Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

[Molly56]

As already mentioned by @Enclave above, many T2 diabetics are told that there isn't any need to test. Just eat 'healthy', which isn't much help at all.

........

If I had carried on eating that way I would now be on insulin and having laser treatment for bleeds in my eyes and difficulty walking - just like my sister :-(

Also, could you encourage him to take some exercise with you, maybe a gentle walk to begin with or a swim?

First of all thank you for all the positive comments and suggestions - I wii certainly start to think more about what we eat as I think that this is key to the problem / solution.

Just picking up on one comment, about your sister's difficulty in walking...is this as a result of her diabetes? I have noticed that my partner has real difficulty in walking sometime and I think we perhaps wrongly assumed that this was done to age and arthritis (possibly a contributory factor) but not perhaps the underlying cause.

Unfortunately this tends to rule out your suggestion of a gentle walk as the pain / discomfort makes walking for him a real effort. When he does walk anywhere it is at a painfully slow pace.

I would love to encourage going for a walk but if I do I tend to go on my own so that I can walk at my pace rather than forever waiting for him to catch up - walking is my main form of exercise so I know how important it is in terms of my own health and keeping active.

Sadly my partner is unable to swim otherwise that would be a great idea.

Would love to find some form of exercise that he would do and that would help him.

 

[this is too difficult]

he sounds a bit like me

First of all thank you for all the positive comments and suggestions - I wii certainly start to think more about what we eat as I think that this is key to the problem / solution.

Just picking up on one comment, about your sister's difficulty in walking...is this as a result of her diabetes? I have noticed that my partner has real difficulty in walking sometime and I think we perhaps wrongly assumed that this was done to age and arthritis (possibly a contributory factor) but not perhaps the underlying cause.

Unfortunately this tends to rule out your suggestion of a gentle walk as the pain / discomfort makes walking for him a real effort. When he does walk anywhere it is at a painfully slow pace.

I would love to encourage going for a walk but if I do I tend to go on my own so that I can walk at my pace rather than forever waiting for him to catch up - walking is my main form of exercise so I know how important it is in terms of my own health and keeping active.

Sadly my partner is unable to swim otherwise that would be a great idea.

Would love to find some form of exercise that he would do and that would help him.

He sounds a bit like me.
Feet too sore to walk much.

 

[Scimama]

Just picking up on one comment, about your sister's difficulty in walking...is this as a result of her diabetes? I have noticed that my partner has real difficulty in walking sometime and I think we perhaps wrongly assumed that this was done to age and arthritis (possibly a contributory factor) but not perhaps the underlying cause.

Would love to find some form of exercise that he would do and that would help him.

Hi,
yes my sisters walking problems do stem from her diabetes - or lack of control of it, she is morbidly obese, eats a LOT of carbs and low nutrition foods. She quickly went from metformin to insulin, and has the attitude of eating what she wants and altering her dosage to fit. We have a lot of family (on both parents side) that have/had diabetes and many of them had serious complications (amputations, loss of sight, heart attacks etc).

Exercise - understand it is difficult to get someone to start exercise when they are in pain. WHat about yoga or pilates? Or many local leisure centres do an over 50's exercise program - some offer a seated exercise class too.

OR would he do something like play computer games? some of them at least get you to move your arms about and increase your heart rate.

will keep thinking

 

[Molly56]

He sounds a bit like me.
Feet too sore to walk much.

Don't think that it is his feet that are sore, more in terms of joint pain in his hip and knee area.

I did also come across proximal neuropathy on one of the threads on this forum which seems to explain some of his symptoms ....so I think that it is probably this that is the issue rather than his actual feet.

Would love to get him to walk more as think this would help to improve / maintain his mobility and would be good basic exercise. Will keep on trying to encourage him.

 

[this is too difficult]

he sounds a bit like me
He sounds a bit like me.
Feet too sore to walk much.

Don't think that it is his feet that are sore, more in terms of joint pain in his hip and knee area.

I did also come across proximal neuropathy on one of the threads on this forum which seems to explain some of his symptoms ....so I think that it is probably this that is the issue rather than his actual feet.

Would love to get him to walk more as think this would help to improve / maintain his mobility and would be good basic exercise. Will keep on trying to encourage him.

Since getting my BG under control, the pains in my hips knees and ankles are much less severe. My feet however seem to be worse.

 

[Molly56]

Hi,
yes my sisters walking problems do stem from her diabetes - or lack of control of it, she is morbidly obese, eats a LOT of carbs and low nutrition foods. She quickly went from metformin to insulin, and has the attitude of eating what she wants and altering her dosage to fit. We have a lot of family (on both parents side) that have/had diabetes and many of them had serious complications (amputations, loss of sight, heart attacks etc).

Exercise - understand it is difficult to get someone to start exercise when they are in pain. WHat about yoga or pilates? Or many local leisure centres do an over 50's exercise program - some offer a seated exercise class too.

OR would he do something like play computer games? some of them at least get you to move your arms about and increase your heart rate.

will keep thinking

Sounds like your sister is similar in some ways...my partner is overweight / in the obese range and has not had control over his diabetes. He is currently on metformin / gliclazide / linagliptin and may be heading towards insulin (seeing diabetic nurse on Friday)

Thanks for the great suggestions re exercise. Can't see him doing yoga or Pilates though (vision in my head now of him in Lycra !! )but am thinking of other activity that I could encourage.

Have got an exercise bike / crosstrainer at home ...perhaps I need to move it to a more accessible area in the house where he can use it and watch TV at the same time....purchased it for myself a couple of years ago but don't often use it as always busy and on the go.....I get my exercise through keeping busy, walking when I am out at work and gardening.

If I can get him moving a bit then we can build up to other types of exercise later....am trying to get the terminology right as I think if I use the word 'exercise' it immediately puts him off / he makes excuses as to why he can't do it.

 

[Molly56]

Since getting my BG under control, the pains in my hips knees and ankles are much less severe. My feet however seem to be worse.

The secret then is clear....I have to get it under control somehow...is good to hear that the pains in your hips /knees are less severe for you now. Gives me a glimmer of hope that something can be done to improve situation. Seems I have a challenge ahead of me!

 

[Mud Island Dweller]

l realise neuropathy probably is cause but has he has a Vit D blood test. if not insist on one and if low will be put on them.
Do not just pop them in without blood checks if he goes high can get into liver problems...l know have high results at the moment but from start have been under blood tests so soon as l showed high l was stopped by dr. without that constant check l would be in very deep dodo.
Vit D is joints lack of it can cause ricketts.

 

[Molly56]

l realise neuropathy probably is cause but has he has a Vit D blood test. if not insist on one and if low will be put on them.
Do not just pop them in without blood checks if he goes high can get into liver problems...l know have high results at the moment but from start have been under blood tests so soon as l showed high l was stopped by dr. without that constant check l would be in very deep dodo.
Vit D is joints lack of it can cause ricketts.

Thanks for the info - another thing to add to my list for the nurse / GP

In the meantime perhaps I should get him to sit outside in the sunshine to top up his vitamin D - perhaps a better alternative to yet more tablets!

 

[Mud Island Dweller]

ln uk needs to be between 11am and 15.00 when your shadow is shorter than your height and may to august. And would at least be helpful to know the levels whatever happens

 

[Molly56]

ln uk needs to be between 11am and 15.00 when your shadow is shorter than your height and may to august. And would at least be helpful to know the levels whatever happens

Will put him outside tomorrow, providing it is not raining!

 

[this is too difficult]

ln uk needs to be between 11am and 15.00 when your shadow is shorter than your height and may to august. And would at least be helpful to know the levels whatever happens

Mad dogs and Englishmen?

 

[minidvr]

Just as an afterthought to the good stuff others have written. My father was diabetic for the last 20 years of his life. He refused to take any action to control his diet or blood sugar, in fact he refused to even see doctors for some years. He ended up blind, with severe complications suffering several amputations and continuous hospital stays until in the end, toxiamia got him and he died age 64, in incredible suffering having subjected his partner (not my mother) to hell trying to look after him, while coping with her own breast cancer.

His actions were purely selfish, pig headed and he suffered the consequences for his stupidity in refusing to change anything at all. I speak harshly, because what he did to others, including his children, who wanted the best for him, but ended up on the end of his temper, and I'm afraid to say, none of us would see him at all in the years before his death, we just couldn't take any more of his abuse.

I was abroad when he died. On return, I went to the hospital to pick up his effects and among them was a packet of cigarettes?? He, despite everything kept up his bad habits onto his death bed.

This could be any one of us if we don't do the best we can to control our diabetes. It's up to us to care for ourselves, to follow timely advice and the treatments that are available and offered. If we don't than we have no room to complain about the outcomes that will inevitably arise.

 

[Scouser58]

Have had some progress since starting this thread in terms of him deciding that he needs to find things to occupy himself. He does enjoy woodwork so have suggested that perhaps he can spend some time sorting out the shed and making something useful.....May be just a small step but it is a step in the right direction.

Have also been giving some more thought as to how I can help him and encourage him to make some changes to help himself.....am feeling a little more positive for now.

Hello Molly56, I have read your posts and may I suggest soem tough love to press upon the man, who seems to be blanking everything out. Yes go with him to his annual review, get the blood test results explained, when the diet and exercise is mentioned, shop him, and explain he does nothing to help himself, explain about his actions and how he goes about each day, and say you are worried about everything.You really do your best to help and support him, but now the tough love has to kick in.
Ask the nurse why he has been told not to bother doing bs readings, explain that you thought this was important for diabetics to do and keep a record of, has he been refered to hospital specialist, they would want to see progress on the lowering of bs levels.
Does he go for his podiatry sessions to have his toe nails cut and feet examined?
Get the info on this condition, and get it explained about loosing eye sight, if bs levels are not controlled.

Staying in bed till dinner, take the sheets off the bed when you get up, no cosy bedding have to get up. The favourite chair, take the cushios away, no cushions, cannot sit down!.

Then give him the frightening stuff to think about, like have you booked and paid for your funeral yet?, well you had better got it done, I don't have time, you have plenty. Have you made your will out yet? well you had better get on with that while you have got plenty of time on your hands. Just remember while you are doing yourself no favours, you are pushing everything onto me, so get yourself organised, will look out for developments, ttfn

 

[Mud Island Dweller]

While l like all the above to be honest a will is the most inportaint having in the last 4 yrs lost dad husband mum (in that order) thank god they had wills without l couldnt have coped.

He needs to start taking responsability for his own life he isnt a child he can start to enjoy his neuropath his organ failures his loss of eyesight his hypos.

Hard as it is get on with your life and if need get out his selfishness is dragging you down. He knows what to do he chooses not to therefore let him live his life as he chooses. Meals excercise etc do your own thing forget being nice read the riot act have a massive argument if need be but let him know thay he is now in charge of his life and any thing from here on is down to him.......and mean it.

Oh and buy him a last present a couple of the biggest bars of chocolate you can find if he wants to kill himself who needs a gun .....and then walk off.

 

[Indy51]

Sarcasm can also be a good weapon. You could try making a list of qualities you're going to look for in your next partner, since he's making so little effort to stick around

 

[Scandichic]

Hi Molly,
I have just posted a very similar thread to you before I read your post. The only difference is that my husband is willing to excersize and he keeps himself interested in hobbies. He has had two surgeries on his back and is awaiting replacement hips due to damage caused from farming - these restrict the amount he can do but it doesn't stop him wanting to get out and do something. It just frustrates him when he cant physically do it.
I am glad your husband is starting to take a step in the right direction. I have found that a little at a time is the best method and when he realises that something does help him he is happy with it and willing to try more.
He has never had a good diabetic nurse and although he has tried so many times, I have found that they have been unreasonable and I do think sometimes it can result in a worse condtion rather than better.
Will keep an eye on your post too as is very relevant to my post.

Hi Sas! Have a read of diet doctor! This was a life saver for me!
http://www.dietdoctor.com

 

[Scandichic]

Sounds like your sister is similar in some ways...my partner is overweight / in the obese range and has not had control over his diabetes. He is currently on metformin / gliclazide / linagliptin and may be heading towards insulin (seeing diabetic nurse on Friday)

Thanks for the great suggestions re exercise. Can't see him doing yoga or Pilates though (vision in my head now of him in Lycra !! )but am thinking of other activity that I could encourage.

Have got an exercise bike / crosstrainer at home ...perhaps I need to move it to a more accessible area in the house where he can use it and watch TV at the same time....purchased it for myself a couple of years ago but don't often use it as always busy and on the go.....I get my exercise through keeping busy, walking when I am out at work and gardening.

If I can get him moving a bit then we can build up to other types of exercise later....am trying to get the terminology right as I think if I use the word 'exercise' it immediately puts him off / he makes excuses as to why he can't do it.

Is it possible that he feels out of control and that nothing will help anyway so he might as well just carry on? Please, please show him the following website
http://www.dietdoctor.com
It totally transformed my life. I have lost 2 stone 11lbs and I feel so much better. It was a wrench to give up bread and sugar but now I wouldn't go back! I'm not sporty but I love walking to music. A possibility?

 

[Molly56]

Have just been sorting out the rubbish / recycling for the week and discovered the wrapper for a bag of Cadbury Bitsa Wispa that wasn’t mine! Clearly he has been having a nibble behind my back.

Looking at the ingredients it states that ¼ bag contains 17.0g of sugar or 19% of your guideline daily amount (GDA)

I know for a fact that he would have eaten the whole bag in one go so that would equate to a whopping 68g of sugar!!!!

So now you know what I am up against…..I obviously have no control over what he eats when I am not around and despite him saying he is cutting out the sugary things he goes and eats a whole packet of sugar!

As a postscript I do have a sweet tooth myself and do like chocolate, we all have a weakness. In order to restrict my chocolate intake when buying a bag such as that mentioned above I have bought some plastic boxes and divide the packet into five boxes as soon as I open it. I have found that this works by limiting the amount I eat on a daily basis whilst still indulging. I don’t drink or smoke so chocolate is my pleasure / vice .....by the way I am not diabetic myself but am becoming more aware of the condition and am going to make sure I look after myself.

 

[Molly56]

Is it possible that he feels out of control and that nothing will help anyway so he might as well just carry on? Please, please show him the following website
http://www.dietdoctor.com
It totally transformed my life. I have lost 2 stone 11lbs and I feel so much better. It was a wrench to give up bread and sugar but now I wouldn't go back! I'm not sporty but I love walking to music. A possibility?

Will find an appropriate time and show him the website - took a brief look myself the other day and it did seem very helpful