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Food and drink choices

Discussion in 'Ask A Question' started by Diakat, Dec 12, 2017.

  1. Diakat

    Diakat Type 1 · Moderator
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    Hi all,

    I need some witty but non offensive responses for Christmas time pressure. In the past I have ended up screaming at people and I want go avoid it this year.

    We are spending Xmas with my MIL, a type 2 who has a casual approach to diet. I do not low carb, but do like to choose where my carbs come from e.g. will not drink orange juice unless I'm hypo...

    So, every year I am hassled to drink orange juice at breakfast, wine at lunch (don't drink alcohol either) and to eat mince pies (eugh). When I simply say no thank you this is not accepted as am answer. She has known me for 15 years and I am sick of it. Help me shut this down please...
     
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  2. bulkbiker

    bulkbiker Type 2 · Oracle

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    Don't go?
     
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  3. Diakat

    Diakat Type 1 · Moderator
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    I have considered that, but husband got upset and I do not want to be blamed for never letting her see grandchild...
     
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  4. himtoo

    himtoo Type 1 · Well-Known Member
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    how about this

    ( insert name of MIL ) , I know you mean well and want to share this lovely occasion at this special time of year , but I do the things I do to ensure I will be around as long as possible to watch my ( insert child name ) grow up .
    I mean no offence at not taking part in some of the foods on offer but that is how I cope my best.

    edit to add -- last night we were invited to a neighbours house for a pre christmas party.
    all that was on offer was christmas cake , that italian cake ( can't remember the name )
    fortunately on the pump my basal kept me steady all evening ( plus a few glasses of red wine )
    I just politely declined the food and waved my pump controller to ward off the sweety spirits !!

    further edit -- could your husband have a word with his mum to ask her not to put that sort of pressure on you
    ( before you actually arrive )
     
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    #4 himtoo, Dec 12, 2017 at 11:23 AM
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017
  5. Diakat

    Diakat Type 1 · Moderator
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    Thanks, will ask hubby for pre-xmas prompting...
     
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  6. Rachox

    Rachox Type 2 (in remission!) · Moderator
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    I hate it when people say one cake, one biscuit, one chocolate won’t hurt! We are at my in laws for Christmas Day lunch. However we go there for tea most Sundays so she’s well aware of my dietary requirements and I’m lucky that she doesn’t force me. She did ask a week or so ago what will I do about Xmas pudding. I said I’d bring my own low carb one, but I’ve thought since it’ll just be easier to have a slither of Vienetta which she always has for those who don’t like Xmas pudding. I do think your husband needs to step in, far easier for him to talk to her. I do find the daughter in law mother in law relationship an odd one!
     
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  7. wiflib

    wiflib Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    Don’t get into a discussion, just repeat over and over the same words with a big smile. “How lovely, but no thank you” perhaps?

    Sometimes a little passive aggressive works wonders.
     
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  8. Deleted Account

    Deleted Account · Guest

    My MIL is similar to yours: despite having type 2, she often eats a slice of cake before she goes to bed and takes a sugary drink up with her (because she often wakes up thirsty when she needs to go to the toilet).
    She rarely has fresh fruit and veg and sees pre-prepared meals as a treat she could never afford in the past.

    I have "given her a treat" and cooked dinner for her and my FIL in the past. I can't do this every time but she seemed to appreciate it and I got what I wanted.

    Or, if she may get offended by someone taking over her kitchen, perhaps you could take some "treats" with you and take it as a chance to introduce your MIL to some of the things you like to eat and drink.

    And maybe tell her that you find something like drinking orange juice for breakfast makes it harder for you to manage your diabetes ... which makes you ill and you don't want to ruin her Christmas. I am sure Santa would not be upset if you tell a little white lie and tell her it has been getting worse in the last year.

    I guess the main way I try to get around this problem with my MIL is to describe it as something I do for everyone else ... including her.
     
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  9. Granny_grump_

    Granny_grump_ Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Politely ask MIL if she would eat something that would cause her harm,and possibly make her very ill? K
     
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  10. Granny_grump_

    Granny_grump_ Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Good luck never worked with MMI.K
     
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  11. Rokaab

    Rokaab Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    This can work :)

    As an example (though not to do with diabetes) one time at work my boss was joking that he'd give me some food with gluten* in it and my response was 'right, so you sit next to me in the office, and you're going to feed me gluten, well I hope you enjoy sitting next to me whilst I'm farting all afternoon :)' - funnily enough no-one at work has ever even suggested giving me anything with gluten in it since then :)

    * I have coeliac disease, for myself small amounts of gluten don't make me feel ill but do make me very windy and in the long term it causes problems
     
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  12. Diakat

    Diakat Type 1 · Moderator
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    Was going to mark as funny - which it is - but obviously having coeliacs is no fun!
     
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  13. Rokaab

    Rokaab Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Well when I think about it every so often I still think it's funny (and true) and it definitely got the point across at the time :)

    But yeah I've always found it easier to explain why it would be bad for them if I did or didn't do something - I'm a bit of a pessimist so have always found it easier to point out the bad stuff that's likely to happen if I eat/do whatever it is, if you are an optimist it may be easier to explain about how it will make it better for them if you don't have it.
     
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  14. wiflib

    wiflib Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    I’m actually horrified at that. Would he give nuts to someone with an allergy or alcohol to a recovering alcoholic?
     
  15. Rokaab

    Rokaab Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    To be honest he would've never done it anyway, because he does indeed know better than that, and at that point I'd known him for about 6 years (he also knew that I could deal with small amounts as I'd mentioned it to him before - mainly in discussions about where to go on a Friday lunchtime when the normal pub was closed), but the point was that explaining the impact can make a difference - in this case it meant my other team members (who hadn't known me for long) also now knew.
     
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    #15 Rokaab, Dec 12, 2017 at 2:47 PM
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017
  16. Guzzler

    Guzzler Type 2 · Master

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    I am a mother in law. I have never understood how some people seem unable to understand the phrase 'No thank you'. I am referring to booze with this but foods would sit under the same umbrella.
    Sorry I don't have any wiiticisms for you as my standard reply to pressure is 'I could eat that but I choose not to'. If why is asked then I sometimes come back with 'If you have an hour free I could explain my choices'. Curiously enough, no one has taken me up on this offer.
     
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  17. Brunneria

    Brunneria Other · Moderator
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    Last Xmas Eve (or the one before. Honestly, with old age these things have started to blur together), I rather stupidly made myself a low carb mug cake with some carby mincemeat in the middle.

    Delicious. I had been craving mince pies and in my gaumlessness, I thought this was an acceptable compromise.
    Silly me.
    Ended up with an interesting hyper (around 15mmol/l) and then a quite spectacular hypo (went lower that the Libre reads, and I guesstimate approx 1.6 from prick testing slightly after the fact). I then felt grotty until the day after Boxing Day. The joys of reactive hypoglycaemia.

    Yeah, yeah. You can put the violins away.
    I didn't mention it for sympathy. I mentioned it as an example of how for some of us, bad food choices can really wreck a holiday.

    So, whatever your guns are, stick by them.
    I certainly intend to, because I am NOT making the same mistake again, even if it risks ruffling a few feathers on hosts.
    Mind you, having said that, if I politely look someone in the eyes and say 'no thank you, it would mess up my blood glucose and stop me enjoying the day.' I can't see anyone actually force feeding me the item.

    Of course, there is another alternative, and one that I use regularly with the dogs.
    It is amazing how often people think they are entitled to feed my dogs. Yes, they are cute. Yes, they are friendly, and waggy and instantly your bestest bud ever. But would you go up to strange children and shove treats in their faces? I think not!

    One of my two is the doggy equivalent of Coeliac. Anything with gluten and we get horrendous repercussions for days, and he is very ill. So now, when friendly people advance on him clutching some vile processed bit of cereal laced biscuit I say

    'Nooooo! PLEASE don't!!! He has a problem with gluten! If you give him that, we will have projectile diarrhoea for a week!'

    They always go pale and retreat rapidly. I am not lying. Last time it took him 3 weeks to recover fully.
     
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  18. Snapsy

    Snapsy Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Mr S was in trouble with his mum recently when we went out for a cuppa at a cafe and he had a very posh decadent dripping-with-syrup homemade flapjack - she was upset that he wasn't sharing it with me. Apparently it was 'fine' because 'it's got oats in'.

    Aside from the fact that it would have been well nigh impossible to do any approximation of carb counting with it, I really wasn't hungry and wouldn't have wanted it even if I weren't diabetic! Was a little disheartened that my choice of 'no thank you' was not respected as a valid answer.

    :)
     
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  19. db89

    db89 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    It's almost like the person offering thinks you're on the offensive at their suggestion or something must be wrong with their offer as you aren't politely accepting it. Not that sometimes you simply do not wish to have something. I despair at this situation.
     
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  20. Hotpepper20000

    Hotpepper20000 · Well-Known Member

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    I remember when I was in university and we where talking about that not everything is a reaction to us.and example was given, If the waitress is rude to us that it's not personal. She a whole history we know nothing about.
    So if someone says, no thank you, when I offer them something to them in my home it's not about me. They are not trying to insult me or hurt my feelings. And it's none of my business why they choose to not partake.
    I forget sometimes though, that for some people it feels like a insult when I say no to their offering and now try to be a bit softer when I say no.
     
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