I don't want to eat..

[Millhouselady]

Crikey I didn't realise so many people would reply to me. First of all let me say thanks and I will endeavour to reply to each of you in this post...
@catherinecherub - I read with interest the article about protein and to be honest I have made excuses for not wanting to eat it, also the other things...the truth is I have just gone off food, I just eat what I know I can stomach. And comfort myself for feeling so down all the time. I live next door to Morrisons so getting some shopping is not a problem, except I can't carry much home. Is why I buy bread, crumpets etc, they are all lightweight.
@Sable_Jan - I feel unworthy of ringing the Samaritans, those people are not paid for what they do and I would hate to be on the phone to one of the operators "chatting away" when maybe that one could stop another suicide. I will not commit suicide but I don't want to be here. I am not allowed pets in my flat and I already have a cat to look after, hence why I wouldn't kill myself. I owe it to Pixie to be here for her. She is my life. It is stressful having her here when the Landlord comes to do his quarterly inspection.
@Fallgal - I couldn't possibly let people know what I do eat, it's terribly embarrassing and people would assume I am trying to kill myself with sugar. I used to have all those interests but now I find all I do is sit and stare into space mostly. The tv is on in this place permanently but it's only for company really.
@donnellysdogs - I am 48 and feel a bit young to be joining over 50's groups. Most people over 50 I know are still working so I'm guessing the U3A is probably a little old for me. Apologies if that offends.
@Robinredbreast - I will have a look at the Diabetes Burnout thread, it sounds just how I feel except I have LIFE BURNOUT I think. Most days I achieve absolutely nothing - not even getting dressed. It's all I can do to get out of bed and move to the sofa! Today I am still feeling the same except for being overwhelmed at the responses my post triggered.
@Indy 51 - No I haven't heard of that, but thanks I shall look it up.
@Natalie1974 - I shall look up that book.

I want to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread and to let you all know I am still here and looking forward to looking up loads of stuff. The size of this forum overwhelms me and I am scared I might miss something lol but hopefully I will be in touch with you all again soon.

Best wishes,
Sarah xxxx

 

[Fallgal]

Yes, something along those lines, Mike. I was expressing my surprise at the difficulties the OP is facing, and how so many good people are trying their best to help her. What a wonderful forum this is.

Ah, okay, thank you! I'm still learning.

 

[Sable_Jan]

Crikey I didn't realise so many people would reply to me. First of all let me say thanks and I will endeavour to reply to each of you in this post...
@catherinecherub - I read with interest the article about protein and to be honest I have made excuses for not wanting to eat it, also the other things...the truth is I have just gone off food, I just eat what I know I can stomach. And comfort myself for feeling so down all the time. I live next door to Morrisons so getting some shopping is not a problem, except I can't carry much home. Is why I buy bread, crumpets etc, they are all lightweight.
@Sable_Jan - I feel unworthy of ringing the Samaritans, those people are not paid for what they do and I would hate to be on the phone to one of the operators "chatting away" when maybe that one could stop another suicide. I will not commit suicide but I don't want to be here. I am not allowed pets in my flat and I already have a cat to look after, hence why I wouldn't kill myself. I owe it to Pixie to be here for her. She is my life. It is stressful having her here when the Landlord comes to do his quarterly inspection.
@Fallgal - I couldn't possibly let people know what I do eat, it's terribly embarrassing and people would assume I am trying to kill myself with sugar. I used to have all those interests but now I find all I do is sit and stare into space mostly. The tv is on in this place permanently but it's only for company really.
@donnellysdogs - I am 48 and feel a bit young to be joining over 50's groups. Most people over 50 I know are still working so I'm guessing the U3A is probably a little old for me. Apologies if that offends.
@Robinredbreast - I will have a look at the Diabetes Burnout thread, it sounds just how I feel except I have LIFE BURNOUT I think. Most days I achieve absolutely nothing - not even getting dressed. It's all I can do to get out of bed and move to the sofa! Today I am still feeling the same except for being overwhelmed at the responses my post triggered.
@Indy 51 - No I haven't heard of that, but thanks I shall look it up.
@Natalie1974 - I shall look up that book.

I want to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread and to let you all know I am still here and looking forward to looking up loads of stuff. The size of this forum overwhelms me and I am scared I might miss something lol but hopefully I will be in touch with you all again soon.

Best wishes,
Sarah xxxx

Lovely to hear back from you Sarah, I understand your caring thoughts about not being on the phone when other people need to get through to the Samaritan's but truly they are there for EVERYONE with something they need to talk through....You are just as important as anyone else who calls and though thankfully you don't feel suicidal they are there to help everyone live their life as well as save it. You sound a really nice caring lass and I do hope you find a way forward.....

 

[vintageutopia]

She basically told me that unless I get my head sorted everything will be too much of a mountain to climb. She knows I can't even function most days. Finally, I don't even go out of the flat unless to an appointment, so walking in the high winds is not an option for me exercise wise. I just can't motivate myself to move from the bed or sofa.
So sorry everyone
x

I am so sorry that you are struggling right now. You are here and that is one step in the right direction. Hugs!

Based on the information above and what you have shared in your subsequent posts, it sounds like your depression isn't well managed. And it isn't your fault. It may be what was working for you in the past isn't working for you any more and you need a re-evaluation with your physician. Diabetes (and life!) can feel overwhelming on a good day, so maybe if you and your physician can work together to find the best mode of treatment for your depression, you will have the mental and physical energy to start tackling the rest. Hang in there and stick with this forum. You are not alone.

 

[Millhouselady]

Thank you @vintageutopia I agree with you. My depression has never been managed well. I have had counselling, psychotherapy, CBT and CAT. My last session with my therapist at the diabetic clinic is in May, I have told her countless times that my depression is no better, nothing works and I think to be honest she is at her wits end with me. Sometimes I feel I should just accept that this is my life from now on, I have struggled and strived for 17 years and it is not getting any easier. With every pain and incident that happens it gets worse. All the simple tasks like housework, shopping, cleaning, it's all too much for me. Even personal hygiene and getting dressed causes agony in my frozen shoulder. My house is filthy.

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate you taking the time.
Sarah x

 

[catherinecherub]

Are you getting any treatment for your frozen shoulder?
Cortisone injections usually give relief for a few weeks and physiotherapy can help too. Physio usually give you exercises to do at home as well as helping you with exercises during appointments.
Some people have had operations on their shoulders to relive the pain.

There are support groups online for depression, would they help you? There are also groups that meet to discuss depression which are facilitated by professionals. I would not wait until May for help with the depression but see your G.P. and explain how every day is a struggle.

I have to say that you do not sound as negative today and I think that is due to being able to talk to people on the forum. I know your problems are still there but talking does help, wouldn't you agree?

Have you considered keeping a mood diary and a food diary to see if the moods are better or worse depending on what you eat?

I would love to help more but really don't know what else to suggest.

Take care and these hugs are for you. (((((())))))

 

[vintageutopia]

Thank you @vintageutopia I agree with you. My depression has never been managed well. I have had counselling, psychotherapy, CBT and CAT. My last session with my therapist at the diabetic clinic is in May, I have told her countless times that my depression is no better, nothing works and I think to be honest she is at her wits end with me. Sometimes I feel I should just accept that this is my life from now on, I have struggled and strived for 17 years and it is not getting any easier. With every pain and incident that happens it gets worse. All the simple tasks like housework, shopping, cleaning, it's all too much for me. Even personal hygiene and getting dressed causes agony in my frozen shoulder. My house is filthy.

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate you taking the time.
Sarah x

Sarah, while she is right that you need to get your head in the right place (don't we all?) , you need the right tools to do this. Can you see someone else for a second opinion? I am unfamiliar with how the NHS works in the UK, but typically in the US, healthcare providers specialize in specific areas for a reason. I am not sure that a therapist at the diabetic clinic can help you beyond diabetes and treat your clinical depression. She probably is at her wit's end, but that is not your fault. What you are dealing with is beyond her scope of practice and you shouldn't have to settle for living a less-than life. Often, depression and pain go hand-in-hand, as well.

Whatever you do, don't give up and don't settle. YOU ARE WORTH IT. If you can tackle your depression, you will gain the wherewithal to tackle everything else. Your posts tug at my heartstrings, because it is a terrible thing to feel overwhelmed and helpless. I wish I was sitting next to you, because I would give you an enormous hug.

 

[Millhouselady]

Thank you so much, that's so lovely. I can't remember the last time I had a hug.

I have had at least 5 different types of therapists over the years and one assessor who said I couldn't be helped. All for free as it's the NHS but nothing has changed. I've even tried all the regular anti depressants and they don't work either. They are supposed to change some hormone level in your brain or something but it did nothing and I didn't get addicted to any of them, so it proved my point, I believe.
I am keen to get to see Suzanne again because the last time I saw her she made me laugh and I wonder if she thinks I am cured.
xx

 

[Millhouselady]

@catherinecherub
Sorry I missed your post earlier.

I am having physio on my shoulder but every time I forget about it and reach I scream in agony, so it feels like it's getting worse. I am doing all the exercises except the ones that hurt too much, but I guess they are the ones I should be concentrating on. I had heard about injections but I am needle phobic and can't deal mentally on my own with no support.
I know someone that had an operation on their back to relieve pain and now they are worse than ever.

I like the groups online I have joined, but I would really love to meet people face to face but there are no support groups locally for diabetes, heart attacks nor depression. My GP does know how I feel but I get the look when I go in as if to say oh not her again. They all do it. I've changed doctors twice.

Yes chatting on here has been a help, a trifle overwhelming perhaps but I am very grateful for everyone's input.

I have always kept a food diary and I do write a journal sometimes, but it feels kinda weird, never having anything positive to write.

Thanks again for you taking the time to post, I appreciate it.
Best wishes,
Sarah x

 

[Patricia21]

Hi Sara.
Im very impressed with your writing,you are obviously intellegent and articulate,It took me ages to sort myself out with the forum,dosent help being dyslexic.and I still havent got it right.
Have you thought of joining your local Church?
I moved to Kent from Derbyshire two years ago,I didnt know a sole,I went to my local Church and have made a lot of friends,and there is a lot of things going on,coffee mornings,drop in and chatt,trips out,helping with flowers,I could go on.
I visit a lady every week who cant get out and realy enjoy her company,It helps me as well as her.
I dont think you are a negative person at all,but we all have negative thoughts at times and dig ourselves deeper into holes of depression.
In the last three years I have had Legionares disease,which nearly cost me my life,a new knee,a new hip,a prolaps repair,and now waiting to have my gallbladder out and have got diabetes,believe me I have been down.
Its baby steps at first,a little achievement each day.
But you have to have proper nutrition or you will feel ill and have no energy,I cant believe you just like sweet and carb things.
All the best to you x

 

[vintageutopia]

Everyone can be helped, my dear.

Stay the course and really spend time talking about this with Suzanne at your next appointment. Also, take some time to sit down and write out your thoughts and questions before your appointment, so that you don't get side-tracked by other discussion. Don't walk away without a plan. You can do this.

 

[Phlogiston]

Hi Sarah,
I'm a bit late to the gathering.
Hope you're enjoying some of the useful help and contact with the other posters. Online conversation is better than nothing. I had a spell a few years back when I was stuck inside, sometimes in hospital and online communities helped.
As far as the food goes - find some stuff you like. Protein is fine unless you go overboard on it. Complex carbs are OK in moderation. Lentils are a wonderful food for frugal times (and other times as well). Fats are OK as long as you con't go crazy and cook everything in a deep frier. Refined carbs - sugar, white flour and pasta are not so hotso, but terribly addictive (especially if you can't have them).
I would advise one day at a time for planning.
As to getting out and meeting people. Do it a bit at a time. Get out, if you can't say hi to anyone at least smile at them. I always make a point of thanking every shop assistant I deal with, it's amazing how they warm to you.
Best wishes
Adam

 

[Millhouselady]

@Patricia21
Thanks for your message, and for your kind words.

I am not a church goer, sorry I am a non believer. I went to a spiritualist church once or twice and it stressed me out to be honest although I can't say why.
Why did you move to somewhere where you knew no one, I could never do that, I moved here for a fella.

I would be happy for people to come here and pass the time of day, I like to talk about what's in the news and debate contentious subjects.

Goodness me, how on earth did you get Legionnaires? I am so sorry for you, it must have been hard. I'm sure your friends from church helped you mostly yes?

I know what you mean about nutrition but seriously I do like some good food, just not a lot of it. I mean there are not a lot of foods I enjoy that are healthy but even though I do enjoy them, I can't eat the same things all the time. I don't like a variety of stuff. I was brought up on meat and two veg but now I find it too boring to eat, saying that I have tried new foods but don't like them. I have pledged to write a list of lower carb foods that I do like and hope my dietician will help me slot them into my diet.

Thanks again, best wishes,
Sarah x

 

[Millhouselady]

Thanks @vintageutopia I have already got my list for Suzanne started. x

 

[Millhouselady]

@Phlogiston

Thanks Adam, I agree, online communities are great and I am very busy answering this thread and stuff I put on the heart attack page on Facebook.

One day at a time sounds like a plan. I would like to write a weekly menu and hence shopping list..but I worry that as usual it will all end in the bin and I will get my credit card out for sweet carby shopping in Morrisons. You see with me, it's a comfort for feeling so down all the time.

I always say hello to anyone I pass in the street on the way through to the supermarket. I chat with the checkout staff if they seem friendly, some just want to get their job done and get home. (Don't blame them). I actually like being in my home where I feel safe and I have my cat to keep entertained so I don't get bored. As I mentioned in one of my last replies, I would like it if people would come to my house for a natter. If only I could clean it, I would put out a message on streetlife for people to come for a coffee.

Best wishes to you Adam, and thanks again,
Sarah x

 

[Natalie1974]

@Phlogiston

Thanks Adam, I agree, online communities are great and I am very busy answering this thread and stuff I put on the heart attack page on Facebook.

One day at a time sounds like a plan. I would like to write a weekly menu and hence shopping list..but I worry that as usual it will all end in the bin and I will get my credit card out for sweet carby shopping in Morrisons. You see with me, it's a comfort for feeling so down all the time.

I always say hello to anyone I pass in the street on the way through to the supermarket. I chat with the checkout staff if they seem friendly, some just want to get their job done and get home. (Don't blame them). I actually like being in my home where I feel safe and I have my cat to keep entertained so I don't get bored. As I mentioned in one of my last replies, I would like it if people would come to my house for a natter. If only I could clean it, I would put out a message on streetlife for people to come for a coffee.

Best wishes to you Adam, and thanks again,
Sarah x

Hi Sarah

Just a thought...you mention you would be keen for people to visit and chat...how about approaching your local volunteer agency to see if they can set you up. Talking and sharing your thoughts and feelings is such good therapy...I'd be lost without my weekly moan up with my girlfriends.

I've often considered voluntary work of some description to meet new people and broaden my horizons but unfortunately I don't seem to have enough hours in my day to squeeze it in

 

[Millhouselady]

Thanks @Natalie1974 that's a good idea, I thought maybe it was for the elderly who couldn't get out but maybe they can help me or at least point me in the right direction.
Best wishes, Sarah x

 

[Kat100]

Hi Sarah ...

I admit to not reading all of the posts here, but have picked up on your need for positive support to feel better about yourself ...
It's nice to see you caring about other members here , you sound like a very kind and supportive person ...
I would guess that when you are feeling well you are a strong willed compassionate individual ...

I would say most of us here have good and bad life experiences and illnesses ... It's just finding a way to cope ...
Sometimes the answers are there in front of us ...

But sometimes we can't see them as we would like ... A bit like bring stuck in a forest and not being able to see the wood from the trees...

It is often just the small changes that help us get positive agsin ...
I think most people have given you excellent suggestions ...
I always think the mantra

I am calm
I am confidant
I have courage
Are three good c words to remember ... I believe you have them all ... It's amazing how we get our strength in time of need ...
You have all it takes ... To move forward and enjoy life .... Sharing like so msny of us do here and laughing at times ... Are all good ...
You have the opportunities to go forward , you just need to decide how .... You can do it ...

Best wishes to you ..Kat

 

[AndBreathe]

OK. I have my tin hat on, so I’ll be brave and risk posting.

You say you live in a flat. Are there any other single occupants in the block, or perhaps ladies who are at home all day, and might like company for the odd half hour, or hour? Visiting doesn’t have to be a big thing. It can just be popping next door for a quick catch up every now and then.

If there are any older persons in the block, they might appreciate someone just calling in on them, say, on your way to the shops, to ensure they’re OK?

Just going back, quickly to your point about going to the pub and people not sitting by you. Personally, if I’m in a bar or restaurant on my own, I tend to want to stay that way. As you were there for sport, was it fair to assume most of these people “ignoring” you were men? I think men are really up against it sometimes. If they’re married/in a relationship, they may feel they couldn’t join an apparently single woman in a bar. Not all partners are relaxed about that sort of thing. If they were single, and there to watch a match, maybe they just didn’t want to be making polite conversation with a stranger. Maybe they had enough polite conversation at work.

You suggest you’re going to make a list of the low carb foods you like to have your dietician fit it into your diet. I’m positive the posters on here could help with that. It’s a really common challenge for people starting to eat lower carb. We’ve all been there.

But, the bottom line is that for all these things, there is an action with you to instigate the positive step. Have you considered promising one thing each day, which you could put on this thread, then confirm when you’ve done it? I know when I find something daunting, I can sometimes find all manner of “reasons” (that are really excuses) not to start it “today”, but once started the delays I have created don’t usually seem to make sense, looking back.

Take one step, today.

 

[Patricia21]

@Patricia21
Thanks for your message, and for your kind words.

I am not a church goer, sorry I am a non believer. I went to a spiritualist church once or twice and it stressed me out to be honest although I can't say why.
Why did you move to somewhere where you knew no one, I could never do that, I moved here for a fella.

I would be happy for people to come here and pass the time of day, I like to talk about what's in the news and debate contentious subjects.

Goodness me, how on earth did you get Legionnaires? I am so sorry for you, it must have been hard. I'm sure your friends from church helped you mostly yes?

I know what you mean about nutrition but seriously I do like some good food, just not a lot of it. I mean there are not a lot of foods I enjoy that are healthy but even though I do enjoy them, I can't eat the same things all the time. I don't like a variety of stuff. I was brought up on meat and two veg but now I find it too boring to eat, saying that I have tried new foods but don't like them. I have pledged to write a list of lower carb foods that I do like and hope my dietician will help me slot them into my diet.

Thanks again, best wishes,
Sarah x

Hi Sara,I got legionares from a holiday in Ciro.thought I was getting flu didnt remember the flight home,I was in intensive care on a life support machine the day after,I could go on but will bore you,and its behind me now,was in hospital 3 months and another 3 months to get strenght up to walk again.
We moved when we retired as we lived in a tyed house with hubbys job,so we had to move house,most of family abroad,son in london so moved south and I like it better climate.Hubby from NE .
About Church I think most people believe somthing is bigger than them and searching for somthing,you dont have to believe to go,
Im a lot older than you and in my time all kids went to Church and Sunday school,it was our social life in those days and I stuck with it.
Best wishes x