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Dating With T1d And An Insulin Pump

Discussion in 'Type 1 Diabetes' started by sophc, Jun 16, 2018.

  1. sophc

    sophc Type 1 · Active Member

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    Hi all ,

    I am hoping someone can offer some advice on dating and being a T1D and on an insulin pump. Being single and trying to find someone nowadays seems challenging enough but being on a pump just seems to have added to it the challenges.

    I’ve been diabetic for almost 26 years and since April I have been on the 640g insulin pump, and only wish I had done it sooner. I’ve been single about a year after a long relationship, and I have thrown myself back into the dating world.

    I went on a date last weekend and so naturally the guy saw my pump clipped on my belt and asked what it was. I explained it was a pump for my diabetes and I had a small cannula in which continuously dripped in small amounts of insulin and was of huge benefit to my health. He did pull a few odd faces but thought nothing more of it. About 20 minutes later , I started to feel hypo and so I checked my blood sugars in front of him and I was 3.5 so treated it with a few sips of coke.

    When I got home he text me to say he had a nice evening, but because I was diabetic facing needles, blood and with the pump it was too much for him and he didn’t want to see me again. This is the first date I’ve been on with it so was wondering if anyone else had experienced this before? It’s knocked my confidence massively and it’s given me a bit of anxiety and worry about going on future dates in case I hypo in front of them and having to explain about my pump.

    Any tips or your own experiences on how to approach this would be great.

    Thank you all
     
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  2. boboblck

    boboblck Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    How rude of him to say that and knock your confidence! I don’t have experience of using a pump but don’t see why it should be an issue when dating. Hopefully your next date won’t be sure an **** and you’ll be fine!
     
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  3. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Moderator
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    Heya @sophc I am a fellow 640g user, I keep mine in a pump belt, mainly because it helps to keep it out the way when I sleep, however using a pump/having diabetes should make no difference at all. Although I'm not dating and it's been a while since I did I am going to take a different view on your situation. It was his loss that he was so shallow to take that view on your diabetes, also it's good to know early on before it went any further. This guy has no concept of empathy and lives in his own bubble if he cannot see any further than his own needs, there are lots of amazing guys out there who will put you in a pedestal and admire you greatly for what you manage every day.

    Don't let this one experience cloud your judgement or affect your confidence, I have a simple mental mantra when life deals me a blow, it's just to say 'next', dust yourself down but don't let it stop you from finding someone who will care about you, and another little saying I used to have when dating, you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince !
     
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  4. Fairygodmother

    Fairygodmother Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Yup, I agree with @Juicyj, good to find out this guy’s worth losing.
    To adapt the much used saying, this isn’t about you, it’s about him.
     
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  5. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Moderator
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    Hi @sophc just a bit of advice about future dating and avoiding hypos.. Due to the excitement/stress this will affect your bg levels, so I would make sure I was above 8+to start with no insulin on board, then pop to the loo or somewhere where you can do a test and check after say an hour to make sure your still 'safe'. If you decide on a second date then think about telling him then but allow your first date to be about getting to know each other and allowing yourself the chance to see if he's worth a second date.
     
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  6. james11

    james11 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Aww..what a silly guy...dont let it worry u...
     
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  7. UserABC2021

    UserABC2021 Prefer not to say · Well-Known Member

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    I'm still new to diabetes but I've had similar problems as an Aspie (Asperger's Syndrome - High Functioning Autism). People think it's 'cute' that I'm like Sheldon (TV) but it soon wears off. I've learnt to warn people beforehand so that I don't have to worry about their fragile egos (although I don't date much and this might be bad advice, and when I say 'much' I mean 'not at all').

    Today I'm going to see an old friend I haven't seen for years. She is an aspie like me so we understand that part, however, she pointed out that she has become a vegan so I have offered to bring my own meat as I am LCHF diabetic. Should be interesting.

    By the way, I'm free next Friday :)
     
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  8. LooperCat

    LooperCat Type 1 · Expert

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    What an absolute, well, to save the modmins some furious editing, I’ll say “unpleasant person”. One thing good is that at least he showed himself up to be an utter a-hole from the beginning. Good for you for being out and proud about it all on your date, personally I reckon that’s the right approach.

    Was just thinking this morning how my ex husband used to complain about the smell of insulin, and how much he hated it. I became a bit self conscious about it and used to go to another room to do the do. Current husband says he likes to smell it in the house, because he knows I’m doing the necessary to stay healthy. The cats don’t like having air shots aimed in their direction ;)
     
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  9. kitedoc

    kitedoc Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi @sophc,
    Looking at your recent experience in a different light, your circumstances are a way to 'weed out' those who are insincere and lack courage. And so much on TV these days and internet can be so misleading.
    I have been on insulin for 51 years here in Oz, and good public education about diabetes is still lacking.
    One thought is to seek those who work in the healthcare industry and similar fields as they will have had more likelihood of coming across diabetics and knowing something of the condition. And with luck someone may have a diabetic in the family and so have a better background for understanding diabetes.e
    And having a hypo is one of those complications on a date which is unfortunate but sometimes happens. The meal is delayed, you talk longer than expected etc. In the past I have ordered an orange juice as a drink to help tide things over til the meal arrives.
    Yes, pumps are great. I shifted over to an Animas pump at the 45 year mark on insulin and then wished I had made the move across years before !!
    Having said the above what any guy worth his salt needs to be doing is regarding you as a human being. Each of us has something unique about ourselves and that is part of what attracts us to others and visa versa. Being upfront and honest, as you have been , is an admirable quality and hopefully will encourage him to do likewise..
    I find that as a guy (now married and awaiting grandchildren !!) that people with approximately similar senses of humour may get on well together (In 'Sex in the City', Carrie talks about staying with the man who makes you laugh). Of course there is more to it than that. Having interests which coincide or which vary but have some common threads are also a plus. But an interest in drinking lots of alcohol, being a yobo (Oz term for a pratt) at the footie etc might not be to your taste or conducive to your good health!! Try to be patient and be selective and careful. Somewhere out there is a Mr Right ( politics, or correctness freak aside !!).
    And continue to love yourself, use self humour to tide you over any disappointment and show yourself and the world how wonderful you are !!
     
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  10. Jaylee

    Jaylee Type 1 · Moderator
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    Hi @sophc ,

    That's a shame you had a let down after your date.
    But, don't let it put you off finding companionship in your ongoing life journey. :)

    I'm not a pumper. But have had in the past someone (a goth girl.) take a little too much "unhealthy" interest in the mater of fact bloodletting during a test & inpalment regarding injecting. (Start the car!?)

    I'm not sure how you met this chap? (Online?)
    Taking an old school approach. Are there social groups or activity clubs of interest to you, which could get you "out there" (with a group of friends?) people's perceptions are different, (more relaxed.) as opposed to a "blind date." (Heightened sense awareness. On both sides of a table.)

    Hope this helps & good luck!
     
  11. EllieM

    EllieM Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the others, you're better off without that loser. But I can understand that it would knock your confidence, I would have been horrified (and amazed) if I'd had that sort of reaction about my diabetes.

    I've always been completely open about my T1, told everyone, friends and colleagues, about it, and never expected anyone to react badly about it. I've had one (anonymous) work colleague complain about public injections (which was upsetting, but I got over it) and everyone else has been fine, (and helped me with hypos when I needed it.)

    So maybe try not to g hypo on your first date, but if your partner is going to be freaked out by blood tests and your pump then you're better off without them.

    Lots of hugs. (And that guy was a shallow ...)
     
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  12. kev-w

    kev-w Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    From a bloke's point of view (and it's my shallower side speaking) the thought of a pump could be off-putting, especially if they don't dig diabetes, but I'd not worry about that, I'd be more annoyed they didn't have the b**ls to say their issues and used a text to do it, so I'd see it that you sidestepped a shallow man which is a good escape. I'd agree with jaylee's 'take the old school approach' for meeting people tbh.

    I've told the story before about a long time ago a girl I was sweet on coming to my flat, offering to make brews (a long time back before political correctness so her tea making skills needed checking out :p ) I heard the fridge open, where the milk and my syringes and insulin bottles were , then the fridge slam shut, the door open and her footsteps storm down stairs. I'd forgotten to mention I was diabetic, that one had a better ending as I copped off with her friend a while later. But then I had a shallow side

    Good luck and don't let muppets like you mention get you down :)
     
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  13. sophc

    sophc Type 1 · Active Member

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    Thank you all , reading what each person has said makes total sense. I think sometimes when you are in the moment it can be upsetting , but when you stand back and look at it you are totally correct! #luckyescape
     
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  14. sophc

    sophc Type 1 · Active Member

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    IMG_1529150165.483377.jpg wearing my pump with pride
     
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  15. Alison54321

    Alison54321 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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  16. del.uk

    del.uk Type 1 · Member

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    Don't let anyone bring your confidence down huni... he was just not the right guy for you... think about it if he had a good heart and worth the effort nothing would put him off he'd rather give you a hanging support.

    Be yourself.... I once had a proposal yet I'm only tablets independent and he asked in such a tone like I was a big deal he made me feel like it was a contagious disease. Put me off completely and I refused him as his ways of approaching regarding diabetes was not acceptable.

    Year later he got married an believe it or not his wife is insulin based unfortunately was have many hypos... all she needed was support !

    People should look down at other because you don't know what's in store for you.... I hope his wife is well and he appreciates how special she is..
     
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  17. Alison54321

    Alison54321 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    With a pump you have a brilliant role model with Este Haim, so if you should be unlucky enough to find yourself in the company of a pathetic creature like that again, on a date, just ask yourself the question "what would Este do?".
     
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  18. Jaylee

    Jaylee Type 1 · Moderator
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    Just had to Google what she did? Great bass player! :cool: :)
     
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  19. therower

    therower Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi @sophc . If the headless selfie is anything to make a judgement on then the guy is a fool.
    Apologies if that sounds sexist but if his worries are your problems and not his own then you're better off without the hassle.
     
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  20. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

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    Aaww, bless your heart. I am not on a pump, but 29 years of MDI, I have been on dating sites and I have mentioned I have type 1. it's no big deal, it's just a small part of who I am. Some have been okay, but one moron who sticks in my mind, asked 'Is that why you aren't sexually active '?? then asked 'is that because of HIV and Aids........... I was fuming, diabetes has nothing to do with Aids, so angry and upset too. But I have met some nice guys and the diabetes didn't bother them. Don't give up, there is a nice guy out there, who won't be a moron, or an idiot, or a plank......... you get my drift lol . Just be your lovely self, take care and I wish you all the luck in the world x
     
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