Don't involve yourself in the blame game.

christi99 · Jun 6, 2015

NoCrbs4Me said:
Anyone who wants to have long term good health should eat real food and avoid factory processed food, even if they can tolerate refined carbs.

BTW- I shared the link you have in your profile (dietdoctor.com) with my son because it is a very simple and easy to understand (not that he is an idiot, but he really isn't very interested or patient with the more involved stuff i give him on diet info) and he actually read it!!!!!!!! And agreed to try the paleo/LC or VLCHF diet. He needs to lose about 40 lbs and get better control of his BS. I am hoping to get him off metformin and glipizide, if he does change the way he eats ( and of course he needs to exercise more). So ... thanks for putting it in there- hopefully it will guide him to better health!

NoCrbs4Me · Jun 6, 2015

christi99 said:
BTW- I shared the link you have in your profile (dietdoctor.com) with my son because it is a very simple and easy to understand (not that he is an idiot, but he really isn't very interested or patient with the more involved stuff i give him on diet info) and he actually read it!!!!!!!! And agreed to try the paleo/LC or VLCHF diet. He needs to lose about 40 lbs and get better control of his BS. I am hoping to get him off metformin and glipizide, if he does change the way he eats ( and of course he needs to exercise more). So ... thanks for putting it in there- hopefully it will guide him to better health!

I hope it works out for him. If he sticks to it he will see results. Just a warning about the gliclazide - going low carb while on it can result in hypoglycemia. I highly recommend that he coordinates with his doctor on the change in diet.

christi99 · Jun 6, 2015

NoCrbs4Me said:
I hope it works out for him. If he sticks to it he will see results. Just a warning about the gliclazide - going low carb while on it can result in hypoglycemia. I highly recommend that he coordinates with his doctor on the change in diet.

Yes, thanks for the tip- he has an appt next week so hopefully he will discuss it with him (I say hopefully because at 26 he is pretty noncompliant so far with behavior modification.Very frustrating ) I do know to that you really have to stick with it strictly ( if you sneak in the carbs- it totally fails to produce the results re: BS control). I do know that I have been sticking to it for a month and I definitely have more energy. That must mean something good is happening!

Gravity-Carb · Jul 22, 2015

catherinecherub said:
I know that some Type 2's have a hard time because they think that because they are overweight that they brought this on themselves. I read one post here where the person thought that they were being punished for the sin of gluttony.
Stop being so hard on yourselves and don't fall into the trap that the media and uneducated people would like us to be in. It is not your fault and if you want to avoid the depression that often accompanies a diagnosis then you have to think positively about this chronic condition. Whether there is something you could have done earlier or not really does not matter now. You have this condition and you are not going to let it beat you. It is a hurdle that has been put into your path that you are going to jump over. If you decide to do all that you can to manage this condition there will be no place for blame and you will not be a victim but a survivor who can show others that there is a way forward.

I decided early on that diabetes may beat me but it won't be for lack of trying to master it and that is all that anyone can do, tame this beast to the best of your ability. Your HCP's may be the best or the worst that exist but they are not with you 24/7 and whether they are negative or positive in their care, you do all the hard work and they only see your results from the tests that they order. This is your baby and you are the one who looks after it.

A couple of articles here,

How to combat the stigma of Type 2 diabetes.
http://www.health.com/health/condition- ... _1,00.html
(Makes me sad to think this title would even have to exist).

Type 2 Diabetes. From old dogmas to new realities.
http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2011 ... ealities-/
(This article explains that you may have been diabetic for years prior to diagnosis)

I really do hope that this will help some Type 2's move forward. We took a hard knock this week with the advertising campaign from Lloyds and we will be in the news again soon over another article that will surface but our revenge is to manage our diabetes to the best of our ability and let the ignorant people think what they like because one day some of them or their loved ones may walk in our shoes and then the reality of having Type 2 diabetes will hit them hard.

I must thank you catherinecherub and this forum full of people who question and share.

My mother was diagnosed with Type 2 in January this year, after many years of ill health and disability, and I was/am quite frustrated with her as she hasn't modified her diet/behaviour in my eyes at all, only giving up wheat for lent. I realise after reading your post and links that I have subscribed to this 'it's the individuals 'fault' for Type2', I think or rather now I know I have unrationally blamed her for her ill health over the years even though I know the reality.

So when my doc told me in June that I may as well assume I have Type2 as my HBwhatever was borderline and my family history was so Type 2 heavy ; mother, her sister, her father, my fathers mother had it, it goes on. Since that eventful day in June, my drive for taming the diabetes beast has been that I didn't want for my son the 'burden' of my choices that have led to this... I hope that makes sense. I still have the drive for taming of the beast, just not from a place of self blame.

Once I read the OP, I have been in mild shock and I realise I need to give my mother a sincere apology. She is not like me whereby I will question the Doc's, she takes what they say or prescribe with minimal questions but that doesn't make her culpable.

On a good note, since reading in another post about inflammation, diabetes and carbs, I have shared this info with my mother regarding her crippling inflammed joint problems that are not RA. It makes sense, although her response was to take this to the Orthopedic Consultant next month.... I bit my lip to stop myself saying "good luck with that".

The reach of this forum has even had a positive affect on my relationship with my mother.... it knows no bounds. All who agree say, aye.

christi99 · Jul 22, 2015

susanmanley said:
I am a newly diagnosed diabetic and was feeling pretty low about it all and felt I was to blame for my own problems.
I spoke to my doctor yesterday and she was very reassuring that it WAS NOT my fault but rather to do with my pancretitus and she also said that as the pancreas is an organ like all others it does naturally loose some efficency over time and that probably if we lived long enough everyone would have insulin reduction/diabetis.
Once that terrible feeling of guilt was lifted I was able to think about the problem more clearly and logically
Also all the assistance and chat on this site has helped a lot

thank you

Wow- I am really impressed by your doctor's approach. Well said. I think the problem comes in because for some people who are overweight (not more than many, many people walking around without diabetes!) a cornerstone of treatment is to lose weight and exercise because is it often has significant benefit for those with diabetes. It isn't about blame, but using the tools in one's tool box to manage a disease. Like telling people with high blood pressure to reduce salt intake- they don't use more than other people, but have a sensitivity internally and they need to reduce what they use due to its effects on hypertension. Not blame but relationship to treatment. Unfortunately this part about "it's not your fault" gets left out!!

christi99 · Jul 22, 2015

eddie864 said:
I am definitely obese with a BMI of about 40. I was talking to my consultant about the effects of losing weight and insulin use and he did confirm that weight is a massive part of me being a T2 diabetic. However he did say that my resistance to insulin was way beyond just the weight issue. He reckons it is metabolic and that while I should try and lose weight I shouldn't expect to be diabetes free from doing so. But all the same I do feel I've done a lot of damage to myself and I do feel self blame.

Obesity is ya know, obviously linked to T2 DM and it is one of the more effective means to manage the disease, but insulin resistance is considered to be rather genetic, and makes losing weight more difficult (and also may likely have contributed to weight gain in the 1st place!) I think it would be best to take responsibility instead of taking blame. Responsibility not in the "whys" but in the management part of it. All diabetics, whether thin or overweight do have to manage their dietary intake of carbs and also strongly benefit from BS control with exercise. Both these things are tough to do for anyone (unless you LOVE to exercise and hate desserts or pasta!) regardless of weight. I am Type 2 and have never been overweight- so no one is blaming me... but guess what?! I have the same disease- so I guess it isn't as simple as being obese. We all need to be kind to ourselves and drop the self-blame (regardless of how other people treat us)- that is the only way we can love ourselves enough to do the hard work of managing this thing! I know... easier said than done!

christi99 · Jul 22, 2015

Unbeliever said:
The quote at he end of your post -which also strikes a chord with me- probably says it all Steve. To date I am successfully keeping off insulin but i feel as you do about it.

I expect your partner means well in tellng you it is your own fault. She is probably trying to encourage you to take charge of your own health , insulin or not you will still need to do that.
I managed to stay offf or postpone insulin by incresing my exercise and low carbing. I was not overweigh so in a way it was harder. I made a determind effort over abou 3 months and it paid off. That was over wo years ago now.

I don't have a weigh problem and only ever gained weight wih diabetes medication so have always been afraid of he insulin - weigh gain- more insulin- cycle - but that is not my reason for haing the thought of it.
I very much resent being at the beck and call of the NHS because of my diabetes . I feel that I am attached by some sort of invisible cord which they can tug at anytime they please . The whole thing feels like an invasion of y privacy and I don't want to
make that cord shorter.

I am so sorry for everyone who blames hemselves for this condition. I have always felt instinctively, that weight gain MUST be a symptom and not a cause. That is not to say that nohing can be done about weight but it is hardly surprising that, if people gain weigh whatever they do then they are bound o think it is a lost cause and hat they may as well just give in to it.
Particularly if they don't know hey are diabetic and even when they do hey are not given appropriate dietary advice.

They don' know what riggers diabetes in anyone let alone hose genetically inclined o get it. In my case i suspect it was stress.
Maybe i is triggered in some when they reach a certain weight , this can happen with other hormones i believe.

I do not blame myself but had i been overweigh i am sure i would have done so - reinforced by the opinions of family and friends. It seems o be human nature o try to blame the vicim/
Peole have tried to tell me it was because of my "faddy eating" This being the GI diet which probably kept diabetes at bay for years.
I Try telling your parner hat alhough you undestand she has your bes ineress at heart her attitude just makes you want o give up. Ask for her help in rying to keep your weight down.
If you really feel so strongly about insulin hen tell your doctor that you want to delay going onto it for a short time just to see if y
there is anyhing at all you can do to improve your readings. Then try very har in that period. if here is no improvemen then
you will know that you did everything possible and may find it easier to come o terms with he insulin.

I never ook glic myself but imagine that this also causes weight gsin. If you mange o reduce your dosage of this it could help considerably.
Start by telling yourself it is not your fault. There is a genetic link and noone knows what riggered your diabetes. You put on weigh BECAUSE of the diabees and it is harder to shift .
Maybe you didn' look after yourself but you didn't realise why this was happening and that here was anthing you could do about it.
Now you do.
Good luck with i all . You are not alone . Maybe you should ge your partner o read his hread.
Yes , it is hard enough wihout our nearest and dearest making i more difficult - albeit they mean well.

Wort a try to ge them to "leave you alone"?

You make a very good point about stress. Physiological and emotional stress affect blood glucose levels. While there are many complex metabolic/biochemical reasons for this, it is a known fact. In the ICU, we have everyone (even those not diabetic- on insulin drip/hourly testing and titration) because of this. Interestingly, as a T2, I pretty much know what I have to do to stay in control - but the highest my BS ever was, was the day my daughter had surgery-very stressful- I had not ingested one morsel of food- yet my BS was over 300! One thing exercise does is help manage cortisol levels and the stress response we have (neurotransmitters too). It also lowers insulin resistance. I really hate to exercise frankly, but I have good results when I do.

christi99 · Jul 22, 2015

hornplayer said:
It's a contentious issue, but I really think that weight gain could be considered a symptom of diabetes instead of a cause.

There was a post a while ago, which received surprisingly little attention, linking to a video of an American doctor talking about how he and some of his colleagues are starting to explore the causes of diabetes. They are looking at T2 diabetes, with all it's controversial contributory factors, and asking if it isn't hiding some deeper metabolic problem. He explains very clearly, in my opinion, how weight gain happens in undiagnosed diabetes, as the body screams out for sugar which is prevented from reaching the starving cells by a lack of insulin. An efficient body will attempt to store the sugar somewhere and as fat cells apparently are fairly simple and don't need insulin to unlock them, it gets shoved in there. - unfortunately, the rest of the body still screams for sugar so it's a circle, which continues until diagnosis. - That is certainly true in my case. As weight loss is an accepted symptom, I s'pose it is difficult for weight gain to be seen as an equally valid symptom.

Lots of other really interesting things were said in the clip. I think I've got the gist of some of what was said, - apologies if I've got it wrong. It really is worth a look. I'm sorry I can't post a link, - I hope someone else can!

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

Well said! When my son was diagnosed with DM T2, I was there and this was exactly what she told him, which also helps ease the burden of self-blame. She did say with meds, weight loss and exercise he could reverse the diabetes, but nothing will reverse the genetic factors leading up to the diagnosis (in his case metabolic syndrome).

christi99 · Jul 22, 2015

Paul_c said:
there are people in here who would rather you remain dumb and ignorant and following the directives of your doctors instead of realising that low-carb high-fat diets can control your blood sugars and give you respite from the inexorable progression that the NHS dietary advice will result in...

Well I am not sure I agree with your thoughts about remaining dumb and ignorant, but I can say I firmly believe that very low carb/high fat diets are perhaps the best "medicine". The trouble is most doctors or diabetic specialists don't prescribe this diet, and many people are in the mindset of being powerless ( with regard to medical concerns) and the medical team has the "power"- and you don't question that, particularly older folks. I would like the medical community to get behind the data on VLCD's and accept it as a dietary regimen they actually prescribe.

christi99 · Jul 22, 2015

Stephanie Searl said:
I only joined the forum yesterday but I have already learned so much.
I am 57 and was diagnosed as T2 about 10 years ago. All my life I have struggled with my weight. I've been a size 16 max and what I suppose is called a yo yo dieter, losing 2 or 3 stones 4times in my life and always focused on low fat. Currently I weigh 11.5 stone with a BMI of 28.
Over the past year I have read a lot about that theory being wrong and sugar being to blame not fat. I cook with fresh ingredients but now I have embarked on a low carb diet. Immediately my sugars have dropped. I feel more in control. Like a previous writer I have cut cals in the past and lost little weight. Watch this space. Will low carbs lead not only to glucose control but weight loss to a healthy BMI? Really excited! Steph

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

My son had a BMI of 33- He just never lost weight - even when he had facial surgery and couldn't eat solids for 2 months (He had between 500-1000 cal daily- I made in blender- high quality soups etc- not low carb though.) He only lost 10 lbs. Last month , he started the VLCD, and has lost 15 lbs in less than a month. He feels great, his blood sugar levels much improved, and he doesn't feel starving all the time. I don't care what any doctor says- I think this is the way to go if you are T2.

christi99 · Jul 22, 2015

toksady said:
My parents blame me alot for becoming diabetics...they keep saying that I should have known better since my parents themselves are diabetics.... I should have control my diet....wish I could turn back in time...

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

Ya, and you could wish you had different parents (genetically speaking, that is!) but you can't - so figure out a way to calmly and lovingly tell them and yourself that blame is NEVER useful, helpful or healthy. Life isn't a court of law where establishing blame is important. It is more about a series of choices we make, in relation to all the things we have and don't have control of. What does the serenity prayer say (not just for AA) ? And the wisdom to know the difference...so the healthiest choice is to do whatever you can, right now, to take care of yourself. We all are doing the best we can at the time we are doing it, and we can choose to do, learn, and to be a part of things that enable us to make better choices. Choose not to internalize blame.

christi99 · Jul 22, 2015

mpe said:
The same applied to MODY, but the mechanism involved is very different.

Cholesterol is not a "fat" in the first place. When fats are measured, as "triglycerides", these are actually those produced by the liver. Common reasons for the liver to do this being an excess of dietary sugars or a lack of dietary fat.

Most of the "slow release" idea is a myth to sell breakfast cereals. With it actually being the case that sucrose and lactose being the "last to digest".
N.B. Many so called "experts" don't appear to know much about chemistry or biology.

Probably healthier for just about anyone.

There's also the question of if the primary purpose of a diet is blood glucose control or weight loss.

Where "work" is about weight loss, rather than blood sugar control.

Wow- great information shared by both of you! And it seems, in a cruel twist of fate, the more impaired your ability is to metabolize carbs seems to be directly proportional to how much you crave them! (My life anyway

Celeriac · Aug 12, 2015

I think we have to put blame for the diabetes epidemic, on American politicians who were quick to rush in with dietary guidelines to cut fat, so that they could give Americans cheap food and also export it. The UK government just followed along.

Having made one colossal mistake which millions of people have died and suffered from, they have steamed straight ahead with genetic modification. Another potential timebomb.

Food manufacturers and supermarkets are guilty of putting profit before health and offloading a lot of cheap rubbish on us.

It's a scandal when additive free food, not contaminated with GMOs and added water is so expensive. Your health shouldn't depend on your bank balance. It often means that young families and pensioners who need the most nutritious food get the worst diet.

I also blame successive governments for not providing cookery classes for kids of both genders which actually teach them to cook proper food. Jamie Oliver has done some sterling work but the government, all governments need to turn back the tide of the SAD because it is sad and makes people sick.

christi99 · Aug 13, 2015

Celeriac said:
I think we have to put blame for the diabetes epidemic, on American politicians who were quick to rush in with dietary guidelines to cut fat, so that they could give Americans cheap food and also export it. The UK government just followed along.

Having made one colossal mistake which millions of people have died and suffered from, they have steamed straight ahead with genetic modification. Another potential timebomb.

Food manufacturers and supermarkets are guilty of putting profit before health and offloading a lot of cheap rubbish on us.

It's a scandal when additive free food, not contaminated with GMOs and added water is so expensive. Your health shouldn't depend on your bank balance. It often means that young families and pensioners who need the most nutritious food get the worst diet.

I also blame successive governments for not providing cookery classes for kids of both genders which actually teach them to cook proper food. Jamie Oliver has done some sterling work but the government, all governments need to turn back the tide of the SAD because it is sad and makes people sick.

Excellent points here. I totally agree with you that the dietary guidelines established are simply garbage- but boy, were they successful in making Big Pharma rich!!! Ya, too bad for us that we are suffering, dying etc, etc... We should be able to trust information given to us- and instead- it is causing epidemic levels of disease. I can't imagine what the fallout for GMO's will be. I was spending a ridiculous amount of money buying organic produce, meats, and other food products and I just can no longer afford it- it is prohibitive!

sarahlou72 · Sep 11, 2015

catherinecherub said:
I know that some Type 2's have a hard time because they think that because they are overweight that they brought this on themselves.

I am T2.
I am overweight
I have a sweet tooth

I blame my parents.

No seriously, with both parent being type 2 according to this site I am 75% more at risk of having diabetes.

http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-and-genetics.html

Because I it worried me I would regularly pester my doctor for a blood test.

I was diagnosed 2 years ago and I cried when the doctor told me. I expected it at some time just not now. My parents were in their 50's when they were diagnosed, but looking back and knowing what I know now, I think they had the condition long before that.

Don't get me wrong, I could have done things differently, couldn't we all in hindsight.

But since that diagnosis, I lost 21lbs (iv'e put a little bit back on but I'm nowhere near what I was)
I go to the gym
This year I signed up for my 1st 5k. I didn't manage to run all the way, (and still can't), but did it in a steady 43 mins and hope to beat that when I do it again next year.

For me in a way it was a kick up the backside to start looking after myself.

This is where I blame myself
I still eat sweets, cake and biscuits. (I have a sweet tooth and not much will power)
I still eat carbs (the wrong kind)
I forget to take my tablets.

My last check up my bg had gone from 6.2 to 7.2 (what a difference a year makes)

So, I am back on the (reasonably health eating), ordered a blood glucose monitor and hopefully get it back down. Back to the nurse in December rather than next year so fingers crossed,

grey_dog · Oct 15, 2015

Hi all,
I have had t2 for about 7 years now, and if I'm honest i did not take it that seriously as i felt fine, mine was not that i was over weight but i was going through a lot of stress at work, for something that should have never been taken seriouslyin the first place.
As it turned out i was right all along it was a joke but large companys say they have to do this.
Anyway while all this was going on not really knowing the out come. My stress levels were going high as a kite.
I thought i was going mad, so went to see my doctor and done a few test and hay hoo told i have t2 Diabetes.
So up too a few mths ago I had the best Diabetes nurse in our surgery. But all that ended as she moved on ,so now have a new lady who i have never meet, and the nurse i did see i thought i knew more then her, so for me a total waste of time.
What i find refreashing reading through what others have said is hopeful for me, and i feel no longer on my own.
So thank you to everyone.

zand · Oct 15, 2015

Hi @grey_dog welcome to the forum

christi99 · Jan 28, 2016

eddie864 said:
I am definitely obese with a BMI of about 40. I was talking to my consultant about the effects of losing weight and insulin use and he did confirm that weight is a massive part of me being a T2 diabetic. However he did say that my resistance to insulin was way beyond just the weight issue. He reckons it is metabolic and that while I should try and lose weight I shouldn't expect to be diabetes free from doing so. But all the same I do feel I've done a lot of damage to myself and I do feel self blame.

I think the important psychological shift should be from self-blame to self awareness. Self-blame is punitive and engenders shame, which will never help you love and believe in yourself enough to make tough behavioral steps - like changing your dietary choices and level of exercise. If it was so easy, obesity wouldn't be such a problem, so be kind to yourself! You are not alone. Take one step at a time, and while you may not be able to control some aspects of metabolic disease, you can help your health and blood sugar control by committing to lifestyle changes your doctor recommends that can make a difference in your overall wellbeing. best wishes

christi99 · Jan 28, 2016

Galja said:
I was like you and though diagnosed in 2001, did not take anything seriously until 2005 . During that period, people played the blame game on me, and I played it on myself, just human nature. Around 2005 I did whatever I could with ok but not stellar advice and some of those things worked like going on a low fat vegan diet and resetting my metabolism to initially lose weight in the first couple years. I lost forty pounds but it took a while. Started taking thing more seriously during a period starting a year and a half ago with some serious health declines despite a healthy diet , which period started the careful elimination of various medications and supplements from my tried and true list. I came to question everything. During this period, still ongoing, I found this forum and gradually sltarted seriously reading it. I've made a couple tentative forays into hiogh fat low carb which go beyond the paleo diet I was doing before with dairy and probiotic modifications. I haven't been over a BMI of 22.5 for nine years and yet it was a physical decline that led me to this forum accidentally. Along the way I have never had a great endocrinologist norgeneral practitioner although I have had adequate ones. Most changes that have made a big difference I have had to make myself. Most basic testing I have had to beg for and there is a tendency on the part of our overloaded medical community today to hope and then pretend we are ok when we really need some comprehensive help. Some real declines can happen in the middle of such care. So, be vigilent. Learn what tests mean and which ones are common for your symptoms. Praise whoever you can and stay away from people who would rather you declined than prove them right. Your health is not a game that other people can play. It is something that takes a caring village.

Well said- I can't agree more with your statement about that it is YOUR health and not a game for others to play- yes, it takes many forms of support, but ultimately we will live with the outcome- so best to take the time to educate, self-advocate and see what works the best for you.

Sofie2 · Feb 12, 2016

catherinecherub said:
I know that some Type 2's have a hard time because they think that because they are overweight that they brought this on themselves. I read one post here where the person thought that they were being punished for the sin of gluttony.
Stop being so hard on yourselves and don't fall into the trap that the media and uneducated people would like us to be in. It is not your fault and if you want to avoid the depression that often accompanies a diagnosis then you have to think positively about this chronic condition. Whether there is something you could have done earlier or not really does not matter now. You have this condition and you are not going to let it beat you. It is a hurdle that has been put into your path that you are going to jump over. If you decide to do all that you can to manage this condition there will be no place for blame and you will not be a victim but a survivor who can show others that there is a way forward.

I decided early on that diabetes may beat me but it won't be for lack of trying to master it and that is all that anyone can do, tame this beast to the best of your ability. Your HCP's may be the best or the worst that exist but they are not with you 24/7 and whether they are negative or positive in their care, you do all the hard work and they only see your results from the tests that they order. This is your baby and you are the one who looks after it.

A couple of articles here,

How to combat the stigma of Type 2 diabetes.
http://www.health.com/health/condition- ... _1,00.html
(Makes me sad to think this title would even have to exist).

Type 2 Diabetes. From old dogmas to new realities.
http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2011 ... ealities-/
(This article explains that you may have been diabetic for years prior to diagnosis)

I really do hope that this will help some Type 2's move forward. We took a hard knock this week with the advertising campaign from Lloyds and we will be in the news again soon over another article that will surface but our revenge is to manage our diabetes to the best of our ability and let the ignorant people think what they like because one day some of them or their loved ones may walk in our shoes and then the reality of having Type 2 diabetes will hit them hard.

Thank you for this! For the time being I feel it is so hopeless. I'm always feeling a little down in the winter. This year I've tried to beat that by resting more (according to what I thought was good for me). I have struggled to keep the blood sugar right in the winter months. It has varied a lot during the day. Some days it has been near 12 . Resting has helped to keep the "winter mood" OK, but it seem to have made the diabetes grow worse. Yes, I'll fight, ...

Don't involve yourself in the blame game.

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