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Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

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Molly56 said:
Will find an appropriate time and show him the website - took a brief look myself the other day and it did seem very helpful :)
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Try swapping the milk choccie out for dark. I loved cadburys but the LCHF diet changes your taste buds. I have included 2 dessert recipes which you could try on him. The whole point about LCHF is that you get to eat yummy food and don't feel deprived so it's easier to stick to and you can still get away with the odd bit of cake. Am waiting for my hubbie to get up so I can have a fry up! Yum!

Choc mug cake (use small mugs. It increases massively in size once cooked! We like the choc orange version best!)

50g butter, melted in the microwave
3tbsp ground almonds
1 1/5 tbsp sweetner
1/4 tsp vanilla
Pinch of salt
1 egg
1 tbsp cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
2 squares 70% dark flavoured with orange chocolate
Or
1 square 90% chocolate, chopped
2 tbsp pecans

Melt the butter in a bowl, add remaining ingredients and divide into 2 mugs and nuke for 1 minute per mug. Serve with double cream!

Ice-cream
Per person:
100g frozen berries or cherries
100ml double cream
1tsp sweetner

Blitz berries in food processor till in tiny pieces. Add cream and sweetner. Blitz till ice-cream. You cannot freeze this so eat immediately!
 
Hello Molly56, how are things going with you and your husband? is it the coming week go take your husband to the nurse? please take a note book and pen with you, taking notes is vital. Has your husband been brave enough to read the posts from Kman? I read them and felt so sick, and distressed at what he was going through, why is something even he cannot answer properly. I read about the sweet bag that you found, tut tut on him, so it seems he is under the delusion that he is ok, oh dear.
As a T2 I have been testing since the start, and have never been told not to test, so all the T2 who have been told not too, is surprising to me, and the first thing I get asked at annual review, or other appointmentsis,..how is your bs? abd I show them the sheet of daily levels of testing. Please keep on with your posts, so that we can talk with you, and be there for you, when you need to speak about stuff, ttfn
 
graj0 said:
Thanks for that, absolutely fascinating.

I quite often only consume between 800 and 900 and usually it's not a problem hunger wise, I'm not sure how I would do with rabbit food and a drink or two, although I do make a thing in my nutri bullet with supplements and apple and a Benecol drink which does me OK for breakfast. BTW I'm no longer losing weight on that amount, I wonder if the learned professor could tell me why.

I had been wandering about why diabetes II tends to be progressive and had wandered if it was anything to do with taking drugs to get the pancreas to produce more insulin for a long time, and then the pancreas "struggling" to create any insulin at all, only a theory. I had a C-Peptide test done a few weeks back and my pancreas is producing within normal range of insulin.

I was also interested in what he said about fat and if my memory serves me well he said that excess fat is stored as fat rather than excess calories are stored as fat. I better watch the other one now. He was also suggesting that the fat we consume affects how well our insulin deasl with glucose, although I need to double check that.
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Hello graj0, just read your post about your calorie intake and that you are not losing any weight at the moment, from my own knowledge your low level of calorie intake has now sent you metabolism into 'famine mode' that is it will hold onto all that you eat , as there is insufficient to give the energy it needs to burn off food and result in weight loss, sounds daft, but this is what happens.
Maybe you need to increase you calorific intake, to kick start your metabolism, and start the weight loss going, more fuel in to work on , more burn off.
I hope you ask your DSN, or a dietician for better information, on your diet plan. Keep well and progress well, ttfn
 
Scouser58 said:
Hello Molly56, how are things going with you and your husband? is it the coming week go take your husband to the nurse? please take a note book and pen with you, taking notes is vital. Has your husband been brave enough to read the posts from Kman? I read them and felt so sick, and distressed at what he was going through, why is something even he cannot answer properly. I read about the sweet bag that you found, tut tut on him, so it seems he is under the delusion that he is ok, oh dear.
As a T2 I have been testing since the start, and have never been told not to test, so all the T2 who have been told not too, is surprising to me, and the first thing I get asked at annual review, or other appointmentsis,..how is your bs? abd I show them the sheet of daily levels of testing. Please keep on with your posts, so that we can talk with you, and be there for you, when you need to speak about stuff, ttfn
Click to expand...
Molly have done anything for yourself, something very special to you, a treat to releive the stress of the way your husband is mistreating himself?
 
Scouser58 said:
Hello graj0, just read your post about your calorie intake and that you are not losing any weight at the moment, from my own knowledge your low level of calorie intake has now sent you metabolism into 'famine mode' that is it will hold onto all that you eat , as there is insufficient to give the energy it needs to burn off food and result in weight loss, sounds daft, but this is what happens.
Maybe you need to increase you calorific intake, to kick start your metabolism, and start the weight loss going, more fuel in to work on , more burn off.
I hope you ask your DSN, or a dietician for better information, on your diet plan. Keep well and progress well, ttfn
Click to expand...
I'm not intending to hijack the thread, just going off topic for a bit.
Hello Scouser58,
sadly my GP, DSN don't have a clue although my GP has agreed with me that my metabolism is knackered, I've now got the blood tests to prove it, although I had those done privately. At the back of this we have to remember that starting with my BMR I have tried 500 calories less, 1000 calories, 1500 calories none of which worked. It was only seeing a fairly eminent endocrinologist that I went against dietary advice which suggested that I shouldn't go lower than 1,500 calories a day, he said go as low as 800 calories a day. Cutting carbs helped me to cut my calories to 1,000 (1800 calories less than my BMR) and I've lost weight so that my BMR is now 1900 calories, so I'm still eating less than BMR just not so much less.
It's difficult to increase calories because even at 1,000 calories I'm really feeling stuffed and I can't increase carbs because my BG will increase, a backward step.
The whole measurement of my weight is a nightmare anyway and most sensible people would say stuff it, but there are time when I have to take cocodomol, just to walk. I have pretty bad sciatica, aggravated by the exercise that I do, as well as arthritic knees and muscular spasms in the back. Taking soluble cocodomol is something I try to avoid because of the salt content and therefore fluid retention as shown by up to a 5kg increase in weight in as many days. That probably disappears when not taking it but it's not always easy to see what the underlying weight change is. I dread the day when I stop the cocodomol and the weight doesn't go down.
I have been able to up my calories to about 1200, without eating ice-cream and chocolate as prescribed by the nutritionists at my local Bariatric Surgery Support Group (another story for another thread/day) , but I've been stuck for over three months, which would be fine if I was at my target weight. So I kind of look at it as a positive, it's just that I want to happen after a few more stones (6) have gone.
 
Scouser58 said:
Hello Molly56, how are things going with you and your husband? is it the coming week go take your husband to the nurse? please take a note book and pen with you, taking notes is vital. Has your husband been brave enough to read the posts from Kman? I read them and felt so sick, and distressed at what he was going through, why is something even he cannot answer properly. I read about the sweet bag that you found, tut tut on him, so it seems he is under the delusion that he is ok, oh dear.
As a T2 I have been testing since the start, and have never been told not to test, so all the T2 who have been told not too, is surprising to me, and the first thing I get asked at annual review, or other appointmentsis,..how is your bs? abd I show them the sheet of daily levels of testing. Please keep on with your posts, so that we can talk with you, and be there for you, when you need to speak about stuff, ttfn
Click to expand...

First of all it was last Friday that we went to see the nurse - I did take some notes and have posted (perhaps on another of my threads) what the basic outcome was - the medications have been changed but now more risk of hypoglycemia so need to test before driving (the subject of another of my posts)

Have not shared the posts of Kman yet as just trying to deal with the here and now at the moment, one step at a time....but definitely one for the future.

And yes, he is under the delusion that all is ok....in fact I think that he is completely oblivious to the fact that I worry so much about him and what I am trying to do to help.
I remember him making the comment "I'm not worried about it, why should you worry about it" or words to that effect recently / when we went to see the nurse.

As for doing things for myself, yes I am making an effort to do things that I want to do .....am not letting this get me down - if I sat around here at home just waiting for him to get up and do something I would be climbing the walls. Am helping out with a local drama production every evening this week and on Saturday and am going away to visit a friend next week -am looking forward to the break and a good girlie chat!

Finally, just for the record, we are not married - perhaps a good thing - this is a common assumption but just thought it good to clarify.

Will definitely keep on with the posts as I have found this really helps me to get my thoughts organised and not to dwell on the issues - would recommend this as therapy for anyone else out there in similar circumstances :)
 
lf he is competative you could work on that side but being subtle...pity he is such a coward and not have the guts to do anything different. He obviously likes tablets as he gulps them down. Alcohol is an addiction to weak to give up. Scared of a bit of blood so unable to test.... And similar
The challenge being 8weeks low carb high fat choose a prize he likes if he does it.
 
Mud Island Dweller said:
lf he is competative you could work on that side but being subtle...pity he is such a coward and not have the guts to do anything different. He obviously likes tablets as he gulps them down. Alcohol is an addiction to weak to give up. Scared of a bit of blood so unable to test.... And similar
The challenge being 8weeks low carb high fat choose a prize he likes if he does it.
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Not sure I would need to be subtle as anything I say just seems to go across the top of his head!

As for the tablets his view is that providing he keeps taking the tablets that is the solution to the problem; he just doesn't get the bit about lifestyle changes / diet / exercise etc despite my best efforts to explain that what he eats and inactivity are a major part of the problem.....he just assumes that the tablets are the answer.

With regards to the alcohol he has given this up in the past and I must say that he does not drink to excess anymore like he was doing when I first met him five years ago so progress has been made here - my concern is the choice of alcohol (cider) and the effect this has with his increased medication / bs levels.

Will work on the idea of a challenge......though I would say dealing with all of this is a challenge enough for me!

Thanks for the suggestion:)
 
Spoke to a family member yesterday (a relative on his side) about my worries / concerns; they reminded me that
  • he is an adult
  • he is responsible for his own actions
  • he is stubborn
  • I won't change him

Don't really think they understood my concerns. Got the impression that they thought I was worrying unnecessarily which to some extent I probably am but then they don't see what I see on a daily basis in terms of how this is affecting him.

Perhaps I should stop worrying about it but that is easier said than done.
 
That is the best advice you have had to be honest idea stop worrying it wont do you any good he is his own person and an adult
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.Now rejoin the real world after your short interlude in a perfect world to this one where you gonna continue as you are cause you love the stubborn f***er and a challenge :hilarious:
 
Mud Island Dweller said:
That is the best advice you have had to be honest idea stop worrying it wont do you any good he is his own person and an adult....
.Now rejoin the real world after your short interlude in a perfect world to this one where you gonna continue as you are cause you love the stubborn f***er and a challenge :hilarious:
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Have just had a thought ....perhaps I should install a sandpit in the garden this weekend.....then he can go and bury his head in it ;)
 
I didn't want to say any more but when somebody mentioned to you that
  • he is an adult
  • he is responsible for his own actions
  • he is stubborn
  • I won't change him
I was reminded of the consequences of my father having exactly that attitude, plus "I'm over 80, why should I care?". In his case, his lack of caring was that he was hospitalised after getting a serious foot infection which culminated in a toe amputation. What that meant was a 6 week stay in hospital, my mother stayed with my brother and his wife, and they work 6 days a week, I then had to drive 25 miles to pick mum up, then 20 miles to Kingston Hospital to visit dad for an hour or two, then repeat that to get home. 90 miles round trip doesn't sound like much but add the M25 into the equation and I was spending an average of 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 6 weeks on the road, just because the silly old ****** couldn't be bothered to look after himself properly.
What this showed me was that as much as we love our parents, there is a limit. After 6 weeks I was KNACKERED, I just can't do it again.
All of the points your friend/relative made are true, but who pays the price when things go pear shaped?
 
l did understand the relative despite my joke but my point is each person has to reach their own limit.
 
Somebody has got to want to change... If they don't and talking hasn't worked.... Then he is being an obstinate fool to be honest, but no different to vast majority 2, 800,000 other diabetics not on here..he is very inlikely to change until a health alert makes him... Perhaps he just wants you making a fuss for extra attention, or he wants to have an illness to make his life interesting? I wonder whether he see retirement as a nothingness.. No need to do anything...he done his bit when he worked... And he really doesnt want to change....

I was in a pub few weeks back and a chap with a meter (don't know whether type 1 or 2) when he saw me test my blood took out his meter and showed me his readings... All in the 20's.. He didn't give a ****, and friends said he never has!!

Personally, I would try to give some lower carb meals, cut as much **** from the kitchen, and get on with your own life.



Loving life
 
Pardon me for gatecrashing a sec Molly..

I think we are overlooking the obvious here. Some of us "get" the connection between diabetes and complications of uncontrolled glucose levels, others don't and the reason they don't is that they don't FEEL unwell enough to change habits. Ok, some have frequent urination, excessive tiredness etc but these can often be put down to other causes and excuses made. While we're calling people idiots and selfish and stubborn and so on..how many of those of us that call judgements on it are smokers? Drink a bit too much? Have a little puff of something now and again? Look, let's face it, the risks of smoking have been known for ages but people still continue to take up the habit, those with asthma and other chest problems still smoke, Joe Public KNOWS the massive risk of cancer, one look at the fag packets and the pictures of tumours but yet.. so why do we think it's ok to call those with diabetes these names? Does it help anyone to make a change?

Bottom line is one can advise, suggest and then step back. One can also make it perfectly clear to their loved one that if it goes **** up, they will not run around after said loved one but let's not get into the judgement stuff shall we? None of us is perfect I'm sure.
 
donnellysdogs said:
Somebody has got to want to change... If they don't and talking hasn't worked.... Then he is being an obstinate fool to be honest, but no different to vast majority 2, 800,000 other diabetics not on here..he is very inlikely to change until a health alert makes him... Perhaps he just wants you making a fuss for extra attention, or he wants to have an illness to make his life interesting? I wonder whether he see retirement as a nothingness.. No need to do anything...he done his bit when he worked... And he really doesnt want to change....

I was in a pub few weeks back and a chap with a meter (don't know whether type 1 or 2) when he saw me test my blood took out his meter and showed me his readings... All in the 20's.. He didn't give a ****, and friends said he never has!!

Personally, I would try to give some lower carb meals, cut as much **** from the kitchen, and get on with your own life.



Loving life
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Would probably agree with all of the above, particularly the last line......
  • am trying to cook healthy lower carb meals where possible (good for my health / diet as well)
  • had a major clear out of the kitchen cupboards last weekend....more space in the cupboards / the cupboards look very bare / no temptations! - have hidden any treats for me:), hopefully I will remember where!
  • and definitely getting on with my own life - busy this week helping out local drama production (every afternoon / evening and all day Saturday) and going away next week to visit a friend
 
ladybird64 said:
Pardon me for gatecrashing a sec Molly..

I think we are overlooking the obvious here. Some of us "get" the connection between diabetes and complications of uncontrolled glucose levels, others don't and the reason they don't is that they don't FEEL unwell enough to change habits. Ok, some have frequent urination, excessive tiredness etc but these can often be put down to other causes and excuses made. While we're calling people idiots and selfish and stubborn and so on..how many of those of us that call judgements on it are smokers? Drink a bit too much? Have a little puff of something now and again? Look, let's face it, the risks of smoking have been known for ages but people still continue to take up the habit, those with asthma and other chest problems still smoke, Joe Public KNOWS the massive risk of cancer, one look at the fag packets and the pictures of tumours but yet.. so why do we think it's ok to call those with diabetes these names? Does it help anyone to make a change?

Bottom line is one can advise, suggest and then step back. One can also make it perfectly clear to their loved one that if it goes **** up, they will not run around after said loved one but let's not get into the judgement stuff shall we? None of us is perfect I'm sure.
Click to expand...

Agree ladybird.

Calling people cowards and idiots doesn't solve anything.

I think that trying to change somebody has to involve cooperation from them. We cannot change other people but can change the way we react. If you come to the point where you know you are wasting your time then why carry on?
 
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