Dealing with a diabetic boyfriend who's in denial

[lofr9605]

That's a really good

Ok.. Is he aware of the rules for driving??

Above 5 to drive?

Does he test pre driving lessons?

Does he make sure he has hypo stoppers with him?

If he wants to be grown up and learn to drive, this could be the thing to make him see sense...he must be in control to drive...

If he isn't-then he shouldn't be learning to drive-he could injure himself or others..

point actually. I'll raise that one with him, Thankyou. L x

 

[donnellysdogs]

Be nice to him about it.. Choose words carefully....

You don't want to appear as "knowing it all ref driving"...

I'm speaking from experience of having almost lost my licence years ago... I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I did...

Being a muppet in everyday life may cause him grief long term with his diabetes but a muppet behind a steering wheel is disaster...for others.. Waiting to happen....you only have to look at the lives lost with that Scottish dustbin driver a few years back to know what being irresponsible around illness can do..

Its just a different approach to take..

 

[Keithredskins]

Hello,

First I'd like to thank anyone who's reading this. I do appreciate your time.
Me (19) and my type 1 diabetic boyfriend (19) have been currently dating for a little over a year. I love him tremendously and our relationship is good. However, of recent, things have been difficult. My boyfriend, R, was diagnosed around 3-4 years ago. Whilst I wasn't with him at this stage, I have an understanding of the impact it took on him. His mental health dropped, instigated depression and became angry about his luck in life. Understandable. He got help from the mental health team but as soon as he showed signs of improvement they stopped giving support and he dropped again.

3/4 years on and I'm standing here pleading with him to think about potentially getting some help again. To him, his diabetes doesn't exist, and therefore he will live his life however he wants. He won't let it "win". His diet is poor, and he struggles with textures of food. Continuously underweight. He doesn't eat any fruit or vegetables (ever). He enjoys sport and is good at it. But ultimately due to his poor diet his hypos are a frequent occurrence. Sometimes up to 5/6 a day. He doesn't want help and can't see a way forward, he looks after others so well but he can't look after himself. Often he'll phone me, unable to complete a fluid sentence or pronounce words. Even to the point where he doesn't know where he is.

He spends days in bed. Sleeps and sleeps for as long as he can. Unable to get up. Yet when he's required to work long shifts to look after others, he will be up with the larks.

His parents have tried for years to help him, taken him to dieticians, doctors, counsellors, you name it, its been done. But yesterday hit rock bottom. How can I stand back and watch him slowly fade away, engulfed by something thats not going to change. He doesn't enjoy eating, and his stats are all over the place. He rarely tests.

Please, if you have any ideas, i'd love to hear them. If you've been in a similar situation or currently are, i'd love to hear your story and how you're doing. I feel so alone in all this.

Thankyou again for reading, it means so so much.

L x

tell him staying in bed is stupid as a diabetic you need to be active I've been diabetic for nearly 50 years am56 and you need to look after yourself with your partner my wife has been amazing with your help he will manage

 

[donnellysdogs]

Days in bed aren't good unless he's good at adjusting his insulin as well....
Is he aware of new gadgets available like the pumps/cgm/libre etc?
Who looks after him ie hospital or GP? He should be under a consultant and if he should be getting 15 basic diabetes checks like eye screening once a year.

It would be great if you could point him in this direction and say that there are a lot of people that have had **** good lives WITH diabetes... And how much he can also have that too, but with a bit of kindness to himself would be great to enable that to happen.

 

[Lrb90]

Hi,you may not see this,your boyfriend may feel like he doesn't want to read this,but just tell him,from a stranger,please take the time to just read what I am going to write.

I am a type 1 diabetic and am now 25 years old.i have had it since I was 6 years old,and believe me since the age of about 12,I have done what I wanted.i thought I was in control,I had the same motto,I won't let it win,I won't let diabetes control my life.The bottom line of it is,it doesn't have to,and you can still do everything you want to do,the moment you neglect it and have the attitude I won't let it win,your then letting it win because of the complications that will come by not taking control of it and doing what you should be doing.

As I said I am 25 years old and from the uk,I chose to do what I wanted,ate what I wanted,skipped injections,never tested my blood glucose level,and when I say never I mean,never. Since living my life like this,it may sound dramatic and it may sound a bit in depth,but this is the truth,this is what it can do to you. I have suffered a thing called DKA 3 times from the age of 14 to 22. DKA to put it bluntly is when your body starts to release ketones which then makes your blood acidic and starts to slowly shut down. As you can see I didn't learn from the first time nor the second time,but the third time was the last time I was going to make myself suffer and my family,and the people I loved and cared about,and the last time I was going to let DIABETES CONTROL MY LIFE!
When you suffer DKA the third time,I started to throw up solid blood clots,I drifted In and out of consciousness,I had the most intense pain in my lower back to the point where no matter how I laid if I was conscious I was not comfortable,I needed gas and air to take the edge off of it. To then be rushed to hospital in an ambulance,and be connected to IV drips,have a needle put into my main artery through my wrist. After an hour or two,yes I felt a lot better,so being the stubborn not letting diabetes control my life type character,I asked my mum to get me the discharge form,I was going home. My mum returned and threw a bit of paper at me,crying and walked away. It was the paramedics hand over sheet, written in the bottom was the paramedics handwriting with the words "I believe if we was 5 minutes later in getting the patient to the hospital, he would have been deceased." DECEASED meaning DEAD,no life,no second chance,no beating diabetes and me winning,it meant I was allowing the diabetes to win by not looking after myself.

I have had to have laser eye surgery,where they fire lasers to the backs of your eyes,I have had over 2500 laser shots in both eyes to stop me from going blind. And believe me your awake while they do it,and the pain, well it isn't the nicest feeling in the world.

My mum is a type 1 diabetic has been since she was 18 months old,she is now 50. Right now as I type this she is sitting in a hospital In Whitechapel London,and has just had her right leg amputated,she is blind in one eye,she has kidney failure of both kidneys and also has heart disease. All of these problems have stemmed from poor control of her type 1 diabetes. We don't know how much longer and it hurts to write this,but we don't know how much longer my mum has with us because of all the complications.

I could go on for pages and pages,and go into great detail about loads of things. I have turned my life around and I feel better,I control my diabetes and yet I am still able to do what I want with my life,I live my life everyday now more normal then most people do without diabetes.

Please if you would like to contact me,I am more then willing to talk to you or your boyfriend,more so him, because and I don't mean any disrespect from it, but I have type 1 diabetes, I know his struggle and I can relate a whole lot more. But please don't hesitate to contact me, if I can stop just one person from ruining their whole life by talking to them, then please let me do so, I don't want diabetes to cut short someone else's life, I don't want diabetes to win against another person.


Anyone reading this, any questions, any queries any help I can give to change yours, a member of your family's, a friends, a child's, a man or a woman's life, then please PM me.

 

[CollieBoy]

@Lrb90
Thank you for having the courage to open yourself up to us , to offer this help.

 

[hewjameson]

Tell your boyfriend to take some time off work and go on a DAFNE course. I'm not trying to be over dramatic, but it will change his life. He will have control of his own life, and not be constantly ruled by fear and lack of understanding.

Education is the key to leading a normal life with diabetes. There's still time, He was only diagnosed a few year ago. I know people who've went 20 year not having a clue what there HBA1C is and now, after DAFNE, have improved tenfold.

Good luck, and take care of him.

 

[Snapsy]

I wrote a blog post earlier this year about the psychological effects of a diabetes diagnosis. http://crick-tech-munch.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/keep-on-jabbing-keep-on-testing-loss-of.html

Wow, @tim2000s - I hadn't seen this blog post of yours before. Hits the nail on the head - thanks for sharing.

 

[Snapsy]

Hi,you may not see this,your boyfriend may feel like he doesn't want to read this,but just tell him,from a stranger,please take the time to just read what I am going to write.

I am a type 1 diabetic and am now 25 years old.i have had it since I was 6 years old,and believe me since the age of about 12,I have done what I wanted.i thought I was in control,I had the same motto,I won't let it win,I won't let diabetes control my life.The bottom line of it is,it doesn't have to,and you can still do everything you want to do,the moment you neglect it and have the attitude I won't let it win,your then letting it win because of the complications that will come by not taking control of it and doing what you should be doing.

As I said I am 25 years old and from the uk,I chose to do what I wanted,ate what I wanted,skipped injections,never tested my blood glucose level,and when I say never I mean,never. Since living my life like this,it may sound dramatic and it may sound a bit in depth,but this is the truth,this is what it can do to you. I have suffered a thing called DKA 3 times from the age of 14 to 22. DKA to put it bluntly is when your body starts to release ketones which then makes your blood acidic and starts to slowly shut down. As you can see I didn't learn from the first time nor the second time,but the third time was the last time I was going to make myself suffer and my family,and the people I loved and cared about,and the last time I was going to let DIABETES CONTROL MY LIFE!
When you suffer DKA the third time,I started to throw up solid blood clots,I drifted In and out of consciousness,I had the most intense pain in my lower back to the point where no matter how I laid if I was conscious I was not comfortable,I needed gas and air to take the edge off of it. To then be rushed to hospital in an ambulance,and be connected to IV drips,have a needle put into my main artery through my wrist. After an hour or two,yes I felt a lot better,so being the stubborn not letting diabetes control my life type character,I asked my mum to get me the discharge form,I was going home. My mum returned and threw a bit of paper at me,crying and walked away. It was the paramedics hand over sheet, written in the bottom was the paramedics handwriting with the words "I believe if we was 5 minutes later in getting the patient to the hospital, he would have been deceased." DECEASED meaning DEAD,no life,no second chance,no beating diabetes and me winning,it meant I was allowing the diabetes to win by not looking after myself.

I have had to have laser eye surgery,where they fire lasers to the backs of your eyes,I have had over 2500 laser shots in both eyes to stop me from going blind. And believe me your awake while they do it,and the pain, well it isn't the nicest feeling in the world.

My mum is a type 1 diabetic has been since she was 18 months old,she is now 50. Right now as I type this she is sitting in a hospital In Whitechapel London,and has just had her right leg amputated,she is blind in one eye,she has kidney failure of both kidneys and also has heart disease. All of these problems have stemmed from poor control of her type 1 diabetes. We don't know how much longer and it hurts to write this,but we don't know how much longer my mum has with us because of all the complications.

I could go on for pages and pages,and go into great detail about loads of things. I have turned my life around and I feel better,I control my diabetes and yet I am still able to do what I want with my life,I live my life everyday now more normal then most people do without diabetes.

Please if you would like to contact me,I am more then willing to talk to you or your boyfriend,more so him, because and I don't mean any disrespect from it, but I have type 1 diabetes, I know his struggle and I can relate a whole lot more. But please don't hesitate to contact me, if I can stop just one person from ruining their whole life by talking to them, then please let me do so, I don't want diabetes to cut short someone else's life, I don't want diabetes to win against another person.


Anyone reading this, any questions, any queries any help I can give to change yours, a member of your family's, a friends, a child's, a man or a woman's life, then please PM me.

Thank you @Lrb90 for posting this poignant reminder of what it means to have diabetes, and the all-too real risks of complications. Serious food for thought.

Wishing all the very best for you and for your mum.

And thank you.

 

[tim2000s]

Wow, @tim2000s - I hadn't seen this blog post of yours before. Hits the nail on the head - thanks for sharing.

Thanks Snapsy.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Needlekind]

I am in a very similar boat to you L. Your R and my J are very similar, except eight or so years apart in age.

This weekend j woke up and he couldn't see. He's been diabetic for half of his life and just lately he has been very poor at controlling it. I'm so frightened. He loves driving and his job involves him being able to do it. If he can't see, he can't do that. He has neuropathy keeping him awake at night and he's exhausted all of the time.

There's a come to Jesus talk that needs to be had. We go on holiday soon and I'm going to be keeping a very close eye on him while we are there. I'm hoping to see how much weight he puts on with access to good quality food at the same time of day, every day. I'm hoping that the exercise will do him good and make him feel more energised and just generally be a reset to help him gain control again.

Part of my boyfriends problem is that he doesn't measure at all. He is eating ****** quality food, all white bread, white pasta, etc. and then he's having a hypo not three hours after he's eaten. His hba1c was 13 last time it was taken, which has come down from where it has been recently. But he's making himself so unwell. Any advice anyone else in the thread could give me would be much appreciated, but I also wanted to tell you you're not the only one in this position. It's super frustrating that j is 28 and he still doesn't have a handle on this. Let r know you can't live like I'm living, wondering if tomorrow you'll wake up and he won't be able to see. (I know it doesn't work like that but... Still.)

 

[lofr9605]

I am in a very similar boat to you L. Your R and my J are very similar, except eight or so years apart in age.

This weekend j woke up and he couldn't see. He's been diabetic for half of his life and just lately he has been very poor at controlling it. I'm so frightened. He loves driving and his job involves him being able to do it. If he can't see, he can't do that. He has neuropathy keeping him awake at night and he's exhausted all of the time.

There's a come to Jesus talk that needs to be had. We go on holiday soon and I'm going to be keeping a very close eye on him while we are there. I'm hoping to see how much weight he puts on with access to good quality food at the same time of day, every day. I'm hoping that the exercise will do him good and make him feel more energised and just generally be a reset to help him gain control again.

Part of my boyfriends problem is that he doesn't measure at all. He is eating ****** quality food, all white bread, white pasta, etc. and then he's having a hypo not three hours after he's eaten. His hba1c was 13 last time it was taken, which has come down from where it has been recently. But he's making himself so unwell. Any advice anyone else in the thread could give me would be much appreciated, but I also wanted to tell you you're not the only one in this position. It's super frustrating that j is 28 and he still doesn't have a handle on this. Let r know you can't live like I'm living, wondering if tomorrow you'll wake up and he won't be able to see. (I know it doesn't work like that but... Still.)

Hey needle kind, Im so pleased I'm not the only one in this state. I'd like to talk to you more and keep track with each other if you'd like? PM me if you'd like to drop me a line. I too am going on holiday on Wednesday abroad with r, I'm terrified we'll end up in a and e or something similar.

Hope to hear from you soon.

L x
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