Jokes

[Eijack]

A man on his deathbed said to his wife that he would like to make a confession. She said " you don't have to". " I want to die with a clear conscience" he said. " OK what do you want to confess". " Well I had sex with your sister and your sisters best friend, and her best friends mother"
" I know " said the wife " that's why I poisoned you!"

 

[foxglove]

 

[NotSoSweet2]

One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "

Thank you that made me laugh and cheered me up.

 

[anteater2012]

Couldn't resist - at the moment I am still loling about the place.

 

[Eijack]

A Scrooge made his wife promise that when he died she would put all his money in the coffin with him, sh agreed and some months later he died.
At the graveside the wife stood smiling, "What are you smiling for you just buried your husband with all his money, You did put the money in the coffin didn't you" " well yes," she said, " I wrote him a check!"

 

[pavlosn]

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

 

[Nicholas Hoare]

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube."

The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."

"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

 

[pavlosn]

Pavlos
Type 2 - Diagnosed 2009; Latest HbA1c 5,8%; Diabetes Medication: metformin 2x850mg; Other medication: Aspirin 75mg, Valsartan 80mg, Rosuvostatin 20mg, Ezetimibe 10mg; Exercise: One hour walk daily, tennis weekly, swimming when warm enough

 

[Scandichic]

View attachment 4040


Pavlos
Type 2 - Diagnosed 2009; Latest HbA1c 5,8%; Diabetes Medication: metformin 2x850mg; Other medication: Aspirin 75mg, Valsartan 80mg, Rosuvostatin 20mg, Ezetimibe 10mg; Exercise: One hour walk daily, tennis weekly, swimming when warm enough

Your wife is obviously doing a good job! Please could she give me. Some tips? Lol!