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Makes me sad

M

Mileana

Well-Known Member
Messages
553
Location
Denmark
Makes me sad to see how people argue sometimes.

I know I may be sticking my hand in the hornets nest but sometimes when I bump into one of those posts where people accuse each other of lying, I feel so down-hearted. I don't think anyone lies. I think we are different.

Couldn't we make an effort to consider that while person X may have factors that make it so that this person is able to control their condition in one way, person Y may need to have a different or more aggressive approach - and that from their own individual bodies and perspectives they are equally right?

If everyone made it clear to everyone else (and new people reading through the posts) that the advice is only as good as its effects and that there seems to be a sliding scale from a normal diet over limiting carbohydrates to doing your darnedest to eliminate them, and that you should pick your spot on this sliding scale depending on what your blood glucose and hb1ac tells you along with what you are prepared to do, I think we would be in a better position.

What we can agree about is that regardless who you are, carbohydrates affect your blood glucose. If you need better control than what you have, you should look into altering this (or take meds, or both). If you have no problem (read good control), then you are doing fine.

The key to the whole thing is being aware of the effect. Following sensible information about the effects, most people are likely to conclude something sensible about what to do. Make the connection visible, inform people of the link, give people options.

But please don't be so harsh on each other. Please.
 
Mileana said:
Makes me sad to see how people argue sometimes.

I know I may be sticking my hand in the hornets nest but sometimes when I bump into one of those posts where people accuse each other of lying, I feel so down-hearted. I don't think anyone lies. I think we are different.

Couldn't we make an effort to consider that while person X may have factors that make it so that this person is able to control their condition in one way, person Y may need to have a different or more aggressive approach - and that from their own individual bodies and perspectives they are equally right?

If everyone made it clear to everyone else (and new people reading through the posts) that the advice is only as good as its effects and that there seems to be a sliding scale from a normal diet over limiting carbohydrates to doing your darnedest to eliminate them, and that you should pick your spot on this sliding scale depending on what your blood glucose and hb1ac tells you along with what you are prepared to do, I think we would be in a better position.

What we can agree about is that regardless who you are, carbohydrates affect your blood glucose. If you need better control than what you have, you should look into altering this (or take meds, or both). If you have no problem (read good control), then you are doing fine.

The key to the whole thing is being aware of the effect. Following sensible information about the effects, most people are likely to conclude something sensible about what to do. Make the connection visible, inform people of the link, give people options.

But please don't be so harsh on each other. Please.
Click to expand...

gone
 
Very well said Mileana.

Last night I was on the verge of leaving the forum as the one thing I don't need is to read the type of posts that were appearing yesterday. Debate is good and can be extremely informative but I need a forum that is supportive to it's members and yesterday that supporting attitude was sadly lacking.

I came back this morning reluctantly, only because I realise I still need the positive attitude that I had thought I could count on being here. It would be a crying shame if any newly diagnosed Diabetic had read the infighting that was posted and had decided that the established members were so entrenched in their own diet choices that they had no empathy for anyone else's position.

The battle we all face should be with our Diabetes and not with each other.
 
You are right!
we should support each other.
Hana
 
An excellent post Mileana. Very well said.

I truly believe that Diabetes of any Type is as individual to a person as their fingerprints are.

Ju
 
Mileana has said it all. I now simply try to ignore any "spoilers", and don't get involved in any of the arguments if I can help it.

I often wonder what newbies must think of us!

It would help if people would count to 10 before replying; it would help if people remembered that it's easy to misunderstand what someone's saying without being able to see body language or hear tone of voice.

If someone is spoiling for a fight, nothing annoys them more than being ignored! :wink:

Viv 8)
 
Well Viv I can tell you what this newby thinks and that is that goodness for this forum. :D
I've been here around 5 weeks and I have learned so much in that time that I have managed to change eating habits and mind set about my own diabetes. So a big thanks to all who contribute their knowledge and experiences :thumbup:

I felt I had to say something here as I read the above posts and wondered what it was all about, so, I went through all the posts that have caused the upset and yes, I can see how the discussion went downhill. What a pity as all the information I am sure is sound.

I am not clever enough to understand some of the scientific stuff, some are and thats good, some folk have the time to research articles and the like, again I haven't, so that's good. Everyone has different experiences of diet, and as we are all individual that's good also. But one thing is paramount and that is that it is wrong I feel to state that anyone regime is right for all.

i noticed that mot many people took into consiseration that people gain weight for all sorts of reasons, and I am mainly thinking here of mental health drugs, especially drugs for bi-polar and other accute and enduring mental health conditions.

I work in the menal health field and see people balloon in weight because of this and it's because the brain doesn't get to know that the stomach is full. Many of these folk have diabetes as well, a double whamy!! Nobody asked for either illness, and if their condition would let them they would eat healthily and excersise, but it doesn't as the motivation has gone and most are on benifits and money is short and anyway you need the knowhow to be a savvy healthy food shopper and be able to cook it. Most of my clients can't.

However this is just one area of community that I have experience of, for many others out there there is the lack of education, the apathy of the society we now live in, the self-centredness of some individuals, and the not caring for each other. All these factors and many more I feel al contribute to how we all deal with our own way of being. Some struggle more than others to keep on top of health, but noone wants to be fat, have diabetes or whatever and we have to do what we can without always having the best of advice from the "experts" that we have been led to belive have the answers.

I think it's important that we don't judge others for not doing it our way, and look behind what we initially see, there is always a reason for things, in this case not always greed and sloth, I think was the term used, and people need kindness and understanding, not punishment. Our society, I belive is now all about punishment and diabetics are severely punished by the medical community, so lets not do it here. Food is a very emotive subject and lets face it it's up there im Maslows triangle, so no wonder folk get heated up about it.

I fully agree with Mileana's post and everyone else who has responded. Need to think before putting fingers to the keyboard.

So I hope people don't leave because they feel offended, their thoughts are important and if others don't agree well, rise above it.

Hope I've not rambled on too much

Cheers kate
 
I actually like a good debate, but I agree when it turns into blame and becoming personal I turn off.
 
HI Mileana
Well said Mileana, i think you put it really nicely, and i am hoping people will take on board what you have written.
I know we all have different opinions, but we only go by our own experiences and can only offer support, be here as a listener, but i think we can all gain experiences from others.
Good comment.
Take care
Tracey
 
As another newbie I would like to put in my 2¢ worth:

I have received some of the most supportive replies and PM's from people here that it's actually brought me to tears a few times.
The only other place I've had this much support, care and sensible advice is from my husband.
I don't want to cause embarrassment by naming the people personally but you know who you are and frankly I do not know what I would have done without you all.

I've not posted here as much over the past few days as I've noticed a few bickering type posts and it makes me uncomfortable to be honest.
I don't like confrontation at the best of times; on a forum where people should be acting in a supportive, caring and friendly manner I like it even less.

I don't understand why friendly debate has to descend into argument and bickering; surely agreeing to disagree is the better way of approaching things with mutual respect, understanding and good, simple manners?

We're ALL different people, our bodies ALL react differently to the one thing that's brought us all together and we ALL will have different ways of coping and helping ourselves control it.

Just be kind to each other. Please.
 
cuillie said:
Well Viv I can tell you what this newby thinks and that is that goodness for this forum. :D
I've been here around 5 weeks and I have learned so much in that time that I have managed to change eating habits and mind set about my own diabetes. So a big thanks to all who contribute their knowledge and experiences :thumbup:

I felt I had to say something here as I read the above posts and wondered what it was all about, so, I went through all the posts that have caused the upset and yes, I can see how the discussion went downhill. What a pity as all the information I am sure is sound.

I am not clever enough to understand some of the scientific stuff, some are and thats good, some folk have the time to research articles and the like, again I haven't, so that's good. Everyone has different experiences of diet, and as we are all individual that's good also. But one thing is paramount and that is that it is wrong I feel to state that anyone regime is right for all.

i noticed that mot many people took into consiseration that people gain weight for all sorts of reasons, and I am mainly thinking here of mental health drugs, especially drugs for bi-polar and other accute and enduring mental health conditions.

I work in the menal health field and see people balloon in weight because of this and it's because the brain doesn't get to know that the stomach is full. Many of these folk have diabetes as well, a double whamy!! Nobody asked for either illness, and if their condition would let them they would eat healthily and excersise, but it doesn't as the motivation has gone and most are on benifits and money is short and anyway you need the knowhow to be a savvy healthy food shopper and be able to cook it. Most of my clients can't.

However this is just one area of community that I have experience of, for many others out there there is the lack of education, the apathy of the society we now live in, the self-centredness of some individuals, and the not caring for each other. All these factors and many more I feel al contribute to how we all deal with our own way of being. Some struggle more than others to keep on top of health, but noone wants to be fat, have diabetes or whatever and we have to do what we can without always having the best of advice from the "experts" that we have been led to belive have the answers.

I think it's important that we don't judge others for not doing it our way, and look behind what we initially see, there is always a reason for things, in this case not always greed and sloth, I think was the term used, and people need kindness and understanding, not punishment. Our society, I belive is now all about punishment and diabetics are severely punished by the medical community, so lets not do it here. Food is a very emotive subject and lets face it it's up there im Maslows triangle, so no wonder folk get heated up about it.

I fully agree with Mileana's post and everyone else who has responded. Need to think before putting fingers to the keyboard.

So I hope people don't leave because they feel offended, their thoughts are important and if others don't agree well, rise above it.

Hope I've not rambled on too much

Cheers kate
Click to expand...

I wasn't going to participate in any posts for the foreseeable future, quite honestly I'm choked and angry at things that have gone in here. I shouldn't be considering whether it is time to move away from a forum that has looked after me from my diagnosis last year but I am.
Anyway to concentrate on your post. Thank you Kate for your understanding that obesity is not always down to gluttony, stupidity or lack of self-control and thank you for telling it like it is.
There are sections of the diabetic community who have illnesses and conditions through no fault of their own and they have to live with others predjudice and ignorance every day of their lives..it is a subject close to my heart and it's good to know there are people like you who speak about the silent minority..those that cannot speak out for themselves.

Thank you.
 
Compassion and support.

Those are the words which come to mind here. Listening to those who have found a way to control their diabetes using diet as a major tool, and are happy to share their hard-won knowledge with others who are beginning their journey.Not using negative names or invoking negative sterotypes which are outdated now. Supporting each other and acknowledging our humanity. Being supportive of each other when we are confused, misled by some medical advice, or have lost our way in the daily grind to change our whole lives. Food is such a huge part of life. Its hard to make changes and stick to them. And hard to fine tune the changes we make.

Compassion, not judgement.

Thats the key to understanding and change.
 
I come here to gain information about my diabetes and not to argue or criticise.

We are all individuals and what works for some, will not necessarily work for others. It's a pity that some members cannot understand this and spoil it for the rest, by their petty arguments.

I agree with lucylocket, compassion not judgement.
 
Debate is what drives a forum... and different opinions should be encouraged.. we are not all going to agree all of the time! As in life different sides of the argument are going to have their own vocal supporters.. this is natural and healthy... What shouldn't be allowed is personal attacks or purposeful thread derailment a tactic that is all to often employed when people begin to lose the argument.

What can not be argued with is what works.. we have people on this forum that successfully control their diabetes be it type I or type II... I would suggest that you look at what those people are doing and make your own judgement.
 
I don't think I have anything to add. I missed went on yesterday but I can guess the culprits. I haven't seen them on this thread so I assume this is the room where the good guys are - and I want to be here too.
 
I agree with all the sentiments I have read on this thread and can only hope that what happened yesterday, and the resulting actions taken by the Administrator, will result in an even stronger forum in the future.

What we have here is rare, a community that cares deeply about supporting each other in our battle with the common enemy.
 
Guys,

Don't be sad, don't be afraid and don't worry about people questioning you; this forum has the ability to turn people's lives around. We all contribute to that, it's valuable and it's worth taking a bit of stick for; if someone comes here and realises how they can control their diabetes then that is what counts.

Life is full of weird nonsense, but as long as you just give a shrug and keep going that stuff isn't going to derail you.

We are many; ignore and reject those that would do down the wonderful successes that can be had by addressing the key issue with our diabetes; to misquote a Clinton strategist; 'it's the carbohydrates, stupid.'

If you're thinking of leaving; don't, if you think everything is getting too argumentative I assure you things have been worse and will always level out.

Please pm me if you want to discuss this; but whatever you do don't give up and don't give up on those diabetics who still have not been able to find their way here. Because when they do they'll need all the help they can get.

Keep the faith.

Best

Dillinger
 
Thank you all for giving the post some thought and comments.

I was getting frustrated; and am happy to see that many of you want a community where we can be different, respectful and share ups, downs and information without a forum war going on.

Personally, I just needed to know whether this was still the case. On behalf of new people and people not quite so outspoken, I just wanted to say 'Wait a minute... this isn't how it's meant to be'.

I just wished to remind you all that behind that poster on here that you really don't agree with at a given time, there is a person who might have other issues, be sensitive, or never want to return.

-M
 
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