Just some advice.

[Sad21+]

How do I deal with guilt,shame and regret ? I'm a carer, my mum has diabetes just diagnosed, and I have prediabetes. This isn't my mother's fault. But my own. It's a reflection of me. I also have a younger brother. Who I look after. Who is very fit but doesn't eat great. Looking back I fed him terrible foods. I worry about him. I have alot of regret. Our lives were very hard before our diagnoses. And it's gotten alot harder. But what I'm struggling is the disappointment,anger and hatred towards myself. I also have alot of fear. Especially the future. How can I reduce this? The more I research the more despair I have. When I go shopping it's overwhelming and limited. Our lives are already restricted and this has made it worse.

I just wish I could of changed alot. I cringe at what I fed my mum and brother. I'm so angry with myself. I'm embarrassed. I let my family down and myself. It it hurts so bad. I just need help.

 

[Pipp]

Oh wow, @Sad21+ . Guilt is not going to do you any good. I want to put this in great big capital letters, but you would think I was shouting at you.... Diabetes is not your fault!
Do not be influenced by the popular media view that you are to blame for you, or anyone else having a diagnosis. You seem to have a lot of resposibility for others for someone so young. That is a lot to carry so dump guilt, anger and embarrassment, and all those other negative emotions regarding diabetes and look around the various forums and threads to see how others live life to the full with their diagnosis. I repeat...You are not to blame.

With regards to foods , I don’t know how old your brother is, but could you engage him in planning better nutritious foods, that are low in carb content? Small steps, as sweeping changes can be overwhelming. Have you already looked at the low carb section of the forum? Some excellent advice and success stories there, and at https://www.dietdoctor.com/

 

[KK123]

How do I deal with guilt,shame and regret ? I'm a carer, my mum has diabetes just diagnosed, and I have prediabetes. This isn't my mother's fault. But my own. It's a reflection of me. I also have a younger brother. Who I look after. Who is very fit but doesn't eat great. Looking back I fed him terrible foods. I worry about him. I have alot of regret. Our lives were very hard before our diagnoses. And it's gotten alot harder. But what I'm struggling is the disappointment,anger and hatred towards myself. I also have alot of fear. Especially the future. How can I reduce this? The more I research the more despair I have. When I go shopping it's overwhelming and limited. Our lives are already restricted and this has made it worse.

I just wish I could of changed alot. I cringe at what I fed my mum and brother. I'm so angry with myself. I'm embarrassed. I let my family down and myself. It it hurts so bad. I just need help.

Hi Sad21, I know you've posted before about this, maybe look at they replies you had then, they are still relevant. I know it's hard to change a feeling but I wonder if you would benefit from talking to people who are Professionals in matters such as this. If you are healthy (mentally & physically) then that has to be better for your family who are relying on you. x

 

[Lamont D]

Hi,
I have been suffering from anxiety and depression, since last summer and if you can believe it, I had a big breakdown and I thought my life was finished. Every feeling was negative and I never had a good day for about three months.
I was in a really bad place and it affected my health, I need to eat responsible, but for a few weeks it went out of the window.
Do you have a diabetic team? Or a dsn or GP, that you can talk to?
If you can't, there are plenty of groups out there, that can get you counselling.
The first step is, posting your concerns about what you are thinking about, your remorse, your history and how it is affecting your life and health.
Second step is talking to someone who you want to talk to honestly. I had my GP initially then Age U.K. arranged counselling. The help is out there.
Third step is talk to your son about why he's not eating properly, but then, he may be thriving and healthy, if he does need a change in his diet, do it gradually.

There is only advice out there and while you definitely need to talk about your fears, the bottom line is that it is your conscious mind giving you your mindset and only you can alter that.
That will help if you admit that you can't change the past, but you can decide to change for the better. You will be told to be positive, very similar to when you had to change your diet when diagnosed or your lifestyle, probably after your son was born, big changes in your life.
Because you know why the guilt, anxiety is there. You have already changed your approach to how you feed your family, that is a positive step. Well done.

As I was told and its so true, don't live in the past, live in the present and plan your future.
Life has a history of ups and downs, you remember good times and the bad. But only one makes you happier, I have been fortunate to experience a few remarkable events in my life. And losses.
I have improved a lot since last summer and the most important part of that change is I don't regret anything about what is gone, it's history. Positive thinking, talking, finding something that will fill your time, do you work? Can you get away from home for a break?

I hope you get through this with no regrets.
Talk, get positive, get help, and look forward, be proactive. Live for now.
Look after your child and cherish the time you have with him and support his life choices.

Stay safe. Best wishes

 

[Sad21+]

Oh wow, @Sad21+ . Guilt is not going to do you any good. I want to put this in great big capital letters, but you would think I was shouting at you.... Diabetes is not your fault!
Do not be influenced by the popular media view that you are to blame for you, or anyone else having a diagnosis. You seem to have a lot of resposibility for others for someone so young. That is a lot to carry so dump guilt, anger and embarrassment, and all those other negative emotions regarding diabetes and look around the various forums and threads to see how others live life to the full with their diagnosis. I repeat...You are not to blame.

With regards to foods , I don’t know how old your brother is, but could you engage him in planning better nutritious foods, that are low in carb content? Small steps, as sweeping changes can be overwhelming. Have you already looked at the low carb section of the forum? Some excellent advice and success stories there, and at https://www.dietdoctor.com/

Thank you for replying. I appreciate this. But I am to blame. And I've accepted that. I've spoken to him but I'm going to talk to him. Yes I've seen the low carb options. It's hard because I love fruits, veggies and carbs. I don't care for sweets and meat. But I know that has to stop. Thank you so much. I will keep looking on the low carb forum. I'm trying to keep positive. But these days I have less reasons to do so.

 

[Sad21+]

Hi,
I have been suffering from anxiety and depression, since last summer and if you can believe it, I had a big breakdown and I thought my life was finished. Every feeling was negative and I never had a good day for about three months.
I was in a really bad place and it affected my health, I need to eat responsible, but for a few weeks it went out of the window.
Do you have a diabetic team? Or a dsn or GP, that you can talk to?
If you can't, there are plenty of groups out there, that can get you counselling.
The first step is, posting your concerns about what you are thinking about, your remorse, your history and how it is affecting your life and health.
Second step is talking to someone who you want to talk to honestly. I had my GP initially then Age U.K. arranged counselling. The help is out there.
Third step is talk to your son about why he's not eating properly, but then, he may be thriving and healthy, if he does need a change in his diet, do it gradually.

There is only advice out there and while you definitely need to talk about your fears, the bottom line is that it is your conscious mind giving you your mindset and only you can alter that.
That will help if you admit that you can't change the past, but you can decide to change for the better. You will be told to be positive, very similar to when you had to change your diet when diagnosed or your lifestyle, probably after your son was born, big changes in your life.
Because you know why the guilt, anxiety is there. You have already changed your approach to how you feed your family, that is a positive step. Well done.

As I was told and its so true, don't live in the past, live in the present and plan your future.
Life has a history of ups and downs, you remember good times and the bad. But only one makes you happier, I have been fortunate to experience a few remarkable events in my life. And losses.
I have improved a lot since last summer and the most important part of that change is I don't regret anything about what is gone, it's history. Positive thinking, talking, finding something that will fill your time, do you work? Can you get away from home for a break?

I hope you get through this with no regrets.
Talk, get positive, get help, and look forward, be proactive. Live for now.
Look after your child and cherish the time you have with him and support his life choices.

Stay safe. Best wishes

Thank you for your advice and kind words. It's really lovely and I needed to read that. I'm so sorry for your anxiety and depression. And I'm also sorry for your breakdown. It's so overwhelming and draining. I'm happy you fought back and I'm humbled you came here to give me advice. At the moment I can't see any positives or anything to be proud about. I hope one day I stop feeling like this. I will re-read your comment when I'm at my lowest to help me. Thank you. Please look after yourself.

 

[Sad21+]

Hi,
I have been suffering from anxiety and depression, since last summer and if you can believe it, I had a big breakdown and I thought my life was finished. Every feeling was negative and I never had a good day for about three months.
I was in a really bad place and it affected my health, I need to eat responsible, but for a few weeks it went out of the window.
Do you have a diabetic team? Or a dsn or GP, that you can talk to?
If you can't, there are plenty of groups out there, that can get you counselling.
The first step is, posting your concerns about what you are thinking about, your remorse, your history and how it is affecting your life and health.
Second step is talking to someone who you want to talk to honestly. I had my GP initially then Age U.K. arranged counselling. The help is out there.
Third step is talk to your son about why he's not eating properly, but then, he may be thriving and healthy, if he does need a change in his diet, do it gradually.

There is only advice out there and while you definitely need to talk about your fears, the bottom line is that it is your conscious mind giving you your mindset and only you can alter that.
That will help if you admit that you can't change the past, but you can decide to change for the better. You will be told to be positive, very similar to when you had to change your diet when diagnosed or your lifestyle, probably after your son was born, big changes in your life.
Because you know why the guilt, anxiety is there. You have already changed your approach to how you feed your family, that is a positive step. Well done.

As I was told and its so true, don't live in the past, live in the present and plan your future.
Life has a history of ups and downs, you remember good times and the bad. But only one makes you happier, I have been fortunate to experience a few remarkable events in my life. And losses.
I have improved a lot since last summer and the most important part of that change is I don't regret anything about what is gone, it's history. Positive thinking, talking, finding something that will fill your time, do you work? Can you get away from home for a break?

I hope you get through this with no regrets.
Talk, get positive, get help, and look forward, be proactive. Live for now.
Look after your child and cherish the time you have with him and support his life choices.

Stay safe. Best wishes

Oh I'm a full time carer for my mum. And I have a younger brother who is in college. Because mum is shielding I stay inside more. And to be honest even before the pandemic and before our prediabetes/diabetes I never really left the house.

 

[Sad21+]

Hi Sad21, I know you've posted before about this, maybe look at they replies you had then, they are still relevant. I know it's hard to change a feeling but I wonder if you would benefit from talking to people who are Professionals in matters such as this. If you are healthy (mentally & physically) then that has to be better for your family who are relying on you. x

Yes I have commented and I apologize for being so depressing and gloomy. Thank you once again for being so lovely and responding. Yes I do need professional help. I was already on edge before the pandemic and before me and mum got diabetes/prediabetes. So now I'm barely hanging on. I will try and speak to my doctor. Thank you .

 

[MrsA2]

1. Being a carer is isolating and depressing
2. A pandemic is isolating and depressing
3 having a diagnosis is depressing

No wonder you feel down! Such a set of circumstances would have felled many a strong person. You are not alone, not unusual and won't be the last. What you are going through is a normal reaction to sad circumstances, but you will come through it.

There are whole nations of millions of people who are going to get diabetes. Forecasts say 80% of Americans are. BUT most of them are unaware and ignorant of that AND most of them have been encouraged by their governments and health services to eat a "healthy diet" that in fact is anything but healthy. You cannot take the blame for not knowing what millions of others do not know either.

I really hope you go yo your GP and say truthfully how you feel. They may prescribe some antidepressants that will help you over this initial hump and to cope better with the enormous load you have on your shoulders.

Also your brother is nearly a full blown adult. Its time he took responsibility for his own diet and food, and maybe even cooks for you and Mum occasionally. You might be surprised by him.

Check out Carers UK which has a lot of info and support for carers, and a very good forum https://www.carersuk.org/

For the low carb side of things check out https://www.ketofitnessclub.com/ a UK site that has everything from recipes and cooking classes to support groups and counselling. Dont be put off by the 'keto' in the title, its much more open and low carb than that and not at all judgemental. Its run by a family .

And do keep posting on here, please. You can get through all this

 

[MrsA2]

and you don't have to physically go to the GP to get help.
You can Google "CBT" and your area and a list of ways of accessing counselling should come up. You can choose from online, over the phone or in person
But I would think antidepressants would help you too, that is through the GP

 

[Lamont D]

Oh I'm a full time carer for my mum. And I have a younger brother who is in college. Because mum is shielding I stay inside more. And to be honest even before the pandemic and before our prediabetes/diabetes I never really left the house.

We are shielding and I'm due my second jab on Sunday.
I am a carer, for my wife, as she is disabled, and my father in law, who is more disabled and needs a lot of care. I do know what you are going through and things will get better, you just have to make that first move to talk to your doctor.
I meant to say before, admitting that you know what is happening is a step in the right direction.
Because of us shielding, I was the only one who could go the shops, but because of my anxiety, I was fearful of going out and getting covid, then bringing it into the house, of course it would be my fault for anything that would happen to her.
I would try and avoid going out with any excuse, of course we had some help, but all my grown up children have been working non stop and we couldn't get on line shopping, for about six weeks, in June. So I did have to go into town, to go to Iceland. I had to go inside asda, long story short, I had a panic attack and haven't been back since.
A very rough year for us all.
Take it easy and don't be hard on yourself.

 

[Sad21+]

1. Being a carer is isolating and depressing
2. A pandemic is isolating and depressing
3 having a diagnosis is depressing

No wonder you feel down! Such a set of circumstances would have felled many a strong person. You are not alone, not unusual and won't be the last. What you are going through is a normal reaction to sad circumstances, but you will come through it.

There are whole nations of millions of people who are going to get diabetes. Forecasts say 80% of Americans are. BUT most of them are unaware and ignorant of that AND most of them have been encouraged by their governments and health services to eat a "healthy diet" that in fact is anything but healthy. You cannot take the blame for not knowing what millions of others do not know either.

I really hope you go yo your GP and say truthfully how you feel. They may prescribe some antidepressants that will help you over this initial hump and to cope better with the enormous load you have on your shoulders.

Also your brother is nearly a full blown adult. Its time he took responsibility for his own diet and food, and maybe even cooks for you and Mum occasionally. You might be surprised by him.

Check out Carers UK which has a lot of info and support for carers, and a very good forum https://www.carersuk.org/

For the low carb side of things check out https://www.ketofitnessclub.com/ a UK site that has everything from recipes and cooking classes to support groups and counselling. Dont be put off by the 'keto' in the title, its much more open and low carb than that and not at all judgemental. Its run by a family .

And do keep posting on here, please. You can get through all this

Thank you so much for your kindness. I feel so humbled and appreciative. I needed to read this. Yes I've been a carer for 9 years. I'm 29. But as much as I'm suffering. My mum is suffering more. And that's what really destroys me.

I already have a carers account they are very lovely and helpful. Like everyone here. Thank you.

I'm going to read the links you have provided. I really want to say thank you for this. You don't need to do any of this and yet you did.

I hear you. But I'm trying to not feel guilty. I will keep what you and everyone else has said in mind. Thank you for being so lovely. I hope you are well ? Thank you.

 

[Sad21+]

and you don't have to physically go to the GP to get help.
You can Google "CBT" and your area and a list of ways of accessing counselling should come up. You can choose from online, over the phone or in person
But I would think antidepressants would help you too, that is through the GP

I'm actually going to Google this. I haven't really found my GP that helpful. I've been dealing with depression since I was 17. I'm 29 and life was alot better then compared to now. I know you are right. I need antidepressants. The other day I broke down on the street. I need to calm my nerves because I'm no help to anyone. I didn't want to face it. But I have to now. Thank you so much..

 

[Sad21+]

We are shielding and I'm due my second jab on Sunday.
I am a carer, for my wife, as she is disabled, and my father in law, who is more disabled and needs a lot of care. I do know what you are going through and things will get better, you just have to make that first move to talk to your doctor.
I meant to say before, admitting that you know what is happening is a step in the right direction.
Because of us shielding, I was the only one who could go the shops, but because of my anxiety, I was fearful of going out and getting covid, then bringing it into the house, of course it would be my fault for anything that would happen to her.
I would try and avoid going out with any excuse, of course we had some help, but all my grown up children have been working non stop and we couldn't get on line shopping, for about six weeks, in June. So I did have to go into town, to go to Iceland. I had to go inside asda, long story short, I had a panic attack and haven't been back since.
A very rough year for us all.
Take it easy and don't be hard on yourself.

Wow thank you for replying. Wow you have alot going on. Yes very similar situations. You must be so overwhelmed. Please look after yourself.

I was the same way. Afraid to leave the house not for my sake but my mum and brother. I became even more of a cleaning fanatic. The paranoia and anxiety with day to day issues add a pandemic and it's just so overwhelming.

Sometimes I'm so consumed by own issues I forget everyone has their own. Reading everyone's comments has humbled me. I just hope things get better for all of us and our loved ones. Thank you for reaching out. And please look after yourself.

I appreciate your kindness and advice. I think eventually like me we will need help or take a break. Carers burnout is real. And I think we are both past that.

I wish I got help. I think of I did I don't think me and would of been so sick.
I actually got my jab today. Hopefully when you get yours on sunday. You will feel less anxiety. Please look get yourself.

 

[Resurgam]

I was diagnosed with diabetes after sticking to a 'healthy' diet - making wholemeal bread, eating cereals for breakfast, using sunflower oil, baking potatoes, skimming the fat off meals I premade and put in the fridge to lower the fat content, brown rice, lentils, fruit every day - but going to the clinic and being told that I had to be doing it wrong as I was gaining weight. I was almost spherical when diagnosed, but I was so sick of feeling unwell all the time, tired and dismal.
If we are unable to deal with carbs then a modern diet - healthy or unhealthy is what we can't cope with. As soon as I went back to eating a low carb diet I was on my way back to being normal and I lost 50 lb without trying too - at least, as I had stopped weighing myself months earlier. I felt so much better too - a year after diagnosis I was like a totally different person.

 

[Sad21+]

I was diagnosed with diabetes after sticking to a 'healthy' diet - making wholemeal bread, eating cereals for breakfast, using sunflower oil, baking potatoes, skimming the fat off meals I premade and put in the fridge to lower the fat content, brown rice, lentils, fruit every day - but going to the clinic and being told that I had to be doing it wrong as I was gaining weight. I was almost spherical when diagnosed, but I was so sick of feeling unwell all the time, tired and dismal.
If we are unable to deal with carbs then a modern diet - healthy or unhealthy is what we can't cope with. As soon as I went back to eating a low carb diet I was on my way back to being normal and I lost 50 lb without trying too - at least, as I had stopped weighing myself months earlier. I felt so much better too - a year after diagnosis I was like a totally different person.

Thank you for replying back to me and sharing your story. I really do appreciate it. I'm happy you have found what works for you and you have make great changes and improvents. I also appreciate you making me undertstand how easy diabetes happens.

It's going to take me a long to to adjust. For both me and mum. It just feels overwhelming and I'm constantly on edge. I appreciate this. And wish you all the best. Thank you very much.

 

[Pipp]

@Sad21+ , your life is the sort of life I lived for over 20 years, caring for one loved one after another. Like @Resurgam , I followed the NHS ‘healthy diet’ as advised, with the same results.
I was quite ill, physically and emotionally, but am much improved now, and life is good again.

The thing I wish I had thought of in the past is that the first rule of caring, is that to be able to care one must care for oneself, first and foremost. It is not selfish to do that. It is vital.

 

[Sad21+]

@Sad21+ , your life is the sort of life I lived for over 20 years, caring for one loved one after another. Like @Resurgam , I followed the NHS ‘healthy diet’ as advised, with the same results.
I was quite ill, physically and emotionally, but am much improved now, and life is good again.

The thing I wish I had thought of in the past is that the first rule of caring, is that to be able to care one must care for oneself, first and foremost. It is not selfish to do that. It is vital.

I'm glad you are doing better and found what works with you. I hear what your saying my health has greatly suffered. I'm 29 prediabetic. Nerve damage severely depressed. Obese. I think it really hit me if I'm sick I cannot look after my family anymore. That scares me more. I'm trying now. Thank you so much. Look after yourself.