• Guest - w'd love to know what you think about the forum! Take the 2025 Survey »

Keeping diagnosis a secret.

S

SRawls

Newbie
Messages
4
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
I was diagnosed with T2 in October (hba1c of 115!), and I haven't told any friends or family since other than my husband and in-laws.
I'm sure it's just a case of me projecting my own insecurities, but I can't bear the thought of anyone thinking "well she's done this to herself" even though I know no-one would ever say that to me.
I'm massively overweight, and I knew the risk factor was there since I had GD in pregnancy, but that didn't stop me from eating terribly since my son was born so I guess it's mainly guilt making me keep it a secret. The logical part of my brain knows there's other factors involved and playing the blame game is pointless.
Ultimately I know I need to just put on my big girl pants and say something to them (I plan to soon), but I suppose I was hoping to hear that I'm not the only person who's gone through something similar.

Also as this is my first post I'll take the opportunity to express my gratitude to all the people who post on (and run) the site - I've learned a lot by lurking on the boards and my moderately low carb approach (with a brief Christmas break) has meant a loss of 1 and a half stones and an improved hba1c of 54 in 3 months after diagnosis . Still work to do, but going in the right direction.
 
Congrats, @SRawls. This is great progress on blood sugar levels and weight loss. Really well done.

Also, welcome to the forum. There are lots of helpful and knowledgeable members. So if you have questions, just ask away.

When diagnosed, I was also a bit overweight. I honestly believe, we shouldn't blame ourselves. There seems to be a lot of evidence that insulin resistance and high insulin levels cause weight gain (and make it hard to burn body fat) rather than the other way around.
 
I know exactly how you feel. I still feel that way since telling my family. My sister is the worst. She will comment on me having a sweet when visit, but says absolutely nothing if I have a coffee with milk or even pasta.
It can be awful dealing with "well meaning" people.
But really, do these people need to know? What difference will it make to them? If you ever get to the point where you are at risk of low glucose levels, and you may need assistance, then tell them. But right now, it's not worth the extra stress it's obviously causing you.
Having diabetes causes enough stress. Having family "help" regardless if they are well meaning can just add to the stress. Which on it's own can mess up your diabetes control.

You are obviously doing really well. The meds will be helping you stop putting on weight as much as the lower carb food is helping you loose it.
Remember some people, the diabetes puts on weight, rather than loose it. But on the plus side, if we can diet and exercise enough, then we can get rid of it for a while. :-) it's not perm, it will come back, but even a few years not worrying would be nice.
So your weight is also part due to the condition. Remember diabetes is in our genetics. Even if we were super healthy, if we lived long enough we would become diabetic. It's just our weight has triggered it sooner.

Imho, I wouldn't tell people outright. Your obviously nervous about it. If someone asked outright. Don't lie, but it's your health, your body, so why do they need to know?
 
Hi SRawls. Welcome to the forum. I’ll tag in @daisy1 in case you haven’t seen the newbies info pack.
I was diagnosed with an HbA1c of 70 last May and initially only told my husband, two grown up kids, and my brother because of the possible hereditary link. I avoided telling my parents who are in their eighties as there was the shame element, my Dad especially would have a dig at me about my weight every so often, not in a nasty way just because he cares. I kept saying I didn’t want to worry them but I was also scared of their reaction. It wasn’t til the August that I plucked up courage, they were both relieved as they had noticed I didn’t seem well and now there was an explaination. I didn’t realise I felt so poorly til I started getting better. Anyway there were no recriminations but just relief and subsequently praise for my turning my health around. My HbA1c is now non diabetic and I’ve lost 5 stone.
I would say tell them when you feel strong enough and I hope they turn out to be as supportive as my parents have been x
 
SRawls said:
has meant a loss of 1 and a half stones and an improved hba1c of 54 in 3 months after diagnosis
emoji4.png
. Still work to do, but going in the right direction.
Click to expand...
That's an awesome result. Congratulations and keep up the good work. Being diagnosed may well be good for your health in the long run, as it's encouraged you to improve your diet.
 
@SRawls

Hello and welcome to the Forum :) Here is the Basic Information we give to new members and I hope you will find it useful. Ask as many questions as you need to and someone will be able to help.


BASIC INFORMATION FOR NEW MEMBERS

Diabetes is the general term to describe people who have blood that is sweeter than normal. A number of different types of diabetes exist.

A diagnosis of diabetes tends to be a big shock for most of us. It’s far from the end of the world though and on this forum you'll find well over 235,000 people who are demonstrating this.

On the forum we have found that with the number of new people being diagnosed with diabetes each day, sometimes the NHS is not being able to give all the advice it would perhaps like to deliver - particularly with regards to people with type 2 diabetes.

The role of carbohydrate

Carbohydrates are a factor in diabetes because they ultimately break down into sugar (glucose) within our blood. We then need enough insulin to either convert the blood sugar into energy for our body, or to store the blood sugar as body fat.

If the amount of carbohydrate we take in is more than our body’s own (or injected) insulin can cope with, then our blood sugar will rise.

The bad news

Research indicates that raised blood sugar levels over a period of years can lead to organ damage, commonly referred to as diabetic complications.

The good news

People on the forum here have shown that there is plenty of opportunity to keep blood sugar levels from going too high. It’s a daily task but it’s within our reach and it’s well worth the effort.

Controlling your carbs

The info below is primarily aimed at people with type 2 diabetes, however, it may also be of benefit for other types of diabetes as well.

There are two approaches to controlling your carbs:
  • Reduce your carbohydrate intake
  • Choose ‘better’ carbohydrates
Reduce your carbohydrates

A large number of people on this forum have chosen to reduce the amount of carbohydrates they eat as they have found this to be an effective way of improving (lowering) their blood sugar levels.

The carbohydrates which tend to have the most pronounced effect on blood sugar levels tend to be starchy carbohydrates such as rice, pasta, bread, potatoes and similar root vegetables, flour based products (pastry, cakes, biscuits, battered food etc) and certain fruits.

Choosing better carbohydrates

The low glycaemic index diet is often favoured by healthcare professionals but some people with diabetes find that low GI does not help their blood sugar enough and may wish to cut out these foods altogether.

Read more on carbohydrates and diabetes.

Over 145,000 people have taken part in the Low Carb Program - a 10 week structured education course that is helping people lose weight and reduce medication dependency by explaining the science behind carbs, insulin and GI.

Eating what works for you

Different people respond differently to different types of food. What works for one person may not work so well for another. The best way to see which foods are working for you is to test your blood sugar with a glucose meter.

To be able to see what effect a particular type of food or meal has on your blood sugar is to do a test before the meal and then test after the meal. A test 2 hours after the meal gives a good idea of how your body has reacted to the meal.

The blood sugar ranges recommended by NICE are as follows:

Blood glucose ranges for type 2 diabetes
  • Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
  • 2 hours after meals: under 8.5 mmol/l
Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (adults)
  • Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
  • 2 hours after meals: under 9 mmol/l
Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (children)
  • Before meals: 4 to 8 mmol/l
  • 2 hours after meals: under 10 mmol/l
However, those that are able to, may wish to keep blood sugar levels below the NICE after meal targets.

Access to blood glucose test strips

The NICE guidelines suggest that people newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes should be offered:
  • structured education to every person and/or their carer at and around the time of diagnosis, with annual reinforcement and review
  • self-monitoring of plasma glucose to a person newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes only as an integral part of his or her self-management education

Therefore both structured education and self-monitoring of blood glucose should be offered to people with type 2 diabetes. Read more on getting access to blood glucose testing supplies.

You may also be interested to read questions to ask at a diabetic clinic.

Note: This post has been edited from Sue/Ken's post to include up to date information.
Take part in Diabetes.co.uk digital education programs and improve your understanding. Most of these are free.

  • Low Carb Program - it's made front-page news of the New Scientist and The Times. Developed with 20,000 people with type 2 diabetes; 96% of people who take part recommend it... find out why

  • Hypo Program - improve your understanding of hypos. There's a version for people with diabetes, parents/guardians of children with type 1, children with type 1 diabetes, teachers and HCPs.
 
I umm-ed and ahh-ed a lot about telling people, but in the end I did if only so that they knew if I had a hypo or why I was suddenly making drastic changes to my eating habits. Then again, I've always been somebody who tells people things so that there aren't any misunderstandings.

I don't know if you work or not, but I think it would be important that your employers know just in case something happens whilst your at work.

Good luck and welcome aboard!
 
SRawls said:
I was diagnosed with T2 in October (hba1c of 115!), and I haven't told any friends or family since other than my husband and in-laws.
I'm sure it's just a case of me projecting my own insecurities, but I can't bear the thought of anyone thinking "well she's done this to herself" even though I know no-one would ever say that to me.
I'm massively overweight, and I knew the risk factor was there since I had GD in pregnancy, but that didn't stop me from eating terribly since my son was born so I guess it's mainly guilt making me keep it a secret. The logical part of my brain knows there's other factors involved and playing the blame game is pointless.
Ultimately I know I need to just put on my big girl pants and say something to them (I plan to soon), but I suppose I was hoping to hear that I'm not the only person who's gone through something similar.

Also as this is my first post I'll take the opportunity to express my gratitude to all the people who post on (and run) the site - I've learned a lot by lurking on the boards and my moderately low carb approach (with a brief Christmas break) has meant a loss of 1 and a half stones and an improved hba1c of 54 in 3 months after diagnosis . Still work to do, but going in the right direction.
Click to expand...

Very, very well done on your progress so far. That sort of impact isn't easily achieved.

We all deal with out diagnoses differently, and there's no correct way, only a way that's correct for you.

I can't tell from your profile which meds you take, but provided you're not on any medication likely to cause you to have hypos, telling people or otherwise is entirely up to you. If you are taking meds which could result in very low blood sugars at times, then there can be reason, for your own wellbeing, whereby it could be sensible to let those closest to you know what's going on.

Personally, I told very few people; except my partner, brother and over time a handful of others. Now that I am actively involved in diabetes "stuff", both here on the forum and in my reality (local support group and at a research centre), I guess a few more folks get the drift.

My rationale was "what do they care?", "what difference does it make to them?", and probably most importantly, I didn't want any labels attached to me. I a;ways remember a neighbour, many moons ago, referring to someone living in our road, whom I didn't know, as ".....you know, X? The diabetic lady."

Frankly, I never wanted to be the diabetic lady; whether it is in fact true or not. I'm eccentric enough in my ways already, without becoming "the bonkers diabetic lady in the house down there".

Those people I have told have usually been a bit shocked and concerned, but then gone about their lives, just like before.

When I was recently diagnosed and tweaking my diet a bit, to reduce my carbs, if asked why I might not be having a cake, or rice or whatever, I just told them I'd had some routine blood tests done (true - I didn't have any symptoms), and those showed certain foods weren't doing me any favours (also true).

Whilst some asked what those foods were, many just sort of mumbled something like, "that's a pain", and gone about their business.

Whichever route you choose, don't let the blame game take up too much head space. It achieves nothing and can seriously hinder progress. It's way better to invest that brain space on moving forwards. We can influence that, whereas we can't influence the past.

Good luck with it all.
 
Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and respond.

I suppose there's no rush to tell anyone until I'm ready. I'm not at risk of hypo as I've only been given Metformin so no issues there (which is a separate mind boggling issue in itself given how high my sugars were at diagnosis - 'here's some Metformin and a leaflet about the eatwell plate... see you in 6 months'!).

@saint82scarlet sadly I know what you mean about "well meaning" people. When I announced my pregnancy, my brother in law sent me an article about the dangers of being pregnant whilst overweight (danger number 1 being a higher risk of dying in childbirth) before he even said congratulations. He's a personal trainer so his mind is just that way inclined I suppose - lucky I knew it came from a good place.

I think in the meantime I like the approach of telling people certain foods don't agree with me - sort of a modified version of the truth.
Now I've a plan for dealing with people, I can focus on what really matters - improving on my results :-)

Thanks again all.
 
@SRawls hello and well done! You've made an excellent start losing weight and reducing your hbac1. I am a firm believer that there are a wide variety of causes for us developing type 2 diabetes. I was shocked when I was diagnosed but once I had found this forum and understood more I was quite comfortable telling anyone if there was a reason to. I was lucky that my family were understanding and were very supportive. When you are comfortable with your diagnosis tell people if asked or if it proves necessary. You have made a great start and take confidence from that.
 
I just figure that unless there is a reason for people to know, then it isn't worth the breath telling them. I will happily chat on the subject (as my many forum posts show! lol) but I find it a bit of a bore to have to go back to the basics with random people and start by explaining what carbs are. Then how they affect bg... and so on. Very few people care, and even fewer are interested.

Really, the only reason I can imagine the subject coming up is if I had to request special food, or were staying at their houses.

My parents and partner know. My sister may or may not, because my mother may have told her... and the rest of the extended family don't know because it just hasn't come up in conversation.

I wouldn't worry. Just mention it if the subject comes up naturally. And most important of all, don't feel embarrassed or ashamed. The odds are that the reason you ate badly following your son's birth is down to insulin resistance and wacky hormones affecting your mood and causing carb cravings. Carb cravings are like chemical addictions, and are almost impossible to resist, especially with a new baby tiring you and stressing you, and causing sleep deprivation. So please down't fall into the shame trap. :)
 
Well done on your progress so far and on posting! I felt just the same about telling people and I wasn't overweight. For me it was more about avoiding the views and comments of others. I now eat LCHF all the time and I am better at saying 'I don't eat this or that because I don't want to' It can be hard but when it is I just say it will make me ill and my health is very important to me.
Don't worry about what you have done in the past - you are now doing the right things for the future!
 
I've told immediate family and they have been supportive, however whenever mentioning that insulin resistance and eating low fat high carb has probably contributed/helped cause my weight gain and struggles with weight loss over the years I can sense they are more sceptical. That's fine, it doesn't really matter - I've lost 16 pounds in 6 weeks adopting LCHF and that's all the proof I need that my theory is correct. Don't really want to tell anyone else at the moment, as I see it as my business, and I know what I need to do to help myself now.
 
Back
Top