entails. I have had panic attacks and a fear of going to asda in particular but Sainsbury comes a close second, followed by aldi, mind you her indoors loves their quiche. I mumble on.
The point is, you need to get this out of your head, and talking, even posting on here was helping a great deal, even some of the best advice found my way through, I haven't, just making a point, talking to anyone even a stranger, and keep talking.
At one point the realisation will nudge you in the right direction, decision based on logic (Spock fan)
I really know, what you are going through. It's tough, it's horrible, it's nasty, it's worth talking to your GP, mine was brilliant and went total OTT to get me the best treatment and counsellor. It also made me realise that I had to get healthy, if I was going to do anything positive. It was a start.
My anxiety and depression are on their holidays, they went to forgetfulnessland on a long tour doing gigs. The Russians are sending an envoy to Whitehall, telling the government that if there is any more attacks on their motherland, they will reply with nukes!
The government has said that the covid jab is working and its on course, and Britain since brexit and covid is booming.
There is only one person that can do anything about what is going on in your head, and that is you! It's gonna be up to you to make the first positive move, it's up to you to be decisive what you want. You are a band member and the friends you are among would rather have you strumming away on stage in memory of your friend.
Lastly, he wouldn't want to put this on you, he will not be happy with you, your knowledge, your reaction.
Please, please me (as the Beatles sung) and stay around even if it is for a little while longer, your knowledge, your caring, your empathy and you are a major part of the forum.
Enough!
Stay safe and keep playing.