- Messages
- 125
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
Hello all,
I’m writing this message to stop myself from heading to the bathroom and using my needles to scratch my stomach. I’ve had about a week now of feeling low again after a spell of feeling more positive. I know the relief I feel when I do scratch myself and it gives me a sense of control and power that I feel I lack in life. I just know I shouldn’t do it.
It’s been a pretty rough 3 years since my diagnosis with type 1 diabetes. Despite having my wonderful son, 2 years ago, after a miscarriage which happened at point of diagnosis, I have had a horrible time. My husband has been suffering from severe depression and anxiety and to put a long story short he tried to kill himself twice, has been aggressive, lived away from the house for 3 months, started messaging a co-worker, and has generally been pretty horrible in his depression. I have put myself at the bottom of the pile for about 18 months and self harmed to have some control of something by not taking my insulin for weeks on end and when I couldn’t stomach feeling so Ill any more I started using my needles to scratch my stomach in between my stretch marks so no one would see them. But finally recently started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But this week... all the negative thoughts are back. I feel like a failure in my job, I feel like I’m not as good of a mum as others, I think I’m probably a pretty boring wife and my husband just sees me as the easy option rather than having to start again. I honestly do not know why anyone is my friend as I’m just so dull and I struggle socially. I look so horrible, I’m flabby and my hair is thinning and I hate my teeth. I feel judged at every moment of my existence and all the pressure that brings. I just can’t block these thoughts out, all I want to do is shut them up and be alone and sleep.
I received counselling by a diabetes specialist psychologist but when things got better I stopped the sessions thinking I was wasting her time and someone else would make better use of it. I now wish I could still see her, but her waiting list is about 4-6 months.
Can anyone help with some advice? I just need to stop myself harming and talking is helping, sorry for making you read all this.
I’m writing this message to stop myself from heading to the bathroom and using my needles to scratch my stomach. I’ve had about a week now of feeling low again after a spell of feeling more positive. I know the relief I feel when I do scratch myself and it gives me a sense of control and power that I feel I lack in life. I just know I shouldn’t do it.
It’s been a pretty rough 3 years since my diagnosis with type 1 diabetes. Despite having my wonderful son, 2 years ago, after a miscarriage which happened at point of diagnosis, I have had a horrible time. My husband has been suffering from severe depression and anxiety and to put a long story short he tried to kill himself twice, has been aggressive, lived away from the house for 3 months, started messaging a co-worker, and has generally been pretty horrible in his depression. I have put myself at the bottom of the pile for about 18 months and self harmed to have some control of something by not taking my insulin for weeks on end and when I couldn’t stomach feeling so Ill any more I started using my needles to scratch my stomach in between my stretch marks so no one would see them. But finally recently started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But this week... all the negative thoughts are back. I feel like a failure in my job, I feel like I’m not as good of a mum as others, I think I’m probably a pretty boring wife and my husband just sees me as the easy option rather than having to start again. I honestly do not know why anyone is my friend as I’m just so dull and I struggle socially. I look so horrible, I’m flabby and my hair is thinning and I hate my teeth. I feel judged at every moment of my existence and all the pressure that brings. I just can’t block these thoughts out, all I want to do is shut them up and be alone and sleep.
I received counselling by a diabetes specialist psychologist but when things got better I stopped the sessions thinking I was wasting her time and someone else would make better use of it. I now wish I could still see her, but her waiting list is about 4-6 months.
Can anyone help with some advice? I just need to stop myself harming and talking is helping, sorry for making you read all this.