Coping with feelings of shame

BigFriendlyG said:

the thing I'm struggling with right after diagnosis is feelings of shame and guilt and anger that I could have avoided this by better lifestyle choices in the past

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Not to diminish your feelings of guilt, those are very real, but most people do not develop diabetes regardless of their lifestyle. In other words, you might not have developed diabetes if you'd made different choices, but you did have a disposition for diabetes which you didn't know about.

You might like to have a read around this thread, it's a very old thread but still active and relevant: https://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/threads/dont-involve-yourself-in-the-blame-game.21894/

BigFriendlyG said:

not only am I paying the price but have subjected my family to having to deal with this.

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Can you tell us a bit more about your worries for your family? I hope they are there for you to support you, no different than if you'd broken your leg or had developed gluten intolerance or such.

What about taking the bull by the horns and working on managing your diabetes?
Many of our members are doing very well!
What is your treatment like? Are you on any medication for the diabetes?
There's lots of room for improvement, maybe have a read of this: https://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/blog/jokalsbeek.401801/

Wish you all the best!

BigFriendlyG said:

Diagnosed T2 today and not sure if anyone felt the same but the thing I'm struggling with right after diagnosis is feelings of shame and guilt and anger that I could have avoided this by better lifestyle choices in the past and now not only am I paying the price but have subjected my family to having to deal with this.

It's going to be a tough battle if I'm beating myself up everyday, but I just feel so ashamed. I feel like keeping it a secret but I know I need the support of those around me.

Has anyone else struggled to "come out' with their diagnosis?

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Welcome to the forum @BigFriendlyG you have found a supportive place for those of us with Diabetes. Lots of us I’m sure felt very very similar things when first diagnosed. However once you start finding out more and more about how you ended up diabetic- things like stress, processed food, modern lifestyle etc you start to understand how you got there. Unfortunately current health and lifestyle advice isn’t always that helpful and for me following the low fat health high carb route for me lead to Diabetes.
Maybe find out as much as you can by reading around on this forum and then you may feel able to talk to your family about it. To turn this around and recover your health you may need to make some dietary changes such as lowering your carbs and it would be helpful to have your family on your side.
Read around on this site,ask questions. You are most certainly not to blame.

Hi @BigFriendlyG .

Shame ...is when you ignore the welfare of your family.

Not, when taking part in a socially acceptable pastime,

With millions upon millions of buildings dedicated to its worship...

Where nations pride themselves on their own interpretation of regional specialities.

In a world bombarded with books about how to do 'it'

And a pastime enjoyed whether dating, grazing or just chilling , around the Globe.

But i kinda hear what you say


I do however agree on the Anger

I was angry, no furious.
That all I had been told about food was a lie.
For far too many of us.
And all so others could profit.

I was glad I found out when I did
Old enough to stop & think it through
Young & well enough to still make a real difference to my life.

I raged, and spread the word.
Eyes glazed over as I spoke

So now I speak less
And offer advice when asked.

A viewpoint is diabetes made us ill.
Not the food we ate.

I ate as per govt guidelines for 8 years .
Still became T2D...go figure

Six months changing what I eat.
Got me to Pre diabetic...
A further 3 months I was back to normal..
in theory no longer T2D,
But I know I always will be

So .. should you feel ashamed
OR
Should you stand up and be glad you found out
Now, while YOU can still take back control & manage YOUR T2D.?

You landed here, because you wanted help, advice, a place to vent.

My advice .
Vent away.
Ask for help
But
Don't waste time being ashamed.
( Easier said then done, maybe .)

Use that energy to read up about foods.
Try to teach those around you &
try making little changes for them

Be the best YOU. you can be.

And that BETTER You, will be there for them
a lot longer then the OLD you.

My fav intro to type two "management"
And why it fails do many
Short movie/documentary
The wisdom of crowds

And THIS was THE best speech I have seen about how I felt..I actually applauded while sat watching on laptop.... brilliantly said
https://www.livingloud.org.uk/single-post/2018/12/14/International-Diabetes-Summit-2018

Hi and welcome to the diabetes family @BigFriendlyG.

First of all, you have already made a few steps towards understanding your T2!
Most men wouldn't admit there was something causing your diabetes and on top of that your mental state at the moment, you have also asked for help with wanting to know information from those who have had success with getting their health back.
This is good!
What is also good is your open mind to !earn what it takes to turn your health both physical and mental.
Their is no need to do much yet, this will take time and your mental health will improve once you are more comfortable with your dagnlsis and have the knowledge to control it.
Take the opportunity to talk to someone who you can trust and if in doubt, talk to a professional, like your doctor to refer you to counselling,.
Anxiety could be a symptom of diabetes, but don't ignore it, anxiety is not very nice, I know but having someone who you can talk to is a big part of the baby steps needed. If you can relax, where you feel comfortable and take it easy on yourself, look after you!
Today is day one! Tomorrow is a better day!

Keep safe

When diagnosed I had slogged my way through some 21 months of GP pushed dieting, had gained weight at a great rate, been told I was cheating several times, even though I had said that I never felt well eating low fat high carb.
As a type 2 diabetic you have a low ability to cope with carbohydrate - and if you are a simple ordinary type of type 2 a few months of eating a low carb diet should resolve it - took me 6 months, and I wasn't really trying, to be honest. I just wanted to reduce my blood glucose levels, but I also reduced my weight, and the age I felt myself to be, plus I increased my vitality and well being.
I did take up with several teams of morris dancers, do longsword and Maypole - but that is not required, just fun.

I was diagnosed about 10 days ago and I can understand how you can feel bad. I have high blood pressure too and since covid it has been out of control like death walking out if control and I finally got a new doctor and three days later my bp is normal and I have permission to exercise. I was so mad at myself for not doing something better. How had I let this happen then a week later I got diagnosed as t2 at 25 sugar level. Life is what it is and no one knows the future. All you can do is change the now. Hang tough.