My partner can’t cope with me having Type 1

[Jane!]

I’ve had type 1 for 6.5 years and maintain non- diabetic levels through eating low carb & mdi. My partner ( of 5 years) has recently said they can’t cope with the restrictions it places on our life ( because when we eat out I need restaurants where I can get protein & lots of green veg/ salad ). I’ve shared the graphs on the Libre that show how stable my levels are & explained that most of the time I don’t even feel I have diabetes because I don’t have hypos & pretty much stay in range (3.9 - 7.8) and therefore life is actually much easier for me. Because my partner knows someone who eats anything saying “I’ll pay for it later” & doesn’t care about having high blood sugars, they seem to think I should do the same. They’re also now complaining about their sleep being interrupted if I need to eat or inject during the night. The Libre 2 usually reads me as 2 points lower than I really am when I’m laying down ( or sitting very still ) so it often alarms to tell me I’m low when I’m actually around 5.5 ( standing up and moving my arm brings it straight back up). Is there any support for family members of folk with type 1? I don’t have diabetes burn out but I think my partner has. My partner has always been so supportive but now says they can’t cope with it any more. Am at a loss

 

[Juicyj]

Hi @Jane!

Without doubt it does impact on partners yes but it’s also you and your life too and they need to consider that. However what’s changed as this a 5 year old relationship ? When reaching a point like this though is there more going on that’s affecting them - I say this as sometimes it’s all too easy to blame the betes as this is the most obvious thing to get the blame.

I get compression lows too and alarms but fortunately my partner will sleep through them, I find that the more I can tuck it on the underside of my arm will prevent this happening.

Hopefully if the relationship is strong you will work through things, best wishes.

 

[becca59]

@jane sorry that your partner is not supportive at the moment. I am lucky enough my husband is totally supportive.
I think @Juicyj makes a good point about, is there something else affecting your partner that is manifesting itself in irritation about the diabetes. You say you stay in range pretty much all the time. Perhaps you could switch off alarms in the night if this is the case so that they are not woken. Also put yourself in your partners shoes a little. They always accommodate where you need to eat. Imagine how you would feel if this was reversed. It doesn’t mean you have to fill yourself with carbs. Most menus have a variety of stuff these days. Even pizza places. There has to be a bit of give and take in any relationship.
Living with diabetes is an every day grind for us. It will be for your partner also.

 

[EllieM]

@Jane! I'm sorry you are in this situation.

Have you always been as low carb as you are now? To be honest I find that most (but not all) restaurants have something I can eat, so am slightly puzzled by his restaurant complaint. Or is there a favourite one of his that he really misses and doesn't have any low carb? (A lot of places will swap out the pasta for green veg or salad if you ask. If he's craving fish and chips you can skip the batter and chips...)

As for the night time thing, just how often is your libre giving false alarms? My partner is fine (and supportive) with being woken by my dexcom's loud alarm worthy beep, but that's because it's actually going off when my bg is 4.4 or lower, not 6.4. Repeated broken sleep is quite a big deal, so if it's giving false alarms on a regular basis I'd be hitting the internet for advice on how to avoid this, for my own sake as well as my partner's.

Are you sure he's complaining about the conditions imposed by your diabetes though, or using that as an excuse because there are some other underlying issues? Most relationships have their ups and downs and conflicts, and require some compromises. It can be helpful to talk them through. Counselling???

Good luck with it all.

 

[Jane!]

Thankyou so much for the replies … I have to respond to the low alarm because my consultant doesn’t believe I can get the non- diabetic hba1c results without lots of hypos & if I don’t get out of bed to raise the false lows (& do a fingerprick & record the reading as proof that I’m not running too low) she will continue to insist that I run my blood sugar higher. Yes, most places do have a steak or burger and salad (& I always have an avocado in my bag too). I think the pandemic has a lot to answer for. I’ve had to work from home, my partner is a headteacher & I think is burnt out. I just wondered how other folk cope . And yes, I think there are other issues and the diabetes is the easiest thing to pin everything on as I can’t change it. Thankyou you everyone

 

[EllieM]

I don’t get out of bed to raise the false lows (& do a fingerprick & record the reading as proof that I’m not running too low) she will continue to insist that I run my blood sugar higher.

That sounds like a nightmare. Have you tried
1) asking Abbott for suggestions
2) putting the libre sensor in a different position (stomach, under arm?)
Maybe the libre users on this forum could make some suggestions... Start a new thread?

You could also trial a dexcom.... but it's more expensive and not sure if you could persuade the NHS to pay for it.

 

[JBG99]

Hi - newbie here (T1 diagnosed in Nov 2021) so take this with a pinch of salt

I have a Libre and after being woken up a few times I now change the alarm settings at night - I turn off the high alarm and reduce the low.

My thinking is that in the day I want to know if I’m heading for a high/low so I can do something to prevent it - but at night I only want to be woken up with a serious issue that I need to react to. I like my sleep!

It seems to be working as I’ve only been woken once in the last month - and the graph shows that the couple of “asleep” highs have been minor and only lasted a short time (certainly not worth waking up for).

But I’m probably in the honeymoon period as my nighttime graph is usually pretty flat.

I hope things work out for you.

 

[StewM]

That sounds like a nightmare. Have you tried
1) asking Abbott for suggestions
2) putting the libre sensor in a different position (stomach, under arm?)
Maybe the libre users on this forum could make some suggestions... Start a new thread?

You could also trial a dexcom.... but it's more expensive and not sure if you could persuade the NHS to pay for it.

I've experienced this issue. In short, like the Libre 1 there's good and bad sensors. My main strategy for managing it is adjusting my Alarm settings in response to each Sensor's accuracy. I've been on Libre 2 for about 7 months and whilst the consistently under-reading Sensors are annoying, the majority are not like that. The ones I did get like that tended to be all in one batch for whatever reason, i.e. if I picked up 4 from the Chemist and one under-read my Blood Sugar, it would be almost guaranteed the other three would to.

 

[Antje77]

No advice on the partner, but I agree that most restaurants are doable, even when eating very little carbs.
In the worst case scenario you can order meat, leave the carbs and eat a little something to top you up after you get home. Perhaps not ideal, but it might be a way of showing your partner you're understanding of his frustrations, even if you don't agree with their thinking.

Because my partner knows someone who eats anything saying “I’ll pay for it later” & doesn’t care about having high blood sugars, they seem to think I should do the same.

If that happened to me, it could easily lead to nasty fights with me accusing them of not caring if I lost my eyesight/kidneys/feet. Which wouldn't be true and not helpful at all, so please try to be NOT like me, it wouldn't improve anything.

As for the sensors reading low, same issue here. Not talking compression lows (they happen once in a while too), but my sensors usually read lower than blood by 1 to 2 mmol/l.
I solved the problem by using DiaBox for the alarms, which can be calibrated. The only issue is to get your consultant to accept the calibrated values.
I got lucky with mine, I just show her my TIR according to DiaBox when I'm there, and she ignores the Libre one. I hope you can get your consultant to believe you.

 

[EllieM]

I got lucky with mine, I just show her my TIR according to DiaBox when I'm there, and she ignores the Libre one. I hope you can get your consultant to believe you.

Dexcom can be calibrated. Maybe the @Jane! could persuade her consultant to fund dexcom on the grounds that so many night time false alarms are not good for one's health.... (OK, I know I'm probably dreaming ).

Or maybe after a couple of years of demonstrating that very low carb is not causing hypos, the consultant could let up on the insistance that her hba1c is too low....