Moral support needed please!

[kmm154]

Hi,

I have been writing on this forum for some time, having been diagnosed almost 3 years ago, type 2, since I do not fit the 'typical' type 2 mode I was completely blown away and it has taken me ages to come to terms with it and this board has been a lifeline.

This post is not really about diabetes, but because I am diabetic, I am not sure that I cope with the lastest news in our family. I know there are people far worse off than myself, but right now I am still feeling rather down.

Now, my husband has been referred to a neurologist by our GP with suspected Parkinsons, this was first pointed out to me by members of my own family, and others who had not seen him for some time, that it could be possible. I was quite taken aback but realised that this made many bits of the 'puzzle' come together. Although, not definitely confirmed it seems pretty much likely, and GP has told him to get out and enjoy life now! I think that he knew long, or had suspicions long before anyone else. I feel immensely for him, I really do. But, heaven forgive me, I am also feeling very scared for us both. This is a second marriage, and things have not always been easy, just beginning to slowly fall into place and now it seems those long term plans may not come to fruition. I am still working, although 60 next month, as I have bills to pay off. I have an extremely demanding job, which has become much more difficult this last month and sometimes wonder how I can go on with it. I was beginning to feel trapped, I have hardly slept with stress and over stimulation as my work is so very hectic and demanding, over last week, went to bed exhausted, but hubby who seems to have to get up alot at night woke me in the early hours and could not go back to sleep, I am not working today, but do look after baby grandson two days a week to help my daughter and her husband. I am feeling so wiped, and it is work again tomorro , I feel that I cannot cope much longer. I am usually optimistic, and have down moments that do not last long then get on with things and life usually feels better. But I am feeling quite deflated with not much light at the end of tunnel.

I realise that nothing stays as dark as this all the time, and my lack of sleep is making me feel worse. But I am feeling very sorry myself at the same time as feeling guilty for doing so. Coping with diabetes, as you know is an ongoing emotional and physical thing, now I have to worry for husband as well, as I said, I am being outrageously selfish, but cannot help it right now. I spent several years helping elderly parents and being part time carer for my poor late mother, had an abusive first marriage with a very nasty ending. Really trying to see the good side, i.e. my beautiful grandson, who is a ray of sunshine.

Sorry if I am depressing others, but need the proverbial shoulder to cry on, without upsetting my family

 

[viv1969]

I wish I could give you an ACTUAL shoulder to cry on kmm.
I don't think you're being at all selfish - you have a lot on your plate and everyone needs a sounding board sometimes.

Big hugs to you x

 

[anniep]

You cry here as much as you need, it is a great place to let off steam and you do have a lot on your plate at the moment.

xxxxx

Annie

 

[cugila]

kmm.
As you will find here, people are incredibly supportive and many of us understand what you are going through. You are right when you say that it isn't dark all the time....there will be moments of pleasure and happiness in your life. Things that you will treasure. Remember them, they will help you through the dark passages in your life.

Depression and mood swings are something that many of us have lived through. 13 yrs ago I was close to despair over things going on in my life. I reached such a low ebb I was hopelessly lost.
I found somebody to talk too.....a counsellor who helped me through some dark times, made me see what I was doing wrong in my life and how to get back on track and enjoy the life I had.

Do you have a friend perhaps who you can share things with, someone who can be that shoulder to lean on, to cry on. That can be a start for you to feeling better, to coping with lifes challenges.

Stay focussed and healthy. Do whatever it needs to make things better for you. Come here and rant and moan as often as you need to. There are many of us that understand ...........

 

[HpprKM]

What nice people you are, my best friend essentially is my daughter but she has a lot on her plate right now also, with a four month old baby and having to return to work - like me a college lecturer - but full time, her husband is currently undergoing a 2.5 day interview that could potentially give him the break he has been waiting for, so I cannot trouble her more than necessary :!:

Having lived abroad for some years, and with my other two children and family still living abroad I really do not not have many close friends in UK now. However, I have been quite blown away by my colleagues support at work, people have been very kind, and I find this a great help.

I know this will get better, but work is so very demanding right now it is not helping, plus my poor husband understandably having restless nights, this disturbs me and as I need to get up early and have my wits about me, I am finding the lack of sleep very difficult. I think I now need to get my husband to talk about serious life decisions, I get the feeling he thinks we just go on as is, but with my hectic life - working in such a demanding job - I feel that we need to get down to nitty gritty on finances and think about me leaving work and us having more leisure time together as opposed to constant stress. It was thought that if I continued working he could take care of the home, but naturally he does not feel up to that, which is making it harder for me. I have always felt I must cope and be there for everyone, I am really finding it difficult to face that I am not wonderwoman, but I do feel that giving in is a bit defeatist, and I am not comfortable with that.

Anyway, bless you all for your kindness, quite how I would manage without you wonderful people I do not know. I do have people to talk to, but it seems so much easier to write than talk right now. I can be open and honest about how I feel knowing that I am not being judged, sometimes when talking to people I know they say the right things and not always necessarily what they really feel.

I will keep you up to speed on any great progress. Thanks and love, peace to you all K X

 

[anniep]

Is your husband entiltled to any benefits that would enable you to pay for somebody to help around the house?

It worth thinking about things like cleaners and gardeners, people to do those tasks that fill up so much of your time but also brain space and planning and worrying time.

 

[HpprKM]

anniep,

What a good suggestion and thanks for that. Not sure he is unfit enough for that yet, although he certainly does not seem to be able to do too much at at time. I thought he was going to do so many things around the house once retired, now I understand why he is not doing them, probably just too much for him.

Certainly worth bearing that thought in mind for the future. We have to go to the neurologist in November, then we shall see what happens after that, what they advise etc. I shall probably then get in touch with the Parkinsons Association which is more relevant to the problem - for now, this is my forum and where my friends are, I can always rely on my fellow T2s for moral support and excellent advice.

For now, we are getting by without really touching on the subject and I walk on egg shells because do not want to upset him

 

[IanD]

Try "attendance allowance" for him. Other help may be available.

 

[kmm154]

IanD,

Thanks for suggestion, however, it appears at 59 he is too young, he has to be over 65.

 

[copepod]

Disability Living Allowance is for people under 65, and is more generous than Attendance Allowance. Parkinsons Disease Society / now called Parkinson's UK will be able to help with advice about benefits and lots more.

 

[HpprKM]

Thks for info, I will check this out once we have had full confirmation by neurologist.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Benefitsandwork.co.uk is an excellent place to start searching for some financial help to look at helping you. DLA is available to persons under 65. Needs researching as to how to complete forms though, as it can be tricky to get nowadays....and the website listed can help..

People on these forums are full of wisdom and help. There is so much support, I myself cannot believe the support that people have given me, and it amazes me that strangers that we wouldn't know if we passed by on a street can be so fantastic.

Seems to me that there is always somewhere here when needed....You'll manage and you will find the support here makes you stronger and think of things un thought of before.....i.e if you have to 'care' for your husband longterm wise, there is 'carer's allowance' currently available depending on the needs of the person involved.

Life can throw so much at us sometimes, but getting through difficult times makes you stronger and it certainly has made me realise just how lovely and kind people can be.....

 

[HpprKM]

donnellysdogs, you are so correct in your remarks about the kindness of people on this site. Time and again they have been helpful, and in return I try to do the same

I think once we have seen the neurologist it may help, although I can see a problem of denial in my husband, having admitted to me that he had suspected he may have it for a while, he is now saying he thinks it is just arthritis! Also, he has been known to tell me that I may not be diabetic, that Drs always find something wrong with you if you go there! Strange that, as he is a retired Optometrist and has a vast knowledge of medical matters, or maybe that is the reason, as they say 'Doctors make the worst patients'.

I have spoken with his daughters in private now, they are fully supportive and have said that once we have seen neurologist and if he does have Parkinsons that he must be made (gently of course) to face reality, as we do have many issues to discuss.

Thanks so much for you kind support and very kind words, each and everyone of you. I will try to keep you posted on outcome once known.