This may be a bit of a rant.
I´m an adult (35yo) only child of a diabetic single mother. I´ve struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life and lately I´ve begun to wonder if my mothers disease may have played a part in this.
My mother was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when she was around 30 years old. Since before I was born she have always used a bit more insulin than her doctors recommendations, usually trying to stay between 4.5 and 5 mmol/L. As a result she got low often. It was not uncommon for her to get under 2 mmol/L more than once per day during the worse periods.
She has always claimed that the reason for this was her extreme fear of long term side effects due to high blood sugar levels. She has repeatedly mentioned being shown pictures of amputees at the hospital.
A few years before I was born she went hypoglycemic one day while ironing clothes. As she fell to the floor she grabbed onto the wire of the iron which got pulled down and struck her in the head. She was in a coma for days, developed brain damage and basically had to relearn everything involving movement and coordination -walking, talking, writing etc.To this day she has trouble with balance which of course makes her even more accident-prone. Unfortunately this did not change her pattern of using too much insulin.
I don´t remember exactly how I handled this when I was a child but I remember being scared. I remember phoning my grandparents to make a 100km rescue drive when I was 4 years old. Most of all I remember being on constant alert, laying in bed listening for anything out of the ordinary. As I got older I remember being unvoluntarily obsessed with certain horror films and later realizing they all shared the theme of female caregivers turning into zombies or monsters. As an adult I´ve been highly uncomfortable in close relationships, never being able to let anyone close enough to become dependent on me.
Recently our relationship have been strained since I´m unable to spend time with her in a relaxed manner due to her continuing episodes. She has been spent the last three christmases unconcious on the kitchen floor. I´ve had anxiety issues since my early teens which I´m starting to suspect may be related to all of this, since I´m still often on edge and in catastrophe mode in my own life. I´ve always tried to communicate the stress that these episodes cause but her response has always been to brush it off, claiming that she´s fine now, no need to worry. She has never seemed to be able to fully take in what I've tried to describe.
I´ve never talked to anyone with knowledge of the disease about this. Lately I´ve realised that I probably should have a long time ago. It´s just been a fact of life. I live in Sweden and though healthcare here generally is good they have never seemed to take affected children into account.
I have no interest in shaming my mother. She worked her ass off for me. Neither do I want to imply that diabetics would somehow be categorically unfit parents. I´m just looking for reactions and reflections in order to put this into perspective. I´m only now starting to realize that this is probably even less normal than it feels and that I know less than i thought. Surely going under 2 or even 1 mmol/L several times a day is not as it should be? How often is even normal?
If this is the wrong forum for this, I apologize. I´m just very tired. And I´m having a really hard time finding resources for people with diabetic family members other than their children. Is there anyone who have similar experiences?
I´m an adult (35yo) only child of a diabetic single mother. I´ve struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life and lately I´ve begun to wonder if my mothers disease may have played a part in this.
My mother was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when she was around 30 years old. Since before I was born she have always used a bit more insulin than her doctors recommendations, usually trying to stay between 4.5 and 5 mmol/L. As a result she got low often. It was not uncommon for her to get under 2 mmol/L more than once per day during the worse periods.
She has always claimed that the reason for this was her extreme fear of long term side effects due to high blood sugar levels. She has repeatedly mentioned being shown pictures of amputees at the hospital.
A few years before I was born she went hypoglycemic one day while ironing clothes. As she fell to the floor she grabbed onto the wire of the iron which got pulled down and struck her in the head. She was in a coma for days, developed brain damage and basically had to relearn everything involving movement and coordination -walking, talking, writing etc.To this day she has trouble with balance which of course makes her even more accident-prone. Unfortunately this did not change her pattern of using too much insulin.
I don´t remember exactly how I handled this when I was a child but I remember being scared. I remember phoning my grandparents to make a 100km rescue drive when I was 4 years old. Most of all I remember being on constant alert, laying in bed listening for anything out of the ordinary. As I got older I remember being unvoluntarily obsessed with certain horror films and later realizing they all shared the theme of female caregivers turning into zombies or monsters. As an adult I´ve been highly uncomfortable in close relationships, never being able to let anyone close enough to become dependent on me.
Recently our relationship have been strained since I´m unable to spend time with her in a relaxed manner due to her continuing episodes. She has been spent the last three christmases unconcious on the kitchen floor. I´ve had anxiety issues since my early teens which I´m starting to suspect may be related to all of this, since I´m still often on edge and in catastrophe mode in my own life. I´ve always tried to communicate the stress that these episodes cause but her response has always been to brush it off, claiming that she´s fine now, no need to worry. She has never seemed to be able to fully take in what I've tried to describe.
I´ve never talked to anyone with knowledge of the disease about this. Lately I´ve realised that I probably should have a long time ago. It´s just been a fact of life. I live in Sweden and though healthcare here generally is good they have never seemed to take affected children into account.
I have no interest in shaming my mother. She worked her ass off for me. Neither do I want to imply that diabetics would somehow be categorically unfit parents. I´m just looking for reactions and reflections in order to put this into perspective. I´m only now starting to realize that this is probably even less normal than it feels and that I know less than i thought. Surely going under 2 or even 1 mmol/L several times a day is not as it should be? How often is even normal?
If this is the wrong forum for this, I apologize. I´m just very tired. And I´m having a really hard time finding resources for people with diabetic family members other than their children. Is there anyone who have similar experiences?
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