Chat for ASD families

[13lizanne]

Does anyone know how to get a 6ft 27yr old autistic man to keep a sweater on? Our lovely son is here and wants to run around in just his t-shirt + jeans and it's snowing!! His supported flat and day centre are heated to tropical levels so he's used to not wearing a heavy top but our house is draughty, big and old with high ceilings and he has a phobia about closed doors so every door is standing open. Anyone?

 

[Diamum5972]

Does anyone know how to get a 6ft 27yr old autistic man to keep a sweater on? Our lovely son is here and wants to run around in just his t-shirt + jeans and it's snowing!! His supported flat and day centre are heated to tropical levels so he's used to not wearing a heavy top but our house is draughty, big and old with high ceilings and he has a phobia about closed doors so every door is standing open. Anyone?

Eek! The easy answer is there is no way, my brother has had his parka for years and it's like a security blanket for him. He calls it his heat regulation system because no matter what the weather he feels comfortable wearing it. Does your son have any sensory issues? He might not feel the cold the way we do, if he's used to wearing a T-shirt then that is what he will wear come hell or high water

 

[13lizanne]

Exactly! When he was at home all the time I could persevere (with the help of Dad at weekends) but the older he gets the more entrenched he's become. He's grinning at me right now and pointing towards the kitchen because he wants fed. Our house is now so warm I'm boiling and, of course, he won't let me take off my sweater because that's what I was wearing when he came in ah the joys

 

[Diamum5972]

Lol that made me smile! I can see that with my brother, my mum is blind because of retinopathy and because my brother is her carer he is in charge of cooking and shopping. He makes some very interesting choices Mum likes to go out on Saturday because the meal he chose for that day is not to her taste. Obviously changing the meal is out of the question so avoidance is her best strategy, if he's busy researching travel options then he won't get stressed out at the thought of having to change the meal!

 

[Shar67]

My son wore a balaclava for years summer he would wear shorts t shirt balaclava, he liked the colours, blue, orange and yellow, I undone the stitches so it fell apart.
When he was a toddler he hated grass and sand, so walks in the park or beach were out. Even now he will not put a foot on either.

 

[4ratbags]

You will just have to think of it as being in a sauna for the day. My GD is the same with her clothes and everyone including her preschool have learnt to just let her be with her clothes choices. Life would be so much easier if they wernt so resistant to change but its something I learnt many years ago that to them there is no grey, its just black and white, no compromise.

 

[13lizanne]

Agree completely @4ratbags. Truth to tell we've had some sort of obsession with clothes for most of his life and we do understand, I thought it would make a good topic for chat though. He's got a really heavy fur lined jacket on for when he's outside and his favourite woolly hat. My friend's son will only wear red clothes and its been fun learning about everyone else's clothes obsessions

 

[4ratbags]

Yes its hard for me to convince my GD to change her clothes, once something is on she doesnt like to take it off, I have heard the odd comment at preschool about her wearing the same clothes as yesterday but I have learnt to choose my battles carefully and to be honest I can let the clothes slide for my own sanity. It is great to hear about others with the same issues, if you talk with someone whos child is not in the spectrum they just dont understand the complete and utter meltdown that.can arise out of something as simple as wanting the child to change their t-shirt.

 

[Shar67]

My son didn't speak until he was four and when he started he didn't shut up and he was loud, we used to talk in whispers to try and get him to quieten down and no matter how often we told the school he only had one volume they always complained he was loud.
Hence the speech lessons during holidays.
The other boys in the unit he attended for school are still in contact with each other and what a lovely well mannered bunch of guys they are. Each has different problems, there was a lad who never spoke to anyone, we had a boys pj party over a weekend. When he got home his mum called me in tears as when he got in the car to go home she asked if he had a good time, he said his 1st words "it was great". Now that was down to his friends not any parents.

 

[13lizanne]

That's fantastic @Shar67 you do hear about these stories, our children are all so very differently abled. Guess that's why it's called a spectrum. @4ratbags it can feel very lonely when you try to share with ordinary families we always say that the autism isolates the whole family not just the child. That's why it's good to talk to other parents/grandparents who understand our special ones

 

[Adamtally]

Hi my son is only 3 but he's on the spectrum met 11 of the ten requirement and didn't meet the other cause he's non verbal(so far ) would be happy to talk to anyone that wanted to get things off there mind I know it can be stressful but wouldn't change him for the world

 

[4ratbags]

They are definately unique, my GD is so full on but she is just a treasure, says what she thinks which can be hilarious at times. She butts heads with the OH all the time and lorenoften than not she wins.

 

[13lizanne]

Welcome to the thread @Adamtally we started it so that we could chat to one another and get support and encouragement Your son sounds great, what age was he when you got your diagnosis?

 

[ManUtdGal!]

Hi. I have 4 sons on the spectrum. My oldest is 27 with Asperger's, my 21 year old has Autism with moderate learning disabilities and Dyslexia. He was violently attacked in Sept 2012 and almost killed so now also has other disabilities with brain damage, my 18 year old is ASD with moderate learning disabilities and is a loner. My 17 year old is ASD with learning difficulties and ADHD. He is the easiest to deal with but is always on the go.
I am type 1 since age of 3 and seen it all!! Was a nurse too. So much has changed. But stress over the boys does cause me problems with my control.

 

[Diamum5972]

Agree x 1000 @4ratbags! Even though my son can be challenging I wouldn't change him for the world. He has such a refreshing point of view and when he gets together with his aspie friends it's hilarious (and a little loud!) It also makes us appreciate the victories much more, just a year ago we couldn't dream of him travelling independently and now he's been to both Birmingham and Leicester several times!

 

[13lizanne]

Oh @hld1904 I'm sending you an enormous hug. Are your boys at home with you, do you have some help? Do you ever get any sleep?

 

[Diamum5972]

Hugs from me too @hld1904, my older brother is epileptic with severe memory loss and learning difficulties and several years ago he was robbed at knifepoint when he was walking home. He wasn't hurt but it could have been a different story. It must be heartbreaking for someone who already has difficulties to be subjected to this. Did the police catch the culprits?

 

[4ratbags]

@hld1904 big hugs from me too, 4 boys alone would be a handful let alone 4 on the spectrum that would definately play havoc with your levels.
@Diamum5972 thats great that he can travel independently, I bet you were so proud of him. I know just seeing my GD actually playing with a friend at pre school is enough to make me smile from ear to ear.

 

[Diamum5972]

Yep definitely, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! The worst part was when I got back home, it was so quiet with no PlayStation on I was so glad my kitty was in a sociable mood lol

 

[4ratbags]

I know that feeling, I get so used to my GD being right beside me at night when she goes away for the weekend I quite often dont get any sleep anyway and my son lives in his room on his Xbox and when he goes to my sisters for the holidays I miss him popping out to see me every now and then.